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MEMOIRS 



OF 



Miss Sufanna Anthoni/, 

WHO DIED AT 

NEWPORT, RHODE-ISLAND, 

June 23, 1791, 

I^ THE SIXTY-FIFTH YEAR O? HER AGE. 

CONSISTING CHXSFLY OF 

EXTRACTS FROM HER WRITINGS, 

With some brief observations on them. 



COMPILED BY 

SAMUEL HOPKINS, D. D. 

Pastor of the first Congregational Church in Newport^ 



A NEW EDITION, 
WITH A RECOMMENDATORY PREFACE, 

B^/ Dr. RYLAND, Mr. FULLER, and Mr. SUTCLIFK 



Clipstone : 

PRINTED BY J. W. MORRIS. 

.Sold by Button & Son, Williams, and Gardiner, London; 
Ogle & Aikman, Edinburgh ; and Davis, New- York. 

Price three shillings and six-fence, Boards. 

( 



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ran:; er f 



OCT gl 1942 



Accessiof:: 



^J 






7 "^^3 
CONTENTS. 

rAG£r 
DEDICATION •••••••••• .*••.......•.. i 

CHAPTER I. 

A general sketch of her life and character; as an introduc- 
tion to a more particular account taken from her own 
writings .***.•••..• •••••..** .••••.•*.• 5 

CHAPTER 11. 

Containing an account of the first part of her life, written 
by herself, in the 28th year of her SLge* ••»*•* ... ..^^ 22 

CHAPTER HI. 

Containing extract* from her diary of different dates* • 6B 

CHAPTER IV. 

Miscellaneous extracts from her diary, which she kept, 
and wrote in it almost daily, until June, 1769i to the 
43d year of her age ; and is contained in a number of 
▼olumes •••••••..............••... ••••••• gs 

CHAPTER V. 

Extracts from some of the letters written by Miss Anthony 
to her friends*«»««» •••••••••••.•••••..•.... •••• 200 

CHAPTER VL 

Observations on the foregoing life aftd writings**** •# •• 225 



TO THE 

CHRISTIAJV FEMALES 

OF 

GREAT BRITAIN. 

-S>EAR FRIENDS, 



I 



.T is one of the glories of christi- 
anity, that it knows neither jew nor greek, 
bond nor free, male nor female; but con- 
-siders all as one in Christ Jesus. As fel- 
low-heirs of the same grace, we feel in- 
terested in your edification. While great 
numbers of your sex^ who have leisure for 
reading, are wasting their time, and cor- 
rupting their minds with novels, and such 
kind of trash, we are persuaded you have 
a i^elish for better things. 



"O" 



In dedicating an English edition of the 
following Memoirs to you, Ave hope wx shall 
be found to have presented you wdth what 
is both acceptable and useful. The lives 
of eminently holy persons furnish mate- 
rials Avorthy of being recorded. A consi- 
derable part of the oracles of God consists 
in such records. Nor is there any spe- 



11 DEDICA.TIOX. 

cies of writing, perhaps, upon the whole, 
more interesting, instructive, or impres- 
sive. Example proves the practicability 
of things, which the reasonings of the flesh 
would represent as unattainable ; and con- 
veys reproof in a language which, while 
it provokes to emulation, is incapable of 
giving offence. AYe may add, that, as 
things approach to our own situation and 
circumstances, they become more affecting: 
the life of one of your own sex, therefore, 
taken principally from her own diarj^ Will, 
we presume, be read by you with encreas- 
ino; interest. 



■<^ 



It affords us pleasure to compare female 
excellence as formed on the principles of 
revelation, with that which is formed on 
the principles of heathen or deistical phi- 
losophy. You may see in the heathen mo- 
ralist accounts of the virtues of women:* 
but what are they? Accounts of women 
who have made brilliant sallies of wit, per- 
formed masculine feats for their country, 
and formed desperate resolutions to kill 
themselves rather than be enslaved.. And 

"^ Plutarch's Morals, Vol. L 



DEDICATIOX* Ml 

this is the only kind of virtue inspired by 
the modern infidel philosophy, which^ in 
fact, is not virtue. The best part of it is 
mere natural accomplishment; and much of 
it is base and vicious. There is nothino; in 
it of that pure chastity, of that sweet mo- 
desty ; or, as the scriptures term it, shame- 
facedness^ which courts not to be seen; of 
that meekness, mildness, gentleness, sym- 
pathy, and goodness, Avhich is the orna- 
ment of human nature, and the peculiar 
glory of women. 

God has lately furnished us with a lovel}^ 
example of pure, practical Christianity, in 
one of our sex, of splendid talents : here 
vou will see the same thingj in one of vours, 
in a more private station. We cannot but 
consider Miss Anthony as a female Pearce; 
and not inferior to him in spiritualit3\ 
The violet, though less conspicuous, is not 
less fragrant nor beautiful than the rose. 
A little maid of Israel, who was carried 
captive into SjTia, recommended her mas- 
ter to a prophet, by whose means he was 
cured of his leprosy, and brought to ac- 
knowledge the God of Israel. The chaste 
conversation of christian females, is repre- 



iv DEDICATIO]^, 

rented as accomplishing that which the 
preaching of the word itself did not ac- 
eomphsh. 

Nor are such examples peculiar to the 
primitive times : Christianity produces the 
same effects, for substance, in all ages. — * 
The late Dr. Gibbons has done an im-- 
portant service to the church, by publish- 
ing Memoirs of eminently pious women^ in two 
volumes. Such lives ought not to be lost 
to posterity: yet, the examples which he 
has selected, are chiefly, if not wholly con- 
fined to persons of exalted rank; whose 
general deportment, of course, is beyond 
the reach of ordinary imitation. There is, 
no doubt, as great eminency in godliness 
to be found in the common walks of life, 
as in the higher circles. These were the 
walks which our Redeemer himself conde- 
scended to occupy, when upon earth: and 
it is pleasant to reflect, that there is no 
station so humble as to incapacitate us 
for glorifying his name, or so obscure as; 
to render us beneath his notice. 

A very interesting anecdote is related) 
by a gentleman, who lately visited the 
north of Ireland,, of the influence which 



BEDICATIOIf* T 

the religion of a servant-maid had upon a 
whole family, in that country. " The fa- 
^^ mily (he says) were dissenters : but, dis- 
" senter, in many parts of Ireland, is but 
^* another name for an Arian or Socinian- 
" The poor girl was much ridiculed for her 
^' religion, by the young ladies ; but did 
" not render evil for evil. On the con- 
" trary, she would allow them to laugh at 
" her, and then mildly reason with them. 
" She made it her study to be attentive 
" and useful to them; took opportunities 
" to speak to them about religion; and 
^' would offer to read the sacred scriptures 
^' to them when they went to bed. They 
^' jCommonl}'^ fell asleep, and that in a lit- 
" tie time, under the sound; but she was 
'^ not discouraged.— Having exemplified 
Christianity in her life, the Lord sent a 
" fever to call her home to himself. Thq 
" young ladies were not permitted to see 
" her during her illness: but they heard of 
^' her behaviour, which did not lessen the 
'' impression which her previous conduct 
'' had made upon them. Soon after, the 
^' two eldest began to make a profession 
" of real religion: the little leaven spread; 
a 



€C 



^' artd how all the nine young ladies ap-' 
^'^ pear truly pious. Nor is religion, in this 
^' highly favoured family, confined to them ; 
^^ other means were emploj'-ed by God, in 
" producing this great change : but one of 
'^ the two, Avho first became serious, in- 
^' foniied me, that she chiefly ascribed it 
*^ to the life and death of the servant- 
^' maid/'^ 

In the late extraordinary exertions for 
imparting the gospel to the heathen, your 
sex has borne an honourable part. They 
have not only generously contributed, of 
theh^ substance, and been unweariedly as- 
siduous in accommodating those who have 
embarked in the important undertaking; 
but many of them have cheerfully left 
their country and their kindred, and, with 
their husbands, encountered its perils : nor 
liave thej been less useful in their spheres 
of action than their companions, 

, In Trading the lives of the most eminent 
christians, vie shall perceive a considerable 
tdrieti/^ owing not only to the diversity of 
constitution, and religious advantages, but 

Missionary Magazine^, Vol. yi. p, 506. No. 6/, for Dec. J 80 J. 



D'EDICATIOK"- Vii 

e^^n to God's different manner of working 
tl^Ori difffei^ent persons. This may instruct 
Cis^riot to set up the form and order of the 
exj)€rience of any one, as a model by vrhich 
to judge concerning those of others. We 
shall also perceive a degree of contrariety 
between the views and feelings of dilFerent 
persons vvdiose Christianity nevertheless we 
cannot justly call in question. The doc- 
trine with which we are most conversant at 

tlie time of our relioious conceni, whether 
•Dj; :.-•■ ^ . .. ^ ... ■ > 

by means of reading, hearing, or conver- 
sation, will insensibly give a colour not 
onl^r to our language, but to the thoughts 
"and feeling's of our mind. It is thus that 
we could account for many differences 
which unhappily subsist among real chris- 
tians; and thus we acknowledge, r^^e dp 
account For what Miss Anthony saj^s 
of '^ sprinkling'' being *• the scriptural 
mode of baptism." (p. 52.) We would 
however, by no means disguise her opi- 
nion, by striking out an expression which 
does not accord v ith our own convictions. 
And it is pleasant to add, that while we 
perceive not only varieties, but contra- 
rieties in the views and feeliiios even of 
eminent christians, the former are but as 



Viii DEDiCATio:^'. 

the various features, and the latter as the 
accidental spots, in the human counte- 
nance. The great and essential principles 
of Christianity are found in every christian, 
no less than the distinguishing properties of 
humanity are found in every man- 
No serious christian, we apprehend, can 
read the life of Miss Anthony without per- 
ceiving the sweetness and importance of 
heavenly things; and but few, if any, with- 
out being convinced by it of their own de- 
fects. It affords a singular specimen of the 
powerful influence of evangelical principles 
upon the heart and life: which, while it 
brings home to the bosom a proof of their 
divinity, must provoke the christian reader 
to emulate the same holy and happy at- 
tainments, walking by the same rule, and 
minding the same thing. 

JOHN RYLAND, D. D, 
ANDREW FULLER. 
JOHN SUTCLIFF, 



^b^<^r?^m^y^ 



MEMOIRS 

S OF 

, Miss SUSANNA ANTHONY. 

CHAPTER L 

A general fketch of her life and character ; as an 
introduction to a more particular account taken 
from her oxvn zvritings. 



M, 



-ISS Susanna Anthony was bom 
at Nevvport, on Rhode-ifland, on the 25th day 
of October, 17^6* Mr. Ifaac Anthony, her fa- 
ther, was a native of Rhode-ifland. When he 
was young, he went to Bofton to learn the trade 
of a goldfmith. There he became acquainted 
with Mifs Mercy Chamberlin, whom he after- 
wards married, and fettled in Newport, where 
they lived together about fixty years. They had 
feven daughters, five of whom furvived their 
parents, but no fon. Sufanna, who was their 
youngeft daughter except one, lived with her 
parents until they died, which was between forty 
and fifty years. She was never married. Her 
parents were of the denomination called Friends, 
or Quakers, in which way Ihe was educated, 
until (lie was about fifteen years old, when iho, 
was the fubjed of a feries of remarkable exercifes, 
of which Ihe has given a particular account. 
This will be inferted in the next chapter, 

B 



10 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. I. 

together with her making a public profef- 
fioii of religion, and joining to the frrft con- 
gregational church in Newport, of which the 
Rev. Nathaniel Clap was then paftor; where Ihe 
continued a n^eniber until her death, which was 
nearly fifty years ; and -was a diftinguiflied and 
eminent inftance of piety and ftritl religion, in 
every branch of the duties of chriftianity, fo far 
as they could be exercifed, afted out, and dif- 
covered in her fituation and circumftances 
in life. She appeared wholly, and in a dif- 
tinguiflied degree, devoted to the caufe of 
Chrift and pure religion ; and was a remarka- 
ble example of devotion, benevolence and chrif- 
tian friendfhip; of felf-denial, fobriety, modefty, 
humility, induftry, and of a careful circumfpec- 
tion and confcientioufnefs in all her concerns 
and condutl. She being greatly attentive to her 
bible, and all other means of inftrudlion which 
flie enjoyed, attained an eminent degree of dif- 
cerning and knowledge of the diftinguifhing 
doclrines and duties of chriftianity. And, as 
ihe was greatly attentive to pradical religion, 
and conitantly ftudied the bible in this view, 
always exercifing herfelf to have a confcience 
void of otFence, both towards God and man, Ihe 
was remarkably judicious as a eafuift, and greatly 
Jielpful to her friends, who applied to her in 
doubtful and difficult cafes of confcience. All 
this will be better and m.ore particularly exhi- 
bited by the extracts from hef Avritings, which 
will be produced in the following chapters : but 
cannot, even in this way, be fully expreffed, or 
fet in that clear, aifefting, and amiable light 
before the public, in which flie was feen, loved, 
and admired by her particular and intimate 
friends. 



Chap. I.] MISS ANTHONY. 11 

Her bodily frame and conftitutionwas fo fee- 
ble and delicate, from her youth, that ihe was 
not equal to any bufmefs, which required a con- 
fiderable deoree of ftrength and exertion. She 
was therefor€ chiefly employed in the nfe of her 
needle, in which flie was expert and fkilful ; and 
by which ihe was able to fupport herfelf when 
ihe enjoyed her health, of which ilie was depriv- 
ed for a number of years, from about the twen- 
tieth year of her age, and fell into painful and 
diftreffing diforders of body ; fo that llie appeared 
to herfelf and others many times to be dying or 
near death, and her phyfician and friends thought 
ilie could not furvive her diforders which at- 
tended her feveral years, excepting fome fhort 
intervals of refpite. This is mentioned here, as 
it may render fome parts of her diary, v/hich 
will be tranfcribed, more intelligible to the 
reader. But fhe was in a great meafure relieved 
from thefe diftreffing diforders, and enjoyed a 
degree of eafe and health in the latter part of 
her life, though ihe was always feeble and fub- 
jed to turns of painful maladies. 

Whett the v/ar between Britain and America 
commenced, flie left Newport and went into the 
country, where ihe fpent a great part of her time 
until that war was nearly clofed ; part of which 
tiaie ilie fpent in teaching the children in the 
families in which ihe lived, and in keeping a 
fmall fchool, in which ihe appeared to be greatly 
ferviceable, and obtained the approbation, gra- 
titude and efteem, of thofe who employed her. 

After the war, flie lived at Newport till the 
time of her deceafe, a comfort, and greatly ufe- 
ful to her friends^ earneftly endeavouring in her 
Iphere to promote the caufe of truth and chrifti- 

B 2 



12 MEMOJRS OF {Chap. I. 

anity in the world, and more efpecially in the 
religious fociety with which flie was connefled, 
to whom her death isjuftly confidered as an un- 
fpeakahie lofs. But with refpect to the people 
in general, the words of the prophet may be 
apph'ed, in this inftance : The righteous perilhtth^ 
and no man layeth it to heart : the mercijul are 
taken away, none confickring that the righteous is 
taken axvay from the evil to come. 

In the month of June, 1/91, her youngeft 
fifter was taken fick with a peripneumony : and, 
as the had but one more fifter then living, who 
was out of town, ihe went and attended her in 
her licknefs, which proved mortal, and Ihe died 
in about a week. On the day in which her fifter 
died, fhe was feized with the fame diforder, 
Avhich put an end to lier life alfo in one week. 
The diforder with which flie died was violent 
from firft to laft, and uncommonly diftrefiing; 
fo that fire was not able to fay much in this her 
laft ficknefs. She, however, faid to her chriftiau 
friends, that flie defired to blefs God that flie 
had nothing of thofe conflifls w^hich iTie had be- 
fore fometimes feared; but her foul did, with a 
fweet calm and confidence, reft on Jefus Chrift, 
^vithout the leaft doubt of her union to him, and 
of her happinefs in his kingdom for ever. Thus 
ftie died on the 23d of June, 1791. 

AFTER i])e had made a public profeffion of 
religion, flie felt a ftrong defire to ferve Chrift 
in an entire and conltant devotednefs to him, 
in promoting his intereft and kingdom, the good 
of his people, and the falvation of men. This 
led her ferioufly to confider in what way, and 



Chap. I.] MISS ANTHONY, 13 

by what means, llie, in her fituation and cir- 
cumftances, could beft anfwer thele ends. She 
was a poor, obfcure perfon, and had no profpe6l 
of obtaining much of the things of this world, 
fo as to do much good by fupporting the gofpel, 
or didributing to the relief of the indigent. She 
did not expect to rife into general repute, or to 
any public ftation, by which flie could liave 
opportunity of extenfive influence : And her 
natural capacitj^ llie confidered as fmall, and iht 
was deftitute of the advantages of education, 
which many had. 

After a careful and confcientious attention to 
this fubjed, and much earneft prayer for direc- 
tion, daily crying to God, in the language of 
Saul, when he was converted, Lo7^d^ ivhat zcilt 
thou have me to do ? flie was led to conclude that 
Ihe could ferve the intereft of Chrifl, and of his 
church, and promote the good of her fellow-men 
more by devoting herfelf to j[;r^j/er, than in any 
other way of which /l)e was capable. And as in 
her circumftances flie was in a great meafure 
free from domeftic cares, and had opportunity 
to fpend much time in retirement, fhe thought 
it v/as her duty to devote as much time as could 
be fpared from her particular employment and 
neceflary avocation, \x\praiiei\ not only for her- 
felf and all her particular friends and near con- 
nexions ; but more efpecially for the profperity 
of the church of Chrift, and the advancement of 
his kingdom in the world, until all nations, 
jews and gentiles, fliould be converted, and 
brought into it ; in which, prayer for the minif- 
ters of the gofpel was included, that they might 
be filled wnth the fpirit of Chrift, and abundantly 
affifled and fucceeded ; and that the Head of the 
church and Lord of the harveil \Yould raife up, 



14 ^ MEMOIRS OF [Chap. I. 

and fend forth faithful labourers into his har- 
veft, &c. 

For tills exercife ilie frequently fet apart whole 
days, when her circumftances would admit of it, 
and efpecially when there appeared to her to be 
a particular call for prayer; and fpent them in 
fecret fafting and prayer. She ufed alfo to fpend 
the afternoon and evening of the laft day of the 
week in this exercife, M^hen not prevented by 
fome uncommon circumftance ; alfo the morning 
of the fabbath. 

Before fhe was fixteen years old, flie joined a 
fociety of women, who met oncfe every week for 
prayer, reading, and religious converfation ; and 
who devoted the afternoon, once in a month, to 
this exercife; and fpent, at lead, four whole 
days in a year, in fafting and prayer together. — 
Of this fociety Ihe was a diftinguiflied member 
as long as Ihe lived ; by whom ilie was greatly 
beloved and efteemed ; and they received much 
comfort and edification from her converfation and 
prayers. In the latter efpecially iht was diftin- 
guilhedly eminent ; and at particular times had 
fuch enlargement and accefs to the throne of 
grace, that ihe would pray an hour and an half, 
or more, with fuch engagednefs and fervency, 
without any repetition, with a flow of words ex- 
prefling the nioft pertinent and afFeding ideas, 
and with fuch a natural connexion and pro- 
greffion from one to another, that none who join- 
ed with her would appear to be tired, but all 
pleafed, affefted and edified ; and felt a confci- 
oufnefs that none could have an adequate idea of 
what paffed at fuch times who were not prefent ; 
as a full defcription of the holy fervour, the clear 
view of invifible things, and that nearnefs to 
God, while fhe poured out her heart before him, 



Chap. I.] MISS ANTHONY, 15 

\^'hich flie difcovered, cannot be made by any 
narration of them. 

In the pradice of this important duty, fhe ex- 
celled moft chriftians ; and, in an eminent de- 
gree, conformed to the following apoftolic in- 
jundion : Prayuig always, with all prayer and 
fupplication in the fpirit, and watching thereunto 
zvith all perfeverance and fupplication for all faints^ 
and for me ; for the minifters of the gofpel in 
particular. And flie had many remarkable an- 
fwers to her prayers; many inftances of which 
flje has recorded in her diary. Some of thefe 
will be tranfcribed from her private writings; 
and the whole that has been mentioned under 
this head will be thereby in fome meafure illuf- 
trated ; particularly by the following, which may 
moft properly be inferted here. 

The firft is dated June 27, 1749, which was 
in the twenty-third year of her age. 

^' Now would I adore God. Marvellous are 
thy works, Lord God Almighty ! I have renewed 
occafion to praife thee, and to live devoted to 
thy fervice and glory. And now determine, the 
few remaining days of my life, through thy 
grace ailifting, fliall be renewedly devoted to 
thee. 

^' In the year 1744, in September,^ I came 
to a fixed refolution to fpend fome days in a year 
to feek God's favour to a miferable world : for 
the bringing in of the jews and gentiles, and the 
advancement of the kingdom of Chrift in the 
world. And likewife fome time of one day in 
every week to pray for the minifters of the 
gofpel, and the whole church of God, militant. 

* In the 17th year of her age^ 



16 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. I. 

Befides other days of fading and prayer, which I 
kept more efpecially for niy own foul, I deter- 
mined not to forget them. 

^^ And I remembered my foul followed hard 
after God day and night, that the gofpel might 
reach the utmoft ends of the earth in its faving 
power and efficacy on the fouls of men ; entreat- 
ing that God would ftir up bowels of compaffion 
in his minifters and children, to unite their ad- 
drelfes to him on this account. Nor can I ever 
forget what accefs God condefcended to grant 
me, in pleading that the holy Spirit might be 
poured out on his children, that they might not 
ceafe to wreille and cry mightily to God, until 
he make Jerufalem a praife in the whole earth. 

** And I have now met with an account which 
came from Scotland, that in the fame year, in 
November, they came to a united agreement 
to fpend the firft tuefday in each quarter of the 
y^ar, and fome part of faturday night and fab- 
bath-day morning in this exercife ; which ac* 
count or den re I never met with until v^ry lately, 
nor had I ever heard of fuch a thing being 
thought of, which makes me conclude the mo 
tion came from the Spirit of God ; and the agree 
Bient was in anfwer to prayer." 

The folio v/ing, which is found in her diary, 
dated March 28, 1754, relates to the fame fub- 
ject, and (hews that flie continued in this refo- 
lution and practice, 

^' Lord, thou haft the refidue of the Spirit, 
O, pour it out upon a linking world. Where^ 
oil where is the Lord God of Elijah? And 
where his .promifes? Art not thou he? And 
wilt thou not arife? O ftrengthen my faith, 
and enable me to wreftle day and night for the 



V^iap, I.] HISS A^'THONY. 17 

good of thy chofen. O Lord, Jehovah, pour 
out thy Spirit upon me, and on all thy people. 
Let thy Spirit fit me for the work, and I will de- 
vote my life to the duty of prayer and fupplica- 
tion for all men. O accept of this recovery of 
health which I devote to this exercife. Only do 
thou, Lord, qualify me for the facred, folemu 
exercife ; and I difmifs every other fcheme or 
proje6l, and make this tiie grand purfuit of my 
life. O affift me, or I retracl ; for I cannot 
perfift without thee. I fliould furely bring on 
inyfelf a tirefome burden : I fliould either faint 
and drop the purpofe, or lengthen out a formal, 
lifelefs duty; neither pleafing to myfelf, nor for 
the glory of God, or the good of others. 

'^ But if this purpofe be good in thy fight, O 
pour out thy Spirit and grace for this end : and 
then, Lord, behold, here I am ! 1 allow no re- 
ferve. Furnifii my mind with arguments, raife 
my foul with defire, and let faith and hope ani- 
mate my heart. O God, if thou v/ilt accept me 
in this \va3% by thus qualifying me for it, thou. 
Lord, fhalt have the glory. But, O fuffer me 
not to attempt in my own ftrength. Lord, 
empty me of felf. I defire to feek and ferve 
thee; yet I fear offering ftrange fire; or, with 
hafly Uzzah, unprepared or uncommiifioned, to 
touch the facred ark. I know thou callefr upon 
thy faints to cry mightily to thee, until thou 
makeft Zion the praife of the whole earth ; and 
throughout thy word art encouraging and ex- 
citing thy people to wreftle with thee in prayer 
for the glorious day of thy power, when all 
iniquity Ihall flop her mouth, and the dear 
Pvedeenier's kinj>'dom fhall foread far and wide. 
O do thou prepare thyfelf a facrifice, and accept 
k through thy dear Son ! 
c 



18 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. I. 

'^ Bleffed be God for any affiftance. Lord, 
my foul longeth for thy falvation. O when Ihall 
I fee the good of thy chofen ? O how fweet to 
think of being at one and the fame inftant united 
in fpirit, lifting up holy hands without wrath or 
doubting, for one and the fame caufe and intereft, 
with many of thy dear faints ; and the divine 
Spirit cementing us together in the love of Chrift 
and one another !" 

The following is an extract from a letter, 
dated Nov. 27, 1759, Mn'itten above twenty 
years after the foregoing, on the fame fubjecl, to 
a particular friend of hers ; by wliicli it will ap- 
pear how confcientious ihc was in tliis matter, 
and what fears flie fometimes had that Ihe had 
engaged in this bufmefs, and profecuted it with 
fo much labour and fo many conflifts, from 
pride, or fomething wrong in her, which brought 
great perplexity and diftrefs on her mind, in 
which the accufer of the brethren, the tempter, 
no doubt, had a great hand. 

^' I had a very ftrong inclination to write 
to you laft wTek, but I dare not : I was even 
aihamed to fee you, or open my mouth before 
you, under my preflures of mind. The cafe is 
this, dear fir, which I now take the liberty to 
mention. 

'^ After I had publicly given myfelf up to God, 
and commenced a member of Zion, I felt iome 
difpofition to ftudy what I fliould render to the 
Lord for all his benefits ; and how I could in my 
low and private capacity beft promote his in- 
tereft, and ferve the church of Chrift. Prayer 
and fupplication appeared the only or chief way, 
as good in that way might come more pure and 
unfuUied. -Accordingly I devoted myfelf to the 



Chap. I.] MISS ANTHOXY, 19 

fervice of the fan6tuary in this way, if God 
would but accept and affift me herein, though I 
iliould be but as a burden-bearer: and herein I 
thought my eyes were not lofty, nor my heart 
haughty, neither would it be to exercife myfelf 
in things too high for me; being encouraged 
by the gracious acceptance of the offerings of 
women in the tabernacle fervice. 

'^ And herein I thought God did gracioufly 
condefcend to aflfift and blefs me, and repeatedly 
difpofe me to devote myfelf to his caufe in this 
way, making it a powerful motive to cleanfe 
myfelf from all filthineis of flefli and fpirit: but 
I foon found great confli6ts; and it has often 
been fuggefted to my mind, that I fliould never 
have any reft fo long as I perfifted in this way. 
However, I thought, from a fincere defire for 
the glory of God, and the good of his church 
and people, I could cheerfully fubmit to an 
afflifted and conflifting life, if I might be aflifted 
and accepted herein. But fometimes, laft week 
in particular, under a fenfe of the violent efforts 
of the powers of darknefs, my own extreme vile- 
jiefs and weaknefs, as tow before the flames, or 
as a leaf fliaken by the wind, I am fearing whe- 
ther it was not from the pride and naughtinefs 
of my heart that I fubmitted to conflids ; whe- 
ther it was not like the afpiring difciples, when 
Chrift afked them, Are ye able to drink of the 
cup; that I had through pride and arrogance 
been faying, / am able. 

^' Under thefe views of myfelf, I have been 
much dejefted, and afraid to move or ftir. And 
now, my dear fir, if you have the leaft fufpicion 
at any time of my acting from this hateful, de- 
teftable principle, pray fpeak freely and plainly ; 
c 2 



20 iviEMOiRS OF [Chap. I. 

for, though I think my heart does not condemn 
me as heino- wholly under its reigning power, 
yet I find it ftill works to bring forth frnit unto 
death. I think, it I know any thing about nu'- 
felf, I have been, and am devoting to God all I 
am, have or ran be, and do to his glory ; and 
that my own comfort and happinefs is no farther 
fo to me than as it promotes that; and that to 
be a confecrated vefl'el, though of the meaneft 
life, is my higheft wilh, prayer, and purfuit. I 
think I know no intereft but his : yet I am not 
with a proud prefumption to* touch the facred 
ark, left I do it to my own confufion. I know 
I am to pray for the peace and profperity of 
Zion ; but the doubt is, whether I am called in 
that particular manner to take its concerns on 
me, fo as to make it the bufmefs of my life ; or 
whether to endeavour to efcape w^ith my own life, 
or to work out my own falvation &c., be not the 
province God has called me to a6l in ; fo poor, 
fo weak and pulluted a worm as I am. Yet, / 
knoic I feel, vvdiatever lam called to, that 1 muit 
Jove this Mount Zion, and mnft prefer the prof- 
. perity thereof above my chief joy." 

The attentive judicious reader of this will not 
be at a lofs, it is prefumed, about the anfwer 
"which Ilie received from her friend. The invi- 
fjble tempter, who hates prayer, and efpecially 
thofe who live moft in the fin cere engaged prac- 
tice of it, took advantage of her fenfe of her own 
ineanneis, weaknels, unv/orthinefs and depra- 
vity, to fuggeft that (lie had, in all her engaged- 
iiefs in this duty, and in the manner in which 
Ihe had devoted herfelf to it, afpired to that 
which did not become her, from the pride of her 
heart; aiming hereby to diftrefs her, and difcou- 
rage her from proceeding in this way. His hand 
was very apparent in thefe exercifes of her^ 



Chap. I.] MISS ANTHONY. 2! 

It will be obferved by thofe who fhall perufe 
her w'litings, which are to be tranfcribed, that 
llje confidered the hand of fatan to be apparent 
in many fuggeftions which were made to her 
mind ; and while Ihe aicribed many tlihigs of 
this kind to him, flie confidered herfeif to be 
Mdiolly to blame for every wrong voluntary ex- 
ercife of her heart, or the leaft compliance with 
fuch fuggeftions, and as much fo as if the tempter 
had no hand in them : and that this was not 
owing to mere fancy and fuperftition, or was in 
the leaft unreafonable or inconfiftent with the 
bible, all muft be fenfible who properly attend 
to the matter, and obferve that the fcriptures 
reprefent fatan as an adverfary to all chriftians, 
a roaring lion, walking about feeking whom he 
may devour. And they are faid, in their chrif- 
tian w^arfare, to wrejile againji prmcipalities, 
againft powers, agauiji ihe rulers of the darknefs 
of this worlds againji fpiritiial rvickednefs in high 
places; and are cdMtd w^ow io put on the whole 
armour of God, in order to withjiand the wiles of 
ihe devil. AVlO David, Peter, and many others 
^vere afl'aulted and tempted by this adverfary. 
No wonder then, that when this perfon in her 
youth was difpofed to renounce the devil and 
his fervice, and turn to the Lord and feek him 
with engagednefs of mind, fatan fl:iould beftir 
himfelf, and exert all his power and cunning to 
deceive and deftroy her ; and take all the ad- 
vantage he could of her youth, want of experi- 
ence, and fmall degree of do6lrinal knowledge. 
And it is reafonable to fuppofe that a perfon fo 
eminently devoted to religion and prayer, ia 
t^ppofition to fatan and his intereft as Uie was 
in the after part of life, Ihould be in a peculiar 
manner and degree aflaulted by the wiles of the 
^evil ; efpecially, confidering her fituation and 



2^ MEMOIRS OF [Chap, J. 

circuniftances of body and mind. They who are 
moft eminent in chriftian exercifes, and con- 
ftantly engaged in watching and praying, are 
not only expoled to oppofition from fatan in a 
peculiar manner, but doubllefs are commonly 
difcerniug and fenfible of his faggeftions and 
affaults. 

Thefe obfervations have been made, fuppofing 
they may be of ufe to feme, who may read the 
following chapters ; efpecially that \vhich now 
offers itfelf to the candid reader. 

CHAPTER 11. 

Containing an account of the iirjl part of her life, 
"written by herfelf in the 9.%th year of her age. 

OOiViE obfervable paffages in my life, 
efpecially the firft feventeen years of it, which I 
have collefted from fome memorandums and by 
the help of my memor^^ I have now fet down, 
that I may with more eafe perufe them : and as 
they are defigned for my own ufe, I am no wavs 
folicitous to omit any thing that may look tri- 
fling, if I think the recording it may ferve to 
animate me, and excite that praife in my foul 
which is everlaftingly due to the great Author 
and finilher of my faith. A defire to revive a 
fenfe of this in my foul has led me to review 
what I had formerly written, and to recoliecl 
what my memory did retain ; and now to put 
them together in the order of their dates, fo that 
being in this compafs I might readily look over 
them when I inclined or needed it; and here I 
have begun from my early days. O may that 
fame divine Spirit which has worked all my works 



Chap, II.] MISS ANTHONY. 23 

ill nie, ever excite the warmeft fentiments of 
gratitude, lov^e and ^vender, whenever I review 
thele records of the divine unmerited difplays of 
his grace !" 

I WAS early taught to love, fear and ferve 
the Lord. My dear mother took great pains to 
form my mind for God. And, bleffed be God, 
who by his Spirit followed the good advice, coun- 
fels and warnings, early convincing me of my 
fmful ftate, and of the corrupt fountain in my 
foul. The firft fm that I remember to have been 
convinced of was pride ; and this I faw to be in 
my heart, and from thence it had proceeded into 
aft. I think I was then between five and fix years 
old : and remember that I was very anxious to 
know whether God would forgive me, if I grew 
good then ; and enquired of fome of my friends 
as to this matter. In the general they refolved 
my queftion, and read the eighteenth chapter of 
Ezekiel to me. This put me on working with all 
my might, and keeping up good refolutions; 
but convictions wore off, and I remember but 
little of thefe concerns until I was feven or eight 
years old. They were then revived ; and I faw 
more of the finfulnefs of my heart, but had no 
clear knowledge of the way of falvation by Jefus 
Chrift. I knew Chrift died for finners ; but how 
we became interefted in liis death confufed me. 
I had, though young, a fet of notions of my 
own, and was exceffively fuperftitious. I worked 
hard. I quarrelled with the fovereignty of God. 
1 remember I felt my heart rife, and my enmity 
worked violently, to find that there was more joy 
over one /inner that repenteth, than over ninety 
and ninejufi perfons ; for I had worked up my- 
felf into fuch a conceit, that I really thought I 



24* MEMOIRS OF [Chap. u. 

was one of the ju/i per fans. O fliocking' ignor- 
ance and prefumption ! But God, who, I truft, 
was determined to bring me borne, would not 
fuffer me finally to perfift in this fcbeme ; but 
did multiply conviction. I forfook God, and 
fell into fins, and was roufed again by convictions* 

But as to the particular circumftances of a 
change, which I fuppofe to be about this time, 
I cannot remember them. The moft that I can 
remember is, that I was in great diftrefs about 
iny foul; that I faw the inlufficiency of any 
thing I could do to fave me : and about this 
time had my heart much carried out after Chrilt, 
and the way of falvation by him: and I remem- 
ber to have been filled with comfort and joy 
in religion. I fliould not think thefe thinscs 
fufficient evidences that I had experienced a 
work of grace in my foul, had I experienced 
nothing more fince that time: but what I 
truft I have fince known of a Mork of God ia 
my foul, inclines me to think that I was then 
brought iiome to God ; and that I then had 
true faith in God, if I now have. I can much 
better remember the eftecls than the circum- 
ftances of thefe things. They were fuch as 
thefe: knowledge, faith and love^ and hatred 
of fin. 

As to my knowledge, though to this day I 
have rcafon to be humbled in the duft that I 
know no more ; and am often ready to cry out 
of my ignorance, that I am ignorant as a bead 
before the Lord — Ah ! woe is me that I know- 
no more of God and divine fpiritual things—- 
yet my knowledge, hoM^ever weak, is an evi- 
dence to me, that God did then work a work 
of grace in my foul For now I began more 



Chap. It.] iiiss Anthony. £5 

clearly to fee ray wretched ftate by nature and 
practice; my need of a Saviour, and the way 
offalvation by him. My mind was enlightened, 
and drank in many of the precious truths of the 
gofpel about this time ; and from hence forward 
had a clearer knowledge of Chrift as mediator, 
one chofen by the Father for finners, than 
before. 

As to my faith, which is an evidence of my 
change — After this time, which I fuppofe to 
be about the eighth or ninth year of my age, 
I did frequently endeavour to give myfelf up 
to God, cafting all my concerns on him ; em- 
bracing Chrift as my only Redeemer; refting 
on him as my only High Pried before God 
the Father : and though at this age, and under 
fome di fad vantages, I had not a thorough doc- 
trinal knowledge, which renders my experiences 
at this time far lefs clear than otherwife the}'* 
might have been ; yet the actings of my foul 
tovrards God then, appear fince to me, as far 
as I can difcern, to be the real actings of true 
faith. 

Again, as to my love — Xow Vv'as my foul 
taken up in admiring the, glorious way of fal- 
vation by Chrift. He appeared truly amiable^ 
as the Redeemer of loft man. Nor was the 
Father's love lefs wonderful in srivins: his Son 
to die. I can remember to have been even 
wrapped up in extacy of love and wonder. 
For fome time my thoughts feemed only tQ 
dwell and live on the admirable views of thele 
things. I wondered they were no more admir- 
ed and f[3oken of by others. I loved the \Kord 
of God, took great delight in reading it, and 
in all the exercifes of religion. My greateft 

D 



24 MEMOIRS OF {Chap, u, 

was one o^ \\\q jujl perpms, O fliocking^ ignor- 
ance and prefumption ! But God, who, I truft, 
was determined to bring me home, would not 
fuifer me finally to perfift in this fcheme ; but 
did multiply convi6tion. I forfook God, and 
fell into fins, and was roufed again by convi6lions. 

But as to the particular circumftances of a 
change, which I fuppofe to be about this time, 
I cannot remember them. The mofl that I can 
remember is, that I was in great diftrefs about 
n\y foul; that I faw the infufficiency of any 
thing I could do to five me : and about this 
time had my heart much carried out after Chrilt, 
and the way of falvation by him; and I remem- 
ber to have been filled with comfort and joy 
in religion. I fliould not think thefe things 
fuiiicient evidences that I had experienced a 
work of grace in my foul, had I experienced 
nothing more fince that time: but what I 
trutl I have fince known of a work of God ia 
my foul, inclines me to think that I was then 
brought home to God ; and that I then had 
true faith in God^ if I now have. I can much 
better remember the eftecls than the circum- 
ftances of thefe things. They were fuch as 
thefe: knowledge, faith and love^ and hatred 
of fm. 

As to my knowledge, though to this day I 
have rcafon to be humbled in the duft that I 
know no more ; and am often ready to cry out 
of my ignorance, that I am ignorant as a bead 
before the Lord — Ah ! woe is me that I know 
no more of God and divine fpiritual things- 
yet my knowledge, however weak, is an evi- 
dence to me, that God did then work a work 
of grace in my foul For now I began more 



Chap, it.] Miss anthony, 25 

clearly to fee ray wretched ftate by nature and 
practice; my need of a Saviour, and the way 
offalvation by him. My mind was enlightened, 
and drank in many of the precious truths of the 
gofpel about this time ; and from lience forward 
had a clearer knowledge of Chrift as mediator, 
one chofen by the Father for finners, than 
before. 

As to my faith, which is an evidence of my 
change — After this time, which I fuppofe to 
be about the eighth or ninth year of my age, 
I did frequently endeavour to give myfelf up 
to God, cafting all my concerns on him ; em- 
bracing Chrift as my only Redeemer ; refting 
on. him as my only High Prieft: before God 
the Father : and though at this age, and iinder 
feme difadvantages, I had not a thorough doc- 
trinal knowledge, which renders my experiences 
at this time far lefs clear than otherwife the\'* 
might have been ; yet the aClings of my foul 
tov/ards God then, appear hnce to me, as far 
as I can difcern, to be the real a6tings of true 
faith. 

Again, as to my love — Now Vv^as my foul 
taken up in admiring the. glorious way of fal- 
vation by Chrift. He appeared truly amiable^ 
as the Redeemer of loft man. Nor was the 
Father's love lefs wonderful in sivins: his Son 
to die. I can remember to have been even 
wrapped up in extacy of love and wonder. 
For fome time my thoughts feemed only tQ 
dwell and live on the admirable views of thefe 
things. I wondered they were no more admir- 
ed and fpoken of by others. I loved the word 
of God, took great delight in reading it, and 
in all the exercifes of religion. My greateft 



2& MEMOIRS OF [Ckap. It. 

delight was to pour out my foul before God; 
I brought before him the minuteft concerns of 
my life, and fought his direflion and blefiing.- 
It was fweet to me to eye God in all I did. 
And God did gracioufly indulge my love and 
fincerity, (though attended with many childidi 
weakneffes) and I witneffed that he jieard my 
prayers. Oh, what enlargement did I now re- 
ceive from a kind and gracious God ! And 
How was my foiil taken up in love to God^nd 
religion; and in hatred of fin! Which is ano- 
ther evidence. I found a hatred of all fin, as 
iln, as contrary to a holy God ; and remember 
to have examined myfelf by that mark, and 
found it was fo, as far as I could find out; that 
I did hate fin for fin's fake, and love holinefs 
for holinefs' fake. 

Thus 1 went on for fom.e time, in the com- 
forts of religion, and in the praftice of the 
duties of it, weary of the world, longing after 
God, and defirous of the falvation of others. 
In particular, 1 remember to have the foul of 
my youngeft fifter much on my heart. She was- 
about fix years and-a-half younger than I was ; 
and I nfed to put her to bed. And I made 
it my practice, when I had done, to kneel down, 
nndifcovered, atid^ feek God's fpecial biefling, 
and conftant proteftion for her. O that God' 
may fulfil my earneft requefi:s on her behalf! 

But after fome time I began to lofe thefe 
good impreflions, and get in love with childilh 
vanities and plays : and thus my heart declined 
from. God and duty. Yet, forever blefl'ed be 
God, who did not fuffer me wholly to lofe thefe 
religious impreffipns*; but followed me witir his 
Spirit, though 1 ftrove to difregard him,, and 
follow my fports and plays, for wdiich my 



Ghap. II.] MISS AXTHO^^rY. £7 

mother reproved me; and I refolved againft 
them ; yet fell again. And thus I continued, 
often afraid and aihamed to pray, until forced 
to it by fome diftreffing providence : and then 
I would continue fteady for a while ; as when 
by a fudden llroke God took from me my 
eldeft fifter, whom I greatly lov^d. 1 then flew 
to God for relief and fupport ; and that the 
blow might be fandlified to the whole family. 
Thus when trouble was near, I poured out my 
prayer to God : but, alas ! I was not conftaivt 
and fteady with him. My hieart, aft^^r all that 
God had done for me, and all I had engaged 
for him, v/as now bent to backfliding ; and 
would have fatally apoftatized from God, had 
he not kept me by his mighty power, from 
which none fhall be able to pluck his children: 
fce having engaged to <:arry on the work he 
has begun, will afluredly fulfil l>is purpofe. 
This I verily believe; for otherwife I had never 
been recovered from fuch foul, ungrateful wan- 
derings. Oh how long did God wait to be 
gracious J How many mercies did he beftow 
on me I How many gentle reproofs; how many 
kind calls and entreaties did he ufe ! But ftili 
I forfook the Lord mv Redeemer. 

4/ 

And now he began to hide his face from me, 
and fuffer fatan to befet me. My fins appeared 
great, and I was covered with darknefs and 
confufion. I appeared to myfelf amazingly^ 
ignorant. And here fatan ft rove to perfuade 
me that I had better let religion alone until I 
was older : then I fliould know how to engage 
in it. And I was tempted to believe all the 
darknefs and trouble I found was owing to mj 
being fo voung, that I had riot fufficient knowv 



28 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. ir, 

ledge to engage in any thing of religion. Oh, 
what dirtiei's was I now in ! I found I could 
not now caft off God, and the concerns of my 
foul ; nor could I feeni to purfue them to any 
purpofe. I had fet my hand to the plough, 
and dare not refolvedly look back, and caft 
off all thoughts of God and my foul; nor would 
QjCxX fuffer me thus to do. No, adored he 
the blelfed God, who was now about to bring 
me near himfelf. Satan had often fuited his 
temptations to my childifli thoughts, and fug- 
gefted that 1 could not be contented if I went 
to heaven ; for I could not be contented here 
always in one place. I returned the queftion, 
liow I fliould be contented in hell? But here 
he fuggefted the variety of company, 1 remem- 
ber. This temptation followed me clofely : but 
the other, concerning my being too young to 
engage in religion, was now very powerful. I 
found myfelf entangled in a labyrinth of dark^ 
iiefs and confufion. God had juftly hid him- 
f(;lf from me. The teachings of his Spirit feem- 
tt to be gone, and I groped in the dark. I 
found not a fixed reliance on Chrift, to carry 
on his work in my foul ; but often engaged iu 
my own ftrength, and then was foiled. I was 
often ready to think I never would advife one 
fo young as I was, to fet about religion ; for 
I greatly feared I never fliould obtain the far- 
vour of God, but fliould make fljipwreck of 
faith: not confidering Chrifl's care of his young, 
unexperienced difciples ; that thefe have a pc^ 
culiar interefl iu his moft tender regard; an^ 
that his promife is to fuch as feek hiin early^ 
th'at the}^ fliall find him : nor was I fuffici- 
ently humbled under my wicked departure frp||i 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. ' gf) 

Oh, had God now left me, what had I done ; 
hut joined with latan, and utterly forfook th^ 
Lord ? But thus he followed me with the con« 
victions of his Spirit; fometimes reproving, fome- 
times enlightening and encouraging me, fome- 
times fuffering fatan to atfault me, until the 
year 1740,^ when the Rev. Mr. Whitefield 
came hither I attended his preaching, and 
was quickened to give more diligence to make 
my calling and eleftion fure. I read more, 
and liftened more attentively to the truths of 
ihe gofpel : and there being more talk of reli- 
gion now, I got more acquaintance with the 
work of God iu' the fouls of his people, and 
refolved more diligently to labour after a life 
of holinefs, and inward confotmiiy to God. 

But here fatan as a lion roufed, roared after 
his prey, and befet mc, to perfuade me that 
my day of grace v/as over ; that all my driv- 
ings would not fignify any thing ; that God 
had caft me off. And now, as 1 had forfook 
God, he juftly poured anguifli and terror into 
my foul. I cried out, with Heman, / am rtady 
to die ; rvhile I fuffe?' thy terrors I am diftract- 
td — Deep calleth unio deep at the mifc of thy 
%vater-f pouts : all thy zcaves and thy billows are 
gone over me! Satan was permitted to fill my 
mind with the mofl horrid blafphemies. He 
that had, but juft before, tried to perfua<le me 
that I was too young to be religious, now 
turned his temptation to perftiade me it was 
too late; that I fhould never obtain mercy; 
that there wcis no hope for me; that I had 
better curfe God and die 1 And again he would 
perfuade me there was no God, nor any thing 
in religion. But, 1 felt the arrows of God with- 

* She \va5 \\itii in her fourtpienth year. 



so MEMOIRS O-F [Cliap. IX. 

in me. I roared, by reafon of the difquirtude 
^f my foul ; and was (trongly befet to lay vio- 
lent hands on myfelf, verily tearing, if I livecl, 
that I ihonld be a mort blafphemous wretch; 
being ftrongly and violently urged to utter fome 
i^iocking imprecations on God, and my own 
foul, and every thing facred. Oh how many 
hours have I fpent in bewaihng a loft God^ 
and a loft heaven ; crying out, '' I am undone! 
I am undone ! Condemned already, and Ihall 
be damned !" Pleading with God to ftop my 
impious breath, before it uttered thefe dreadful, 
fclafphemies. i\nd I believe a bloody inhuman 
butcher w6uld have b^en more welcome to my 
tortured bread, than a reprieve to a condemned 
criminal. For fatan began to perfuade me that 
I was a devil incarnate; that God had raifed 
and fet me up as a monument of his wrath 
and vengeance: and that, if I lived, I fhould 
but fliew the enmity, rage, and language of 
hell. Then h^e would perluade me to call Gods 
juftice into queftion, and impioufly charge him 
with injuftice, in fuffering me to live. 

That threatening was come upon me : In the 
morning thou Jhalt fay ^ JVouldGod it xvere txen- 
mg ! And at evening thou Jhalt fay,. Would God 
it were morning ! I v/as now on the brink of^ 
defpair ; but never opened my cafe to any per- 
fon. My friends, as I afterwards found, were 
much diftrefled about me; and fome feared I 
was going into defpair. I had caft off all re- 
gard for my body. One of my hands, I had 
fo long neglefied, only when I M'vung it in dif-. 
trefs, that it began to wither and perilh. I 
had fcarce any command or ufe of it. This, 
with the horror of my mind, made me appear 
.awkward and fnigular, to thofe who knew not 



Chap. ir.J MISS AN^XHONr. ST 

ray cafe. And one fliarply reproved me fcr it - 
telling nie, llie was afhamed of me, before com- 
pany ; though this I Ihunned, and never would 
be feen, if I could help it. This ufage, with 
fatan's violent afiaults, had been too hard for 
rne, had not God gracioufly interpofed, and 
brought good out of it : for this, fatan took the 
advantage of, to worry and diftracl my fouL 
But I overheard my dear parents lamenting my 
cafe with the utmofl tendernefs. And one re- 
peated to them the treatment I had before 
met with. They fliarply reproved the perfon, 
and expreffed their diftreft for me, charging 
all to treat me with the utmoft tendernefs> 
This worked pov/erfully on my affedions. I 
took the Bible, and fat down to read. The 
firft words I met with were thefe : (Pfal. ciii. 13*) 
Like as a jathtr pitieth his children ; fo the 
Zordpitieth them that fear him. They appeared 
<\n\tt new to me: I was filled with a fenfe of 
the compaffion and love of God, who before 
appeared as a terrible Being, And now I en- 
tertained fome littte encouragement. 

But though the leaft gleam of hope was like 
life to the dead, yet it did not laft long r 
fatan had not gone to the ntmoft of his per- 
million. Though God mercifully afforded fome 
fupports that I might not be quite out-done; 
yet he v/ifely forefaw that I needed more prun- 
ing, before I fliould bring forth fruit; and, 
therefore, fuffered fatan ftill to vex my fonl 
This liberty he improved in the moft fliocking 
and blafphemous fuggeftions, that a curfed 
fiend could throw into my mind. Every mer- 
cy was an occafion to dart them into my 
mind ; and I was even weary of my life. 
The thoughts of hell were not fo teri'ible t'> 



32 MEMOIRS OP [Chap. It. 

me, as thore blafphemies of God. But what 
added to my diftrers was, that I thought thefe 
were the produce of my own heart; that it 
was from the enmity of my nature againft God, 
and not fram fatan, that they proceeded. I 
now thought myfelf one of the worft of mon- 
Iters : and often wilhed that I might be anni- 
hilated, that I might never iliew forth this 
accurfed enmity of my heart in hell. Oh, it 
was a molt fliocking, tormenting thought to 
r^e, of joining with devils in blafpheming God 
and Jeius Chrift ! And I thought, if I was 
damned, I wifl:ied I might bear my torment, 
w^ithout an impious reproach on the bleffed 
God. Yea, I made this the matter of my 
prayer to God, and acknowledged his jullice. 

Thus I continued. In the year 1741, the 
Rev. Mr. Gilbert Tennent came hither. He 
had been here before, and I had never heard 
him : but now I went. Some of my friends 
being much aifeded under the word, exprefled 
their concern to me, telling me^ they w^iflied 
they had been as much concerned for their 
fouls, as they thought 1 v/as. This roufed me : 
1 burft into tears, and told them they did not 
know what a dreadful creature I was ; what 
dreadful thoughts I had r and exclaimed againft 
myfelf moft terribly : affuring them they could 
not once think how bad I was. But oh, how 
was I harrafled and worried, after I had told 
this to them ! Satan worked on my pride, to 
make me afliamed that I had let any body 
know how bad I was. I thou^'ht they would 
Bot think me fit to live, i was ready to think 
every one vvould look on me to be fuch a 
inonfter, as was never heard of before. With 
many entreaties I was prevailed upon, in the 



Cliap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 33 

evening, to vifit Mr. Tennent. But my mouth 
was fliut : I dare not fpeak a word, only yes, 
or no. Yet I gained light by this wortliy 
niinifter's preaching and converfation. Forever 
blefled be God that I fa\v' him ! 

After this, I was greatly diftreffed by thefe 
words : He that made them zvill not have mercy 
on them, and he that formed them will jhew them 
no favour. Oh, the terrors of thefe words were 
like fire in my foul ! Again, fatan perfuaded 
me not to pray for grace ; for if I had grace, 
I fliould be under fuch infinite obligations to 
God for it, and I iliould never live up to them, 
fo that I fhould be worfe off than I am now. I 
could not then fee through the fallacy of this 
temptation. Oh how fubtle is fatan in manag- 
ing his temptations! Firft darkening our minds 
as to forae powerful truths ; and then he fuits 
his temptations fo artfully that the mofl: judi- 
cious are fometimes nonplufed. No Avonder 
then, that a poor, ignorant babe, who knew 
but very little of the do6lrinal or experimental 
part of religion, was fo overpowered : and furely 
I had been utterly confounded, had not the 
Lord, ftrong and mighty, the Lord mighty in 
battle, engaged for me, and fupported and fuf- 
tained my foul. An inftance of this I am now 
come to. One night I was worn out with con- 
flifts and combats. Defpairing of help, I went 
into my chamber, and threw myfelf on the 
bed, unable to refift any longer, there to give 
up all hopes of mercy. But I fell afleep, fo 
that I remembered no more, till the next morn- 
ing. I awaked with all my clothes on, as I 
had been the day before : but my mind was 
more compofed. 1 was at firft ftartled, that 

E 



34 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IT. 

one ilnder fuch diftrefs could fleep thus : but 
I recollefted that the difciples of our Lord were 
faid to fleep for forrow of heart. Thouoh my 
inw^ard trials were great now; yet God graci- 
oufly afforded nie timely relief and fuccour, 
more than I had heretofore, or perhaps I had 
failed under fo long a prefiure of Ibul. 

Again, I was diftrelTed, and almoft ready to 
defpair, becaufe my trials were of fo long con- 
tinuance; and my heart began to faint. Satan 
fet in to perfuade me there was no hope for 
me, feeing I had been in this condition fo long, 
and was no nearer deliverance than at firft. 
Now my foul was racked with tormenting 
agony; in which I took up the Bible, not 
knowing what to do, or fcarcely what I did do. 
But, to my furprife, I alighted on thofe words: 
When Jtfiis faxv him lie, and knexv that he had 
been noxv a long time in that caft^ he faith unto 
him ^ Wilt thou he made whole ?'^ Here I faw 
the companionate Redeemer (hewing his mercy 
to one long diftrefled; that this was no obfta- 
cle in his way : that as his power was not 
limited, fo neither \vas his goodnefs; but even 
that which was an objection againfi my hope, 
feemed to be given here as a reafon or motive 
that excited Chrift's pity. ''When Jefus faw 
him lie, and knew he had been now a long time 
in that cafe,'' &c. This was my cafe. I had 
been now a long time in a very diftreifed con- 
dition : and if Jefus had compaflion on hivi^ 
why might he not on 7ne? I took encou- 
ragement from the power and goodnefs of the 
kind Saviour. My darknefs vaniihed ; my dif- 
trefs fled ; and I caft myfelf on this gracious 
God for help, believing he would appear for 
- John V. 6. 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 35 

nie, and fnew mercy, and bruife fatan under 
my feet. Oh how did this revive my droop- 
ing foul, and caufe nie to rejoice ! 

.But I was foon plunged again into diftrefs: 
for though fatan M^as forced to flee, yet he 
now returned upon me with double fury. How- 
ever, by thefe conquefts of my Saviour over 
him, I was kept from utter defpair. I was 
again affaulted, fo that I feemed as one really 
potfeifed of the devil. For when at fecret 
prayer, I was fo furprifed, hurried and diftract- 
ed, as to ftart up, and run about, not know- 
ing what I did, or why 1 did it ; only that 
fatan feemed to have the full power of me. And 
fometimes fome outward things have been fo ma- 
naged, that I could not but think fatan work- 
ed powerfully by thefe to affright and terrify 
me: becaufe at the very inftant that my mind 
has been thrown into the moft amazing difor- 
der and confufion, fome outward furprifals have 
rufhed on me, which could not be otherwife 
well accounted for. Yet, bleiled be God, fatan 
was never permitted to prefent any thing to 
my bodily eyes, or ears ; nor did I ever think 
I heard any voice, or faw any vifion, either 
from heaven or hell. INIy fancy, or imagina- 
tion was never fo carried away, and fo impofed 
on me, as to think 1 heard any thing that had 
a peculiar refpeft to me, beyond what the word 
of God has revealed. This I have often thought 
of, with gratitude to God; efpecially when 1 
confider how prone my conftitution is to the 
lively workings of fancy. Nor did the fweet 
comforts of the gofpel, and the joys I have 
fmce felt, proceed from any fuch imaginary 
tranfports ; but, I trull, have been agreeable 
E 2 



26 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. II. 

to the fcriptures, and to reafon. I think I 
liave abundant caufe to adore and hlefs that 
God who has pieferved me from fuch fordid 
notions of vital religion, on which fome per- 
fons of wild imagination, have laid great ftreft; 
viz. hearino' voices, feeino- vifions, beinii: in 
trances, and feeing their names written iii 
heaven, &c. 

But though tliis, through the grace of God, 
was not my cafe ; yet fatan had great pov/er to 
fright and diftrefs me, efpecially after I had 
been engaging in the worlhip of God. I have 
been filled v/ith fuch horror, that I could reft 
in no one pofture ; but rolling from place to 
place, Avringing my hands, expoftulating with 
God to take me out of the world ; for what 
profit could it be to him, that I fhould live 
to diflionour his great and dreadful name. 
And here all former temptations feemed to re- 
double their force. I was ready to wiili I 
never had been : and that I had been any 
thing but a living foul. It is impoflible for 
the tongue or pen of mortals to defcribe the 
agony of my foul; the amazing load that preffed 
on me. I feemed as though I lliould have 
twifted every bone out of its place; and have 
often fince wondered that I never disjointed a 
bone, when, through the violence of my dif- 
trefs, I wrung my hands, twifted every joint, 
and ftrained every nerve; biting my fiefli, gnafli- 
ing my teeth, throwing myfelf on the floor. 
But oh, how did the fupporting hand of God 
ftill uphold me, though I faw it not, but 
thought myfelf abandoned and given over of 
God. Yet nov/ I fee infinite wifdom, grace 
and love, accompanying all thefe difpenfations 
towards me; and muft adore thy forever-ador- 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 37 

able goodnefs, Lord, for thou haft done all 
things well. Thefe affliiftions, which were in- 
deed not joyous, but grievous, now yield the 
peaceable fruits of righteoulnefs. Here I fee 
the M^ifdom, power and goodnefs, of my glorious 
Redeemer. Verily, he is infinitely worthy of 
my ftedfaft truft, and everlafting confidence. 
From hence I find powerful motives and vaft 
encouragement for future truft and reliance. 

But to return. My diftrefs increafed on me, 
until the neceifaries of life grew taftelefs : and 
here fatan fet in to perfuade me I had finfully 
indulged my appetite. When I attempted to 
eat, it would be fuggefted, that I was thea 
increafmg my condemnation; and while I was 
under this temptation I met wnth thofe words: 
He that doiibteth is damned^ if he eat. (Rom. 
xiv. 23.) 1 did not confider it had no reference 
to our common, daily food, but to what w^as 
offered to idols : but the tempter would perfuade 
me it w^as juft m.y cafe; for 1 was convinced it 
was a fin, and yet went on. This threw me 
into great horror, and I refolved to deny myfelf. 
Had fatan tempted me wholly to refrain, and 
ftarve myfelf, I Ihould have feen it to be a 
temptation of his: but I w^as only tempted to 
mortify and crofs my appetite. Every meal I 
\vas tempted to refrain from that^ and fo on. 
This the family foon began to perceive, and that 
I withdrew at meal times, not knovv'ing the 
occafion of it. But, one day, having fat until 
dinner was brought in, I then retired. I was 
fent for; but made an excufe. My mother, 
being very uneafy, came once and again to my 
chamber door ; and at la(l defired to come in. 
1 dare not refufe; but willed I might have been 
excufed from opening my door« ^Vhen i\:'^Q 



38 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. 11. 

came in, flie affeftionately afked me what Avas 
the matter ; and whether I could r.ot tell a mo- 
ther my trouhles ? After many ftruggles with 
myfelf I told her. She cautioned and warned 
me, and endeavoured to comfort me by her 
own experiences : but the temptation and fear 
in fome meafure remained, though I had not 
fuch opportunity to yield; and that crolfed fa- 
tan's defire. Before this, 1 had been fo long 
harralfed and terrified with the difmal apprehen- 
fions of certain, unavoidable damnation, that 
though 1 took only enough to preferve life, 
yet every mouthful ieemed to fcal up my con- 
dem.nation : and therefore I feemed ready to 
give up, and wholly abftain, rather than endure 
that diftrefs of mind which every morfel I took 
occafioned. Forever bleifed be God, that this 
temptation w^as difcovered: for though I had 
been moft furioufly befet to lay violent hands 
on myfelf, through all my temptations; yet I 
never \vas left to make any attempt on my life. 
But in this fatan worked more fubtilly ; and I 
could not fee any confpiracy againft my life: my 
defjgn was to mortify myfelf. Oh how hard is 
it to fee through the whiles of fatan, when he 
appears as an angel of light; as he now^ did ! 

Soon after this, being alone in my chamber, 
fatan affaulted me moft fiercely to put an end 
to my life; fuggefting that never w^as any one 
in fuch a condition before; that I was an out- 
caft, rejefled of God; that I had better put an 
end to my life, than live to treafure up wrath 
againft the day of wrath. The cruel inftrument 
was prefent to accompiifli the helliih defign. 
This temptation ruilied on me wMth fuch im- 
petuous force, th.at 1 found it would be highly 
dangerous to ftay there. The family being 
gone to bed, I thought 1 would go too^ rather 



Chap. 11.1 MISS ANTHONY. 39 

than ftay alone, left I fliould be quite over- 
powered. But now fatan Ihifted, and filled me 
with diftreihng apprehenfions of awaking in hell, 
to frighten me from going to bed. He that 
would have brought me quick there, in a 
dreadful plunge, now opened the terrors of it^ 
to affrighten me from my fleep. But I founds 
as foon as I began to decline going to bed, or 
leaving the room, the temptation to deftroy 
myfelf revived with greater force. This was a 
nioft violent conflid ; and I ran out of the room. 
As I paffed another chamber, I faw a book lie, ia 
which my fifter had a little before been read- 
ing : it happened to be Mr. Corban's Advice 
to Sinners under Convidion, &c. with fome 
Scruples of the Tempted refolved. I had never 
feen or heard of the book before, nor knew that 
there was any fuch book in the houfe ; but ia 
the diftrefs of my mind, I took it up ; and the 
firft words I faw in it v»^ere thefe : 

1. ^^ Although thy prefent condition be de- 
plorable ; yet be not thy own executioner, if 
God will give thee a reprieve in the world. 
When thou art tempted to it, I foiemnly charge 
thee to remember, that God hath forbidden it; 
favino;, Thou llialt not kill. 

2. *' In the hour of temptation go not out iu 
thy ov/n ftrength. Look to Chrifr, and keep 
thy hold of him, who is able to keep thee from 
falling. The Lord hath laid help on one that 
is mighty. Pfal. Ixxxix. I9. 

3. " Give no place to the devil. Be not 
affrighted from continuing in thy calling ; for 
the Lord hath piomifed to keep thee in all 
thy ways ; and his angels fliall have charge 
over thee. Pfal. xci. 11, 12. 



40 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. ir: 

4. ^^ Thou art grofsly nilftaken in thinking 
no cafe like thine : for no temptation hath 
taken you, but fuch as is common to men. 
(1 Cor. X. 13.) Many of God's dear children 
have been as vehemently affaulted with fuch 
hellifli temptations, though thou thinkeft thy 
cafe cannot be parralleled, and have been re- 
covered: and their unbelief, and all their fad 
conclufions confuted. 

5. ^'When thou art tempted to fm, flee to 
that promife: No weapon formed again ft thee 
fhctll pro/per — The God of peace fhall bruife fat an 
under thy feet fJiortly — God is faithful^ who will 
Tiot fuffer thee to he tempted above that thou art 
able to bear. Ifai. liv. 17. Rom. xvi. 20. 

But, oh, with what M^onder and aftoniihment 
did 1 read thefe lines, fo peculiarly adapted to 
my cafe ! Was I tempted to that foul-fhudder- 
ing fm, felf murder? Here is a caution, com- 
mand and promife, to the contrary, from the 
word of God. Am I tempted to think there 
never was any one in fuch a cafe as that in 
which I am ? Here fatan is proved a liar from 
the word of God. Or am I affrighted from 
fleep, in the proper feafon of it ? I have a cau- 
tion not to give way to it, and a promife to 
rely upon. Thus, with an uncommon power, 
were the words applied to my prefent cafe. 
What a fudden, unexpected providence was 
here! Satan at once felt the force of thefe 
commiffioned lines, and fled the field : the feed 
of the woman bruifed the ferpent's head, while 
he was bruifing but his heel. Now I faw the 
power, wifdom, and goodnefs of that Being, 
whom I was tempted to dilbelieve : I faw the 
truth of that word, which fatan had told me 
there was no truth in \ and I faw fatan to be 



Chap. II.] HISS Anthony. 41 

a liar. The darknefs and horror difappeared. 
This was the Lord's doing, and it was marvel- 
lous in mine eyes. There was no human con- 
trivance in it. I faw the power and grace of 
Ghrift. He manifefted himfelf to be the Lord 
ilrong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle, 
and worthy of my confidence. Oh how unut- 
terable my joy ! I fang of free, furprifing grace; 
and, with the leper, was conftrained, by gra- 
titude and love, to return and give glory to 
God. 

Now I felt but little difpofition for ileep : 
my v/hole foul was carried out in praife and 
admiration, . while I lay in the duft, crying out. 
Why me! Lord, why me? Why haft thou ftoop- 
ed to regard fo unworthy a worm as 1? Oh, how 
free and fovereign did this grace appear : how 
did I triumph in God, cafting my wliole foul 
and body on him ! And when I lay down to 
reft, how fweet to commit myfelf into his hands; 
faying, I will fear no evil, for thou art xmth me. 
Now I faw the wifdom of God, in all his deal- 
ings with me ; and did rejoice in hope that I 
was one of his called according to his purpofe; 
fince thofe very temptations, which I feared 
were againft me, now worked together for my 
good ; difplaying to me the power, wifdom, 
and grace of God; exciting my faith and love 
to more fenfible exercifes ; and confirming in 
my mind, many fcriptures, the truth of which 
I had beeii long ready to doubt of. For in my 
hafte I had faid, All men are liars. Where are 
his promifes ? Do they fail.-* But now I faid, 
True and faithful is the word of the Lord. Oh 
who can fet bounds to the iufinite grace and 
love of God ! 

1? 



43 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. II, 

I wonder at, and adore the love of God in 
regarding any of the fallen apoitate race of 
rebellious man. I am furprifed at his conde- 
fcenfions, when I read of his dealings with his 
emident fervants, who are as pillars in his houfe, 
and fuch from whom may reafonably be ex- 
pe6led fome fuitable returns, though none cau 
compenfate the leaft a6t of his grace. But oh, 
how does my wonder rife, even to aftorrifliment, 
when 1 review but what iny treacherous memory 
yet retains of his dealing with unworthy me! 
Oh my foul! God knew thee to be a helplefs, 
worthlefs, depraved worm : he knew thy ftation 
and capacity were low and mean, and thy in- 
gratitude, floth and negligence to be great, 
and Unbecoming thee: he knew v/hat poor re* 
turns thou wouldft make. And yet, oh fur- 
prifing grace ! I believe there are many of the 
former to whom he never afforded more fpeedy 
fuccour and relief, than to me. Verily, oh God, 
it is like thy nature, immenfe and boundlefs : 
for thou baft chofen the bafe things of this world, 
babes and fucklings ; yea, things that are not, 
to fliew forth thy power and grace. Oh the 
height and depth of unfearchable grace and 
iove ! 

But to return. Now I engaged to be the 
Lord's, and bound myfelf to h>m in a fliorS 
written covenant, which I find dated Od. I9, 
1741:^ and I enjoyed fome more freedom from 
thofe violent diftreffes, which I had fuffered ; 
but was not wholly delivered. My fear and 
temptation returned at times, though not fo 
often as formerly: and God gracioufly allowed 
me fome near accefs to him in prayer. A very 
little after this, I was feeking God for a parti- 

* She then wanted sis days of being 15 years old. 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 4S 

cular temporal mercy; and \7as powerfully qui- 
eted by thefe words: Seek fir Ji the kingdom of 
God, and his righteoufnefs, and all thefe things 
Jhall be added unto you. This gave my mind a 
calm turn : and though I had no profpett of 
the fpeedy accomplilliment of my requeft ; yet 
I believed in the promife, and left it with God; 
and was as well fatisfied as if I had feen it done. 
And, before night, to the v/onder of many, it 
was accompliflied. I was filled with fuch a 
humbling fenfe of the goodnefs of God, and my 
own vilenefs, that I fat as one not concerned in 
the matter ; while others were rejoicing, and 
calling on me, to know if I was forry. But my 
foul was engaged in adoring God as the author 
of all my mercies, and in fealing to the truth 
of his word, that he was a God hearing prayer. 

I now began more ftridly to examine thofe 
principles of religion in which I had been edu- 
cated. To win Chrift, and be found in him, 
was the prevailing concern of my life. I vras fo 
often plunged into new ditlrelfes, that I could 
not purfue any thing fteadily ; yet I embraced 
thofe principles, which I thought moft agreea- 
ble to divine revelation, without changing my 
profeffion.^ But, when I had light and hope 
about my own (late, I was difpofed to look into 
thefe matters. I feared to be too much engaged 
in any thing that did not immediately concern 
njy intereft in Chrift, by a true and vital union, 
to him. Now my foul longed after him, and 
the language of my whole heart was for a Chrift, 
a whole Chrift, in all his offices, on his own 
terms; and that he would manifeft himfelf to 

* She was educated in the profession of the Quakers^ as her 
parents were of that denomination. 

F 2 



44 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, II. 

me: glvin^: up niylelf to liim ; engaging to be 
his; afraid of every thing that miglit offend him. 
I had fome difcovery of Chrift as a complete 
Saviour ; yet there was much of a legal fpirit 
in me, which oiten filled me with great terror, 
and hideous fears of condemnation. Satan fet 
in with it, and would tempt me to many things, 
indifferent in themfelves ; yet very inconvenient 
and burdenfome to me: but if 1 refufed or ob- 
jeded, hell and unavoidable damnation to the 
difobedient, was the doleful peal rung in my 
ears. Yea, he perfuaded me that every refufal 
was a feal on my condemnation: and therefore, 
for the fake of quietnefs, 1 yielded; and fo 
brought mylelf under fuch a yoke of bondage 
to fatan, as gave him vaft po\v:er over me. I 
kept many days of fafting and prayer; and 
often denied myfelf almoft all the comforts of 
life. I ufed great feverity with myfelf, even to 
cruelty; often taking for food that which was 
Tiioft difagreeable, to mortify myfelf. I morti- 
fied a grateful difpofilion of foul, by embitter- 
ing my mercies : in all which I was very pri- 
vate. Numberlefs >vere the miftakes and errors, 
into which I ran at this time. How^ever, though 
fatan urged me on to things, to an extreme; 
yet, 1 truft, God brought good out of it, and 
taught me much of a gofpel felf-denying fpirit. 

About this time the Rev. Mr. Wheelock 
rame hither, and preached from thofe words: 
Examme yoiirfehes, zvhether ye be in the faitk^ 
8^c, This put me on a ferious inquiry into the 
ftate of my foul; which I had fcarcely allowed 
myfelf to do before: but rather inclined to fix 
in my mind that I had no true faith, than to 
admit a thought that poffibly I had. But now 
f inade fome inquiry; and dare not deny thofe 



Chap, ir.] MISS antiiony. 45 

evidences, which were mentioned from the fcrip- 
tures: and, by a fermon of the Rev. Mr. Dick- 
infon on the witnefs of the Spirit, I found, as 1 
thought, farther ground to hope tliat I had ex- 
perienced a M'ork of grace in my foul; but had 
greater difcoveries of the corruption of my 
heart: and was often amazed and confounded, 
efpecially under Mr. Wheelock's preaching; yet 
not fo as to lofe my hope^ though it was often 
very low. 

Now, as I had fome hope and relief, I fet 
myfelf to purfue the inquiry into the principles 
of rehgion. I read Barclay's Apology ; Mr, 
Vincent's Expofition of the Alfembly's Cate- 
chifm; and feveral other authors on the fame 
fubjects; with fome treatifes on the ordinances; 
and efpecially comparing them with fcripture. 
And, upon the whole, after prayer and fupplica- 
tion to God for diredion, according to the beft 
light I could get, without applying to any per- 
fon, on one fide or the other, I was convinced 
that the ordinances of baptifm and the Lord's 
fupper were of divine appointment at firft. I 
found alfo that they had been kept up in the 
church by the apoftles; and could find no proof 
from fcripture that they v»^ere ever abolilhed, as 
the ceremonial law was ; and therefore flill were 
in force, and ought to be pradifed by chriftians. 
I was now convinced they were the pofitive 
commands of Chrift, and ought iiot to be flighted 
or neglecied. 

As to the do61rines of grace, the imputation 
of Adam's fin; the corruption of our nature; 
juftification by the imputation of the righteouf- 
nefs of Chrift, through fLiith in him; the divine 
foverei^ntv. that jjrace was abfolutelv free and 



46 MEMOIRS OF [C/iap. ir. 

fovereign, without any forefceri merit or worth 
in the creature, according to Rom. ix. 1 Pet. i. 
and many other paffages of fcripture to the fame 
purpofe ; and the other doctrines of the gofpel, 
as fet forth by the alfembly of divines at Weft- 
minfter, I did verily believe them to be the niofl 
agreeable to the word of God; which I beheve 
to be the only rule of faith and pradice; by 
which the Spirit of God doth lead us into all 
truth. I did embrace thefe doctrines, accord- 
ing to the beft hght I had, (after a diligent 
inquiry into the truth) as moft w^orthy of God, 
and warranted by his word, for me to receive 
and walk in; not condemning others, who did 
not fee as I did. Yet I ftill continued in the 
%vav in which I had been educated, waitins: on 
God for farther light and eftablifliment. This 
was in the be2:innins^' of the vear 1742.^ 

But to return to the inv\'ard exercifes of my 
siiind, in refpeft to the ftate of my foul. God 
faw I needed farther humbling, before I might 
enjoy the abundant confolations of the gofpel; 
and therefore he fuftered me frequently to be 
plunged into the deptiis of difirefs. And indeed 
as foon as iny diftrefs v/as a little abated, 1 began 
to think myfelf fecure and hardened, and feared 
that God was about to leave me; and fo coveted 
my former diftrefs again. And God was pleafed 
again to let fatan loofe, as it were, upon me; 
until I became a very terror to myfelf, choofing 
ftrangling and death, rather than life. I mull 
fetch language from hell, if I would exprefs the 
horrid fuggeitions which were continually inje6l- 
ed into my dark, confufed mind. All the temp- 
tations 1 ever read of were mine; and many 
v/hich I never heard of; with the mod amazing 

"^ When she had entered on the l&th. vear of her age. 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 47 

horror; fo that I thought I anticipated the ter- 
rors of the damned, and was on the very brink of 
defpair. Oh let nrie never forget thefe awful 
days! What tongue can exprefs fuch diftrefs, 
or mind conceive fuch terror! My heart was 
laid open in the moft fliocking colours. I had 
often prayed that 1 might be led into its horrid 
deeps; but how dreadful the fight! I had 
utterly fainted under it, had not the unfeen arm 
of Jehovah fuftained me. What pride! What 
enmity! What hypocrify! What carnality and 
felf confidence, were here difcovered! Oh what 
a monfter did I appear! I v/ondered that a holy 
God would fufFer me to tread on his earth, or 
breathe in his air. 

Thus I continued until about June or July; 
when the Rev. Mr. Filh of Stonington came 
hither. He preached from thefe words: JVIiere- 
fore he is able alfb to fave them to the uttennoji^ 
that come unto God by him. He obferved, that 
here none were excluded, but fuch as had com- 
mitted the unpardonable fin. It was a fermou 
full of encouragement. But fatan fet in to per- 
fuade me that was my cafe ; and therefore there 
was no hope for me; for I had under thefe vio- 
lent temptations, certainly done it. Oh how 
was m.y diftrefs now encreafed ! I feemed now as 
one Ihut up in defpair. However, I went in the 
evening to hear him again; but feemed harden- 
ed, as one given over of God. Whatever he faid 
of terror, 1 feemed to difregard, as fo far below 
what I Ihould foon feel, in its full weight and 
meafure, that it was but trifling. And what he 
faid of comfort was not worth my regarding; for 
I had no lot nor portion in that matter. Never 
did I before fit under a fermon, in fuch wild dif- 
tradion and horror; yet fo hardened, as I now 



48 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. II. 

appeared to niyfelf, in abfolute defpair. It is 
fhocking to me now to refledl on the abandoned 
frame I then feemed to be in. I thought 1 feared 
nothing. No exprelfions of terror moved me 
to bewail my mifery; bat was ready to wilh to 
know the utmoft of it. In this fituation of mind 
I remained mod of the night: but towards morn- 
ing, falling afleep, I awaked, fpeaking thefe 
words: '' Oh, when iliall this mortal put on im- 
mortality!" I\Iy mind was much more calm: I 
had fome impreffions of a religious dream; but 
the dream foon entirely vanilhed from my mind. 
However, I ftlt fo much encouragement, as pre- 
vailed on me to go and hear ^Ir. Fifh give a word 
of exhortation, notwithftanding all my dreadful 
conclufions on the night paft. He fpoke from 
thofe words: [There there is neither Greek nor Jexi\ 
circumcifion nor iincircumcifion, Barbarian^ Scy- 
thian, bond nor free: but Chrijl is all, and in alL 
I cannot remember exactly the method he took; 
but he fpoke of Chrift as the alpha and omega, as 
the author and finillier of the believer's faith; and 
as fuch^ the true chriftian did efteeni and prize 
hi ill. 

And now, I truft, the Spirit of God did power- 
fully apply thefe truths to my foul. Thus, thus, 
infinitely lovely, did Chrift appear to me; and 
now I v>^as enabled to choofe him for my almighty 
Saviour. And while I adted faith in him, the 
bleifed Spirit, I truft, did witnefs with my fpirit, 
that thus and thus I had before beheld and em- 
braced him : and that he v/as precious to me, as 
he is to all thofe Avho believe. Much of the day 
I fpent in the couipany of Mr. Fiih, and fome 
other chriftian friends: but I faid little. My foul 
was taken up in admiring the glorious Redeemer, 
and the riches of divine grace. Renewing my 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHoyy. 4y 

choice of him, letting the crown on his head, 
proclaiming Jefns King in and over my whole 
foul, I fat calm and ferene, and every act of my 
foul was rational and folid; but not in any tranf- 
port or ecftacy of joy all the day. In the even- 
ing God was pleafed to fill my foul with unfpeak- 
able confolation and joy. The great Redeemer 
appeared tranfcendently amial)le: and my intereft 
in him clear and undoubted. Such were the 
furprifmg alterations in me, that fome concluded 
that was the time of my firft efpoufals, and the 
happy moment of my converfion: but I could 
not find any difference in kind, though there was 
in degree, httwtQn this, and what Iliad before 
experienced. From this time I never was in fuch 
deep diftrefs. My teniptations fled at the rebuke 
of the Almighty; and my hope was^ in the gene- 
ral^ above my fears. 

Hoping now that I had true faith, however 
weak, my defires after univerfal obedience to the 
commands of Chrift were ftrong; and firmly be- 
lieving the ordinances of baptifm and the Lord's 
fupper were appointed by Chrift, and all believers 
commanded to attend on them, I applied to a 
minifter, who gave me fome light, as to their 
nature and defign : (the only perfon to whopi I 
had revealed my mind) for I was determined to 
be fidly perfuaded in my own mind and con- 
fcience; and not to be perfiladed thereto by 
others. Some of my moft iutimate friends, as 
they have fince told me, really thought me fettled 
in the way in which I liad been educated: nor 
did they attempt to perfuade me to change ; 
leaving me to my own reafon, or rather to the 
word and Spirit of God, for^ direction. This 
has often fince been a great fatisfaclion to me : 



5& Memoirs of [Chap, ir, 

for by this means I was the better able to fee 
into thefe matters, and have my judgment efta- 
blilhed. 

I refoh-ed dire6tly to acquamt my dear mother 
with my defign. But oh, the ftruggle I had here 
with my affedions \ I feared it would grieve my 
parents : I knew their tender affertion for me : 
and certainly, if they loved their children, they 
muft defire to fee them walk in their way, which 
they thought moft right Here I found indeed 
a hard trial. It grieved me to my inmoft foul to 
think of grieving them : yet 1 dare not negle6l 
my duty. I have often thought the trial would 
not have been fo great,' to have to ftruggle with 
their anger, as their love. But, bleifed be God, 
I had not that to fear, as to any feverity in mat- 
ters of religion. It is impoffible to exprefs how 
my heart bled at the thought of wounding them ; 
and nothing but the fear of incurring the divine 
difpleafure, could have prevailed on me to have 
done this violence to my affection. But this 
prevailed ; the fear of offending God. I poured 
out my foul to him for them, that they might be 
comfortably fupported under it; and then told 
my mother my concern and intent. She, with 
l'he.,44tmoft tendernefs affured me, that neither 
Biy lather, nor Ihe, would force my confcience r 
only Ihe entreated me not to be rafli or hafty in 
what I did ; but confider well of it. Once of 
twice after this, I difcourfed with her upon it: 
ihe reafoned with me a little upon the fubjeft; 
but 1 was now fo fully eftabtilhed, that it did not 
move me from my purpofe. 

After I had difcouifed with my mother, being 
in fecret, pleading with God for grace and 
ftrength to carry me through, if it was agreeable 
to his will; if not, that I might never engage ; 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 51 

I had a fcruple arife concerning my faith, left it 
ihouicl not be true and faving: and then perhaps 
1 Ihould fail av/^y;^ and fo bring great dilhonour 
on God and religion. And it was fuggefted to my 
mind, that it v/as a great thing to torlake father 
and mother for Chrift, and not have an interefl: 
in him at laft: and that it was indeed a great 
thing for one fo j^oung to engage in fuch an 
affair; to forfake the profeffion in which 1 had 
been educated, and make fuch a high one, as 
none in the famiiy ha'd ever ventured to do. 
This put me upon wreitliug v/ith flrong cries to 
the Father of mercies for direction and affiftance; 
and I \vas quieted by the following words of 
fcripture, which were very powerfully fet home 
on my foul: Verily, there is no man^ that hath 
left father or inother, brethren or fijters, S^c, for 
my fake, but hejhall receive an hundred fold here; 
nnd in the zvorld to come eternal life. And again: 
My grace is fufficient for thee: my Jtrengtk is 
made perfect in weaknefs. Again: Leji a promt fc 
being left us of entering into his rejiy any of you* 
fliould feem to come Ihort of it — Oh thou of little 
faith, ivherefore didfl thou doubt f Thefe words 
were imprelTed on my mind with fuch power, 
that had all the world ftood up to oppofe, I 
^thouo'ht I could fearlefs venture to oo on, 
againft them all, in the ftrength of my Redeem- 
er. Oh how powerfully did they eftabliih and 
invigorate my foul in th^ purfuit of <iuty. 

I v/as then determined to proceed, relying on 
Chrift, in the proniifes. If his grace was fuffi- 
cient for me; and his ftrength niight be made 
perfect in my w^eaknefs^ it was enough; which 
I then believed it would be, accordmg to his 
word. It was ground fufficient for me to engage 



52 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, ir. 

in this concern, however dillficult, great and fm- 
gular it might appear, for one of niy age.* Oh 
how did Chrift now appear for me! -'\t once, 
difpelling all my douhts and fears, confirming 
and eftabli/hing me, both as to my own good 
Itate, and his certain prefence and afhftance in 
my following him in the way of his appoint- 
ment, to which he had called me. I faw the 
call was his, and the promife his, and the duty 
mine to comply. I now believed him command- 
ing me to feek his face in this way; and my 
heart returned, Thy jace^ Lord, mil I Jeek ! 

Having made fome fearch into the fcriptural 
mode of baptifni, 1 v/as well fatisfied as to fpriuk- 
ling. It appeared from fcripture and reafon to 
be right. 1 then went to the Rev. Mr. Clap; 
and, after difcourfing with him, gave up my 
name to be taken into his church. The day 
before this was to be completed, I was under 
fome darknefs and fears ; and therefore M^as 
afraid left God Ihould hide his face from me, 
in the folemn tranfaction. By this m.eans fatan 
took the advantage to make me queftion whe- 
ther I had done right, in what 1 had done. I 
knew the fubtilty of fatan to perplex my foul, 
and make me fear all was Vvrong, when God did 
not afford light and evidence. 1 was now ready 
to conclude to fend the minifter word, that I 
Ihould not' go out the next day. But now, even 
7iow\ was God pleafed to fpeak to my foul by his 
Spirit, in thofe words: I j aid not unto the feed of 
Jacoh^ Seek ye me in "cain! Here I was led to 
review my calls to thefe ordinances; and was 
powerfully convinced they were from God: that 
it was God, and only he, who had bid me feek 
his face in thefe duties; and then the blefled 

^ * Not. quite l6 years old. 



Chap. II.] MISS ANTHONY. 53 

Spirit aflTured mc, from the word of God, tliat he 
had not bid nie feek his face liere, in vain. I 
then determined to do my duty, and leave tlie 
event with God: If he faw heft to own liis own 
inltitutions, by affording his fenhble prefence and 
grace, well; but if he faw beft to deny his fen- 
fible comfort, it \vas my duty to lubmit; but not 
to omit my duty by not going. Thus 1 caft my 
burden on God, pleading, if it was his will, that 
he would welcome me there, by the light of his 
countenance, and the joy of his falvation. But, 
above all, that I might approve myfelf to him 
in the devout, folemn, humble and faithful dif- 
charge of my duty, though I felt not that joy 
which was fw^eet to my foul. 

And thus, on October 24, 1742,* I was bap- 
tized, and taken into the church. My foul 
was, in a moft folemn manner, engaged to ap- 
prove myfelf to God; and never had I more {f^w- 
libly exercifed faith than now. While the cove- 
nant was read, I was enabled to give up my 
whole foul and body to God, taking him for my 
own covenant God. Indeed, the whole time 
was taken up in the moft folemn tranfa6tions be- 
tween God and my foul, and in this fo folemn 
engagement, fealed on both fides. I fealed to 
be the Lord's; and here God fealed to be mine, 
my Father, my Redeemer, and my Sanctifier; 
my only, everlafting refuge and hope. Oh how 
happy did I now appear to be, under thefe fo- 
lemn vows; calling on faints and angels to wit- 
nefs the folemn tranfaction ! 

" Here in thy courts I leave my vow, 

And thy rich grace record ; 
^^'itness ye saints, v;ho hear me now. 

If I forsake the. Lord/' 

* The day before she was l6 years old. 



54 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. ir. 

The cxxift pfaltn was fung in Dr. Watts's ver- 
fjon; which did then, and ever fince, appear very 
precious to nie ; efpecially the two lirft, and two 
faft verles. The two laft are thefe : 

" Should earth and hell with malice burn, 
Still thou shalt go, and still return, 
Safe in the Lord ; his heavenly care 
Defends thy life from every snare. 

On thee foul spirits have no power, 
And in th}^ last departing hour, 
Angels, that trace the airy road, 
Shall bear thee homeward to thy God/' 

I was now fully fatisfied in what I had done ; 
and never fince, fo far as I can reniemher, have 
had one doubt or fcruple about the doctrines or 
ordinances which I then embraced; which is now 
above eleven \ears aoo."^ I have often found 
caufe to blefs God for the many trials I had con- 
cerning the changing of my religion, as to thefe 
things: for by this niy judgment was more en- 
lightened, and more fully confirmed, that I was 
right in what I then did. It was with delibera- 
tion and folid determination of my judgment; 
free from conftraint, perfuafion, or prejudice, that 
I proceeded in thefe matters, as what, from the 
beft light I then had, or now have, in the word 
of God, I think to be moft clearly revealed. Yet 
I ftili love and honour thofe who, I hope, are 
truly pious among that people, though differing 
from me in fome i'entiments; and I firmly believe, 
God has his chofen ones among them. My ac- 
quaintance with fome, of exemplary lives and 
converfation, and chriftian experiences, fo agree- 
able to the word of God, forbids my cenfuring 
them, merely becaufe they do not fee or profels 
Juft as I do. 

^ Hence it appears that she was 2/ years old, 
when she vvrote this. 



Chap, IT.] MISS ANTHONY. 55 

But to go on with my own experiences. My 
faith began evidently to encreafe under thefe 
means and ordinances; and for fome weeks after 
this foleran tranfadion, I enioved more k^\ ' 
fteady peace in my foul, than ever I had done 
before. I was often melted down before God, 
to fee thofe who had been educated in thefe prin- 
ciples, and had all outward helps to forward them 
in coming up to thefe facred inftituti^.ns of Chrift ; 
yet fearing to take the vows of God uprm them: 
and I, who was called to engage with fo many 
difficulties, compelled to come in to this niarri- 
age-fupper. It was truly affecting, md ofteu 
caufed me to cry out, Why me, Loru; why me? 
Oh bleffed be God, that I was thus young brought 
to an open, public profeffion of him ; and had 
the feals of the covenant fet on me! If v/as a 
day of the gladnefs of my heart: a day forever 
to be remembered v/ith joy : a day in which God 
took me near himfelf ; and I triift I fliall ever 
find a folid fatisfadion in what I then did. No- 
thing iliould have tempted me to have wiilied 
myfelf from under thefe bonds and feals. 

HoviTver fully fatisfied I was as to thefe things, 
yet I was fometimes exercifed with great fears 
about my fpiritual eftate. And one day, having 
been for fome days before under great doubts, 
and my evidences very much clouded, fo that I 
could not fee any of the conditions of the pro- 
mifes w^rought in my foul, I feared I had no in- 
tereft in Chrift or the promifes, and dare not 
plead them: but I determined to fet upon plead- 
ing the abfolute promifes, feeing I dare not plead 
the conditional ones; and fet apart fome time for 
this purpofe. I found great freedom and fer- 
vency in my foul on this occafion; and had my 
mouth filled with arguments taken from the free- 



56 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. u. 

nefs of grace, the fovereignty of God. For his 
own name's fake, he had proniifed to give a new 
heart and a new fpirit: and why might not thefe 
promifes he fnlfilied in me? Why might not 
Go glorify his abfolutely free and fovereign 
ava in n)e? I acknowledgred my unworthinefs 
and . lenefs: but pleaded that this never hinder- 
ed th current of fovereign grace. Thus I con- 
tinuec; nofl of the remaining part of the day, 
with a K ich greater variety of promifes and fcrip- 
tures, thin I over before or fmce had in my 
mind at ofie time. 1 am very certain that I 
never cmM colleft fo many texts at once, all 
fo agie to my prefent concern, if I took 

the nuiOH , !us for it, Here 1 hung, and felt 
ilreuf^th, thuuoh no fenfible comfort. 

The ivext day I proceeded in tlie fame .nanner, 
and Jiunibly refolved, if I periflied, I would periOi 
at tne feet of fovereign mercy: and now was God 
pleaicd, in tlie moll dillinfJ; and clear manner, 
to manifeft himfelf to me. There has always ap- 
peared to me fometliing peculiar in this, beyond 
any any thing I can remember, though I cannot 
but think I had a work of grace wrought in my 
foul before this. Tlie actings of my foul towards 
God formerly, appear to me to be as really true 
faith, as thofe fiiice : yet this feems the neareft 
like tlie fouFs being firft brought home to God, 
of any thing 1 ever had experienced, or could 
diftinctly remember. But I am inclined to think 
that, as there were fome things in this, the want 
of a diflincl difcovery of which before, had caufed 
n)any doubts in^ my mind about my whole expe- 
rience; fo now God gracioufly renew€d or revived 
them in my foul, for the more fettled confirma- 
tion and eflabliihment of my hope, as it fmce has 
been. It was as follows: — 



Chap, ir.] Miss^ anthoxy. 57 

I was, as before obferved, brought to tlie feet 
of fovereiga grace. I faw myfelf, as in myfelf, 
to be infinitely vile and wretched, utterly unable 
to help myfelf; moft unworthy that God fliould 
help me; and that it would be infinitely juf '>^if 
God fliould caft me oiF forever; and I thouglft I 
muft forever own it, though 1 Vvcre caft into hell. 
I caft myfelf at his feet, crying out, Lord fave 
me, or I periih! I faw every i;efuge fail, and 
God an abfolute fovereign. And here I had a 
powerful difcovery of Chrift made to my foul. 
He was now revealed as a complete, almighty 
Saviour ; altogether excellent and lovely in him- 
felf, and infinitely fuitable for me: a '^^not only 
fo ; but he whom the glorious God -ad appoint- 
ed as Mediator; and had declared himfelf well 
pleafed^rrth him. Now, oh now, I embraced him; 
I received him as my prophet, prieft, and king ; 
as one througfi whom I might boldly come to 
God : nor can I tell which my foul was moft en- 
gaged in admiring, the love of the Son, or the 
wifdom of the Father in co|^riving this method 
offalvation. I Aiw it to be the fafeft and beft 
way : my whole foul did acquiefce in it. Oh, I 
thought, if I had ten thoufand foals, and each of 
them were of unfpeakably greater worth than 
mine was, I could venture them all here. And 
fmce I had but one, and it was my all, I freely 
caft it here. How infinitely reafonable did the 
terms of falvation appear! So that I freely jufti- 
fied God in the eternal damnation of thofe who 
would not fubmit to them/ 

Oh it is utterly impoffible to defcribe the views 
I then had : words cannot come near it. All the 
powers of my foul were engaged and enflamed: 
it \ras the moft rational difcovery, and produced 

u 



$8 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IT. 

the mod rational efFefts and afts, that ever my 
foul was able to perform. It appeared fo infi- 
nitely reafonable, that it is, I think, impolfible 
for a reafonable perfon, under fuch a difcovery, 
not to choofe it. I longed for every one to fee it 
juft a.<5 I did; and fubfcribed to thofe words of the 
JPfalmill: Thei/ xvho knoiv thy 7iame xtill put their 
truji in thee. But what lliall I fay? Language 
fails'; and I mufi; ceafe to attempt to expref3,':^and 
only refled with unutterable wonder and love. 

The views I then had, did powerfully raife my 
faith above any former a6ts of it. I had before 
been chiefly revived by the evidences of a work 
of grace in my foul: bat now I do not remember 
that I had any thoughts of paft experiences. 
The glory of God, and the method of falvation 
through Chrift, filled my foul with the moft folid, 
fubftantial joy, wonder and love. It continued 
all that day, and the next, rather increafing than 
abating. But a ^^w days after, as my view of 
thefe things m^^is not fo clear and powerful, and 
the joy not gone, \ was in fome danger of de- 
pending on my fweet frame, in oppofition to re- 
lying wholly on Chrift. At this inftant, I receiv- 
ed a letter from the Rev. Mr. Wheelock, in an- 
fwer to one I had written to him fome time before. 
His came at this time, I never could learn how, 
though it had been written, I think, fome months 
before : but now it came at the inftant when I 
moft needed it; and, I think, of all the means I 
ever had improved, none were ever more bleffed 
for my eftablifhment, than this letter. I have 
.ever found it a pov/erful inftrument in the hand 
of God of convincing and confirming my foul; 
and muft ever adore the wifdom of God, who 
diredled him to write it, and did fo powerfully 
apply it to my heart. 



Chap, II.] MISS Al^^THOyV. 5^ 

This letter laid me in the duft. I faw my pail 
folly and fin, and my prefent danger. I was 
humbled before God; and my ingratitude and 
fin appeared highly aggravated. Yet my foul 
v/as not filled with fears about my ftate: it ra- 
ther put me upon renewing my faith in Chrift; 
and as it convinced me of wdiat was wrong, lb it 
put me on a more critical watch over my heart. 
In fliort, it was bleffed to regulate much of my 
inward condudl, both under comfort, and in 
darknefs. And forfome months after, it feemed 
to be copied out in my experiences. i\Ir. Stod- 
dard on the fafety of appearing in the righteouf- 
Bcfs of Chrift ; ]\Ir. Flavel, and fome others, on 
the covenant of redeniption, were greatly bleffed 
to eflablifti my fouL And now the holy Spirit of 
God did v/ork to ftrengthen my faith. My 
mouth w^as filled WMth arguments in prayer: I had 
enlarged and affe6fing views of the infinite, un- 
limited Being, with whom I had to do; and that 
the bleffmgs I was feeking were abfolutely free 
and fovereign ; and of my iatereft in the dear, 
divine Mediator, whom the Father always hears. 
This filled me with the utmoft boldnefs of accefs : 
my views of fpiritual things were vaftly higher 
than ever before; and my fenfe of fin more evan- 
gelical. Oh may I record thefe feafons with the 
deepeft humility and greateft v/onder ! I have 
thought fome of thefe difcoveries have left writ- 
ten on my heart, Holinefs to the Lord : while I 
beheld the divine glory, by faith, my whole foul 
feemed to be transformed into the divine image. 
But I forbear to attempt to relate fome of thofe 
unutterable views of the divine perfections, which 
I have had by faith ; though the efll^'eCt, I truft, 
lliall ftill abide, until heaven allow language 
bright enough to exprefs thofe glories, which I 

H 2 



60 MEMOIRS OF iChap, IT, 

then, by faith,, beheld in Jefus Chiift, who is 
the brightnefs of the Father's glory, and the ex- 
prefs image of his perfon. Nom% oh my foul, 
perhaps it will betler become tliee, in folemn 
filence, humbly to adore the divine condeicen- 
fion, than here to relate particulars. 

Let me only record fome of the kind effecls of 
thefe things on my foal, which may ferve to 
awaken me to fee from whence I am fallen, and 
to convince nie that the Lord is true and faith- 
ful ; and though forrow may endure for a night, 
yet joy cometh in the morning: and they v/ho 
fow in tears iljall reap in joy. My confolation 
was not lefs, or inferior to the amazing terrors I 
had before been exercifed with. No, bleflfed be 
God ! 1 now enjoyed a heaven upon earth. The 
views I had of the divine perfedions enlarged all 
i"uy conceptions of the divine power and goodnefs 
— the unlimited, infinite fulnefs of God; the fo- 
vereign freenefs of g^ace and love. The glorious, 
all-fufficient, pov/erful advocate I liad with the 
Father, raifed my faith : I did not fear to alk for 
any thing that v/as not forbidden by the word of 
God, however great and good, and however un- 
worthy I was. 

I reflefted on the feveral excellencies of the 
faints, recorded in fcripture : the faith of Abra- 
ham, the holy confidence of Jacob, the meek- 
iiefs of Mofes, the uprightnefs of David ; yea, 
the humility, patience, love, fortitude, zeal, re- 
folution, prudence, ftrength, wifdom and con- 
flancy of the people of God, in all ages ; who all 
derived their grace from this unbounded fulnefs, 
through this dear divine Mediator. They had 
3iothing but what they had received; not even 
Paul, with all his great attainm.ents: and they 
received them for the fake of this glorious High 



Cimp. II.] MISS AXTHONY. 6l 

Prieft, in wliofe name I had boldnefs of accefs. 
Thefe were by nature children of wrath ; blind, 
ignorant, depraved, corrupt, bafe, ibrdid fouls, 
as to God, and fpiritual things. It was not for 
any merit in them ; but for the glory of the riches 
of his fovereign grace in Jefus Chrift, that they 
were thus chofen and bleffed : and theleaft babe 
in this family, who had an intereft in him, had 
as real a right to plead for grace, and might do 
it with as much boldnefs, as the greatert faint 
living; iince we are all one in Chrift Jefus, all 
have one and the fame right in him, as Medi- 
ator, if we have any true intereft in him by 
faith. 

Oh how did thefe views often fill my foul with 
a holy boldnefs, and my mouth with arguments! 
Oh my foul, remember with holy humble won- 
der and love, how God did then, as it were, lead 
thee into his fecret chambers ; held up thy weak 
tabernacle of clay ; encompafling thee with his 
glorious fulnefs, and ftrengthening thee with 
might, by his Spirit, to wreftle with him: oh the 
confidence of faith ! 

From whence art thou fallen, oh my foul ! 
Where are thofe foul quickening, foul humbling, 
foul transforming views I then had ? Where 
the devout ardour, the unfatiable thirft, the 
unwearied importunity; when thou refufed to 
let the angel of the covenant go without a blef- 
fmg? Where that life and fervour, that nei- 
ther the darknefs of tlie nioht, nor the lio;ht of 
the ciay could prevent; but both were witneffes 
of it? Where that breaking of foul, that God 
would fliew nie his glory; and where that zeal 
and aclivity in the fervice of God ? Oh my foul, 
Avhereis that holy violence, that preiTmg into the 
kingdom of heaven, that new obedience, that 



6-2 MEMOIKS OF [Chap, IT, 

unwearied diligence in the duties of religion, 
that felf diffidence, and humbling fenfe of niv 
uT€tched depravity, barrennefs and hypocrify ? 
Oh, how did thefe views of the divine perfec- 
tions give me the moft humbling fenfe of fin ! 
Oh, how infinitely evil did fin appear; as the 
only evil that my foul had reafon to dread. Oh 
iny foul, %vhere is tliat godly fear, that holy 
care and Avatchfulntfs, left thou fhouldfi offend 
this mofi pure and holy Being, M'ith whom thou 
hadfl: to do ? Where that quick fenfe of the leaft 
departure from this God ; and that alarm found- 
ed in the whole foul at it r Oh, how did the 
leaft apprehenfions of an indifferent, carelefs 
frame, roufe my foul, left fome temptation ihould 
meet me unguarded ! I knew I was then moft 
in danger, when leaft watchful. 

Never did I work with more diligence, than 
now: When I Mas moft powerfully imprelfed 
with a believing; view, that my whole falvation 
muft be forever afcribed to the riches of free 
fbvereign grace; that there was no merit in my 
%rorks. It was- then I found the moft powerful 
motives from faith, love and gratitude, to ftudy 
what I fliould render to the Lord for all his be- 
nefits towards unworthy, unprofitable me. 

Now I frequently examined my ftate, fum- 
moning confcience to the bar of God ; adjuring 
it, in the name of the great God, to do its office, 
and bring in a true verdict : yea, calling upon 
every thing above and below, within and with- 
out, to witnefs for God, in the moft folemn and 
awful manner; under a deep fenfe of the divine 
attributes, God's impartial juftice, and infinite 
purity, in whofe fight the wicked could not ftand ; 
iblemnly querying with my confcience to fpeak 
for God ; and, if I was deceived? to cry aloud, 



Chap. It.] MISS ANTHONY. GS 

and be a faithful witnefs for God, though againft 
me. Thus did I examine myfelf ; and again ex- 
amine my examination, in the moil ftrift and 
folemn manner that I was capable of; with ear- 
iieft prayer to God, that he would not fuifer me 
to be deceived ; laying open my heart to the 
convi6lion of his word and Spirit. The effect of 
all was greater peace of confcience, and joy in. 
the Holy Ghoft. Thus was my foul daily eftab- 
liflied in God. Every outward reproach that was 
caft on me, was improved ; either to put me on 
feeing that my foundation was right, or ftudying 
how I might more glorify God, and honour the 
facred profelTion 1 had made. My foul was built up 
mider the word and ordinances of God, on which 
he had taught me to let a high value, as being 
his own inftitutions, 

God has fince fometimes corrected my back- 
flidings, and hid his face for a fmall moment; 
yet his loving kindnefs has he not taken from me, 
nor fuflfered his faithfulneis to fail : but has gra- 
cioufly led me along by ftill waters, and in green 
paftures has he caufed me to feed : his rod and 
his ftaff have comforted me. In and by every 
aftlidion he has taught me his tender care over 
me : in every crofs and difappointment, lie has, 
fooner or later, made me to adore his wifdom, 
and fee his kind defigns of love and mercy; and 
though he has fometimes called me into the field 
of battle, yet has he harnelfed me for the battle, 
and fought for me. Innumerable evils have com- 
paifed me around : fatan, the world, and my own 
wicked deceitful heart, all combined to devour 
me quick; yet his arm alone has fuftained me. 
Even when every refuge failed, and my faith was 
ready to ftagger, my extremity has been his op- 
portunity: he has never left me unfuccoured ox 
without relief. 



64 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. If. 

After I had enjoyed great peace in my foul, 
and had fat under the droppings of the fan6tuary 
of God with vaft delight, he was pleafed awfully 
to bereave me of both my ever dear and rev. 
Paflors! This was a very fore affliction: yet, 
under this trial, he taught me much by what I 
experienced. 

Then was he pleafed to vifit me with many and 
great bodily diforders, whereby I have been often 
brought, to appearance, to the gates of the grave; 
and every outward comfort of food or phyfic ren- 
dered a terror, and an aggravation of my pain. 
Yet by all thefe things have I been taught the 
riches of his grace and love; and in all has he 
been my comforter, and my only all-fufficient 
refuge. How hath he borne me, and my bur- 
dens! And it is with pleafurethat I now recount 
the moft diftreffing trials of my life: for by thefe 
has God bound me fafter to himfelf; laid me un- 
der renewed obligations to live devoted to him, 
and his glory. 

When fatan has been permitted, as he has 
been in later years, moft furioufly to rally all 
his forces againft the foundation of my hope, as 
to all religion : (by which I have been led into 
the moft terrible conflicts and combats, with the 
united powers of hell, fo that i have even chofen 
ftrangling and death, rather than an encounter 
Avith thefe legions of foul fpirits) oh, how dread- 
ful the war! Yet, oh yet, how glorious the vic- 
tory, which my Redeemer has gained ! How 
wifely has he defeated fatan, and put him to 
flight, and filled my foul with fongs of deliver- 
ance ! Oh, how hath he defeated every helliili 
plot, that has been laid for my entire deftruftion. 

I am furely bound by the moft facred ob- 
ligation to live to his glory. His right in me is 



Chap, ir.] MISS anthoxy. 65 

indifputabie. The flefli, the world, and the de- 
vil, muft all give back, and own his fovereign 
right in and over me. His arm alone has ref- 
cued njy foul from hell ; and his Jhall be the 
glory. Oh rny foul, remember the victories and 
triumphs of thy nioft kind and gracious Redeem- 
er, over fin, fatan and the world, when they 
have all united for thy utter ruin. What infinite 
Avifdom, what almighty power, what irrefiftable 
grace, what glorious goodnefs, what uncontrolla- 
ble fovereignty, and what amazing condefcen- 
fion, have been difplayed towards thee ! Can I, 
oh can I ever foro;et the loviui^- kindnefs of the 
Lord, and flight his tender mercies? How had 
my faith utterly failed, had not the unfeen arm 
of Jehovah fuftained it! How often have my 
hopes been at the lowefi: ebb, when fpeedy relief 
has been brought to me ! And how often, when 
my fin and folly has expofed me to the rage of 
hell and>the malice of men, yea, to my Saviour's 
fevere rebukes, as well as to my own accufing 
confcience, has Jefus engaged for me, and de- 
livered me from all my fears 1 How flow has his 
anger moved I How fwift his grace! How in- 
numerable are thefe inftances! How tenderly 
has he been untwifting my heart from the world, 
to which it has dinged ! How much wifdom has 
he ever manifefted in all the methods he has ta- 
ken with my rebellious heart; and made me to 
adore it, in fome of the foreft trials. How has 
he condefcended to inftruft and teach me; kind- 
ly fliewing me wherefore he did correS me ; as 
though he would not fuflfer me to fufpe6l his 
kindnefs. Oh unparalleled goodnefs ! Thou, 
Lord, haft been my refuge, my fupport and com- 
forter, in every time of trouble. In almoft every 
trial and affliction have I vowed tAthe Lord, that 

1 • ' 



66 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. 11. 

if he would then deliver me out of my diftrefs, I 
would ufe my moft ftudious endeavours to tiufs 
more firmly in him : and he has, fooner or later, 
brought me to caft my cares and burdens on 
him ; giving up every, even the moft minute 
concern of mine, to his all-wife difpofal: and on 
every deliverance have I been led to renew the 
facred engagements which I have made in 
diftrefs. 

Now I am no more my own. I am the Lord's,- 
by all the bonds and obligations of a rational, 
redeemed, devoted creature. God has been long- 
teaching me his abfolute right in me, and all my 
fervices and enjoyments; that I can call nothing 
my own ; that he has a fovereign right to thefe, 
as the creator and beftower of all ; and by my 
own moft voluntary furrender of all to him ; re- 
nouncing, in the moft folemn manner, all hope, 
expectation, and defire, from the creature, and 
choofing hirn alone for my portion, dcfire and 
delight. As it has been the ardent defire, the 
importunate requeft, and the grand purfuit of my 
life, to lay up all my good in God, and receive 
all from him ; fo I now find an habitual difpofi- 
tion of foul to reft, in a meafure, fatisfied witlr 
all his difpenfations towards me. x4nd, through 
grace, believing I am his; that 1 have a covenant 
right to that moft gracious Being, who doth ali 
things according to the counfel of his own will, 
M^hich are for his own glor}'; (in full agreement 
with which this is the higheft good of his chofen 
people) and having a thoufand, and a thoufand 
limes folemnly fubfcribed to thefe terms ; that his 
will and liis glory may have the governing influ- 
ence and difpofal of me, and all that relates to 
ffie; I have efteemed it my higheft felicity thus 
to have myfelf^ and all my actions and concerns 



Chap. 11^1 MISS ANTHOXY, 6? 

difpofed of. Now therefore it is my joy and 
crown of rejoicing, that it is and iLall be fo, by 
the firm and unalterable decree of him who can- 
not change. 

This belief I find powerfully prevailing to re- 
concile me to all the divine difpenfations of pro- 
vidence : for when the glory of God is my high- 
eft end and defire, and 1 firmly believe that God, 
■who has the ordering of all my affairs, has this 
in view; (namely his own glory) well may I 
rejoice; for I have nothing to fear. He has infi- 
nite wifdom to direct, and almighty power to 
effeft what he pleafes : and therefore can nevcF 
fail of his purpofes. All his difpenfations towards 
me, I v/ould always realize, as the refult of infi- 
nite wifdom and eternal counfel ; and therefore 
moft perfed. And, though my proud rebellious 
heart dare rife up in oppofition, and impioufly call 
in queftion his ways ; yet^ through grace, I ne- 
ver leave ftruggling, until the conqueft is gained, 
and my foul fubmits to the fcepter of Jefus, and 
figns its former engagements. This conqueft is 
his. It is he who exerts his almighty power, 
and fubdues my remaining corruptions ; or I 
iliould never overcome. All the glory is his, for- 
ever his : without him, I cannot do any thing. 
I ftill find fuch remains of fin in this depraved 
heart, that were it not for the prevailing intercef- 
fion, and daily interpofitiou of the great God- 
Man ^lediator, with the Father, and again ft fatan 
and my own wicked heart, I ihould defpair of 
ever gaining the viftory. But thanks be to God, 
through Jefus Clirift, who giveth the viftory: 
and through him I hope ere long to receive tlie 
end of my faith, the falvation of my foul ; the 
opc^n vifion and full fruition of the bell of Beino-s: 

Of 
7 O 

X Ami 



6s MEMOIRS OF [Chap. III. 

when fin and fatan iliall no more defile and vex 
my weary foul. All thefe fiery confiicts (liall then 
be remembered with endlefs acclamations to Jefus, 
my only alaiighty Saviour, To him, to him alone, 
Hiall all the redeemed afcribe the glory of their 
falvation. Thine, O my eternal, incarnate God, 
Ihall be the praife ! And now what wait I for? 
All my expectations are from thee, and all my 
hopes are in thee. Come, Lord Jefus^ come 
quickly. Amen and Amen ! 

CHAPTER III. 

Containing extracis from her Diary of 
different dates. 



T, 



HE following paper is tranfcribed 
and inferted here, as it was written in her youth, 
v/hen Ihe was but feventeen years old, and ex- 
prelfes the views and exercifes which (he then had; 
and affords admonition and inftruction, efpecially 
to thofe young perfons who ihall read it. 

OEi. 25, 1743. I am juft now entering into 
the eighteenth year of my age. And does the 
tempter tell me, that I chofe religion when I was 
a child, and knew no better; when I knew no- 
thing of the pleafures of this word: and that it 
may be, v»'hen thefe enjoyments and pleafures 
appear delightful, I /I] all forfake ftri6i: and folid 
religion, and run with the young, giddy multi- 
tude, into the exceifes of vanity? Then, oh my 
foul, fit down again, and make atiother deliberate 
choice; even now I am entering the prime of all 
my days. Let me pidure the world with its 
brighteft fide outmofl:, and religion in a folitary 
drefs; and then choofe my portion. If my for- 
mer choice has not been free and noble enough ; 
come now, my foul, and make one. Let therq 



Chop. III.] MISS ANTHONY. 69 

be Dothing in it mean and low; but let it be great, 
noble and fvt^. 

As to religion : Can I facrifice my name, and 
all that the world calls delightful, now in the 
prime of my age; and be accounted a fool and 
mad, by the wife, rich, and polite world? Caa 
I withftand a thoufand temptations to mirth and 
pleafure; and be a defpifed outcaft among men? 
Now, if I conform to the v/orld, 1 ihall be a pleaf- 
ing objed; to many, and a delight to then) who 
now defpife me. NYhat pleafure tliat the world 
can afford fliall be withheld from me, if I once 
give myfelf up to fenfual pleafure, and the grati- 
fication of my whole inclination; allowing my- 
felf all that mirth and jollity, that my youthful 
age will now admit of? If I now give a loofe to 
my youthful appetites, and fatisfy my carnal de- 
fires ; what can then deprive m.e of pleafure, now 
I am free from pain, and the infirmities of old age, 
which might give a difguft to thefe pleafures. 
Now I have life, health and liberty. If I yield 
to thefe defires, and feek to fatisty them by a 
thoufand new and frelh delights; take my fwing 
in the world; caft away forrow, and indulge felf 
in ten thoufand new pleafures; what then can 
crofs me? 

And, on the other hand, if I chufe ftriel reli- 
gion now, 1 may expeft reproach, difdain and 
contempt from the world, as not fit for common 
fociety, or fcarcely to live. I ihall be accounted 
a poor, mean, ignorant, defpicable creature, un- 
M'orthy the notice of mortals ; I may be defpifed 
by formal profefTors, as being religious overmuch: 
they watching for my halting, and rejoicing at 
my falls. I mufl; alio expect many dark and 
doubting hours, filled with bitter fighs and groans; 
denying myfelf; and taking up my crofs ; "pluck- 



70 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. III. 

ing out a right eye, and cutting off a right 
hand; daily meeting with croffes, and loffes, and 
affliftions; and, it may be, with perfecutions, im- 
prifonment and death, with the utmoft diltrefs ; 
while the fenfual libertine lives in pleafure, flou- 
rilhing like a green bay-tree, and has no bands 
in his death. 

What a wide difference is here, between the 
ftridly religious, and the fenfual worlding! Come 
then, my foul, and view them both as far as 
death ; and now make a folemn and deliberate 
choice, either religion, or carnal pleafure. Come, 
my foul, and chufe for eternity. 

Soul. Upon confidering the nature and pro- 
perties of each, I am brought to a free and full 
choice. 1 fee nothing in this pleafure that can 
fatisfy an immortal foul; nothing worthy my no- 
tice; nothing but an empty found : nor can it 
have any part in my affeftions, for a portion. 
Thev are but mean trifles, unfit to attrad and 
hufy an immortal foul : but religion, though it 
have its troubles with it, yet it hath a facred 
fvveetncfs in all. I feel an inward pleafure and 
fatisfa(5lion, which gives a relifli, as it were, to 
this kind of religious pain and forrow. 

OhjeBor. Come, foul, lay afide prejudice. 
What! Nothing in all this pleafure to delight 
thee? Search a little deeper. Or what can there 
be in this melancholy religion, to allure thee to 

chufe its v/avs ? 

t/ 

Soul. I have found what it is. In all thofe 
pleafures, the foul has no God, and no happinefs, 
fuited to its immortal nature; without which, all 
is but a fickening trifle. Wherefore, the foul 
which hath God ibr its portion, attended with 
ever fo much forrow, is unfpeakably more hap[)y. 



Chap. III.] MISS ANTHONY. 71 

Objector. But if you indulge yourfelf in plea- 
fures, and ftrive to divert your company with 
mirth and jollity, you will gain the efteem of 
many, and they will greatly prize you, and feek 
your company. 

Soul. I value the approbation of the mod high 
God, before all the efteem of poor mortals; and 
deliberately make choice of him, and his way of 
flricl rehgion, for my portion, pleafure, and hap- 
pinefs, 

I do now, with my whole foul and all my pow- 
ers, chufe God for my portion; taking his crofs 
as well as his crown ; efteeming the forrows of 
religion greater riches than the pleafures of fin ; 
looking on it a pleafure to be crucified with Chrift. 
I defpife every worldly enjoyment, compared with 
one fmile from the lovely Jefus. I do, v/ith my 
whole heart and foul, chufe God and religion, 
though it may be through a fea of forrow and 
difirefs, rather than the world in all its pomp 
and fplendor, with ten thouland enjoyments. Oil 
moft o-reat and o-lorious God, I now chufe thee 
as my fufficient, and every v/ay fuitable portion. 
I folemnly take God the Father, Son, and Holy 
Ghoft, for my all, in life, death, and eternity ; 
and refign myfelf, foul and body, into thine hands. 
And 1 take all the holy angels in heaven; and 
even the moft high God, the polfefibr of heaven 
and earth himfelf, to witnefs that I DO. 

And now, Lord, I am thine : do with me as 
thou wilt. I am thy clay, feeble, helplefs, and 
hopelefs. I throw myfelf, foul and body, life 
and health, liberty and pleafure, on thee, the 
boundlefs, infinite fuluefs of heaven, the immu- 
table God. Lord, God, Father, Son, and Holy 
Ghoft, I this day and minute, fubfcribe with my 



72 iviEMOiRS OF [Chap, iii, 

heart and heart, to be the Lord's. Even fo, Lord 
Jefus, Amen and i\men. 

Susanna Anthony. 

Now I have again made my choice : a choice 
which, 1 truft, I ihall ftand by throughout eter- 
nity. Aniidft ten thoufand flattering temptati- 
ons, I refufe them all ; and efteem it greater 
pleafure to mourn for fin, and mortify one luft, 
than to indulge a thoufand. I now defpife all 
youthful vanities, and fenfual gratifications; and 
clioofe a life of felf-denial, refolving henceforth 
to take up my whole and entire delight and hap- 
pinefs in God, in the vra}^ of holinefs; at whofe 
right hand are rivers of pleafure, and that for 
evermore. 

And nov/, let me confider thofe objeclions a- 
gainft religion. V/hat is that applaufe which a 
carnal v/orld can give ? Nothing but what is 
too mean to influence and acluate a trulv noble 
mind. Mortal flatteries die with mortal worms ; 
and cannot live bevond thisduno'hill earth. Be- 
fides, truth hath faid, The friendjhip of the zcorld 
is enmity with God : and it cannot be fet in com- 
petition with the approbation and favour of Je- 
hovah, the great eternal Sovereign of heaven and 
earth. And, (jjould I indulge my carnal defires, 
what peace and joy v/ould a tormenting confci- 
ence afford, amidft thefe vanities? How often 
have I feen fuch perfons, as fooiiftis they had a 
moment to refleft, ready to run wild ; nor dare 
long to refledt. Surely their pains have been 
more than their pleafures. But, fuppofe I could 
llill the perpetual (ting of confcience ; Are all 
thofe vanities comnienfarate to the defires of an 
immortal foul? Can I have fuch mean, fuch 
fordid, bafe, vile thoughts of that immortal fpi- 
rit, with vvhich the great almighty Creator hath 



Chap. III.] MISS AIxTHONT. 73 

invefted me, as to think fuch mean trifles can 
fiiffice a never-dying foul, which mud exift as 
long as God himfelf ? Surely there is nothing 
but an infinite good that can fatisfy its boundlefs 
cravings. It is horrid barbarity to feed it on 
fuch infipid hulks, lince it is capable of immortal 
boundlefs delio;hts in God. And what are thofe 
mighty frights in a life of religion, which iliould 
affright a truly great and immortal foul, fmce 
the joys only are real, lading and perpetual? 
Who fliall dare to infcribe Eternal an any of the 
forrows of a religious life ? What is any forrow, 
reproach or difdain, that admits of God to be the 
portion of the foul ? What if I be defpifed as 
poor, mean, and ignorant, not fit for fociety, if 
Chrift be mine ? He is rich, great, full of wif- 
dom and knowledge; and in him I may be com- 
plete, who is the head of influence. What greater 
honour can a mortal have, than to be a child of 
the King of kings, and Lord of lords ? God lliall 
honour the foul with his prefence. He will con- 
defcend to refide and dwell in the gracious foul: 
a gueft infinitely preferal)le, as his nature is tranf- 
cendant. And as to dark and doubting hours, 
fome of thefe ma}^ proceed from my own fin and 
folly. But, as far as they are fent from God, 
they iliall only prepare me for immortal joys, 
and make heaven the fweeter, when I arrive 
there. Thefe fiiall make my foul ihine brighter, 
and add new luftre to my glory. Thefe Ihall all 
be remembered with joy, and every tear be put 
into a bottle, and add to my crown of joy and 
triumph. As to denying myfelf, and taking up 
my crofs ; when it is to follow Jefus, it Ihould be 
moft pleafant: for his yoke is moft eafy, and his 
burden light to the foul that truly loves him. 
And v/ill not fuch a foul moft freely and cheer- 

K 



74 MEMOIRS ap' [Chap, iiu 

folly pluck out, tear off, and crucify that which 
has wouiiclecl liis Lord? I fliould count nothing 
too dear to part with, for my Jefus, fince he hatii 
not, for me. Whatever I do out of love, is 
fweet ; and he rewards it a thoufandfold M'ith the 
confolations of his bleffed Spirit. 

In fine, as to all croffes, loffes^ and affliflions;, 
^vliatever I lofe for Jefus, is gain. If I meet witli 
crolfes, I know they come from a compalTionate 
God; and fo will furely be for the beft: and he 
cannot wrong me. If I give myfelf to him, he 
lias bound hinifelf to be my God; which implies 
in it the utmoft bleffednefs: and had he not bound 
liinifelf, I truft his love would do it. The lols of 
all things, even life itfelf, fljall be a happy gain, 
Mdien the foul finds God. Let afflidions, perfe- 
€utions, imprifoument, and even death come, if 
Jefus ftand by and ftrengthen, I am not afraid I 
ihall fuffer too much by or for him. All my cai'e 
is, that he may flrcngthen me to endure the laft 
extremity: for without him, I know the flefii will 
Ihrink back, and I fhall indulge that carnal prin- 
ciple of eafe. But God hath faid, As thy days, 
fojhall thyj'irength be} and, ]\Iy grace is fufficient 
for thee. How fweet is it for the ibul not to count 
life dear, and to refift unto death, for Jefus and 
his truth! Oh Mdiat a truly noble foul does it 
difcover in a chriftian, to wage war v/ith hell^ 
earth, and his own heart: and fight againft all, 
rather than be overcome by them, and made a 
^ilave to his bafe, fordid lufirs ! 

And oh what aviU be the refult of thefe noble 
a6^s! Why, he has the promife of eternal life; 
and he fiiall furely have liis reward. The great 
Redeemer will reward every pain and forrow of 
his foul with eternal confolation : not a reward of 
merit: no; it fliall be the foul V jf)y and crowi^ 



VlUlp. in.] MISS ANTHONY, 7S 

to receive all of free grace. The foul Hiall l>e 
caught up into immortality; oh the amazing 
tranfport! And filled with the fulneis of God; 
oh vaft, unutterable joy and furprife ! Surrounded 
and fvvallowed up in God; oh^immenfe delight^ 
and unfpeakable confolation ! To fu'im (if I may 
fo fpeak) in the unfathomable ocean of the divine 
perfeftions. Oh high and exalted happinefs: 
boundlefs, boundlefs glory ! This path of vitai 
religion leads to the full enjoyment of the blefled 
God. It is a path which Ihineth brighter and 
brighter, to the perfeft day. Then, if I am truly 
religious, but a few ftruggles more, and I Ihall be 
fwallowed up in immortality, and fatisfied in 
immenfity. 

Oh ye dear chriftian fouls, who know m.el Bat 
a fe\v^ groans more, and I fhall be beyond your 
pity; all fwallowed up in the embraces of nij^- 
dear Redeemer, where no fin iball ever vex my 
foul forever. You, my friends, who may know 
me here fometimes in adverfity, fiiall, after a few 
gafps more, and pantings for ftrength againfl 
fin, know me fo no more. I fhall be fatisfied, 
when I awake in his b.kenefs; but never fully till 
then. There pleafures are ever new; grafp as 
much as I will, it is God, infinite ftill. Let me 
be as full as I can, or dive deep as I v/ill; yet it 
v/ill ever continue to be God incomprehenfible, 
God inconceivable, God unbounded, God full and 
unfearchable yet, and yet, through eternity. Oh 
let rolling time fly more fwiftly. When fiiall I 
drop this clog; aud tt^is mortal put on immoii:al- 
ity ! When fiiall I once fee this God! Do chil- 
dren long to fee a father; and may I not indulge 
the defire? Oh when fiiall 1 behold his reconoiled 
fiice ; never to leave or grieve him more ! When^ 

K 2 



67 MEMOIRS OP [Chap, iir, 

oh when ihall it be! Oh that T might glance a 
look towards him, the centre of my foul, and find 
inyfeif loofe and free from this clog of mortality ! 
But heaven forbids complaints, and demands my 
will, v/ith all my powers and faculties; and here I 
refjgn the number of my days to God: yet humbly 
beg to be indulged in this defire to fee my Saviour 
God, where, free from fin, and perfed in holinefs, 
and filled \vith the blefled vifion and fruition of 
God, 1 Ihall have no want for ever. Blelfed 
ftate ! 

But what, oh what fliall be the refult, to the 
fouls which have drank deep of the pleafures of 
fill ! They muft drink deep of the cup of the 
fury of the Almighty ; even the dregs of the cup 
of his wrath fliall be wrung out to impenitent 
iinners. They muft drink to their eternal con- 
fufion : they muft have devils for their compani- 
ons; gnailiing their teeth for very anguidi and 
horror. Tlie mighty hand of Jehovah will crufli. 
their defencelefs fouls to all eternity. Oh con- 
founding thought ! They ihall be feparated from 
the glorious God, never to enjoy a Anile from 
him: there can be no reft; but inconceivable 
horror. For the foul to be, and yet to be fepa- 
rated from God, the centre of felicity, is intolera- 
ble anguiih. To be eternally excluded from God^ 
implies all that is miferable and dreadful. Oh 
the amazing anguiih of fuch a foul ! Oh may it 
never be my cale ! 

SEASONS of SELF-EXAMIN ATION. 

June ISthy 1746. I devoted this day to God, 
in fafting and prayer, as far as bodily weaknefs 
Avould allow; pleading for a degenerate world, 
and folemnly fearching my own heart, imploring 
the bleffed influences of the holy Spirit. 1 eu- 



Chap. III.] MISS ANTHONY. 77 

cleavouied ta awe my foul with the pouibiHty of 
being deceived, and the amazing confequcnc" of 
fuch deception! I firft examined my flare, by 
fcripture marks ; and, I truft, the Spirit of God 
could wdtnefs to the truth of grace in my foal. 
Then I examined my grouth in grace, by niarks 
drawn from the fcriptures ; and think I liave 
comfortable 2:round to conclude, that I do make 

c .... 

fome advances in the chriftian life, though I fall 
vaftly ihort of v^^hat God may juftl}^ exped, and 
what I long for. 

I have had more of a public fpirit this day, 
than at fome times. Oh it has been a o^ood dav 
to my foul, though nature has oft^n threatened 
to fink under tliefe duties. The body has been 
weak and fore broken, while agonizing in prayer 
for myfelf and family, the church of God, the 
town, the land in whtch I live, the nation, and 
the whole vvOrld; efpecially heathens, and jews. 
Oh how fweet the day while I fpake to Jehovah, 
as my moft intimate friend ! Adorable condefcen- 
fion ! Return to thy reft, oh my foul, for the 
Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee ! Bleffed 
be God for his rod; how dear the fweet fcourges 
that have quickened my too flothful pace ! ^Vel- 
come, my Father, thy chaftening hand! Purged 
i muft be ; take what way thou feeft beft. 

April od, 1.74-8. And now that I have fearch- 
ed and refearched my heart again, and again, I 
can drav/ no other conclufion, but that God has 
wrought a work of grace on my foul, by the con- 
victions of his Spirit, and the w^ork of faith and 
fanttitication. 1 have had fuch conviftion of fiu 
as led me to loath and abhor myfelf, utterly de- 
fpairing of help from any other than God only ; 
lying at the feet of a fovereign God ; willing to 
accept of mercv on anv terms; and beins: con« 



78 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. III. 

vinced of the worth, power, willingnefs and all- 
fufficieney of the Divine Redeemer, both in him- 
felf, and as appointed by the Father to fave fin- 
iiers : I fay, from a powerful difcovery of this 
glorious, all-amiable Saviour, as revealed in his 
word, I was brought to a free and full choice of 
him as my only Lord and Saviour; refting on him 
for life and falvation, believing there was com- 
plete redemption in him. I believed him to be 
juft fuch a Saviour as 1, a poor fallen miferable 
creature, needed, everyway fuitable; and having 
made the flight of a moft diftrelTed burdened foul 
to Chrift, I found reji^ according to his promife. 
In this way, my daily peace is continued; and 
this faith works by love, love to God, his ways, 
works, and word; alfo to his children, elteeming 
them the only excellent of the earth. 

The hope which I wow entertained of eternal 
life, has been a moft prevailing motive with me 
to purify myfelf, conforming me to the divine 
will: and though to my Ihame and confufion I 
remain very unlike God, unholy, ungrateful, co- 
vered with fin, yet holinefs is the defne of my 
fouL I choofe any, even the moft fliarp afflicti- 
ons, rather than iin ; and more importunately 
long for a releafe from this, than from the greatell 
affliction I can bear. My foul doth long for 
God, and the full enjoj^ment of him, more than 
for the greateft, yea, more than for all temporal 
good ; and while I am weak, feebie, and faint 
all the day, yet I can reft and rejoice in God, 
more than when at eafe and in health without 
him. And now, the daily experiences of my 
foul, hope, defire, delight, reft, fatisfaclion and 
center of my heart, do evidence to me that I 
have indeed and truth been born again, and that 
Chrift is indeed my chofen Rcdeen^er. Nov/, 



Chap, III.] MISS ANTHONY. 79 

furely, if I am deceived, it is a moft awful de- 
ception, ^vhich abides the ftrictefl trial! But, 
oh my God, I think it is no dehifion; I muft be- 
lieve It a real work of thy grace on my heart ; 1 
think thy word does warrant me to draw this 
fweet conclufion. Oh the freenefs of fovereign 
o;race to the moft unwoithv ! Well mi.^ht I now 
ftagger, were it not for the infinite merits ot the 
great Redeemer. It is this which gives me the 
utmoft confidence and affurance : \ihpurchafed 
redemption, and yet it is free ; yea, the very 
purchafe exalts the freenefs. Oh the adorable 
my fiery of godlinefs ! 

Sept. I am called the enfuing day to fit down at 
the dear Redeemer's table; but, oh my foul, is this 
indeed thy Redeemer? Now I would be folemn: 
oh fearch and try me thou all-know'ing God ! I 
know there is much amifs in my foul; much dark- 
nefs, deadnefs, carnality, hypocrify and enmit}", 
yet lurking in my depraved foul : Can this pro- 
}3enfity in me to fin, be the fpot of a child of 
God? Oh thou omnifcient Jehovah, fufter me 
not to be deceived in this matter ! I cannot bear 
the thought of being deceived here, and ftripped 
of God at laft, as my covenant God. I w^ould 
try my title as long as life remain, and as lowg 
ftill ftrive that there be no flaw in it. Oh do I 
not detelt and abhor every inclination in my foul 
to fin ? Lord, is it not the greateft burden of 
my life, that I do not love, ferve, and enjoy thee 
more? Do I not long more for the full enjoy- 
ment of thee, and for perfect conformity to thee, 
than for all temporal good? Oh come thou be- 
loved of my foul, for I defire none but thee: oh 
come and meet me at thy table ! 

Now I have endeavoured to examine my ftatc, 
and trull 1 have, really^ fcriptural evidences ^^^' 



so MEMOIRS OF {Chap. III.' 

my intereft in Chrift; and although the heavens 
look black arid cloudy, yet with Iweet confidence 
and compoiure, I can reft my foul on thee, and 
call thee my God, my almighty friend, and Fa- 
ther ! Oh glorious purchafe; oh divine benefits, 
fecured to me by the holy Spirit, applying to 
me the dearth and merits of my deareft Lord, and 
only Redeemer, in whom is all my confidence, 
living and dying. 

July, 1749. Oh God, thou God of the fpi- 
rits of aU fleih; who fearcheft the hearts, and 
trieft the reins of the children of men; from whom 
nothing is hid, no difguife can deceive thee; thou 
furveyeft the moil hidden and fecret receifes of 
my foul, and perfeSly knoweft all my aims and 
ends. I may deceive myfelf and others, but I 
cannot deceive thee : with thee is infinite light 
and knowledge. It can yield me no comfort that 
I have great and high hopes of my fafe eftate, 
nor thiit many eminent chriftians have had the 
ftrongeft confidence in me, if thou doft difown 
me! Oh God, I tremble to hear of the high 
hopes which many have of me. What an aggra- 
vation muft this be of my mifery, if I fliould be 
rejected of God. What I have now heard fiiall 
put me on the firicieft enquiry; for it is in the 
favour of God, through Chrift, my only happi- 
nefs and fecurity lie, nor can I be fatisfied with 
the approbation of poor, imperfect, fliort-fighted 
mortals; fuch are the belt of faints in this im- 
perfeci ftate. God only knows my heart, and to 
him alone will I go for light. Oh thou impartial, 
heart-fearcning God, I come to thee for a clear 
difcovery of the ftate of my foul. Oh Lord, my 
God, it can be no profit to thee that I be deceiv- 
ed, and fo periih with a lie in my nixght hand : 
no, this is what thv foul abhorreth. Thou defireft 



Chap, in.] MISS anthony. 81 

truth in the inward part; and haft commanded 
me to examine m3^felf, and to know myfelf. Oh 
then affift me herein. Lord, I arn utterly infutB- 
cient for fo great a work, and fliall never attain 
to a clear and true knowledge of this important 
point, except divine light arife in my foul, and 
remove all prepoffeiTions of prejudice, for and 
againft myfelf Oh eternal Jehovah, is my title 
to eternal life fure? Have I the certain marks 
and temper of thy elect in Chrift Jefus, who fliall 
never be made adiamed of their hope? Upon 
the ftricteft fearching, and refearching, that I 
can make, by thy word, I ftill conclude it is 
thus with me, in fome good meafure; but me- 
thinks I want the further fealings of the bleffed 
Spirit; and 1 want to be bound yetfafter, on my 
part to Godt 1 want to be fo wholly and entirely 
thine, that I may never Averve from thy law. 

I have a comfortable hope, yea, fometimes a 
triumphing one, or full alUirance ; yet I feem to 
long for an abfolute certainty, which will not ad- 
mit a poffibility of being deceived. But, if this 
is unattainable in this imperfed ftate, I thirft and 
long for that open vifion of thy face, when, 
clafped in the arms of an almighty, faithful God, 
I fliall know, with a perfeft knowledge! Until 
then, I will not content m.yfelf with my own 
flender hopes, without full affurance : nor with 
the higheft hopes of the moft eminent chrifiians 
for me, without the gracious witnefs of the holy 
Spirit with his word. 

O God, thou fountain of being and bleffednefs, 
in whom I live, move, and have my being; from 
whom I receive every mercy; without thy fa- 
vour, 1 am undone; without thy loving kind- 
riefs, through Chrift, my very being is a burdea 

L 



S2 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. III. 

and terror to me. I enjoy myfelf only in the en- 
joyment of thee; and cannot look on myfelf, or 
any of my enjoyments, with delight, pleafure, or 
fatisfadion, but in relation to thee, as being in 
covenant with thee. Lord, may I not appeal to 
thee, who art truth itfelf, and wilt judge me ac- 
cording to truth, that I have or do abandon all 
the delights and enjoyments on earth for thy fa- 
vour; and can, and do reft fatisfied in that alone, 
as a fufficient portion for my foul? Witnefs my 
refolute difcontent with all things here below, 
when thou refufeft to grant me fatisfying reft in 
thyfelf : Mdtnefs my entire fatisfaftion and reft in 
thy favour, through Chrift, when thou conde- 
fcendeft to difplay thy perfe6lion to my foul, and 
my intereft in Jefus, the Son of thy love, in the 
abfence of all things elfe ; yea, in the moft dif- 
trefling outward trials of life. Methinks thou 
haft fworn according to my requeft, that nothing 
but thyfelf fliall fatisfy me ; even fo, Lord Jefus^ 
Amen and Amen ! 

Lord, let nothing delight me, without thee. I 
know no other good, but thee; and will have no 
other reft, or delight, but God in Chrift, as the 
centre of my foul. Let me never live to fee the 
time w^hen any thing befide^, and without God, 
fhall fatisfy my foul. 

Ao'ain: Witnefs mv dailv and conftant defire 
to leave the deareft enjoyments on earth, for the 
full fruition of thyfelf in glory I It is long fmce 
I have utterly refufed to entertain any pleafing 
profpe6ls of worldly enjoyments, that would not 
vanifli at the call of my Redeemer, to leave the 
world, and go to be with him. I think the high- 
eft delights that earth can offer cannot make me 
defire life: it is thy will only, oh my God, that 
makes me rejoice in living. Oh when fliall I be 
holy ? Come, Lord Jefus, come quickly 1 



Chap. III.] MISS ANTHONY* 83 

Sept. lOth, 1749. Bleffed be God for Jefus 
Chrift, the means of grace, and fancluary liberties 
in particular. I blefs thee, oh my God, who hath 
called home my v/andering thoughts this day, 
while in thy houfe, and fixed them on thyfelf! 
Oh how fweet is it to liave my foul engaged with 
God in holy duties! I blefs thee for thofe com- 
fortable evidences I had of my being prepared to 
meet Chrift, at his coming, by a true faith in 
him, and conformity to him. Lord, though I 
find great want of conformity to thee; yet, on the 
ftricteft fearch this day, I find great reafon to 
adore thee, for the great things thou haft done 
for me. l\Iy foul doth blefs and magnify thee, 
oh my God, for the work of thy grace; yet, Lord, 
I pray I may not be deceived herein. Oh fearch 
and try me, thou beft of Beings: let me not be 
deceived, and fo baniflied from thy prefence at 
laft. This, I cannot bear ! I entreat thee, by all 
the beneficence of thy nature; yea, by thy very 
Being, which is benevolence itfelf, for Godis love^ 
that thou fuifer me not to wander from thee, but 
fill me with thyfelf. Oh, if I iliould be caft away 
from thee at laft, how inconceivably great muft 
my mifery be; a mifery, that nothing can equal. 
From the hope I have entertained, of enjoying 
thee, I have endeavoured to place all the affections 
of my foul on thee, and afpire after the higheft 
and nbbleft ideas of thy perfedions: fliould 1 be 
baniflied at laft, from this only defirable good, 
after all my raifed expeftations, what, ah, what, 
could equal my irreparable lofs! I\Iy God, I 
not not how to bear the amazing fliock of fucli a 
fuppofition! Oh my foul, roufe up and fecure 
thy title to the favour of God, by faith in Jefus 
Chfift his only Son_ and the only Saviour! x\nd 
now let me devote my whole foul to God, and 

L 2 



84 MEMOIRS, OF [Chap, Ml. 

never reft, till I arrive at the full enjoyment of 
liim ! 

April, 1751. I hope I liave moft folemnly 
entered into covenant with God, and renewedly 
chofen him as my everlafting portion, devoting 
iiiyfelf entirely and unrefervedly to him. And 
this 1 did' in the bloom of life, before the evil 
days came, or the years drew nigh, in the which 
I fhoiild fay, I have no pleafure in them. I did 
it in the ftrength and vigour of life and health, 
the prime of my age. This body was then 
young and atlive ; this foul was lively in all its 
intelleds. I did it, not in a fudden fit of fear 
and diftrefs; no, it was the moft deliberate and 
rational part I ever performed. With all the 
faculties and powers o^ my foul, I freely, refo- 
lutely, cheerfully, and unrefervedl}^, entered 
into this covenant; and, now, though it be far 
otherwife with me, yet I ftand by my choice. 
Lord, I am fixed: thou art my chosen por- 
tion ! And now I find myfelf greatly impaired, 
both in body and mind; my body is fubjetled 
to difeafe, pain, and great weaknefs; my mind 
difordered, confufed, (battered, and weak; fore- 
boding dark and difmal events, as though I 
fliould foon be deprived of my reafon, ' and ren- 
dered entirely ufelefs, both to myfelf and others; 
yet I am the Lord's, body, foul, and fpirit; and 
I rely on thee, oh God, to take care of thine 
own^ in all circumftances and conditions of life. 
I know thou art able to keep w4iat I have com- 
mitted to thy trufl: againft that day. 

I am now recollefiing myfelf, and fummoning 
np all the powers of my foul, to a renewed choice 
and furrender. PoffiblVj this may be the only 
fpace I may have granted me for this w^ork. 
Oh then, ye fcattered^ confufed thoughts, unite ; 



Chap. III.] MISS ANTHONY, 85 

be fixed and folemn : oh ye immortal powers 
and faculties of my foul, exert your utmoft 
flrength and vigour, in the folemn tranfadion. 
Ye depreffed graces, break through thefe clogs: 
be lively and adive. Flee, ye difeafes, and let 
me have a moment's red and compofure, for this 
delightful v/ork. Come, thou blelled Spirit, 
with thy needed influences, and prepare and 
affift my foul, in this folemn dedication! 

March^ 1753. Come, oh my foul, examine 
thy title to eternal life. Thou haft ftrong hopes; 
but are they good ? Will they ftand in the day 
of trial ; will thev endure the amazing; horrors of 
a death-bed ; or w^ill they ftand in the laft great 
deciftve day, when God Ihall judge the fecrets of 
men's hearts? It is one thing, oh my foul, to 
hope, when all things appear fair and pleafant ; 
and another, to believe, and remain ftedfaft when 
clouds and thick darknefs overfpread me! Lord, 
it is thy Spirit alone that rauft undeceive me, if 
1 be deceived; for I cannot find out the decep- 
tion, after all my fearchings. Unto God will I 
look: oh do thou difcover my ftate to me ! Thou 
knoweft hov/ unlhaken my confidence remains, 
after all my examination: yet I will ftill inquire. 
And now, what choice have I made? Oh fearch- 
er of hearts, and trier of reins, thou knoweft, 
that from the ftriQeft fearch 1 am able to make, 
this is the anfwer : God, his glory, and the en- 
joyment of him, are my only felicity ! In this 
choice I am fixed. I have chofen God the Fa- 
ther for my covenant God and Father : God the 
Son, for my only Saviour, Lord, and King : 
God the holy Ghoft, for my Hmftifier and com- 
forter : God's law, M'ord, and v»il], his people, his 
intereft and caufe, and all that is his; to be my 
fweeteil intereft, dearer to me than life itfelf. 



&6 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. 111. 

July 15th, 1754. What means this depreffion 
of fpirits? Have I not affuredly anchored all 
my hopes of eternal life on the merits of Jefus 
Chrift, the only mediator of reconciliation be- 
tween God and fallen, finful, miferable man ; in 
whom the great Jehovah hath declared himfelf 
Avell pleafed, and acceffible ? Have I not fearch- 
ed and refearched, with the utmoft diligence, into 
this matter ; and did I not always find fweet and 
comfortable evidence of faith and love unfeigned? 
And do I now find any fafficient ground to doubt? 
Verily I do not; unlefs it be matter for doubting, 
that I am longing and thirfting after God, the 
living God ; and that nothing can fatisfy my 
foul, but light and life from him ; and my whole 
foul is reaching out after him. Surely this is not 
ground for doubts and fears. No : God is wit- 
Befs to the fincerity of my faith and love, and 
every grace, of which he has been the author, 
and will be the finilher. Fear not, oh my foul, 
God, the immutable God is thy refuge, thy con- 
fidence, and will be thy eternal confolation ! I 
have laid all my wifiies, hopes, defires, and ex- 
pectations, on the perfe6lions of his nature, the 
unchangeablenefs of his being, and the truth of 
his word ; and here will I confide forever. 

After I had written the above, I Nvas led to me- 
ditate on the importance of being united to Chrift 
by a living and true faith, the worth of an im- 
mortal foul, and the weight of my eternal con- 
cerns: and after ferious examination, I proilrated 
myfelf before God, befeeching him, v/ho furvey- 
ed the moft fecret receffes of my foul, that if I 
^vevc deceived, I might be convinced of it; that, 
if I never had a true convidion of my fin and 
mifery, never was truly humbled at the feet of a 
fovereign God, never fidly and heartily renounced 



Chap. III.] MISS ANTHONY. 87 

ray own righteoufnefs, never received Chrift on 
gofpel terms, believing the record God had given 
of his Son, fubmitting to, relying on, and em- 
bracing him ; I might then be enabled to do it : 
and as I enlarged on various defcriptions of faith 
in God's word, I was, I truft, brought to a re- 
newed experience of thofe things, with the clear 
witnefs of the bleffed Spirit, that I did fo. Blef- 
fed be God, that I was brought into a folid, fweet, 
gofpel frame of foul ; attended with a divine 
peace, fatisfadion^ joy, love, gratitude, and ado- 
ration ! 

Aug. IS fh. 175-i. I now proftrate foul and 
body before God, for his gracious affiiiance, iu 
the folemn, important trial of my ftate. Oh 
God, now, oh now be with me! 

And what fliall I now fay? If faith be the 
flight of the convinced, diftreffed, felf-defpairing 
fmner, to Chrift, for refuge and life; if it be a 
cordial choofmg, receiving, embracing, and rely- 
ing on him, as the only hope fet before us in the 
gofpel; if it be a hearty furrender of the whole 
foul to him, as prophet, prieft, and king; if it be 
a conftant looking to him for affiftance, and a 
conftant reliance on his righteoufnefs, as God- 
?vIan-lMediator, for acceptance with God, under 
the powerful convidion of guilt, depravity and 
MH-etchednefs, our univerfal corruption, inability 
to help ourfelves, unworthinefs that God (liould 
help us; if it be a firm truft in him, as one every 
way fuitable for his work as Tslediator, and one 
authorifed by the Father; if it be a full, entire 
credit to the record God has given of his Son : 
and if love be tliat which powerfully influences 
the foul to delight in the divine will, his law, 
his w^ord, his ordinances, his people, and all that 
is his; and difpofeth the foul to fubmit, yea, ac- 



88 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. 111. 

quiefce in all the difpenfations of his providence, 
even when nioft afflidive, as hol}^ wife, and good; 
if it be love that animates the foul to the mod ar- 
dent longings after full fruition, with conftant 
defires that Jefus may be exalted; that felf, fin, 
and all things elfe may be fubdued under him; 
that he may reign triumphant over all thofe idols, 
which formerly were mod dear to it; if it be love 
that conftrains the foul to examine and try her 
intereft in Chrift, when no inward fears or out- 
ward dangers appear, but becaufe Ihe would not 
live a moment v/ithout the moft near and intimate 
relation to him, that can be attained or enjoyed 
in this life; it it be the eife6l of love, to look with 
indifference and contempt, on the moft defirable 
objeds of time and fenfe, and even wi/h to part 
with all, and with life itfelf, for the more perfe6l 
Tifion and fruition of him, whom ihc efteems the 
only amiable, the only defirable objecl of love and 
admiration; and if it be true repentance to abhor 
even the leaft appearance of fin, and to deteit and 
hate every falfe way; to feel the moft keen and 
fenfible forrow and remorfe for fin, becaufe it is 
fin, and to abhor itfelf becaufe it is no more con- 
formed to the pure and holy God, and is fo un- 
grateful to the beft of Beings, the kindeft friend, 
and moft bountiful benefaftor; accounting fia 
the greateft afflidion in life, becaufe of its own 
vile nature and hateful tendency, being againft 
God, and feparating the foul from this holy Be- 
ing, whom faith and love juftly efteems altoge- 
'ther lovely: if this faith exercifeth itfelf in new 
obedience, powerfully leading the foul to fiudy 
and purfue all that God has commanded, in a 
confi:ant, hearty, univerfal, practical endeavour 
to perform every duty, though ever fo difficult, 
becaufe God has commanded it, efteeming all 
God's precepts concerning all things to be right : 



Zhap. III.] MISS ai^thonyV 89 

And now, ifthele, though haftily drawn, be the 
genuine marks and evidences of a fincere repen- 
tance and obedience, which the gofpel requires 
in all thofe who hope for falvation, through the 
perfect righteoufnefs and atonement of Chrill, the 
great Redeemer ; againft whom, God hath faid, 
there is no condemnation, but they fLall have 
eternal life ; (thofe who believe fliall be faved ; 
thofe who love him, he will love ; thofe who 
repent fliall find mercy ; and to thofe, who by 
patient continuance in welldoing, &c. eternal 
life.) If thefe things be fo; and if I can, by the 
moft ftrift, impartial, and renev/ed fearch, find* 
out the ftate of my foul ; if this can be done, I 
inuft again conclude, that I have an intereft in 
Chrifi, and the promifes of eternal life, through 
him. For, I truft, and firmly believe, God has, 
by his almighty power and rich grace, wrought 
thefe things in my foul, and is daily carrying on 
the work of his grace, by which, I truft, I have 
been enabled to make my calling and eleftion 
fure ; and have obtained a comfortable hope, or 
a firm perfuafion, of my intereft in Chrift Jefus, 
the only mediator and refuge of finners, even by 
his Spirit, vv^hich, I truft, dwelleth in me. Not- 
withftanding this hope, which, through grace, 
remains unfliaken, I ftill daily renew the trial; 
though there is not a deception, that I know of; 
but 1 have charged on my confcience, and put 
home to it in the moft folemn manner; nor an 
evidence of grace, whether of the habit or the 
exercife, that I have not tried myfelf by, and 
have been acquitted of guile and approved of fin- 
cerity. Now, though the trial appears but a 
repetition of v/hat before was put out of doubt ; 
and a careful fearch after what, through grace, 
is not hid : yet, as. I find the continual exercife 

M 



g© MEMOIRS OF [Chap. iir. 

of watch fulnefs and examination enjoined, in the 
word of God, and feeing it tends to fet my evi- 
dences of grace in open light, and alfo tends to 
ftrengthen the habit of grace, I would, by re- 
peated trial, endeavour to obtain frefli ftrengtli 
againft an hour of temptation. 

Through the free, rich, fovereign grace of 
God, 1 have thefe evidences fo clear, that I can 
as well deny my own exillence, or that my foul 
is immortal, or that I ever performed a rational 
a6l or exercife; I may as well doubt of thcfe, as 
of the fpiritual exercifes of grace, which appear 
as real and conftant as the acting of my rational 
powers ; and I think I am as fully perfuaded of 
the one, as of the other: but as I know I am 
never out of danger, and am daily liable to fuch 
darknefs and temptations, as may caufe me to 
queftion all the experiences of my foul, I would 
guard againft fuch an hour. Lord, thou only 
knoweft what trials may now await me. Thou 
knoweft how foon I may be fo plunged, as that 
all thefe things will prove infufficient to keep me 
from finking under the preffure: yet by thy blef- 
ling, thefe may be a witnefs for me in a day of 
temptation ; though nothing bat thy prefence 
can ever give me comfort. Oh let thy almighty 
grace be then, and ahvay, fufficient for me! 

"••*•• •• •'•• •••' ...... Having httn 

brought to the gates of the grave, and really 
thought myfelf to be dying; death approaching 
me in all its terrors, as an enemy to nature: and 
having lately feen a dear friend, who has receiv- 
ed the fentence of death in herfelf, under moft 
terrible diftrefs of body : I am now refolving to 
enter upon a critical examination of my foulj t^ 
fee what are my evidences for heaven. 



Chap. III.] MISS ANTHONY. - gl 

1 have, indeed, made this my pra<^ice, in 
fome meafure, every day, and more efpecially 
under every fermon, fo far -as I can recollect, for 
feveral years, though many times with too much 
coldnefs and formality. Yet, bleifed be God, I 
hope, for the twelve pad years, I have made it 
the grand concern of my life, to know God, and 
Jefus Chrifl, by the Spirit, and to know that I 
did fo. I have endeavoured to get my heart 
awed, and folemnized, by the mod powerful, 
awakening, and important confiderations, oix 
which my eternal all depended. In a folemn 
fenfe of eternal things, I have engaged in this 
affair ; and truft I have had the powerful affiftance 
of the holy Spirit to excite me to diligence, fer- 
vency, and clofe application in this work. The 
refult has been a fweet and comfortable hope, 
that God has, by his word and Spirit, formed me 
anew in Chrift Jefus; which hope has, I truft, 
been raifed in my foul by the witnefs of the Spi- 
rit, with the v/ord, that I had the fure mark and 
fign of a child of God : yet I have ftill perfevered 
in the folemn fearch, that, if poffible, I might 
not be at a lofs about my ftate, when death ap- 
proached me ; but that, in the folemn day, my 
evidences might be plain and clear. And now, 
under a fenfe of the vaft importance of having all 
things right in my foul, when I know it is on the 
verge of eternity, ready to launch out into an un- 
known world of fpirits, (knowing I can never 
have things too well cleared up for a dying hour) 
I have fet myfelf renewedly to fearch into my 
evidences. 

And, firft, in general, as to a work of grace in 
my foul; although I cannot determine the very 
inftant, in which a change was wrought in me; 

M 2 



\ 

92 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. 111. 

yet, from my infancy, I believe the Spirit of God 
was working on my foul. The firft that I can re- 
member of any thing, was, a concern for my foul, 
and this could not far exceed the fifth year of my 
age: from that time God has been working in me 
to will, and to do, of his own good pleafure. I have 
feen fin to be the worft of evils; myfelf the worft 
of finners, atranfgreflor from the womb. I hare 
been convinced of the finfulnefs of my nature, 
the corrupt fountain from whence proceeded 
every finful a6l. My iniquities have appeared 
many, and greatly aggravated. My heart has 
looked like a fink of fin, more loathfome than the 
mofl; oflPenfive carrion that fwarms \vith hateful 
vermin ! My underftanding dark and ignorant; 
my \vill fi:ubborn ; my affeftions carnal, corrupt 
and difordered; every faculty depraved and viti- 
ated; my M'hole foul deformed and polluted, filled 
with pride, enmity, carnality, hypocrify, felf- 
confidence, and all manner of fins. I have ken 
my utter inability to help myfelf; the abfolute 
need I ftood in that God fliould work all my 
works in and for me; and the infinite juftice of 
God, if he fliould call me oif forever; my dread- 
ful expofednefs to divine wrath : and by the pow- 
erful conviftion of thefe things on my foul, I have 
been brought to defpair of help in myfelf, or from 
any created arm. Only in the Lord Jehovah was 
my help found. I truft, God did then bow my 
will, caufing me to accept of mercy on his own 
terms. I truft, my whole foul was then made 
willing to fubmit to the mofl: humbling, felf-deny- 
ing terms of the gofpel. Jefus was revealed to 
me, as the all-fufficient Mediator, as the moft 
fuitable Saviour for guilty, miferable finners : He, 
whom the Father had appointed, and declared 
himfelf well pleafed with. Oh how did infinite 
^vifdom, grace, and love^ now difplay themfelve§> 



Chap, III.] MISS ANTHONY. 93 

in the glorious fcheme of redemption by Jefus 
Chrift ! Here, I truft, my foul felt a divine power 
to lay hold on this hope fet before me in the gof- 
pel, and now revealed by the Holy Ghoft in my 
heart. I faw God could bejuft, and the juftiiier 
of him that believeth in his Son : and how was 
my foul fwallowed up in adoring, admiring views 
of the divine perfeftions, difpla3^ed in the won- 
ders of redemption ! I truft, I was enabled to 
give up my whole foul entirely, and all my con- 
cerns into his hands, to reft upon him, and re* 
ceive him as my prophet, prieft, and king; ut- 
teilv renouncins: mv own risjhteoufnefs, which I 
faw was but as filthy rags. I faw infinite fecu- 
rity in refting on Jefus Chrift. I think, I had 
the moft rational, folid convidion of thefe things 
on my foul; and after all my fearching and re- 
fearching, I muft conclude, that flefli and blood 
hath not revealed thefe things unto me; but the 
Father and the Son, by the Holy Ghoft. 

Next, as to the fruits or eftefts of this faith, I 
find, fo far as I can difcern, by continued critical 
obfervation, an habitual difpofition, 

Firft, To reft and live upon God, as the only 
centre of my foul. To truft: all the important 
concerns of time and eternity' with the great 
Mediator; to look to him for grace and ftrengtli, 
to keep me near to himfelf, in a conftant depen- 
dence on him; renewing my choice of him for 
my only everlafting portion; devoting myfelfto 
him, to be his only, and his eternally. 

Secondly, To love him above all. If I love 
not God fupremely, for himfelf, I am under the 
xnoft fatal miftake : and my judgmeiit rnuft be 
under the power of grofs darknefs, unfit to be 
relied upon in the fmalleft matter, if my whole 
foul does not go out after God, as the only fuita- 



34} MEMOIRS OF [Chap. iir. 

ble obje6i: of love and delight. Here I find the 
moft powerful attra6lion : here I fee all that is 
worthy my regard! Hence arifes my ardent de- 
fire after a perfect conformity to him; efteeming 
his law to be holy, juft, and good; his precepts 
concerning all things to be right; conftantly re- 
pairing to him as my only unerring counfellor, in 
every emergency of life ; choofmg he fiiould 
rule, govern and difpofe of me, and every con- 
cern of mine, forever. Hence, 1 truft, my love 
to his people. As I love him, fo 1 love all that 
is his, and all who appear in reality to love him : 
his people are my people, the dear chofen com- 
panions of my life. 

Thirdly^ An habitual hatred to fin, as the worft, 
yea, the only evil; the abominable thing, which 
jny foul truly hateth. I abhor myfelf, becaufe 
of the inbeing of fin : I am necelTarily unhappy, 
becaufe I am a finner. Wo is me, becaufe of the 
leprofy of fin, by which I am fo defiled, that I 
pollute all I touch! I know no forrow like this 
forrow. Oh that my head were waters, and mine 
eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep, day 
and night, for this grievous hurt; this undoing 
fin, that fo unlikens, and ahenates the foul from 
the bleffed God ! 

Fourthly^ Yet a more confirmed habitual judg« 
ment to be the Lord's, though fpiritual joys abate, 
and the tide of affection ebb. I find an un- 
wavering determination to purfue the choice I 
have made, as the moft reafonable fervice; con- 
formity to Godj the fubftance of all religion. 
The moft necefiary, rational, and fubftantial 
good, that a creature can attain, is to be inten- 
tionally, and defignedly devoted to God, as the 
chief and proper good, and his glory as the beft 
and laft end. This is true beauty, harmony, and 
excellence ! 



Chap. iV.] HI55 anthoxy; 95 

CHAPTER IV. 

MifceUaneous E.vtracts from her Diary ^ which (lit 
kept, and zvrote in it almofi daily ^ until June 
17C)9, to the A3d year of' her age ; and is con^ 
tained in a number of tolumes. After that time 
Jhe rvrote but little in her Diary : or if Jhe did, 
it appeared bejl to her not to preferm it. 



o, 



October , 1744. 



H GOD, infinite in power, grace, 
and holinefs, 1 fet apart this day to thee, for the 
people that know thee not. Thy providence 
calls for deep humiliation, and fervent addrelTes 
to the throne of ail grace. Pity to the poor 
heathen and jews calls upon me, though but a 
worthlefs worm, to ufe all the intereft I have at 
the throne of grace, through my everlafting ad- 
vocate, for fuch poor, blinded fouls as they. 
How ihall I addrefs thee, oh God, fuitably, and 
fo as to prevail! Oh let my prayer be the prayer 
of faith; let me get near thee this day! Lord, I 
befeech thee, let me engage in no duty this day, 
without thee. Oh be with me of a truth; and 
let me find acceptance with thee. Thy prefence 
I muft have, to make my duties acceptable : for 
v/ithout thee I can do nothing. 

Oh my God, I do not fue barely for fluency of 
words, or ftrong workings of affections; but en- 
tirely for acceptance with thee ; to be heard for 
poor heathen and jews, and thy church, oh God, 
I thus plead. Their cafe is truly lamentable, 
without thy pity. Thou haft awaked my com- 
palTion by their mifery. Can I enjoy the precious 
doftrines, ordinances and power of the gofpel, 
and be infenfible of their wretchednefs in their 
darknefs and unbelief? Forbid it, oh God! Let 



96 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. iVa 

me never fliew fuch ingratitude to tliee, my 
bountiful benefa6tor; nor fuch inhuman, unna- 
tural, and cruel infenfibility to the mifery of my 
fellow-creatures. Oh pity them, my God, who 
cannot pity themfelves. Thou Fountain of com- 
panion, ftir up bowels of compaflion in thine own 
children, both minifters and people, for jews and 
gentiles, that they may come to thefai^ng know- 
ledge of Jefus Chrift ; that we, being all united 
in that one myftical body whereof he is the head, 
may rejoice together, and bring forth abundant 
fruit, to the glory of thy free grace. May thy 
church flourilh ; thy Zion triumph in her God ; 
thy minifters be as a flame of fire, clothed with 
zeal and fuccefs, faithful, and unwearied in thy 
fervice. Let thy faints fliout aloud, and live like 
thy redeemed, afliamed of ingratitude, and full 
of faith and love. Even fo come, Lord Jefus, in 
the day of thy power! Amen and Amen. 

Oct. ^6th, 1744. I have juft now finiflied the 
eighteenth year of my age. Good God ! to what 
little purpofe have I lived thefe eighteen years ! 
Ah, Lord, thou haft come thefe many years feek- 
ing fruit ; but alas, how little haft thou found ! 
ilow vilely have I requited thy care; and how 
incorrigible have I been, under all thy cultiva- 
tions 1 But, fure I am, thefe unparalleled inftan- 
ces of ingratitude and rebellion have not flopped 
the current of thy unbounded goodnefs. Was 
ever mortal fo favoured before? It is too bold an 
alfertion to fay, infinite mercy could not go be- 
yond, confidered in itfelf; yet when 1 look on it 
as relating to me, the moft ungrateful, unworthy, 
ill-deferving of all the redeemed race, the chief of 
finners, and moft helplefs of mortals, I am ready 
to cry out, N-ever was there a greater inftance of 
divine mercy ! it is two years fmce I gave my- 



Chap, IV,] MISS ANtllOXY. 97 

felf up to God and liis church, and publicly 
avouched the Lord for my God: and though I 
would lament my vilenefs, that I have lived fo 
unbecoming one in covenant with a holy God; 
yet, oh Lord my God, what Ihall I render to thee 
for thy preferving and fuftaining grace; that I 
hav^e been enabled to refift moft fierce 'and other- 
wife irrefiftible affaults ? Yea, I will praife him, 
who has been the health of my countenance, and 
my God. It has been becaufe thou haft been the 
health of my countenance, that it has been iii 
any meafure healthful, hitherto : therefore v»'ill I 
ftill hope in thy mercy. Oh God of my former 
revivals, leave me not now. How many months 
have I paffed without any fenfible decline of the 
power of godlinefs in my foul ! For near thefe 
two years, more efpecially, I truft I have made 
fenfible progrefs in my chriftian courfe. This I 
dare aflert, to the honour of free, unmerited 
grace. To thy name, eternal Jehovah, be the 
glory! Thy grace hath been cultivated in my 
foul, notwithftanding all my corruptions. I have 
been admitted to near converfe with thee. Thou 
liaft made fuch discoveries of thyfelf, that I have 
feemed, as it were, to behold thee with open 
face; and in fome degree to be changed into 
thine image. Thefe powerful difcoveries have 
formed my foul to a holy calm and ferenity ; a 
deep ahafement; holy, folemn, humble awe of 
the great Jehovah; with holinefs to the Lord in 
fcribed on all my powers ; not only in holy rap- 
tures of joy, witli the gracious manifeftation of 
thy moft endearing love, but fwcctly fw-allowed 
up in the opening views and.^aDDi'ehenJions of 
Deity. The glories of Jehovah I^Snot d'efcribe; 
or even the fenfible transforrujng power which 
fuch difcoveries of thyfelf ha«rhad (fii'my fouL 



^^3t *o>: 



9S . i^iEMoiRS OF [Chap. IV. 

And oli, what a defpicable worm did I appear to 
iiiyfelf, when thou waft pleafed to pafs before me 
in the glories of thy nature, and caufed me to 
cry out, " Wo is me ! I am undone! I am un- 
clean ! I have heard of thee by the hearing of the 
ear; but now mine eye feeth thee; wherefore I 
abhor myfelf, and repent in duft and aflies." Yet 
jQnce thou haft been thus gracious, I entreat thee, 
oh God, who art ftill the fame, my almighty and 
faithful God, to fliew me thy glory. Lord, give 
me foul quickening, foul humbling, and foul re- 
viving and transforming views of thyfelf. Oh 
Lord God, arife for my help. Entreat me not to 
leave thee; but fufter me, yea do thou ftrengthen 
me to a holv violence, to Avreftle with thee, and 
tell thee, I cannot let thee go, my Lord, and my 
God. Oh uow admit me to a near converfe with 
thee. Unveil thy perfe6tions, fo far as a mortal 
worm can bear. Lord, fill a finite vapour. Break 
in on uiy foul with divine power. Show me thy 
glory. I cannot withdraw my petition. Dear^ 
ever gracious, all-condefcending Saviour, conde- 
fcend to grant my requeft. Shouldeft thou nov/ 
hold forth thy fceptre, and bid me aflv M'hat I 
would, this ihould be my immediate requeft: Oh 
'give me transforming difcoveries of thyfelf: Show 
me thy glory! Anien, even fo, Lord Jefus, Amen 
and Amen i 

jS^ov. 5. Lord, is early piety fo admirable.^ Is 
a heart early given up to God worthy the notice 
and approbation of the whole creation, as I have 
heard ? Why then haft thou thus honoured me .^ 
is a heart early devoted to God peculiarly accept- 
able to him • and do fuch generally receive the 
Bioft endearing tokens of thy love? Why then 
haft thou conferred fuch great honour and grace 
on fo vile a w^orm as I am ? Lord, it w^ould have 



Chap, IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 99 

been great grace, and great honour to have been 
adopted into the number of thy children, at the 
laft hour. But to me it appears fuperlative grace 
and lov^e to ht?i young diicipie of my Lord, a be- 
loved John. How great an honour to be accept- 
ed, when a babe, % the King of kings ! And 
how great the privilege to be often, more often 
than later converts, receiving grace and llrength 
from God ! My God, I count it an honour to 
be a difciple; but peculiarly my honour, to be a 
young difciple. I think myfelf happy that I am a, 
member of thy church ; but peculiarly fo, that I 
was admitted the youngeft member belonging to 
the communion; the youngeft member of our 
female fociety; as likewife the youngeft of all my 
chriftian friends. Though fome do indeed de- 
fpife my youth ; yet fince I know the grace of 
God has appeared more glorious by it^ I will re- 
joice and glory in it, though it be an infirmity, 
if thereby the power of God may be the more ma- 
iiifefted, and he ordain praife out of the mouth of 
a babe and fuckling. 

April £8th, 1745. Laft night I watched with 
dear iMr. Helyer.'"' I truft God v;as with me. 
Oh that God would fpare his life, and reftore 
him to health ! Oh God, my foulis pained for 
thy church. Oh that my own life might fend off 
the ftroke from him 1 How freely, for thy church's 
fake, could I caft myfelf on the mercy of God in 
Chrift Jefus my Lord, and take his place! Not 
with any conceitednefs of my being better pre- 
pared to die; but purely for the church's fake, 
that ihe might be built up, and not pulled down, 

* jNIr. Ilelyer had been. lately ordained colleague with the Rev. 
and a^ed Mr. Clap; and was now in a consumption, of which Ija 
soon died. 

N 2 



100 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

Lord, nowjn my diftrefs I have vowed, if thou 
Avilt fpare the life, and reftore the health of thy 
fervant, then will I feek and ferve thee, by thy 
grace, with my whole heart. I ftill ho^e in thy 
mercy. 

May ISth. This^day much funk on account 
of Mr. Heljer and the church/ I find fatan 
befets me like a roaring lion: but I look to my 
good God. My dear tempted Saviour can fuc- 
cour me, when tempted. Having had, as 1 truft, 
free accefs to God, for the good of his church, I 
was led to confine it to the life of Mr. Helyer; 
and therefore to conclude he would furely reco- 
ver. Hence I told a friend, if he did not reco- 
ver, I fliould be ready to doubt of all my expe- 
riences; and whether I had ever exercifed a true 
faith in God. Here fatan took great advantage 
of me. 

Ju/te I/?. Oh the 21ft of May, a fovereisfn and 
righteous God took my dear paftor, Mr. Helyer, 
to himfelf : and oh how do I now feem to be Itrip- 
ped of my guide, my fpiritual counfellor! Satan 
has this day befe.t me to diibelieve all that God 
commands me to believe; and my having fo 
ftrong a perfuafion of Mr. HelyeT's recovery, 
inade me almoft ready to fall under the tempta- 
tion. And juft as I was ready to give alf over as 
loft ; as if God was not the hearer of prayer, and 
my faith as well as all my religion, muft be vain^ 
this thought darted into my mind, tliat I would 
once more fee if the word of God could afford 
any light to my diftrelTed foul. I immediately 
opened the Bible ; and the firft words that offered 
to my fight, were thofe in John xxi. 23. Tke?i 
'event this faying abroad among the brethren, that 
that difciple Jhoiild 7iot die: yet Jefus /aid not unto 
him^ he Jhall not die; but^ if I xvill that he tarr^ 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 101 

till I come^ what is that to thee? Here I faw, 
that foine miftook the words which Chrift himfelf 
fpoke : yet my unbelieving heart replied, furely 
thefe were not his children ! But upon a review 
of the words, I found the faying: went abroad 
among the brethren. And now, Oh how was every 
objetiiou anfwered! Even Chrift's own difciples 
might miftake his expreffions, and yet be difci- 
ples flill: fo might 1 be a child of God; and yet 
miftake his intimations of anfwering my prayers 
for the church's good, for his intention to pre- 
ferve the life of his fervant. This was fuch a dif- 
play of divine condefcenfion and grace, as calmed 
my f^jul, and put fatan to flight. There are, 
however, many things dark and intricate in this 
affair, which I never expefl to fee through, until 
I awake in his likenefs ; but then I fliall be fatis- 
fied. 

June Q,3d, 1746. Oh my unbelieving heart! 
How long wilt thou rife in fecret diffatisfadion at 
God's dil'pofals of me? As I appear recovering 
from my >diforders, I would fain think it beft ; 
cheerfully embrace life, and blefs my God for it: 
and yet I feel a reluclance, even Mobile I am wri- 
ting. I am almoft impatient for that ftate and 
v/orld, v/here my will fhall be entirely fwallow^ed 
up in God's. I believe, for above two years, 
there has not been a day, if an hour or minute, 
Avhen awake, in which, if death had come, I 
could have faid, It is come in a day or hour 
wdierein I have not longed and panted for it. 
The vanity of this world has rendered it burden- 
fome to me, I am fure the bewitching pleafures 
of it, have more imbittered it to me, than all its 
forrows. 

When I compare infinite M'ith finite, eternal 
with temporal, I dud there is a boundlefs, unfa- 



J02 aiKMOiiis OF [Chap, n. 

thomable, infinite, eternal dilproportion between 
ihofe inimenfe, immortal delights above, and 
thofe of time and fenfe. And is it a fmall difap- 
pointment, when I hoped in a Ihort time to have 
been in the full enjoyment of God^ and thefe 
p'lories ; when 1 feemed to be on the confines of 
eternity ; new glories appearing to my gazing, 
aftonifiied foul, all bright, all ferene, the happy 
haven; from thefe happy views to be ordered 
back to earth, ail dark and gloomy; the cavern 
far from God, my life, and my all in all; to 
grovel among the infecls of this earth; the fear 
of a vain heart, that it will choofe vanity ? Oh 
how fhocking, how furprifing the change 1 What 
finite fpirit, though of a fuperior order, would 
feel no emotion, no reluctance at fuch a difap- 
pointment, I cannot conceive. 

But come, my mod noble powers, fhow your 
wifdom by a profound fubmiifion. Come, ye 
noble orders above ; ye immortal choirs, aflfiU my 
foaring contemplation; take me on your wings, 
and haften the tedious hours. In vain do I call 
to finite Beings: vou receive your heat from that 
infinite fire, and derive your light and life from 
a Being acceffible by finners, through the great 
Kedeeiner. Then, oh Fountain of light, life and 
love, dart into my dark, drooping and benumbed 
foul, fome glorious beams of light, life and love : 
oh make up to me, as far as poffible in this dif- 
tant, mortal ftate, the want of full, complete 
difcoveries of thy infinite glories. I know, I 
know there are foul ravifliing, foul quickening, 
foul humbling, foul transforming difcoveries of 
invifibllities. Thefe have inflamed my foul for 
thole yet unknown glories; and yet well known 
by anticipation, and prelibation. Oh for a frelb 
view, while here! Oh my God, mitigate the 
darknefs by intervening light. 



Chap. IV.} MISS AlTTHoxr. 103 

June Q6ih. Yefterday I had a fweet morning. 
My meditations of God were coinpofed and 
folemn : my heart was fixed and enlivened in 
prayer: but nature was much fpent; fo that 1 felt 
the effects all the day after. Oh what a clog is 
this body! At night, after ferious examination 
by my rules, I addreffed the thronfe of grace with 
fome little life. The blelfed Spirit came, and 
filled my foul with a fenfe of the glory and ma- 
jefty of the great Jehovah; of the repeated affronts 
and indio;nities I had offered to him; of his afto- 
nifhing patience and forbearance, that I was not 
made a monument of divine wrath; a fpedacle 
to angels, men and devils.; that after fuch in- 
corrigiblenefs under' divine ^^cultivation, both of 
the Spirit, providences and ordinances, all the 
fweet funbeams of overflowing, unbounded, infi- 
nite love, I was not bound over to luffer the 
ftrange punilhment affigned to the workers of ini- 
quity ; but that God was yet acceffible, through 
the 2;iorious Mediator. I fav/ mv infinite need 
of the Mediator; my ground of ftrong confidence 
hi him; that he was a furety, .whom God the 
Pather had appointed, and declared himfelf well 
pleafed with. I faw myfelf a fmner, and dare 
not approach abfolute perfection in any M-ay but 
through a Mediator. The faithfulnefs of God 
afforded ftrons; confolation. 

Thus was I held up above nature, until on d. 
fudden I almoft fainted; and nature feemed as 
though it v/ould afford no more affiftance. Yet^ 
after fome ftruggles for breath, reviving a little, 
my foiil remenibered a degenerate world, heathen 
and jews. The one never heard of this dear, fare, 
and infinitely fufiicient Saviour, and only refuge 
for guilty rnan; and the otlier now faw no form 
or comelineis in him that they Ihould defire. Mv 



104* MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

foul could not but v/reftle for thefe, until the body 
was almoft lifelefs, and I was forced to commit 
myfelf into the hands of a faithful God ; and was 
obliged to be helped to bed. 

Oh if this body were no help to my devotion, 
yet if it would but keep pace with my nobler 
powers, I could bear it : but that it Ihould drag 
down my immortal powers; I could not bear it 
from any hand but thine, thou wife, good, gra- 
cious, juft, fovereign God and Father. It feems 
to me I fliould refent it with contempt, as au 
affront, (hould the greateft monarch on earth 
oifer me a reprieve from thofe immortal joys, 
which are in thy prefence. I receive life, and 
blefs thee for it, only as it is the will of my wife 
God. Not all the creatures on earth, nor the 
dearefl relations here, would make me willing to 
ftay a moment, hadft thou not'faid, Return and 
lixe. But now, welcome this body, and this 
(otherwife) my hated clog, and continual bur- 
den. On thefe terms, the w^ill and glory of God, 
whatever I receive fron> thee, my God, 1 M'ould 
choofe and love ; as I have chofen thy will for 
mine in all things. 

June 30lh, Glory to God in the higheft, for 
free, rich, undeferved goodnefs! This day 1 have, 
at leaft in heart, declared my experiences of the 
mercy of God, even in the great afiembly of the 
people of God: and renewed my vows to be the 
Lord's; and called his faints to witnefs, if I for- 
fake the Lord, in fmgingthe 32dand 1 l6th pfalms. 
Scarce a word in them, but my heart went with it; 
and I made it my own aft and deed. Oh how 
folemn, how fweet, how awful was the place! Oh 
unmerited free grace! The word preached came 
with a divine power to my foul. I faw an infinite 
beauty and amiablenefs in the all-fufiicient God 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHOXY, 105 

jMan-Mediator. I admire and love him^ for what 
lie is in himfelf, as well as for what he is to nie : 
yea, I love his laws; his will is dear: I choofe it; 
I place my chief happinef> in a conformity thereto: 
yea, and I relblve to walk before him, in the land 
of the livino-. 



o* 



I faid, at the clofe of the fervice, ^^ Lord, now 
let thy handmaid depart; for I have feen thy fal- 
vation." I Ihould be willing fuch a fabbath Ihould 
be my laft, and for fuch moments to land me at 
the defired heaven. 

July. Lord, I am thine ; refolvedly fo. It is 
my conftant ftudy, What Lhall I render to the 
Lord for all his benefits tou ards me? I look back 
with pleafure on all thofe engagements, whereby 
I am bound to be the Lord's : Oh never let me 
retraft thofe folemn vows ! It is thou v/ho haft 
pitied my wTaknefs, and pardoned my m,oft 
Unnatural rebellion. Oh infinite mercy, free 
grace, unbounded love, unfpeakable condefcen* 
fion ! What thall I fay of God ! My thoughts 
rife and fwell : my love burns and flows, while I 
mufe on Gx)d in himfelf, and God to his crea- 
tures. Oh what fhall a finite, mortal worm fay 
' about, or conceive of, an infinite immortal ob- 
jeft ! It is high, what can we know: deep, what 
can we do! Alas! as for me, how little do I know 
of what may be known of this dear, immortal, 
effential good ! Yet, blelfed be God, fo much I 
know of him, that I count all things elfe butdrofs 
and dung, for the excellency of this knowledge. 
Oh I long to bathe nn felf in this infinite foun- 
tain, and let out all my foul ia God. But ah', 
finite, narrow, depraved capacity, v»'hen (hall you 
be enlarged ; oh when ! 



106 MElvIOIRS OF [Cliap. iV. 

Nov. 17 Ih. My fou! has been niucli affli^ed 
this thy, and refufed to be comforted; becaufe I 
am not allowed to go up to my Father's houfe. 
Oh had 1 nothing to confult but my own eafe, I 
would venture a rack of pain after it, if I might 
vifit thine abode, oh my God : but I mufi confult 
the duty 1 owe to my body, and the didionour I 
may bring on religion. Oh when, oil when fliall 
I enter thy courts above, and live the life of hea- 
ven borii fouls t Lord, is there no foul there, 
who was once as unmeet to partake of that inhe- 
ritance as 1 am ; whom thy free grace has made 
meet? If there be not, yet, Lord, what cannot 
infinite power, and free unbounded grace effeft ? 
I know, if I ever enter the new Jerufalem, the 
almighty power and fandifying efficacy of the 
Spirit of God muft pafs on my foid, to make me 
a meet inhabitant for that high and holy place. 
This, thhs^ will not fuffer my heart to objedl my 
tmfitnefs. And,, alas ! my advances arefo incon- 
fiderable, that I dare no.t.wilh for months and 
years; but rather for glory begun, this grace 
made perfeft. Then, oh then^ fliall I really make 
advances in love and likenefs to my God. Oii 
thou end of all m,y hopes and wiflie^'s, ftand not 
afar off from my foul : oh let come what will, 
give me to behold thy face and glory, recon- 
ciled to me in Jefus Chrift, and I venture all 
events. Oh may I but enjoy this my God, and 
all the blacknefs of hell could not difmav or 
aif right me, 

Feb. 5th, M^^l^ Some very folemn, awful 
thoughts of death, this day : that vaft, and, to 
nature, /hocking feparation between foul and 
body, thofe old and dear companions. That this 
body, thofe eyes, this nofe and mouth, mufi: ere 
long become food for worms; be covered with 



Chvp. IV.] HISS ANTHONY. ]©7 

the clods of the valley ; and rotteunefs enter into 
my bones! 'Here I mufed ; how dark the fcene, 
while my infirm, lickly conftitution tells me, it 
is hajiening on me. But directly I mufe, and 
flretch my thoughts beyond the grave. Here I 
view a rifen and aicended Saviour; an innumera- 
ble company of the IJDirits of the juft made per- 
fe6l ; refined from all the drofs of finful corrup- 
tion; drelTed in the likenefs of their God. Tranf- 
p^rted here, I gaze on brighter fcenes of blifs, 
overbalancing all the gloomy profpect, arifmg 
from the horrors of the grave. For me to be with 
Chrift, I efteem far tlie beft. 

Great encouragement this night in prayer, 
wreftling with God for zeal and courage to dare 
to be Angularly good, in this corrupt world and 
age in which I live ; and that I might never ceafe 
making this petition^ until I had obtained this 
mercy of him, nor even until I did arrive com- 
plete in his kingdom and glory above. 

Feb, 6th. Great refrelliment and affiftance 
this night in prayer ; far beyond what is common 
for me. Oh ho\v^ v/as I held up, as it were, to 
heaven, to gaze on the divine glory; Vv-hile the 
fpirit of prayer and fupplication was abundantly 
poured out into my foul: yea, I took hold of the 
ftrength of the almighty Jehovah, protefting, 
with all reverence, I could not, I would not let 
him go, except he blefs. Oh it feems God did 
allow me the utmoft bounds of humble boldnefs. 
I faw, by the eye of faith, the Lord, the Lord 
mofl high, exceeding glorious; myfelf, Icfs than 
a worm : He, moft holy ; I, a wretched, polluted 
finner : He, infinitely wife ; and myfelf ignorant 
as a bead hefore h'uu. I beheld an infinite dif- 
proportion between abfolute perfection, and im- 

o la 



108 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

perfeSion itfelf ; and yet that this God was ac- 
ceffible, through the bleffed Jefus ; and that I 
ftood in abfolute neceffity of his favour and gra- 
cious regards ; and, with me, fo did the whole 
race of mankind. I wreftled in an agony for this 
family^ particularizing every foul in it, even to 
the third generation. i\Iy foul felt their abfolute 
need of God : and, imitating my Saviour, who, 
being in an agony, prayed more earneftly, my 
foul was fo engaged, that it feemed ready to break 
loofe from the body. So likewife for all the chil- 
dren of God ; for our church and congregation; 
for the whole town; for this land; for our nation ; 
and for heathens and jews. I do not know that 
I was ever more, if fo much, ilrengthened and 
carried out, in every petition, with fuch unwea- 
ried, undivided importunity, in my life before. 
I fa id, It is good to be here. 

But I am now fully perfuaded, that a few fuch 
feafons, fucceffively, would burft the bands of 
nature : for though I was at that time infenfible 
of my weaknefs; yet fince, nature feems as though 
it would fink and die. But oh, fuch a feafou 
would a thoufandfold more than recompenfe me, 
even though life fhould pay for it. My foul did 
even break with the longings I had for the open 
vifion and full fruition of God; and until then, 
for as large meafures of grace, as was poffible for 
me, a finite, mortal worm, to receive. I could 
not, I would not flop my thirft beneath the higheft 
attainment poffible in this world. Oh how infi- 
nitely eafy did it then appear to me, for God to 
fill and fatisfy a finite vapour, out of his unmea- 
furable fulnefs ! I longed to be filled with the fuU 
nefs of God. 

. Feb. 7th. An abiding fweetnefs remains on 
niy fpirits this day, from the viutations of l^ft 



Ch^p. IV.] l^IISS ANTHONY. 109 

night. Oh how good is God to my foul! How 
fweet the abundant exprefiions of his gi-ace and 
love to wt I Verily 1 would, I could forever 
oifer up my whole foul a facrifice of love to this 
God of love, for his moft free and unfpeakable 
love to our wretched race; and to me, theleaftof 
them all. Here language fails, and my mortal 
tongue dies, unable to utter fuch an unfpeakable 
myftery. Oh may I live anfwerably to fucli high 
privileges, always under a realizing and power- 
ful fenfe of fuch free, boundlefs, fovereign love! 
Oh the height and depth, the length and breadth 
of this love of God, which hatli (toopcd to regard 
me, even unworthy me, the leaft and moft un- 
^v'orthy of all the finite race! 

Feb. Sth. Abundantly refreHied ; efpecially 
in converfing with a chriftian friend. God was 
pleafed to revive in me a frefli i^^ni^c of his long- 
experienced faithfulnefs, while I was fpeaking of 
his infinite goodnefs. My Saviour, my almighty 
friend, feems again returning to my foul. Oh, 
I woidd bid my God ten thoufand welcomes to 
my foul! Oh that chriftians would pra6iice the 
duty of chriftian conference more ! What a mean 
would this be to revive vital o;odlinefs! 



&' 



Feb. \oth. Oh God, if I may not get fatisfied 
in thee, now pafs, 1 befeech thee, an irrevocar 
ble decree: oh fwear by thyfelf, that nothing 
elfe Ihall fatisfy me. I want none but thee; and 
if thou fatisfy me not, I would remain eternally 
unfatisfied, uneafy and reftlefs. But I know thou 
\vilt do it : for thou haft bid me open wide my 
mouth, and had promifcd thou wouldft fill it. 
Oh divine power, come with the command; and, 
behold, it is opened ! Opened ^o wide, that 
nothing but thy infinite fclf can fill it ; and thou 
wilt, confiftent with thv truth and faithfulnefs, 



110 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

fill it. Yea, I know thy mighty love and bene- 
ficence v/ould incline thee to do it, had I not a 
promile to plead; even that love and beneficence 
which firft moved thee to promife, and has now 
begot in my foul this facred thirft. 

When iliall I come, and appear before God ! 
I would, my God, wait with patience thy time; 
yet, oh be not offended with my importunity, 
which rifes not, I trull, from difcontent with the 
allotments of providence. No, bleifed be God ! 
I have friends, the moil tender and kind that the 
creation affords. Thy providence hath, and doth 
fuppiy all ni}^ wants ; fo that I can fay, I am full 
and aboui?d: I am furrounded with goodnefs and 
mercy. And when I look around me, I know 
none on earth, with whom I defire to change cir- 
ciimftances : becaufe, though 1 have not theii' 
wealth, I have not their" cares and entangle- 
ments; and can enjoy my God without their dif- 
tracfion. I trufl, the true fpring of my defires is 
Jove to God ; that I mav Ijehold his face and 
glory, and get free from this body of fm- and 
death; wheix and when I iliall adore, love, praife 
and ferve this ever bleifed God, to the utmoft of 
my powers. 

My God, my Father, my Saviour, my almighty 
Friend, my only everlafting portion, when fhall f 
fee thee in glory? Oh the unutterable felicity, 
onee to behold the God I love ! Thou, thou art 
the delight of thine own infinite felf, and be- 
holdefl thine own infinite perfections with infinite 
pjeafure: How then ihall thy poor, finite worm, 
be filled, raviilied and traniported with the glo- 
rious vifion ! Could I lee no more of thee here- 
after than now, I would be content to (truggle 
and fight, in this field of battle. But to fee the 
God 1 wiih ! A glance of his infinite perfedlions 



Chap, iwl MI5S AXTHOXY. 1]]^ 

has fwallowed up my whole foul in longings to 
behold with open face. What faint ideas have I 
of the perfedions of God, in this diftant land! 
How Ihort my views of infinite holinefs ! How 
low are all my conceptions of thine admirable 
beauty ! Oh for one moment's contemplation of 
thee, as do the bleffed above ! But this I know, 
would fix me eternally there : I cannot fee thy 
face, and live. Oh then, let me die to behold it. 
I would give my life away, for the bleft vifion and 
fruition of my God ; and iliould think myfelf aa 
infinite gainer. Oh come, Lord J ef us, pity, pity 
my thirfty foul ! 

ilf^j/ ly?. God is now eafing all my pain, by 
the fight of his bleifed countenance. After a few 
cloudy days, he is come himfelf with the rod; and 
I have fo much to do to admire him, that I lofc 
the fmart of that. , Thou art welcome oh my God, 
thou art welcome, bring what thou wilt with thee. 
Come thyfelf, ^nd it is well: I am happy. I have 
this day heard that my dodor fays, he can do no 
more for me; fignifying my cafe tol3e incurable. 
I think I never did wafte fo faft in my life, as 
-within thefe few" days: but I can, yea, 1 will re- 
joice, while my God doth thus fmile. 

May 9th. Very weak and low in body to-day. 
This is new work. To be fick is not new to me; 
but dying work is new. Oh my foul I never 
knew what dying was. Oh my Saviour help me 
to encounter this lad enemy, death. Since thou 
haft taken away the fting, hence arifesall my hope. 
Th(^ valley is dark ; oh let thy rod and ftaff com- 
fort me. Let there be no delufion in my faith. 

May \Oth. Permitted this- day to commemo- 
rate my Saviour's dvino; love. Here is mv com- 
fort in de^ath. How fweet were thefe words to 



112 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

my foul ! ^^ This is my body, which was broken 
FOR you; adKl this is my blood flied /or yoic.'^ 
Oh condelcending love! Why has it hooped to 
me? Oh ibvereign grace, never to be fathomed 
bv a finite worm ! 

May lith, Exercifed MMth ftrong pains, amaz- 
ing to nature. I fued for patience with every 
breath, fupported by thefe words: Patient in tri- 
bulation; a Chriftlike, childlike difpofition. Shall 
a living man complain; a man for the punijhment of 
his fins? Oh how good is God, that I am not 
always held up under fuch extremity of pain! 
Vei'ily God is gracious in all. Though he fay me^ 
yet will I truft in him. Lord, thou art the portion 
of my foul. 

May — . Weak in body. O what a folemu 
thing it is to die! How iliall I encounter death! 
For foul and body to part muft be hard work. Oh 
the important hour that haftens on me ! A mif- 
take here can never be repaired: »delufion here^> 
Avill prove everlaftingly, eternally fatal. But, 
furely, my Saviour, 1 reft on thee for life and 
for falvation : I fee infinite fulnefs in thee for all 
m^ wants; and my heart rather fears to die thair 
to be dead. Yet this care I will leave with thee, 
my deareft Redeemer. 

May \^th. I find it to be the opinion of my 
doftor, that I am haftening on to my great 
cliange. Bleffed be God for fo pious, faithful a 
phyfician. How fweet now to furvey that dear, 
that blelied inheritance ! There is my treafure, my 
God, and my Chrift. Oh infinite riches! Come, 
Lord Jefus, oh come quickly ! With an ever-hafty 
foul would I meet the meffage. Tranfporting hour 
of dearrekafe; 1 long for thy aproach. I am wea- 
ry of all below, and for thee only do I wait But, 
ah! methinks I find too much impatience, and 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTRONY. 113 

cannot find fiich a cheerful freedom to wait God's 
time, though it Ihould be months ajid years, as 
I defire. I want to be entirely refi:;^Tied to ftay, 
if it be the will of God that I Ihouli linger along 
to the utmoft bounds of human life. Lord, make 
nie to refign to thy fovereign pleafu^'e. Yet, if 
it may be, oh come thou quickly, my life, my 
Lord, my joy, my only reft and fatisfa6tion. 

May — . jMnch better in health : but oh with 
what relu6lance do I meet this life ! Oh what 
an unrefigned foul is mine ! How unprepared to 
meet fuch a difappointment ! Yet, oh my God, 
I am refolved never to give over ftruggling, 
until I am fully refigncd to this. Help, Lord, 
help. 

May — . Great alteration in myfelf to-day : 
diforders feem to vanifli : God feems paffing be- 
fore me in adorable foverei2;ntv. When I am 
raifed on the wing of defire, as it v/ere, juft on 
the entry of blifs, and joys unfpeakable are open- 
ed to me in the moft ravifliing profpecis; m}^ flat- 
tering diforders tell me, it was but a dream that I 
was in : I may yet live long. Oh dark, oh dif- 
mal difappointment ! How doft thou caufe my 
late tranfported fpirits to flag and droop 1 Stay, 
my foul, it is God. Oh adorable fovereignty ! 
Thou wilt make me fubmit. Henceforth, come 
life, come death ; only let my will be fwallowed 
up in thine, and all Ihall be vrell. I am deter- 
mined through grace aififting, that nothing ihajl 
difpleafe me which pleafetli th^e. This is my 
prayer, and this my purpofe; let my praftice be 
the fame. I may Ihrink at the rod, and fear the 
frown ; but ftill I will cling to the hand, and love 
the faee, if both be there. Let me now take up 



114 .MEMOIRS OF {Chap. ly, 

all my reft and fatisfadion in God, and improve 
all n)y time and talents for his glory. 

Oct. \J}. Glory to God for his affiftance this 
day. He has held up my poor weak body beyond 
all my expectations, through many duties. Glory 
to God, for that nearnefs of accefs, with which I 
have been favoured : And glory to him f&r that 
affe6tlng fenfe of fin in my confeffions ; and for 
that unreferved and renewed furrendcr of myfelf, 
foul and body, to God. Now know I, oh Lord, 
that thou art a prayer-hearing God. Now I 
know, that not all my nnworthinefs can ftop the 
current of infinite goodnefs ; and that thou art 
gracious, becaufe thou wilt be gracious. Oh 
how haft thou triumphed over all thofe might}^ 
difficulties, which feemed to be in the way ! And 
as thou haft never failed, on thy part, in giving 
abundant matter for praife ; oh let me not no^r 
fail, in my meafure, in afcribing glory and honour 
to thy free grace. Let me now, and forever, be 
. ftudyirig what I iliall render for all thy benefits 
done unto me.* 

Oh the height and depth of tlmt unbounded 
•grace -and mercy, which loved me out of death 
and deftruftion, into life -and falvation : yea, out 
of all that is dreadful, into all that is defirable. 
From the ftrifteft fearch I can make^ I muft con- 
clude that, through free, rich, fovereign grace^ 
I am of the number of his chofen, redeemed ones; 
' in whom there is wrought, by the holy Spirit, a 
free, full, hearty confent to the terms of the gof- 
pel ; a reliance on Chrift Jefus for life and falva- 
tion ; with an entire refignation of the whole foul 
to his government and difcipline ; a cheerful em- 
bracing of Chrift, as Lord and Saviour, in alibis 
offices of prophet, pneft and king ; and in all his 
"benefits : arid in the exercife of this faitli^ cleaving 



Chap, iw] MISS A■^^T^oxr. 115 

to him, and him only, hating every falfe way, and 
delighting in tb.e way of holinefs. Now is Chrifc 
precious to my foul : I efteem him the pearl of 
great price, the chief often thoufand ; yea, alto- 
gether lovely, even in his perfonal excellencies, 
and the only faitahle Saviour for me. To thee 
will I repair for all fupplies of grace and ftrength. 
I long after a thorough conformity to thee. 1 
love thee above all, and earneftly long to leave 
all, to be with thee, where thou art. I love my 
friends, as my life; yet I would leave both for thee, 
oh thou defire of my foul Oh when ihall I be 
\vhere I ihall fm no more ; never aft the part of a 
traitor; never behave as an ungrateful enemy to 
thebeft of friends. Lord, I cannot bear to treat 
thee as 1 too often do. Oh what had I been, had 
it not been for thee ! How wretched, how mifera- 
ble ! What hope towards God could I have had ! 
Baniibed from God, I m.uft have wandered an 
eternal exile. Oh mv Redeemer, what hait thou 
done for me ! Why was I not a miferable hea- 
then? Why have I heard the joyful news of a 
Saviour? Yet more, Why hath he been favingly 
revealed to me, unworthy me ? Oh the freenefs 
of this grace; the infinity of this love! Oh my 
God, Redeemer, what is it that thou haft not done 
for me ! I were undone without thee : I have no 
hope but in thee: no accefs to God, no comfort 
of the Spirit, but in and through thee. Oh thou 
beft of names, and beft of Beings, I cannot fpeak 
thy worth ; it is infinite, and needs an infinite 
underftanding to know it. 

But art thou thus infinitely great and gracious; 
and thoufands of thoufands of ibuls know nothing 
of thee, but by the dim light of nature? Oh fend 
thy light and truth into the dark corners of the 

p 2 



116 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. IV. 

earth: oh let thofe who never heard of a Saviour, 
and thofe who now fee no form or coiiielinefs ia 
him, fall down before his moft amazing' beauty. 
Oh reveal thyfelf to thefe, and they lliall confefs 
all befides is but drols and dung. Oh let heathens 
and jews fee the God whom they have hithertu 
defpifed, 

Feb. 1748. I am amazed that I know fo little 
of God. Lord, 1 am as ignorant as a beaft be- 
fore thee. 1 fear wliether liich ignorance be con- 
fiftent wich a ftate of grace. Can I be born of 
God; and yet know no more of the inyfteries of 
thy kingdom? Oh however ignorant I am in 
other refpefls, let me know thee, and Jefus Chrift, 
%vhom to know is life eternal. Bleffed be thy 
name, thou haft chofen the foohfli and bafe things 
of this world : oh then, let me but be able to com- 
prehend, with all faints, Avhat is the breadth and 
length, and depth and height, and to know the 
love of Chrift, which paifeth knowledge ; and I 
will never envy the moil capacious learned un- 
derftanding in the wdiole univerfe, ^vhoyetkno^vs 
not thee. But art thou, indeed, niy God, my 
infinite portion; and yet I know no more of thee? 
Oh unveil thy glories to my foal ! Oh take me 
to thyfelf, to the open vifion; and I fljall then 
know more of thee, than the moft learned, expe^ 
I'ienced faint ever did know in this world. 

This night I v/as fwallowed up under a fenfe of 
my ignorance, fo that I knew not how to live 
under it. 1 was afraid I was too ignorant, ever 
to have been favingly enlightened. I appeared 
to myfelf to be the moft ignorant v/retch the earth 
ever bore, fcarce rational. But, blelTed be God, 
in this time of great diftrefs, he was pleafed to let 
light into my mind, and allure me that flefli au^ 



Chap. IV.] M{SS ANTHONY. 117 

blood hid not revealed God and Cliriftj and the 
tilings of the kingdom to me, fo as to make me 
choofe them before the things of time and ienfe. 
Now was God pleafed to make fuch difcoverirs of 
his glorious fulnefs to my foul, as gave me fome 
fweet idea of open vifion ; and I even fainted for 
full fruition. Oh with what importunity did I 
-wreftle for the allimilating vifion ! But alas, this 
clog of flelb interrupted ! I felt as if I had almoft 
grafped invifibilities ; and that I would hold my 
beloved and not let him go; and that I would 
gaze forever. But ah this clog ! I foon found 
nature to faint. Oh cruel weaknefs and difeale, 
thus to interrupt my adoring foul ! Had you 
come, and ftopped me in the enjoyment of my 
friends, and forbid my continuance amidft tea 
thoufand earthly delights, I had not faid a word: 
but oh hov/ cruel to interrupt my weary, thirfty, 
familhing foul, when juft hoping to take my lill 
amidft fuch delights and glories, as were then 
breaking in on my foul ! Oh my God, am I thine; 
and fhall it be thus with me? Shall I enjoy thee 
BO more here ? Then, oh my compaflionate Sa- 
viour, take, I pray thee, take me where neither 
fick nor finful nature ihall ever interrupt more. 
I am almoft ready to fay, Could one of the per- 
feft, blefled fpirits above, wdio have no propenfity 
in their natures to murmur or repine, forbear to 
complain of fuch a clog as this ! 

Dec. \9th, 17-iS. I have been with a dear child 
of God: faw her fick, dying, and dead. I iav/ 
the diftrefling agonies of her foul. God hid his 
face, and Ihe was troubled. Satan roared, and 
Hie was terribly afraid. Death approached her, 
and its horrors took hold upon her foul. Often 
^^arS I called to her dying bed, to hear her diftrefs^ 



lis MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV, 

^lay I nev-er forget, or lofe the impreffion of thefe 
thiFi^^s I 1 faw her ghaftly looks, and heard her 
iioleful cries: yea, IfelthtY agonies: they pierced 
ii}y Ibul. God gave me to believe that he would 
appear for her; and I thought 1 was come there 
to be encouraged againft iny ov;n death. But, 
ah ! I found her dying, and knew not how God 
was dealing M^ith her, as to comforts. While I 
was yet looking to God, ihe fpake: God covered 
Ler head in this day of battle; and fte was no 
more afraid. Now was her foul enflamed, while 
her body was cold. Isly Ibul revived : I felt her 
joy. She kiifed me with her dying lips; and, 
with fmiles, exprefled her full aii'urance of eter- 
nal happinefs ; admiring a precious Chrift, till flie 
could Ipeak no more. 

Oh adorable fovereignty ! I faw God in all this. 
It was the Lord's doins;, and marvellous in mv 
eyes. God met me in the w^ay of his providence: 
lie granted my requeft, with refpeCi to his hand- 
maid. I was with her in herlaii mom.ents ; faw 
God's faithfulnefs : I faw him fulfil his word to 
her; the w'ord on v/hich he had caufed her to 
hope. May 1 r.ever forget what a folemn thing 
it is to die ! How inexcufable fliall I be, if I 
Ijiould be found unprepared after all thefe things : 

^przY 18///, 1749. How foon is the fcene chang- 
ed I I was lately ^ven fwallowed up under a fenfe 
c^f the unbounded feries of mercies, conftantly 
flowing in upon me: but now anguilh and horror 
Ijath taken hold of me, io that nothing, in this 
world affords me any real delight or pleafure. 
My fear and dread of thunder is fo great, that I 
find no reft at home or abroad : but am in one 
conftant diftrefs, whether it be clear or cloudy^, 
fo that nature is fcarcely able to endure the amaz- 



Chap. IT.] M^SS' ANTHONY. I li> 

ing fhox:k.* Oh my God, my God, my covenant 
God, my Father, my reft, my refuge, my high 
tower, my rock of defence ; for fo I believe thou 
art to me ; and therefore would call my foui on 
thee with the utmoft confidence: and yet my na- 
ture is thrown into the greateft diftrefs at the 
riQife of thy thunder. Oh ihali my foul be fiiaken. 
from its confidence in thee! Where then can 
this immortal, this diftreffed foul find reft? Oh 
0ay me on thyfelf : let me not be afraid with any 
amazement. Oh compofe me to a quiet temper 
of mind : calm all my fears, and I will rejoice in 
thy falvation. The humble Ihall hear thereof, 
and be glad, and truft in my God. Oh fay to 
my 'tempeftuQiis foul, Be ftill, be calm, be not 
afraid; it is I ; 1, thy covenant God, and deareil 
Father; thy faithful God, and thy almighty Re- 
deemer. Oh fpeak with almighty power, and all 
this mighty terror Ihall inttantly vanifli ; and 
i'weet reft and compofure iliall enfue. Oh my God^ 
contend not forever, left the fpirit fail, and the 
foul which thou haft made: nor let fatan take the 
advantage, to work on my fear, and fo "drive mj'- 
foul from its confidence in God. This I believe 
he is powerfully and fubtilly aiming at: oh fhow 

* Miss Anthony, from the constitution of her animal frame^ 
or from some unknov/n cause, was from her youth greatly ter- 
rified 'by thunder; and was often thrown into great perturbation 
and distress, when there were any signs of a thunder storm: and 
pven when there were no appearances of it, she was sometimes 
in constant distress and terror from day to day, by apprehen- 
sions of it; which seems to have been her case, when she 
ivrote this. 

It was t?uly unaccountable, that a person of such piety, ami 
who was often raised above the fear of death, and did frequently 
long for it, should be thus terrified. What she suspected, wa» 
doubtless true, that the tempter took advantage of thi^ animal 
w eakness and propensity, to work on her imagination, and con- 
fuse., disconcert, and perplex her mind. In the after part of 
\qv life, she was in a great degree delivered from these fears- 



IQO MEBioiRs OS [Chap, IVc 

thyfelf ftronger than the ftrong man armed. Thou 
captain of my falvation, ariie for my help: I am 
thine, and thou art mine. I am perfuaded, 
neither life, nor death, principalities nor powers, 
things prefent nor things to come, fliall ever be 
able to feparate me from the love of God in Chrift 
Jefus my Lord : and though fatan may, if thou 
permitteft, terrify and diftrefs, even to death ; 
yet he cannot break the blefled union between 
Chrift and my foul. Even by death, through 
Chrift, I Ihould be m.ade a complete conqueror, 
over lin, death, fatan, and hell. 

Aug. ly?, 1749. Bleffed be God for the af- 
fiftance of the day, in extraordinary prayer for 
the advancement of Chrift's kingdom and inte- 
reft in the world. I truft my foul hath been more 
than ordinarily engaged for the outpouring of the 
Spirit ; for the whole church of God militant ; for 
the downfall of antichrift; and for the bringing 
in of the jews and heathen. Oh that the favages 
of the wildernefs mav become the lambs of Chrift's 
fold ! How fweet is it to be united in fpirit with 
a number of God's dear children, at one and the 
fame time, for one and the fame glorious intereft ; 
even the advancement of our Redeemer's king- 
dom in the world ! Though abfent in body, yet 
united in fpirit and intereft : oh may we lift up 
holy hands, without wrath aiid doubting. Oh 
grant the unity of the Spirit, which is the bond 
of peace: may God hear our prayers! Let our 
requeft find a gracious acceptance. Fulfil thy 
promife to thy Son; and let the glorious things 
fpoken concerning thy Zion be foon accompliflied, 
to the glory of thy eternal name, and the good 
of thine eleft. 

Jpril \6th, 1750. Oh my God, when wilt 
thou come unto me, and releafe my wear}^ foul ? 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 121 

Thou haft now taken a clear faint from her knees 
to glory. She often told me her fears and tears ; 
but thou waft the guide of her youth, and the 
ftaff of her old age. She is cut down as a fliock 
of corn, fully ripe; a lovely pattern of piety. I 
knew her humble expreffions of herfelf ; great felf- 
diffidence, and raifed hope in the dear Redeemer : 
and now God has diftinguiflied her by her death. 
She was found dying, on her knees, at prayer. 
Bleffed is that fervant, whom his Lord, when he 
Cometh, (hall find fo doing. Oh, methinks, per- 
haps her foul was kiffed away. Her clay veiTel, 
unable to bear the weight of divine love, burft 
out with beams of joy unfpeakable, and full of 
glory. Did not God, while fhe was in prayer, 
give her fuch lively views of himfelf, fueh a ra- 
vilhing profpe6l of infinite glory ? Did he not 
draw afide the veil, and let her behold him? Oh 
methinks I hear her crying in an extacy, * I 
cannot fee thee, and live: Let me die, that I may 
behold thee, as thou art.' Oh methinks I fee 
her drink in and gaze, until flie had even forgot 
to live. Oh blefl'ed death! Oh fweeter life! 
There, feeing God, I truft, fiie is fatisfied. Oh' 
when ihall I follow her ! I long, / long to rife, 
and dwell above. How long, Lord God, holy 
and true, before I hear the fummons, and drop 
this clog of earth ? Ah, how am I pained at this 
diftance ! This frail body unfits me for every 
duty. My foul cannot rife and fing. Darknefs, 
fears and pain fetter my foul in its moft lively 
efforts. Oh come, my dear Saviour. 

July 3d, 1750. Exceeding terrible thunder 
and lightning laft night : but, bleffed be God, I 
did not feel thofe diftreffnig agonies which I ufed 
to feel. I believed my God gave each clap of 

Q 



120 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV, 

tli3'felf ftronger than the (Irong man armed. Thou 
captain of my falvation, ariie for my help: I am 
thine, and thou art mine. I am perfuaded, 
neither life, nor death, principalities nor powers, 
things prefent nor things to come, Ihall ever be 
able to feparate me from the love of God in Chrift 
Jefas my Lord : and though fatan may, if thou 
permitteft, terrify and diftrefs, even to death ; 
yet he cannot break the blefied union between 
Chrift and my foul. Even by death, through 
Chrift, I Ihould be m^ade a complete conqueror, 
over lin, death, fatan, and hell. 

Aug. 1/, 1749. Bleffed be God for the af- 
fiftance of the day, in extraordinary prayer for 
the advancement of Chrift's kingdom and inte- 
reft in the world. I truft my foul hath been more 
than ordinarily engaged for the outpouring of the 
Spirit ; for the whole church of God militant ; for 
the downfall of antichrift; and for the bringing 
in of the jews and heathen. Oh that the favages 
of the wildernefs mav become the lambs of Chrift's 
fold ! How fweet is it to be united in fpirit with 
a number of God's dear children, at one and the 
fame timCj for one and the fame glorious intereft ; 
even the advancement of our Redeemer's king- 
dom in the world ! Though abfent in body, yet 
united in fpirit and intereft : oh may we lift up 
holy hands, w^ithout wrath atid doubting. Oh 
grant the unity of the Spirit, v/hich is the bond 
of peace: may God hear our prayers! Let our 
requeft find a gracious acceptance. Fulfil thy 
promife to thy Son; and let the glorious things 
fpoken concerning thy Zion be foon accompliflied, 
to the glory of thy eternal name, and the good 
of thine elect. 

April \6th, 1750. Oh my God, when wilt 
thou come unto me, and releafe my wear)" foul ? 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTKONYo 121 

Thou haft now taken a dear faint from her knees 
to glory. She often told me her fears and tears ; 
but thou waft the guide of her youth, and the 
ftafFof her old age. She is cut down as a fliock 
of corn, fully ripe; a lovely pattern of piety. I 
knew her humble expreffions of herfelf ; great felf- 
diffidence, and raifed hope in the dear Redeemer : 
and now God has diftinguiihed her by her death. 
She was found dying, on her knees, at prayer. 
Bleffed is that fervant, whom his Lord, when he 
Cometh, (hall find fo doing. Oh, methinks, per- 
haps her foul was kiffed away. Her clay veflel, 
unable to bear the weight of divine love, burft 
out with beams of joy unfpeakable, and full of 
glory. Did not God, while ihe was in prayer, 
give her fuch lively views of himfelf, fueh a ra- 
vilhing profped of infinite glory ? Did he not 
draw afide the veil, and let her behold him? Oh 
methinks I hear her crying in an extacy, ' I 
cannot fee thee, and live: Let me die, that I may 
behold thee, as thou art.' Oh methinks I fee 
her drink in and gaze, until fiie had even forgot 
to live. Oh blefl'ed death! Oh fweeter life! 
There, feeing God, I truft, (he is fatisfied. Oh' 
when lliall I follow her ! I long, / long to rife, 
and dwell above. How long, Lord God, holy 
and true, before I hear the fummons, and drop 
this clog of earth ? Ah, how am I pained at this 
diftance ! This frail body unfits me for every 
duty. My foul cannot rife and fing. Darknefs, 
fears and pain fetter my foul in its moft lively 
efforts. Oh come, my dear Saviour. 

July 3d, 1750. Exceeding terrible thunder 
and lightning laft night : but, bleffed be God, I 
did not feel thofe diftreffmg agonies which I ufed 
to feel. I believed my God gave each clap of 

Q 



13g MEMOIRS OF [Chop. IT, 

thunder its commiffion. What iliall I render to 
the Lord for fo far compofmg iny foul, and pre- 
ferving the whole houfe and family? Oh for 
more light, life and love! This afternoon hard 
thunder again: but, blelfed be God, I was in no 
diftrefs. Oh how good is God to me in this, as 

well as in every diftrefs! 

%j 

July Sth. Had little or no fleep laft night. 
Rofei very early. Went to town.^ It was ex- 
tremely hot; all which, with a llothful wicked 
heart, did much unfit me for public worfliip: yet, 
bleffed be God, after meeting, I w^as much re- 
freflied, and my fpirits much revived, by reading 
Dr. Watts's fermon on Nearnefs to God, the feli" 
city of the creature. Oh, if I know any thing of 
heaven, this, this is heaven; to be near rny God. 
There is fcarcely any thing that doth fo revive 
and fweetly refreih my foul, even when at the 
loweft ebb, as this. How foon do I feel the warm- 
ing, quickening influence of fuch meditations! 
Oh what can heaven afford equal to the fruition 
of God! I long for heaven, for freedom from 
fni ; and for the bleffed fociety of perfefted faints 
and angels ; and on many other accounts : but 
the moft pleafing, conftant, and abiding joy flows 
from the thought of enjoying God, as he is in 
himfelf. Father, Son, and Spirit; my infinitely 
full and all-fufficient portion. Oh happy hour ! 
Come, come, oh come, and dawn on my Ian- 
guifl]ing fpirit. Oh come ! I would fly to meet 
the tranfporting moment. But language fails. 
My foul fwells with the thought, too big to be 
uttered. I muft ceafe to attempt to exprefs my 
longing, and lofe my foul in contemplation. 

July lOtk. Again my foul is refrefhed w^th 
and in GK)d. What can a finite creature wilh or 

"^ She then lived at a little distance from the town. 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 123 

defire beyond reji in God? Oh how inconceiva- 
ble is the happinefs, for a finite vapour to be 
filled out of God's fulnefs, and almoft feem to 
clafp an infinite God in itfelf, as in heaven, 
Avhile it ftretches after this God, and enjoys him 
to the full 1 Oh infinite myftery ! The infinite 
God, the portion of a finite worm; and yet not 
completely fatisfied, until it awake in his likenefs. 
My foul ftretches for God, as though it would 
ftretch into immortality. This is the God, whofe 
being and perfeftions I have been tempted to dif- 
believe. Oh let me fee him as he is; let me fee 
him for myfelf; let me love him, as he is worthy; 
or rather, let me love him as much as finite na- 
ture, enlarged in all its vafi: capacities, is capable 
of. Why this difl:ance ? Why this veil between ? 
I would gaze my life away on this beauty, and 
thefe perfections. Oh infinite God, thou only 
delight of my foul! It is through Jefus the Me- 
diator, by the holy Spirit, that I have accefs to 
the infinite Deity himfelf. Be not afraid, my 
foul, with any amazement; but be humble, hum- 
ble to the diiji. 

Spent fome part of this day in feeking God's 
direclion and bleffing in regard to my propofed 
journey to Bofl:on. My foul feems utterly averfe 
to going, without the divine prefence. Blefled 
be God, whether I go, or ftay, I trufi: I have 
been near to God, and permitted to wreftle hard 
for his direction, with an unbiafed affedion either 
for going or flaying. All I feem to feek for, or 
defire, is to glorify and enjoy God : for nearnefs 
to him is the greatefi: felicity 1 can fee or defire. 
Therefore, I leave it with God, trufting in his 
faithfulnefs. I will cry unto God, unto God 
mpft high, who performeth all things for me. 

Q 2 "• 



12(5 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. IV. 

Chrift Jefus for all that do believe ; appealing to 
God for the fincerit)' of my faith ; of the free, 
full, and unreferved dedication of inyfelf to him 
and his fervice, and choice of him for my por- 
tion, Lord and king ; not only when in great fear 
and terror, but in the moft fedate and compofed 
feafons I ever knew ; as well in profperity as ad- 
verfity : a choice which flowed from a deep, found 
conviQion of his infinite excellency ; a choice 
entirely free. I aflferted the faithfulnefs of God, 
triumphed in his infinite grace and love; and all 
this while there was the moft violent conflid 
within : fatan oppofing all thofe, and many more, 
and raifing my fear to a diftreffing height. Thus 
I continued for fome time, fo that when I had 
finiflied the duty of prayer, 1 found my fpirits 
much exhaufted, and my body almoft ftitf, as 
though it had been numb. 

Thefe are fome of the moft diftreffmg confiids 
with which I am frequently exercifed; fo that 
nature feems fometimes almoft ready to faint un- 
der them, chiefly in fecret prayer. I am forced, 
as it were, to do like the jcnvs, of whom it is faid, 
Every one, with one hand wrought in the work, 
and with the other held a weapon. Glory to God, 
who thus upholds me, that I am not quite over- 
come by thefe pov/ers of darknefs ! Oh when ihall 
my foul be at reft in this God ! I long for a happy 
releafe: yet I fubmit to thy will: only afford me 
thy ftrength and gracious prefence, that I faint 
not, nor be outdone. Oh let not fatan get the 
advantage againft me. Glory to that God who 
has liood by me, and defeated the fubtle policy 
and malice of thofe combined legions that have 
rifen up againft me. Surely I was no match for 
one of thefe, had not Jehovah appeared for me. 

Oh then, my foul^ be not difmayed: be refokite,, 



Chap, IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 12/ 

and refift in his llrength, which has been made 
perfeft in thy weaknefs. Let not thefe fore com- 
bats difcourage thee; but rather encourage to 
truft and fight under the Lord Jehovah. Perhaps 
thou art near thy journey's end^ that fatan rages 
thus: oh droop not, then, at the end of thy race. 
Wilt thou inglorioufly defert the caufe of God? 
It is not unlikely that fatan has referved the moft 
violent aflaults to the laft. But will that God, who 
hath never left me in one inftance unfuccoured, 
or unreheved, now forfake me? No, furely no. 
Oh then, my foul, fear not, though fatan ftrive to 
fhake thee. Sometimes he would fuggeft, God is 
not fuch a Being as I have apprehended him to be; 
and that there is no fecurity in the gofpel way of 
falvation, by Jefus Chrift, to venture an immortal 
foul on: again, he would perfuade me there is no 
reality in religion; the work of gmce on the hearts 
of God's children, in regeneration and fanftifica- 
tion, is nothing real; that there is no real change 
in thefe: then he proceeds to deny all revealed 
religion^ and then the being of God. Thus doth 
lie ftrive to ruin my foul: but blelfed be God who 
doth fioj-ht for m,e. 



"o*^ 



3Ia7xh 9>9thy 1751. Fain would my heart afpire 
after God, and rife above all earthly and fenfible 
objects; but I cannot, I cannot : I am drawn down 
and held by fuch clogs and fetters. Aly bodily 
diforders are fuch that 1 cannot fix my heart on 
any thing long: not on any thing, either worldly 
or religious. If it were only in religious matters, 
I might well fear it were indeed owing to the 
diforders of my heart: but it is the fame in every 
concern of life. A little fixednefs and intenfe- 
nefs quite overfets me. Oh when (hall my foul 
be free and a6live ! When fliall it no more be 
clogged with this burden of mortality ! Oh when I 



128 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

My God, I long to get near thee. I long to reach 
a more noble and exalted height of life and fer- 
vour. I louo; to oret above the fun, and fing: among: 
the heirs of glory, thofe birds ot paradife. There, 
tranfported, I ihall fee the God I love; fee him, 
in the fjght of whom I hope to enjoy unbounded 
felicity: and feeing him, I hope to be like him, 
confoinjed to his image. Oh blefl'ed vifion : oh 
endlefs fruition! Then I dial] not fear nor faint 
any more. Oh come, my Redeemer, come away: 
break through thefe intervening clouds, and fet 
the prifonerfreefrom every interruption. Oh bring 
me where I long to be ; near my God and Saviour. 
Thou art all my reft, delight and defire, \diile I 
remain here; and thou ilialt be infinitely more fo, 
when I fee thee without this veil of mortality. 
What is tliere in life I count M^orth living for,' 
but thee? Does it not appear all vain; yea, bur- 
denfome, without thee, my God? Verily I fee 
nothing worth living for, but this God; nothing 
but glorifying and enjoying him. Oh then, why 
iliouid mortality confine me here, under fuch 
languifliments! May I not glorify and enjoy 
thee more, when my foul is more refined, and 
fatisfied with full vifion and fruition? Lord, thou 
knoweft what is beft : yet I long. Oh come, 
Lord Jefus, come quickly ! Amen. 

May^ 1752. I have this day been in fome 
young company, not of the ruder fort: but, alas! 
how vain, how unprofitable the converfation ! 
Nothing folid, nothing real and fubftantial ; all 
vain and trifling. Oh how empty is fuch plea- 
fure ! Are thefe rational, immortal fouls, who 
are capable of enjoying God, the infinite, im- 
mortal fountain of delight and happinefs ; and 
yet do they negleft this, for fuch infipid, falfe de- 
light ! Oh mean, fordid fouls 1 Let me never 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 129 

have my portion here. May I always look on it 
as it muft one day appear, unworthy the regard, 
below the notice of a rational being, capable of 
fuch fuperior joy, as is in thy favour, and the 
contemplation of thee, oh my God. Hereisfolid, 
rational and immortal delight, and unbounded 
pleafure; all tliat is worthy the vigour, ardour 
and delight of immortal fouls. They may won- 
der at me, that I have no talte for fuch things : 
but I wonder, even with aftonilliment, at them, 
that they can ftarve their fouls thus. I wonder, 
if they have no delight in God as pure, holy, 
kind and good, yet that they do not follow fome- 
thing more folid and fublime, more deep, and 
worthy of a rational foul. Miferable Hfe! Oh 
pining poverty, ftarving fouls, mod tormenting 
penury! Oh rather let me lofemortalit}^, drenched 
deep in unbounded fulnefs, and over-filled with 
deep, immenfe divinity ! 

June, 1752. Oh my God^ my gracious God, 
is it fo ! My foul, my immortal foul, is it as I 
have this day heard? Are believers thus nearly 
united to Chrift? Is it a vital, fpiritual, indiifolu- 
ble union ; I in themy and they in me ? My faith 
was even ready to ftagger at this, as to my own. 
part. I can hold it, in a general view of it ; but 
when it is fet out in fuch lively terms; the inefti- 
mable privileges refulting therefrom, andthefur- 
prifing heights and depths of the condefcending 
grace of God, to take worms of the duft thus near 
to his infinite IVIajefty, 1 am ready to fay. All my 
hopes are vain ! It can never be fo as to me. I 
can never be thus united to the great God-Man- 
Mediator, and derive no more life from him ! 
Can I be thus clofely united to an infinite Being, 
and yet feel fo little ftrength and grace ? Can I 



ijO MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

be united to the pure and holy God, and yet be 
thus unholy ? Can I he in him, in whom dwells 
ail the fuhiefs of the Godliead, as the branches 
are in the vine, and bear fo little IVuit ? Oh me- 
thinks it is impofiible ! And yet in this is all my 
confidence, delight, defne, and expectation. Thi.^ 
makes life fupportable, and death defirable. 

Oh my Lord and head, am I tlius united to 
thee ; thou in me, and 1 in thee ! I could never 
have dared to claim fuch an union with the Moft 
High, hadft thou not revealed it. Oh happy 
privilege : the only defire or joy of my foul : the 
higheft felicity of a rational being: the fountain, 
Mdience flows all the happinefs 1 enjoy, expefl, or 
defire. Oh blelled union: dear privilege: all that 
is worthy the wifh of a rational creature. Why 
was 1 born to be made thus happy? BleflTed, for- 
ever bleffed be God, that I have a being among 
rational creatures for this end ! That 1 ihould be 
raifed to this honour and dignity of being fo 
nearly allied to the great, eternal, infinite God. 
Here be all my future contemplation and joy : 
here be all my fenfe of pleafure : here be all m} 
fweet repofe, and all my reft : here be all the con- 
fidence of my foul; its only center, and fixed 
abode : here let me lofe all the reli(h of creature 
delights : and with thefe, here let me lofe con- 
cern to pleafe a vain world. Let them think me 
mean, fordid, low-lived, and having no tafte for 
refined pleafures: v/hile my whole foul is divinely 
raviihed, with the infinite glories of thy nature, 
and the felicity of being fo nearly united to Jefu^ 
the dear Mediator, it is enough. Lord, here I 
would delight to dwell. It is long fince I have 
voluntarily chofen to lay up all my good in thee: 
and 1 have never willingly retracted; though, 
alas I 1 have toa^ too often feemed fo to do: yet. 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHOxr. ISl 

oh my God, my defire has been to thee, and 
to the remembrance of thy name. I truft my 
heart has never even fecretly drawn back from its 
nrft choice of thee ; but has a thoufand, and ten 
thoufand times renewed its firft folemn engage- 
ments to be thine. And, if a hearty conient to 
the terms of the gofpel, a daily defire after and 
dehght in Chrift, and after conformity to him, 
be an evidence of my union to him, I will ftill 
hope. Notwithftanding all my yet unallowed 
Aveaknefs, barrennefs and fin, I am united to this 
God by faith; and ihall be brought to glory. 
Here, oh my foul, take thy Ihield, thy faith and 
confidence. Be fixed, and be no more afraid. 
Here rejoice and triumph. If indeed united to 
the great Redeemer, thou art happ}^; and fhalt 
be fo, though heaven and earth pafs away. As 
long as the eternal God is thy refuge, nothing 
but fin fhali hurt thee : and that Ihall not have 
dominion over thee. Oh my only defirable re- 
fuge, fave me from every inclination to fin ! 

June 30th. This day I have been in company 
with fome of great note, perfons of quality, who 
were very agreeable, as to civil, focial, aflfable 
behaviour: but I would not give one hour's fami- 
liar, chriftian conference with a dear faint; or, 
what is more, one moment's communion with 
God, for a years converfe with thefe. Oh wheu 
fliall the ties ofmere civility and common friend- 
Ihip be no more; when I ihall dwell and converfe 
where I long to be, with Jefus, and faints made 
perfeft ! 

— Again paid a vifit long due. I went with 
fome reluciance ; but went becaufe I would pre- 
vent rr remove all prejudice againft ftrict religion, 
and leave no room for any to think religion made 

i\ 2 



132 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

me ftifFand unfociable, d if regardful of relatives. 
But, oh, when Ihall I dwell forever where 1 love ; 
with Jefus, and his dear children, to converfe of 
him only; for here is all my delight! Oh come 
fweet hour of mv releafe ! All below this, is but 
fordid drudgery, only as far as it is done in obe- 
dience, under a fenfe of duty. 

July — . This day difordered in body; and 
the weather extremely hot: yet I have been to 
the houfe and table of my Lord Redeemer. I had 
an idea of this feaft, as a token or pledge of re- 
conciliation : and, bleffed be God, here I have 
received full alfurance that God was my recon- 
ciled God and Father. In this ordinance I faw 
reprefented to faith, thefum and fubftance of all 
religion, all my hope, expectation or defire. My 
foul did even break with love and joy. I longed 
to be where no mortal eye could behold me ; for 
this feemed all the reftraint 1 knew. My frame 
feemed as though it would diffolve, to give vent. 
Oh here I faw tiie great Father reconciled, by the 
Son reconciling ; and the Spirit applying and 
fealing. Oh methinks, this is heaven in kind! 
AH clouds vvere fcattered: the partition wall bro- 
ken down; and I was brought near to God and 
my Redeemer, by the blefled Spirit. Oh happy 
moment ! 1 faw my evidence clear, and the 
truth and faithfulnefs of God engaged to bring 
me to glory. Now love caft out fear : all flavifh 
fear fled. My faith beheld the dear Redeemer 
dying, rifing and reigning ; and I was affured it 
was for me. Love embraced and admired him ; 
and godly forrow arofe and joined the tranfport 
of love and joy. Humility accompanied my glory 
and triumpli : I lay in the duft : I triumphed to 
heaven : 1 appeared below the worm ; yet chal- 
lenged angels to comn^re with me. with refpeft 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 133 

to redeeraing love. What more fliall I fay refped- 
ing this memorable feafon ? Oh my foul, when 
thou revleweft this record, and fain \TOuld know 
more of it, think, if thou art capable of the moft 
elevated thought, oh think what divine delight 
it affords a poor, weary, combating foul, to be 
taken near, yea very near, her only delight, her 
God ; and have the moft free and intimate com- 
muniQn, without a doubt, without a fear ; to be- 
hold her God and her Chrift fecure, her heaven 
fure; yea, all ihe v/iilies or defires, approaching 
her very near. Thus, if thou wouldft know by 
renewed experience, oh tafte again, my foul ; 
for this is the beft way to know : all expreffions 
are flat, and below its worth. 

Oct. — . I am now exercifed with a fore trial. 
Difficulties on every hand approach. I am tried 
in the tendereft part. My dear parents afflicted 
greatly. My natural affections work ftrongly. 
Expofed to want and contempt ; and no profpeft 
of relief, onl;f from the unfeen hand of provi- 
dence. All ways feem hedged up. 1 think things 
could not be more intricate, unlefs all was come 
on me, which I have reafon to expect, without a 
Avonderful interpofition of divine providence : yet, 
contrary to my natural difpofition, I am kept from 
fmking. I fee no injuftice, nor want of faithful- 
nefs and love, in God, in thus trying me. All 
my enjoyments are his by right, as the fovereign 
giver and difpofer of all things — His, as I have 
moft folemnly and repeatedly given, them up to 
his all-wife difpofal of them. I cannot but adore 
his goodnefs and mercy, that I am fo far fup- 
ported under thefe things : my fpirit is ferious, I 
truft, yet not overwhelmed. I fee God ordering 
and governing affairs relating to my temporal in- 
t€refi, for my trial, and, to human eyes, dalji- 



134* MEMOJRS OF [Chap. IV. 

ing all expectation of happinefs or comfort, yea, 
of a bare fubfiftence in this world : yet I would fet 
the crown on the head of King Jefus, and bid him 
reign ; yea, reign fovereign and glorious, in the 
kingdom of providence; governing and difpofmg 
of all that relates to me, according to the purpoie 
of his own will, and for his own glory : and herein 
I would rejoice and glory. Oh it is enough, if 
he be glorified, for whom it is my happinefs to 
live, and my joy to die ; whofe glory is my en- 
tire felicity, whether in adverfe orprofperous cir- 
cumftances, in regard to my own perfonal, or fa- 
mily intereft. 

Nov. \9th. This day permitted to wait on 
God in his houfe, and at his table. I was glad, 
under my prefent trials, that I had an opportunity 
publicly to own and renew my choice of God for 
my portion ; that however he niight fee beft in his 
providence to afiflift me, 3et I would ftill own and 
avouch him for my God and governor; for, 
though he flay me, yet will I trulf in him, and 
let the world know that I do {o. Oh I Ions: to 
makefome more full and public acknowledgment, 
that I now, under thefe mod dark and diftrelfmg 
difpenfations of providence, efteem him the only 
object worthy of the higheft praife, love and de- 
light. 1 truft it is out of the power of all created 
mortal finite things to make me wretched, or un- 
happy, while God, the infinite, uncreated, im- 
mortal fource of being and bleflednefs, cannot 
change, and my intereft in him is firm. That 
this God cannot change, I am confident, w^ith- 
out the leaft doubt; yea, I am fure of it: and 
that mv intereil in him is firm, 1 am, throusfli 
grace, well fatisfied. Having laid up my good 
in God, 1 am at reft ; and pleafed that he Ihould 
choofe all my trials and comforts, as he fees beft. 



Chat. IV. 1 ?»IISS ANTHONY. 1 3 J 

Blefled be God, my com m union feafon was 
fweet, and, I hope, itrengthening. This time 
twelve-months I came to the table of the Lord 
laden with large exiDeriencesof his goodnefs to 
xne in my journey to Bofton, and return home. 
I faw hinr wife and good to nie then, in his m.er- 
cies : and now I fee him the fame wife and good 
God, in his afflictive dealings with me. Oh thou 
beft of Beings, who would not trufi: and love thee ! 
Surely all who know thy name will. So let me, 
though thou ftouldeft deprive m.e of all earthly 
friends; of health and food, and all the necefla- 
ries of life, except M'hat 1 feek from the charity 
of the world : and this, without the conftant, 
bountiful interpofition of providence, I may ex- 
pefl-. Yet, that thou art, I truft, my God, af- 
fords greater joy than when corn and wine, and 
all the riches and dainties of the world are in- 
creafed. Thou art tljc fufficient portion for my 
foul, abftracled from all the delights of earth : 
thy perfeftions afford the higlieft entertainments 
of which human nature is capable, and thy glory 
the higheft end that can be purfued. While thy 
glory is the higheft and ultimate end of all my de- 
fire, love and joy, and I believe thou haft this in 
view, in all thy difpenfations, I may well rejoice 
in all the trials that befal me. BletTed be God ! 
all my affairs are in the hands of Him who doth 
all things according to the purpofe of his own 
will, and that it is for his own glory. Well, if it 
be fo, then all is well, infinitely well. My feli- 
city and eternal happinefs is the glory of God in 
the difplay of his perfections. White my ibul longs 
for this, I muft rejoice in the profpe6t of it, or 
prove myfelf mod bafe and falfe: and if I do re- 
joice in this, I muft blefs God for the methods he 
takes to advance it, however it crofs my poor, 
pitiful, low and mean temporal interelt. If then 



136 MEMOIRS OP [Chap. ir. 

I can trufl: God with his own glory, I may reft 
afiured all Is well, and rny moft ardent defires are 
fulfiiling. Oh l)lefk:d God, this gives the mod 
aflverie difpenfatiou of thy providence another 
lace : when i know no intereft l)ut the caufe of 
God, and can confide in hini, that he will take 
care of this. Father, 1 have faid, Thy will be 
done! I repeat the iacred requeft : oh let me ne- 
ver. retra6l. Difpofe of all my concerns, as thou 
feed beft; though now thy providence feems to 
be expofing me to poverty and v/ant, to reproach 
arid contempt, to falfe reports : yet I blefs thee 
that they are no more. So enth^ely do I acquiefce 
in this wife and good, though afflictive difpenfa- 
tion of thy providence, that my foul cries out, 
Jleign, Lord, reign; and govern all things as thou 
feeftbeft! 

Dec, 1/52. I have had a ihort reprieve from 
death. Lord let me never forget the folemn 
ihock, when 1 was at the point of death, and 
really thought myfelf adually dying. Oh the 
important moment, the amazing ftruggle, for foul 
and body to part! Never did I apprehend death 
fo real, and terrible to nature. My foul, I truft- 
ed, was fecured ; yet, oh yet, death appeared the 
king of terrors, as an enemy to nature. I would 
look on this as a warning to me to prepare for a 
fudden death, which God only knows how foou 
may be. I would now live as one who daily ex- 
pecis another fudden Ihock, that (hall put a period 
to life, as in a moment. Lord, I blefs thee for 
the abiding impreffion on my foul, and the re- 
conciliation Lfind to a fpeedy and fudden exit. 
Come, Lord Jefus, come quickly ! However 
fudden and terrible the fhock may be to nature; 
yet grace (hall gain the conqueft. My foul fhall 
rife triumphant to the feats of immortality and 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 137 

blifs. Farewell, my dear friends ! You have 
been long and often warned of a feparation : 
think not then that it is too fudden, fince my 
daily and hourly deiires after immortality pre- 
vent the furprife. I believe and truft that my hope 
is fecure, built on the Rock of ages. God, my 
eternal refuge, will not fail me in the laft extre- 
mity, whether I be able to let you know the frame 
of my mind then, or not ; yet, I truft you may 
rejoice in my ftate, which, through grace, oa 
repeated examination, I am confirmed is fafe and 
fecure in Jefus, the all-fufficient Mediator; to 
whom I now commit my foul, in expedation of a 
fudden death. 

God has been vifiting me with fevere and ter^ 
rible pain, fo that I was not able to lie in bed 
more than two nights in eleven : yet goodnefs 
and mercy ftill followed me, and I was made com- 
fortable, in the midft of poverty and want. All 
my wants were well fupplied ; food, phyfic, firing 
and clothing, without my care or charge. Yet 
the pain was fo fevere and extreme, that 1 found, 
without divine affiftance, I was utterly unable to 
furmount it. God gracioufly fliewed me my own 
weaknefs in a time of trial; that without him, I 
ihould faint under the leaft rebuke of his hand. 
Oh how tenderly does God deal with me I I was 
afraid 1 fliould grow felf-confident and proud, be- 
caufe fo refigned under the laft trial ; and was al- 
moft ready to think it neceflary that my corrup- 
tions fhould be let loofe in me, to lliow me what 
I was ; or feared God would fuffer it fo to be, to 
convince me what I a.m. But blelfed be his name, 
he has not taken that method ; but by a gentler 
way, however painful to the body, fliowed me my 
amazing weaknefs and inability to bear the leaft 

s 



138 MEMOiiis OF [Chap. ir. 

trial of myfelf. Oh who would not truft this good, 
kind and wife God ! Oh my God, let nie ftill do 
fo, though thou continue to Ujut up all profpedl 
of fupport from us. I know thy truth has never 
failed me ; nor has thy mercy neglected me. 
¥/hy Ihould I fear any evil, fmce thou art with 
me? I am the care of thy providence, and the 
regard of thine eye. Thou wilt not leave me 
friend lefs and hopelefs. Thou wilt not leave thy- 
felf without a witnefs in my foul, that thou art he 
who art the help of the hciplefs, and the refuge 
of the poor. I truft thou wilt fupply my wants 
while here, and at laft biing me to glory. 

Feb. 1753. God feems now about to deprive 
nie of the deareft enjoyments here, even ftcret 
retirement. 1 lately thought, it was out of the 
power of all things here below to make me un- 
happy: but I had forgot my religions privileges. 
Now I am ready to fay, I ihall never enjoy n}y- 
feif more. If 1 cannot unbofoin my foul to God 
in fecret, farewell comfort ! I muft figh out my 
remaining days 1 Oh my God, teach me a be- 
coming temper under this difpenfation. I am 
ready to fay, I do well to grieve for this, and to 
refufe to be comforted; becaufe it is the enjoy- 
ment of God himfelf How can I keep up lively 
communion with God, in the conftant hurry and 
converfe of the world, and creatures? I never 
yet could: hov/ever, there is furely fomefubmif- 
lion required of me, to all the allotments of divine 
providence : oh be thou my teacher ! Lord, my 
foul is overwhelmed, do thou appear for me. 
My v/ay feems hedged up, and grows darker and 
darker daily: but oh may I not miftruft my good 
God in the leaft, who, I believe, has, in infinite 
wifdom, appointed every trial for me: not one 
but what is the refult of perfect wifdom and coun- 



Chap. iV.] MISS ANTHONY. 139 

fel. Oh then, let me patiently bear every trial, 
until it fliall pleafe vav kind, wife, and good God 
to remove it: oh let me not faint under this af- 
fliction ! Where Ihall 1 go, or what fliall I do, 
when I may not pour out my joys and forrows, 
into thy bofom, oh my compalTionate Saviour I 

God is now denying me all opportunity for 
fecret retirement in my Father's houfe, another 
family having moved into it; though all things 
elfe appear more comfortable for my abode there, 
than they did for fome time paft. By this pro- 
vidence, and the defire of fomjs friends, I am 
compelled as it were to be abroad, where I can 
with freedom, without reftraint, enjoy religious 
privileges, both private and fecret; yet with fome 
difadvantage to temporal affairs, and with no 
liope of a continuance; fo that 1 am kept very 
unfixed at prefent, and there is no profpecl of 
my being more fettled. Lord,' I wait and hope : 
thou haft been my refuge and truft ; a very pre- 
fent help in time of trouble. I look unto thee 
yet : I cry unto God, unto God xMofc High, who 
hath, and I truft will, perform all things'for me. 
Oh lead me in the way of duty, that I may not 
go^ aftray. Thou haft never yet left me in any 
exio^ency : Shall I nov/ diftruft ! Fortify my heart 
againft every defponding thought: and when thou 
haft prepared me for, take me to, thofe dear man- 
fions above, which thou baft prepared for thy 
children. Oh fix me there near thyfelf! Come 
Lord Jefas, oh come quickly! The world feems 
weary of me, throwing me from place to place; 
and I furely am weary of the world. We are 
agreed to part. Oh then, why tarry I here ? 
Lord, I am nnfatisfied with this mortal life : I 
will], I long for a releafe. I thirft for the waters 

s 2 



140 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

of immortal life. I groan, being burdened with 
earth and fin. Fain would my foul reach the 
realms of light and life, and go no more out; 
but dwell near Jefus the tranfcendent Redeemer, 
the lovely mediator, the joy of nations, the dar- 
ling of thy faints, the defire of my foul ! 

March — , Oh my God, Avhen fliall my foul 
be entirely conformed to thee! I know it Ihall 
be when I awake in thy likenefs: but I long for 
greater degrees of fan6tification in this life. Oh 
inake me inwardly and hiddenly conformed to 
thy will and law; that my whole foul may be 
transformed into thine image. Oh caufe that the 
inmoft recedes of my heart may be fanftified : and 
give me that fweet, that lovely grace, fincerity in 
the inward part. I am weary of this defigning, 
deceitful, treacherous heart. Lord root out of 
my foul, all that is not conformed to thee. Set 
fire totheftubble; tear out this bafe, this wretch- 
ed, fordid felfilbnefs. Slay this pride and oppofi- 
tion to thee. My foul thirfteth for that righteouf- 
nefs, which only fliall render me pleafing in thy 
fight; in thy fight ^ who art of purer eyes than to 
behold fin, and canfi: not look on the leaft iniqui- 
ty, but with infinite deteftation and abhorrence, 
Oh come, bleffed Spirit; come, and w^ork in my 
foul a hearty, entire, univerfal, perfe6l confbr- 
niity to God ! Nothing below this can fatisfy ox 
content me. 

Alas! I ftill find my heart prone to forfake 
God. This wretched, ungrateful foul of mine 
is bent to backfliding. All things reproach my 
fordid foul; and eternal infamy feems to await 
fuch an abufer of infinite love and benignity. 
Oh my foul, Why art thou not confounded with 
Ihame! Was ever a wTetch more vile and un- 
grateful? Look all around thee^ and fee heapi 



Chap, IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 141 

on heaps of abufecl, forfeited, llighted mercies. 
Where ftall I hide iny guilty head ? Can fiicli 
horrid treachery be in a fmgle heart ? Can fuch 
unnatural rebeUion appear in a foul coniecrated 
to the law, intereft and authority of its fovereign? 
But oh ftill more afteding! Can fuch heights of 
ingratitude, enmity, rebellion and difobedience, 
remain in a child, bound by all the obligations of 
gratitude and love, to honour, love, fear and 
ferve a kind, v/lfe, good and gracious Father? 
Oh God, can it be ! What are my hopes? How 
inconfiftent my practice! Lord, fcreen my guilty, 
obnoxious foul, from the eternal, amazing re- 
proaches of fuch horrid ingratitude. Oh Jefus, 
the hope of thy people, the refuge of the diftreffed, 
fave me from the tormenting reproach, which my 
ingratitude deferves. Surely, oh furely, the leall 
deviation from thy law, or trefpafs againft thee, 
after fuch mercies as I have been favoured with, 
deferves infinite revenge ! But oh fovereign Prince 
of peace, I hear thee fay. Fury is not in me, to 
thofe who defire to make peace with me. Infinite 
grace ! Here is my everlafting confidence, even 
in Jefus the Mediator of reconciliation. Oh my 
almighty refuge ! through thee I have the utmoft 
confidence, andboldnefs of accefs, even to a liol}^ 
lin-revenging God; confidence, as to a Father, 
Avithout the lead flavilh fear. My Redeemer is 
the Son : his Son is my furety and advocate. 
Bleifed privilege ! Glorious fecurity ! -My foul 
is here at reji from fears of condemnation ; but 
reftlefs for perfeA conformity ; always to ferve 
and pleafe God. 

Jipril — . This day vifited a dear and afflifted 
relation ; one in inexpreffible pain of body, who 
has received the fentence of death in herfelf. 1 
find my aflfedions ftrong; and am forced to Itifle, 
check; and hold them in, left they fliould quite 



142 MEMOIRS OF {Chap. IV. 

overcome nie. Oh Lord, I have fworn, and may 
not go back, that I will give up the deareft enjoy- 
ments here belov/, at the call of thy providence. 
I liave foleninly renounced relative felf, fo as to 
refign my deareft friends, at thy call, without 
murmuring. Now the vows of God are upon me, 
and I cannot go back without perjury\ Lord, 
thou knoweft whatftrength of aifeftion I have for 
my friends ; that there is nothing in life, next to 
the enjoyment of God, that I am fo w^edded to : 
yet thefe I now give up to thy divine difpofal. 
Oh let me have no will of my own ; but be al- 
ways fwallowed up in thee! Oh my God, pre- 
pare me for every trial of this kind, that I 
may be called to endure: for I know^, without 
thy ftrength and grace, I fliould be but as a wild 
bull in a net ; or as a bullock unaccuftomed to 
the yoke. I iljould rage and foam, until I had 
grieved thy Spirit quite away. Oh my God, now 
help me by thy grace, through which I refolve to 
watch my heart with the greateft diligence. 
Lord, help me ! 

April — . Lord, when fliall I put from this 
tempeftuous (liore ? I am weary of the world. 
I long for a calm, cool retreat, from noife and 
heat, and all the fordid clamours of earthly, gro- 
velling fouls. I hate the fulphureous breath of 
calumny and detraction. Isly ibul was made for 
harmony and love: and w^ithout this, immortality 
would be a curfe ; my being a horrid torment. 
My foul abhors rancour and envy. I deteft evil 
furmifes, and love the balmy air, where peace 
and friendihip reign unmolefted; where iharp ar- 
rows of the mighty', with coals of juniper, never 
fly; nor clouds of fmoke from the infernal pit, 
fuflfocate the air, nor taint, nor poifon the dear af- 
fociates. There 1 would fix my dear abode ; wide 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONT. 143 

from the wrangling wretch, who courts refent- 
ment and revenge ; nor flioulci his rage, nor 
fliould his yells, within the facred reahns be 
heard. My foul is near allied to fpirits born and 
bred on high, where no refentnient ever rifes ; 
nor is the vulgar paffion, common to fools and 
madmen, with the fordid bull and bear, ever 
known there. There, fueet are their joys, and 
bleft are their fouls, v/here all unite in piety and 
love. Oh I long to join the lovely band ; nor 
would I ever quit the dear delights. 

Scarce any thing in life gives me a greater dif- 
guft to earth, than the four and fevere reflections 
which fome people take a pleafure in making on 
their neighbours, I hate contradiction; yet con- 
fcience often obliges me to vindicate the injured 
abfent. I had rather be counted a fool, not ca- 
pable of refentm.ent of injuries, than feel thedif- 
quieting palnon in my foul. My Saviour would 
have his difciples wife as ferpents, but harmlefs as 
doves. If others offend, I will forgive. I would 
never relate any injury I liave received, fo long as 
I find the lead anger ftirring. It is fometimes 
neceflary to relate Avhat we think ill treatment, in 
order to have it cleared up, if it can be : but yet 
I would firft get above it in myfelf, before I men- 
tion it to another. It is a fixed maxim with me, 
firft to get the viSory over and in myfelf, before 
I feek to get it for myfelf over another. I fome- 
times give my fentiments about perfons or things, 
if it be needful, and I do not find myfelf or friends 
injured by them : but when that is the cafe, I 
fuffernot myfelf even barely to relate the affair, 
left it ihould irritate my own or mv friend's cor- 
ruption. My firft work is to keep down every 
heart-rifing thought, and exercife every candid, 
charitable one, towards the perfon; and fo never 



144 ME3101RS OF [Chap. iv. 

leave this ftruggle within me, until I find a hearty 
regard for them, ib as to influence me to carry 
them to God, in the arms of faith and prayer. 
Nor do I pleafe niyfelf that I do really forget and 

forgive an injury, until I can with freedom and 
fervency beg all the bleillngs and comforts of 
God's grace for thc^m; not only their efcaping 
eternal miier}', but that they may have a large 
ineafure of grace ; that thev may be filled with 
liohnefs and comfort, and iLioe as lights, and do 
much good in the world; and at laft ihine as mo- 
numents of free grace, in the kingdom of their 
heavenly Father. 

7\Iaii — . Biefied be God, I have this day had 
liberty to enter his courts, and heard two excel- 
lent fermons from 1 Pet. i. £2. See that ye love, 
cue another zcith a pure heart fervently. Thefe 
fermons afforded me matter of conviction and 
humiliation ; nor did this prevent folid comfort 
and fatisfadion. Lord, 1 blulh before thee, that 
I rife no higher in brotherly love. I find in many 
things I come Ihort of my duty : yea, in all I 
come lliort ; and in many go befide and contrary. 
I often negleft and omit my duty, or elfe perform 
it ^o, that it had as good or better been omitted. 
Oh, give me underftanding that I may keep thy 
precepts. How impure is my moft pure love ; 
how remifs is mv moft fervent affection, both to 
thee, and to thy people! Therefore it is that it 
has fo little influence on my practice. Lord, I am 
alhamed, and even confounded before thee, that 
I follow thee no clofer ; that I am no more con- 
formed to thee ; that I keep thy commands no 
better. Surely I love thy law. In it is all my 
delight. I approve of it, as moft right. My 
very foul, if I am not utterly deceived, faith, It 
is more to be defired than gold ; yea, than much 



Chap. TV.] HISS ANTHONy,* 145 

fine sfolfl. All the duties thou haft enjoineH on 
nie, 1 love, and lono- to practife. OIi then, why 
do I neo'lej'^t? Why am I notjuft what God has 
commanded? Oil why do I not exprefs the de- 
vout fjncerity of my love to God, by a nniverial 
and perfect contbruiiry to all his laws and pre- 
cepts ? Oh my God, when Ihall it be! Why, 
oh why does my pra(S^ice proclaim fnch ingrati- 
tude? Oh my heft Friend, uiy Father, my Sa- 
viour, my kind ben-efaclor, compared with thee, 
all others are but empty names : why then do I 
not always flo the thino;s that jileafe thee? * Oh 
help me, Lord, by thy grace and Spirit ! I 
\jd\\t to be Tuch as this wile, good Being will 
approve. 

May — . I have this day heard two more dear 
fermons from 1 Pet. i. 2i^ I llill find farther 
caufe of humiliation, that I fall fo ihort of what 
1 ought to be ; and yet ftrong evidence that I 
have this divine principle of love to the brethren 
rooted in my foul. I find the moft Iteady, cor- 
dial affection to all, fo far as I can dilcover the 
image of Chrift in them. I have a prei'ent proof 
of this. Some perfons whom I heartily love and 
honour, believing them to be dear children of 
God ; though I have reafon to believe very dif- 
agreeable : I have heard much amifs of them; I 
fee many things in their conduft, which, though 
I do not condemn as fins in them, yet I believe 
would be fo in me, if I were to a6t them ; and 
which are quite contrary to my fentiments and 
turn of mind: yet I feel a. dilpofition on every 
occafion, to cover their failings with a mantle of 
love, putting the moft favourable confiruClion on 
all their actions; even when they appear to be 
againft me. God is my witnefs, how dearly I 



T 



146 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, i-\\ 

love them, witliout any natural bonds to en^raoe 
me to this love; and how greatly I loni^ for their 
comfort, hoth in temporals and fpirituals; and 
how I defire to ferve them. 

I feel a fweet cementing" love to all the mem- 
bers of Chriirs body, wherever they are difperfed 
lip and down in the world; not only thofe of my 
own acquaintance and opinion, but thofe whom I 
never faw, and who differ from me in many re- 
fpefits : yea, even thofe who contemn and defpife 
me. Love to all thefe appears to be a fpiritual, 
genuine, sfracious affection, which extends to aU 
faints. Witnefs the refrelliing feafons I have had, 
when wreftling with God for a time of refrelhing 
from his pretence on all his children. I have felt 
the unity of the fpirit, in the bond of peace, 
fweet ly drawing out my own heart to love and 
long for them, as for my own foul. And I have 
found of late, this love more ftrongly a61ing, more 
fenfibly exercifed, than formerly; and felt the 
fatisfattion of it^ though, until now, I have not 
rejoiced in it, as the ftrongeft evidence of my 
love to God. Therefore I have this farther proof 
of my fincerity ; that 1 did not cherilh this frame 
or temper, becaufe, or on account of its being au 
evidence in my favour; but for its own worth, 
being good in itfelf, proceeding from God, who 
is love, and commanded by a good God; and the 
nature, properties, and tendency all divine. If 
I love not God fupremely, for himfelf, and his 
children, for and in him, I muft doubt whether I 
am rational, or capable of judging or knowing 
any thing of the actings of my own mind. 

June \Oth. I have this day heard two excel- 
lent fermons on enduring temptation. My foul 
feels fuch a irixture of joy and grief as I cannot 
exprefs, I feel an unfpeakable joy in the liberty 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHOXY. 147 

of public worfhip ; and yet I am melted in grief 
and forrow, becaufe deprived offecret retirement. 
I have had no opportunity for this the lad week : 
but what fixednefs 1 have been allowed, has been 
in a common room ; for I have not the privilege 
of a clofet or a garret for retirement. This takes 
away almoft all the relilh of life. I feel a more 
fenfible indifference for all other comforts of life, 
than ever; and what I have formerly moft feared 
and dreaded, now feem matters of indiflFerence, 
neither feared nor dreaded ; as though nothing 
could give me any trouble, but the want of fecret, 
fixed, and folenm communion with God. i am 
ready to burft into a flood of tears, when I look on 
the dear children of God, my chriftian friends, 
and think how they can pour out their fouls in 
fecret, into the bofom of tlieir God and Saviour. 
Oh how did my foul Jong this day, when pubJie 
\vornfip ended, to retire mto foove corner, fecure 
from all fear of interruption, and pour out all my 
foul to him ! I was ahnod ready to go to fome 
chriftian friend, to vent my grief, and beg a 
place of retirement: but I feared it might offend 
them, as pharifaical, and fatan take the advan- 
tage to dift/acl me about it ; though my foul did 
even break with the longing I had for my God. 
Oh God, thou defire of my foul, appear for me ! 
Every day's prevention feems to encreafe the ve- 
hement loAgings of my foul for an opportunity. 
Oh when, when iliall I come, and pour out my 
foul before thee in fecret ! When, oh ivIich /hail 
I enjoy thee, as 1 have enjoyed thee, in fecret 
duties ! Let me never forget the pain I now en- 
dure in being deprived of retirement, when my 
foul feels the molt devout ardour, and fervent 
longings to get near my God, and plead my. caufg 
before him. 

T 2 



148 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. rv. 

Yet, hleiTed be God, who, I trufr, keeps me 
from a repining impatience, I hope I feel a child- 
like tcndcrndNs, under the rod. 1 weep heneath 
the (troke ; and deiire to jufiity, love and rejoice 
in aiy Father forever. 1 hnd a dirpofition. under 
this heavy trial, tojuftify God, and I'peak well of 
him, before niv dt-ar chriftian friends, wiio ten- 
derly pity and fympathize with nie- and I am 
afraid freely to vent my grief to them, left fatan 
ihould take the advantaoe, and i)etray them into 
fome unheconiino' thouo:hts of my kind, .uood, 
anrl gracious (iod. Oh thou, thou thsi'elf art the 
defire of my foul ; the perfeclion of beauty ; the 
only delight of my immortal Ipirit, whatever thy 
outward difpenfations may be towards me. 

June 17///. This day heard two more precious 
fermons on enduring temptation. Blelfed be 
God, I have had a little n)ore opportunity the 
week pail for fecret duties, though abroad, and 
attended with frequer.t interruptions. Oh I find 
the want of my former uninterrupted opportuni- 
ties. If ever a thirfty hart panted for the water 
brook; more, unfpeakably more, does my thirfty 
foul pant for God, the living God. When Ihall 
I come ai-jd appear before him ? I love his fane* 
tuary : 1 clafp the precious moments, embrace 
the dear feafon, and feel an unipeakal)le fatisfac-^ 
tion to find mvfelf worlliipping God, the fupreme 
X)eity, who is infinitely worthy of all pofiible 
adoration and worihip ; and long to continue the 
facred exercife, where no mortal eye can fee, or 
ear hear; but the omnifcient God alone witneffes 
the devout ardour, the intenfe fervour of my love; 
while, with undilfembled fincerity, I pour out 
my foul in vehement, immortal breathings after 
him, the infinite good, in whom is all my dehght 
and defire. Oh that 1 could once enjoy that 



Ch<tp. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 149 

blelied, that happy retirement I have long en- 
lOved ! Methinks I fliould feel nnfelf on the 
borders of the heavenly Canaan. Hov/, oh hovv: 
are my fahbaths fpoiled; my glory defaced ! Ihe 
Jabbath—Tlm dear day I loved, and was concern- 
ed to fpend every moment in the exercifes of reli- 
gion. I felt impatient of every moment that was 
taken up in civil, or focial, and even necelTary 
concerns. Ali was burdenfome to me on the fab- 
bath, except the time that was fpent in public or 
private duties : but now, every minute, almoft, 
befide public worf])ip, is fpent in company, and 
worldly converfation. For thtfe things my foul 
is melted, and forely bowed down. 

Sept. 9d. Oh how infinitely gracious is God 
to unworthy me! I have feen the King in his 
beauty, and the land that is far off, by faith, 
Avhile in his houfe, and at his table. 1 have this 
day tafled that the Lord is gracious. Aly foul 
v/as even overwhelmed with the wonders of divine 
love and grace of God, manifefied in and through 
Jefus Chrift his Son. I was obliged to put the 
utmoft refrraint on myfelf, to prevent difcover- 
ing it before the dear communicants. I was 
fcarcely able to contain myfelf under the power- 
ful communication of divine goodneis to my foul. 
I have had a fweet pledge and foretafte this day, 
of eternal life. My foul was raifed above this 
earth. Here, oh here, I let go my hold of every 
creature enjoyment, and clafped the immortal 
God in the arms of my faith, as the only defir- 
able portion of my foul! And here, oh tranf])ort- 
ing goodnefs ! here he difplayed his infinite ful- 
Tiefs and perfe6iion, as worthy of my everlaliing 
confidence and delight. I laid, it is enough ; my 
foul can wilh no more. Burft, ye bands; break, 
break ye fetters, and let me know the extent of 



ME>30IRS OF [Chap, IV. 

niy bleffcdnefs! I fouiK). indeed, as Iiis word 
tertified, Cbrift to be the bread of life. Here, I 
tfuft, I did find ftren2tb and nourilhnient, by 
fairb in ChrHr, at bis table. 

I ' r cipile this ordinance (if tbey dare 

fpr th()!e tbings tbey know not) who 

uevci : g }^ d (iod in u : but lurely my foul iball 
f^):rvc V r jiirnifv bis ^an^e for tlr.s glorious ^olpel- 
iriu all tlie blelfed privileges and pro- 
r.jiit's oi the new and everlafting covenant are 
]i;Id forth, difplnycd, contirn^ed, and feakd Ob, 
, L^. i!k 'v.m yiid fubftancc! of the whole 
iau and golpt-l i?; iiere dilpla3ed to the believing 
foul, bcncnid what it is in any otlu r mean or or- 
liniance on carib 'Ihis 1 have leafon to call the 
bigheit privilege on this fide heaven. Hie en- 
joNUieiit of (rod at hih table, fcems to have the 
nearefi refendiiance to the pure and perfec^t en- 
joyments ot the heavenly ftate. Blelied be (lod, 
vvdio has for feveral months, if not years paft, in 
my moft dull, flead, or diiconfolate, diftrefl'ed 
frames, brought me near himfelf in this ordi- 
nance. Here the paitition-wall has been broken 
-.lown : here my foul draws near with confidence, 
as to a reconciled God, thiougii Jefus the AJedi- 
ator, by the Holy Ghoft. Even when I could 
get near in no other duty, here 1 have ventured, 
and found I'peedy acceis : tor the blood of Jefus 
bas given boloneis. Now would 1 walk with God 
as did Enoch. I liave this day renewed my fo- 
lemn engagements to be the Loid's entirelv ; body, 
foul and ipirit ; confeffing fin, flying to Cbrift for 
pardon, giving up all my enjoyments to tbe dif- 
pofnig band of providence; and by faith, I truft, 
feekirg to God, through Cbrift, for grace and 
ftrengtb to pradife every duty, and bear every 
burden, fo as it may be for tbe glory of bis name. 



Chap. IV. li MIS.S ANTKOVY. t51 

Lord, prepare me for death, or a life of trials! 
Thou knoNV^eit to which I ihxll be called. 

Sept. — . I have this day heard a fennou from 
Ephes. vi. L Children, oheu ijoar parents in the 
Lord ; for this is right. The pireut\s authority^ 
and the duty of chiidren, were Ihew^d. Upori a, 
ftricl enquiry, I have reafoa to he huiiibled that 
I have fallen fo far Ihort of my duty to ('• od, and 
iny dear parents. Ood has o-iveu \nethe belt of 
parents, whom I am under innumerable obliga- 
tions to love, honour, and o'oey. 1 know of no 
perfon in the world fo happy in parents as I amJ 
But, alas ! I have abundant reafon to lie ])umb(ed 
before God and them, that I beiiave fo un worthy, 
achitd, thus highly favoured: yet, blelfed be God,. 
1 hope it is n)y moft fincere endeavour co approve 
myfelf grateful to God, and dutiful to tliem. Up- 
on a ftridl fearch, I do not remember that 1 liave 
knowingly and willingly tranfgreifed any pofjtive 
command of theirs, nor aded contrary to what I 
thought was their mind; except in matters of reli- 
gion, where confcience, and a ftnfe of duty to 
God inclined me to fome things, which they would 
have chofen I fliouldnot; yet; through their leni- 
ty, did not alifolutely forbid. I know 1 have fome- 
times expofed my health in the ways of religion, 
beyond what their tender afiedions for me could 
freely coiilent to: yet it was with grief, from a 
real fenfe of duty, and ardent defire after the en- 
joyment of God. I know this zeal has made me 
venture as far as I dare, without violating a pofi- 
tive command, which 1 do not think that I ever 
did knowingly : but in other matters 1 have en- 
deavoured to Ihun every thing that was dil'agree- 
^ble to them, and to praCtife thofe things which 
were moft peafing to them, upon the fmallelt in- 
timation of their pleafure. I have never wilfully 



152 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. I\% 

or knowingly ahufed their tender indulgence, 
their unsvillingnefs to contradi<^ and crofs me. To 
take the advantage of this, has been highly de- 
tefted and abhorred by me. Tlie uncommon re- 
fpecl and lenity they have Ihowed to me, efpe- 
cially in matters of religion, often filled me u ith 
Ihame and blulljing; and have never leliened, but 
increafed my fenfe of duty and refpeft for them. 
The leaft difcovery I have made of difrefpeCl to 
them in my carriage, though not taken notice 
of by them, fo far as I could difcern, has filled 
me with the deeped refentment, deteftation and 
abhorrence of myfelf, and the fevereft refleciions 
before God. The ftrength of my affetiion for 
them is much greater than to any creature com- 
fort in this world ; and no worldly trouble sfoes fo 
near my foul, as that which afflicts them. Their 
troubles are moft iharp and cutting to me: and the 
lofs of my parents, I fear, would be almoft in- 
fupportable to me. This is what my very foul 
Hirinks back from : and therefore I daily find need 
to go to God for grace to bear fuch a trial, if call- 
ed to it. That 1 do love them moft ftrongly, I 
know: but, alas, hpw far do I fall lliort of that 
filial refpefl; and reverence, which 1 do acknow- 
ledge to be their juft due, and my duty to give 
them ! 

Ah, Lord, how Ihort do I come of thofe rela- 
tive duties which are incumbent on me .'^ Thou 
niighteft juftly deprive me of the comfort of thefe 
dear creature enjoyments, which have hitherto, 
through thy bletling, rendered my life fo agree- 
able. Thou haft given and continued to me 
parents and fifters, fvtt from every fcandalous 
tranfgrelTion, poifelTed of many agreeable qua- 
lifications, and in good repute; tender and af* 
fedionate to the laft degree; moft amiable and 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY, 153 

defirable as relatives ; and 1 hope fome are pof- 
feffed of thy grace : none, I hope, altogether 
unmindful of thee. Oh when fhall they all ftrive 
to glorify thee, with fouls poffefTed of fin cere love 
to thee, and all thy ways ! Oh how great are 
the obligations lying on me, both from God and 
them, to behave moft dutifully, fetting forth a 
bright example of piety aad virtue! The fo* 
lemn and dillinguifliing profeffion I have made, 
loudly calls for this from me. Lord, what fhall 
I fay ! lam confounded when I reflect on the 
many obligations lying on me ; and hov/ far 
ihort I come. 

April ^th, ]754f. Faft day. This is a day fet 
apart by a neighbouring government for humili* 
atlon and prayer: and as 1 am called upon by my 
paftor and the church to join with them in pub- 
lic duties, fo I would gladly fequefter the time 
from worldly concerns, for fecret duties. Efpe- 
cially is God calling me to it, by the alarming 
reports of war which are now fpreading ; as I have 
lately renewed my purpofe, to feek the Lord for 
his glory in the good of his chofen ; and thefe 
two occafions are now offered, which I knew not 
of before ; viz. a day fet apart for that purpofe, 
and the rumour of war fpreading fo foon after it. 
I am therefore more confirmed in niy purpofe* 
Lord, excite and affift: oh be thou in the midft 
of thy people this day ! — This day, I truft, through 
grace, my foul has been engaged with God for 
perfonal, family, town, land, national, and uni- 
verfal bleffings. Oh bleffed be God for alhilance 
in confeffion and petition. Lord, I leave them 
with thee, for a gracious return, through Jefus 
Chrift, our glorious high priell ; and beg fupports 
or relief for my frail, fainting tabernacle, which 
is even ready to dillblve. 



154 ^ :memoihs of {Chap. iv\ 

April 21/?. Heard a fermon from Jer. vii. 2C- 
Is there no balm in Gikad? Is there no phiificiaii 
there? My foul has been in a ferious, attentive 
'frame, this day, reaching after, and relying upon 
the onlv Phvfician of fouls. But this nisfht, bv 
faith, in prayer, 1 faw him more clearly, whom 
my foul loves, infinitely beautiful and glorious. 
Oh how fuitahle does he appear for the work of a 
I\Iediator! How every way infinitely fit did he 
appear, both on God's part, and on man's! How 
Jlianieful and ihocking the reproach it cafts on all 
the divine perfeflions, to refufe a cordial com- 
pliance M'ith thefe moft wife, moft kind, moftjaft 
and nioft reafonable terms olTalvation, which the 
gofpel holds forth 1 Oh how did my foul acqui- 
^{ct in this wonderful fcheme of redemption, by 
this wonderful Redeemer! Every attribute and 
perfection ot the divine Being appears in full luftre 
and glory, in this work of grace: and man ap- 
pears the moft bafe, fordid, irrational and ftupid^ 
when he retufes to come in on this gracious in- 
vitation. Lord, here at thy crofs I throw down 
all my v/eapons of rebellion ; all my natural en- 
Tiniy, pride and (tubbornnefs: here I give up all 
fpecious duties, good frames, and proud pretences, 
and glory in the crofs of Chrift. This I efteeni 
the wifdom of God, and the power of God : and 
a compliance with this, 1 eiieem man's higheft 
wifdom, ftrength and beauty. Oh the riches both 
of the wifdom and goodnefs of God! Oh thou 
Prince of peace, I here renew my choice, and all 
my engagements to be thine. Did others fee that 
excellency in thee, which 1 now beliold by faith, 
they muii lubmit, and acknowledge thee to be 
the chief of ten thoufand, and altogether lovely. 
I inult ceafe to be rational, if I did not now choofe 
and embrace thee, under thefe views of thee; and 
venture my whole falvatioa on thy gofpel. 



Chap. IV.] MISS AyxHoxr. 155 

July 1th. Sabbath-day. Lait night and this 
morning I fought the Lord for his prefence with 
me in his houl'e, and at his table this day, tiiough 
feveral circumftances feemed to concur to prevent. 
my attendance, which gave fome damp to me; 
and I found not that accefs I hoped for, nor that 
lively exercife of grace that I dehred. Yet I 
hoped that I had my eyes to the Lord for his 
prefence and grace, and felt not wliolly barren : 
but was ftill more fixed and enlivened by the fer- 
mon from Pfal. xxvii. 1. The Lord is my lights 
mid my falvation. And when permitted to com- 
memorate the dying love of my Redeemer, my 
foul was even fv/allowed up in love, wonder and 
admiration. What tongue can exprefs, what foul 
conceive, the boundlefs depths of divine, infinite 
love and condefcenfion to a world of mankind! 
And to me, unworthy me ! Has the great and 
glorious God provided all thefe great and glorious 
things for me ; for my eternal delightful enter- 
tainment? All lani^uao;e fails. My foul is un- 
able to exprefs the enlarged and extenfive views 
oi the divine goodnefs. 

Again, this afternoon, all my devout reflections 
and grateful fentiments were revived and enlarged. 
I know not whether ever I enjoyed a better day. 
J3ut ah I I felt myfelf doubly fettered; in the body, 
and the body fettered with fellow-mortals! I 
longed to have left both; but if not, I wilhed to 
have been where no mortal could have feen me: 
my foul was even ready to break through every 
reftraint. This has been like one of the days of 
heaven on earth to my foul. Oh the boundlefs, 
endlefs treafures of grace and love ! But why do 
I attempt to fpeak of thofe aftonilhing bltllings 
\^'hich 1 have this day been allowed to feaft on .^ 

L M 



156* MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

To write orfpeak of tbefe things at this time, is 
}ike turning up a full bottle, where the hafty 
prelfing of the liquor flops the vent. I am loft in 
conceiving and contemplating; much more in 
defcribing or uttering. The powers of my foul 
are ftraitened. The faculties of my mind, I fen- 
fibly feel, are overpowered with divine, infinite, 
eternal wonders : no marvel then, that the organs 
of the body are unable to perform this part. Let 
it fuflfice to fay, I have this day feen the King in 
his beauty, and the land that is afar off. 1 have 
been i'atisfied with the goodnefs of his houfe, and 
yet am infatiably longing for full fruition. It is 
enough! What more could God have done for 
me, or entitled me to? It is enough! The in- 
finite (iod has given m.e an infinite fulnefs. It is 
enough! I fee it fo: I can willi no more: my 
finite nature can hold no more. When enlarged 
in all its faculties, then the full fruition. This 
earthen velfel can only bear thefe drops; and with 
ihefe it is ready to diffolve. Didft thou not fup- 
port it, this day would have proved how brittle it 
•was ; fuch were the powerful difcoveries with which 
God has favoured me. Oh God, let them be en- 
larged into full fruition ! Oh when Ihall I fee and 
know all that of which my finite nature is capa- 
ble! 

jJug. 9th, 1754. I have been much taken up 
of late in company and converfation: but both 
have been chiefly of a religious kind, and there- 
fore more fatisfaftory in its nature, than otherwife 
it would have been. Yet my foul wants to retire 
from all things temporal and vifible, and converfe 
in a more intelleAual and fpiritual manner with 
invifible realities. I know I have a fpiritual part 
within,' which was never made to ft^d on any, 
even the moft refined, fublunary enjoyments; an 
immortal nature, which muft have eternal things 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHowr. 157 

to contemplate, or it will never find reft and de- 
light; a capacious foul, which niuft have an infi- 
nite object to bufy and entertain its noble facul- 
ties and unbounded defires ; that nothing but an 
infinite, eternal, felf-fuflficient, felf-exiftent good 
can fuffice. iVnd, through grace, 1 truft I have 
a fpiritual principle, anew nature, a regenerate 
part, a love Itronger, than death, that does moft 
powerfully carry my whole foul after a Being who 
is moft wife, moft holy, juft and good ; and after 
all creature converfe, will remain unfatisfied, with- 
out fenfible and fweet communion with this Being, 
I find nothing in all the vaft creation, commen- 
furate to the unbounded defires of this capacious 
fpirit; and, blelied be God, I find nothing that 
can give renewed nature a moment's fatisfaftion, 
but this holy, fpiritual Being ; what comes from 
and centers in him. In vain a thoufand amufe- 
ments and tempting vanities offer their aflfiftance, 
to mitigate his tedious abfence, or grace his re- 
turn: for I quarrel, and complain of the whole 
fyftem of nature. I feel fuch a reftleifnefs as I 
can no ways account for, but that the God of 
nature and grace has fworn that nothing but him- 
felf Ihould ever delight me. I did lift my voice 
to heaven, crying to the propitious Deity, who 
had himfelf formed my foul with fuch faculties 
and powers, as muft pine away in tormenting 
penury, without him : that he, who knew his own 
infinite perfections, would caufe that none elfe 
Ihould ever fatisfy me ; but that I Ihould be for- 
ever reftlefs and uneafy, when he did not conde- 
fcend to vifit me. A deep fenfe of the divine, 
fupreme excellence and perfedions ; the bound- 
lefs capacity of my foul, and divine love to God, 
inflamed my heart; and lively faith emboldened 
me to afk: and infinite, divine condefcenfion, I 
truftj heard and granted the requelh 



158 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

Aiigud — . My time has been taken up chiefly 
the week paft in a diligent, though, blefled be 
God, not an anxious attendance on my calling. 
I find God is, by his Spirit, daily clearing my 
evidence, and delivering me from a fpirit of 
bondage, whereby I have the teftimony of my 
confcience, that in fimplicity, and godly fincerity, 
I have my converfation in the world. 1 know 
the natural bent of my mind is for fludy ; yet, I 
truft I have a good confcience towards God, that 
I do not allow one duty to interfere with another; 
but render to Csefar the things which are Ccefar's, 
as well as to God, the things which are God's: 
and I do as really fludy and endeavour to be dili- 
gent in bulinefs, as fervent in fpirit. I am con- 
fcious that I neither allow nor love an idle, lazy 
]ife: my natural temper does not incline to it; 
but when indulged or employed in ftudy, and in 
the exercifes of the mind, is moft diligent and 
laborious. Blefled be God, who has cleared my 
way, and, I truft, teaches me fo to order my con- 
dudt, as gives peace to my confcience, and con- 
fidence towards God, through Jefus Chrift, my 
only hope of acceptance with him. 

Saturday nighty Aug. — . Alas! This has been 
a very incumbered day ; and I came to my cham- 
ber \veary and tired, both in body and mind. I 
have torn myfelf from the bufinefs of the world ; 
and I find fo many duties before me, in regard of 
the communion, as w^ould lail me through the 
night, would my flrength hold out, or could I 
enjoy my chamber alone ; but I cannot. Oh 
God^ fit me for the approaching folemnity of thy 
day and table! Oh compofe my foul for holy 
duties! I truft I have been fervino* thee in mv 
worldly employment, and had a fenfe of my duty 
in being thus engaged. Now, oh my God, let 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHQNr. 1^9 

nie meet thee in the more fweet and pleafing 
duties of reflection, meditation, examination and 
prayer; and let me find it good to draw near to 
thee! Oh how doth my foul love and long for 
thole exercifes which bring me near to God; or 
rather, in which God manifefts himfelf to me! 
I love my God, his laws, and all thofe duties he 
has enjoined on me; and therefore long for the 
heavenly employments above. Oh come, Lord 
Jefus, come quickly ! 

Sept, \Ji, \75^. Sabbath noon. Will God, in 
very deed, dwell with men ? Will he, who is the 
High and Lofty One that inhabits eternity, con- 
defcend to vifit worms of the dufl? Oh infinite 
grace ! He will, I know he will. Witnefs my 
foul, witnefs his houfe and table; v/itnefs this day. 
Oh how fweet has been the feafon ! Verily my 
foul hath found it good to draw near to God. 
Here I have feen fm to be the worft of evils, and 
my foul the moft polluted, finful, proud, unhum- 
bled, ungrateful creature that I can behold on 
earth : but oh, forever adored be God, I faw Jefus 
Chrift the moft amiable and wonderful Redeemer, 
and I faw him viine ! The blelfed Spirit aifured 
me of my intereft in him, and of that covenant- 
relation God the Father hath condescended to 
enter into with me through him. I know, furely 
I may fay, I knoiv I am born of God; for the 
Spirit himfelf hath borne witnefs to this truth, by 
thofe evidences of grace, and fealed me to the day 
of redemption. Blefled be God for this hope. 
Oh happy day ! oh glorious moment, in which 
God conveyed life and light to my foul, and 
brought me into his covenant! Oh my happy 
foul, how Ihall I congratulate thee on this high 
and happy relation! Fain would I ; but have 
neither powers of mind fully to conceive, nor 



tCo MEMOIRS OF [Chap. ir. 

words to exprefs this inexpreflihle, inconiprehen- 
fible grace, wherein I ftand fecure of all the in- 
valuable bleliings of time and eternity, thiouo-h 
the almighty, all-fiifificient Mediator Jefus Chrift, 
my only hope and contidence towards God, my 
fare refuge. Oh my complete Redeemer ! By 
Avhat name or title fliall I extol thee? For fince 
I began to admire thee, I find there are no bounds 
to thine amiable and glorious perfections, as God- 
Man Mediator. Oh ye angels of God, you adore 
and admire him: but it is my happy lot to claim 
the moft near and tender relation. You love and 
ferve him, as your Lord and King: but it is my 
triumphant boaft to love, admire and rejoice in. 
him, not only as my Lord and King ; but as my 
moft kind, tender, faithful, all-fufificient Redeem- 
er; yea, my all in all. Oh how did thefe views 
of things draw out my fou! to renew my choice, 
and renew every devout refolution of my foul, to 
be for him, and no other; and with full purpofe 
of heart, more than ever to ferve and obey him 
forever ! Thus, and more than I am able to re- 
count, did God meet with me in his houfe, and at 
his table. 

Af night. Surely I may fay, God has been 
with me of a truth, this day. 1 have fat under 
his (hadow^ with great delight, and his fruit was 
fweet to my tafte. The morning was fpent in 
prayer, and a foleran renewal of my covenant: 
the forenoon in hearing the word: noon, in com- 
memorating the dying love of my dear Redeemer, 
in forrow and joy : the afternoon in folemn wor- 
ship, and hearing his word: this evening in re- 
flexion and prayer. Bleffed be God! 1 truft I 
could fay this day, oh God, my heart is fixed; 
folemnly fixed and engaged through the day. 
Oh how fweet are fuch feafons, though my body 
is ready to faint under them ! 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTiioisrr. 161 

08. 1 Ith. I am now refolving for God : and 
oh, how is my foul alJiamed and confounded be- 
fore him ! Alas for me, my heart fwarms v/ith 
every luft: my fnul appears defiled in every part: 
I know not v>diat to do. Oh God, arife, arife, 
I befeech thee, and quicken me according to thy 
word. Awake, my fleeping foul, and arife: and 
do thou give me hfe and vigour. Without thee 
I can do nothing: through thee 1 can do all things. 
Oh come in, blefled Spirit, and revive my fiuking 
foul ! I have been a talking chriftian ; but make 
nie a feeling, experienced one. I have been a ra- 
tional one; but make me a fpiritual one. 

It is now fome years, fince I have fpent a whole 
night in prayer: and fome months, fince I have 
fpent a whole day together in the duties of the 
clofet; and fon^ie time, fince I have lain proftrate 
before God, in a folemn extraordinary confeflion 
of fins: all which I have found fpecial helps to 
keep up the power of religion in my foul. A dual 
diforders of body, and fcruples about the duty I 
owe to the body, have, I think, chiefly prevented, 
Mdien 1 have had opportunity: but now I am re- 
folving that, through grace, as I have opportu- 
nity, to fpend more time this way than I have of 
late done. Yet not to caft off all concern about 
the duties I owe to my body, nor deftroy myfelf : 
but to make the law of God my rule; religion my 
bufinefs; communion with God, my daily em- 
ploy; and the glory of God, in regard of body 
and foul, my higheft end and aim. 

Oct, ]Ath. Never did I feel fuch an affecting, 
humbling, keen remorfe for fin, as I have done 
thefe five days paft. My foul lay proftrate before 
God, under the deepeft fenfe of my ingratitude; 
acknowledging the juftice of God, iflie Uiould 

X 



162 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, IV 

deny me the lively, powerful influences of his 
Spirit: yet not confounded; but with accefs, al- 
lowed to wreftle with Jehovah, and witli full af- 
furanceto call him my Fathei*, my Redeemer, my 
Sandifier, and my God. Oh what condefcenfion 
is this! VVhat o:race is here! Did ever God deion 
to ftoop fo low, to fuch a vile, ungrateful wretch 
as I am ? Will the blefled Dove again difFufe his 
influences over my foul? He will, he will. I 
feel his facred operation on my heart. Oh tran- 
fporting joy ! Unparalleled condefcenfion ! Un- 
bounded, infinite grace! Now 1 am thine, for- 
ever thine : oh let me never more oflfend againft 
thee ! Let me die, rather than grieve thee : oh 
fufFer me never to ad fo vile, ungrateful a part, 
while life remains 1 

"A^ov. 17 til. I have been from home nine or 
ten days, and have enjoyed fome fweet^feafons ; 
but often have found my heart like a deceitful 
bow, or bone out of jpmt, I find the power of 
corruption ftrong. Lord, 1 am amazed that there 
are fuch remains of fin yet in me. Oh my foul, 
what haft thou been doing? Thou haft been in 
this world above twenty-eight years, and always 
lived under the means of grace ; and yet how un- 
fandified haft thou remained ! For thefe twelve 
years, what a rich variety of means haft thou en- 
joyed, both public and private ; how many hun- 
dred fermons haft thou heard; how many fcores 
of facramental feafons haft thou enjoyed; how 
many thoufand prayers haft thou, put up ; how 
many thoufand, thoufand petitions haft thou 
joined in, for more fan6tification, and greater holi- 
nefs! Thou knoweft that God is a God hearing 
prayer, and that this is the will of God, even my 
fan6lification: and yet what remains of fin, and 
how little fandificatioa appear in my foul I How 



Chap. IV. \ MISS ANTHONV; iGS 

perverfe and ftubborn is my will; how dark and 
blind my underftanding; how carnal my affec- 
tions! Alas, what pride; what hypocrify yet re- 
main ! How little faith, love, humility, repent- 
ance, new obedience, fmcerity, and holy confor- 
mity to God, is to be feen in my foul! So that I 
am even ready to cry out, I am altogether as am 
unclean thing ; that there is nothing but wounds 
and bruifes, and putrifying fores ; that the whole 
headjis fick, and the whole heart faint. Even to this 
moment 1 am ready to complain, that the wounds 
of fin ftink and are corrupt; fuch is the run- 
ning leprofy of fin that I even now feel, after all 
the means I have enjoyed for my fanftification. 

Gracious God, what have I been doing! How 
have I trifled with all thy facred inftitutions! Oh 
let me, from this time, after every fingle duty, 
ftriclly enquire what degrees of fantiification I 
have gained by it! Oh my God, have 1 not, in. 
this refpeft, received the grace of God, or the 
means of grace, in vain! Methinks I never knew 
the plague of my own heart; it burfts out like a 
putrid fore that never was truly healed. Lord, 
difplay to me the inmoft receifes, and let me be 
afhamed and confounded ; becaufe there are yet 
fuch horrid remains of the abominable thing 
which thy foul hates, and which is forever re- 
belling and going contrary to thee: it is not fub- 
je6l to thy law, nor can it be. Oh let the Lamb 
of God, who takes away the fins of the world, be 
more than ever precious to me; that blefied Re- 
deemer, who takes away not only the guilt, but 
the filth; not only the power, but the 'pollutioii 
of fin. Blelled Saviour, dearelt Jefus, thou Son 
of God, I come, 1 come to thee; for I have 
iieard that thy blood cleanlet^i from all fin ! This, 



154 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, IV. 

this is the fovereign remedy, the balm of Gilead, 
and thou the only Phyfician. Thy blood only 
can cure this leprofy : nothing elfe will do. 1 he 
blood of bulls and of goats, and the allies of a 
heifer, cannot purge the confcience. Thy blood 
only, oh incarnate God, can cleanfe my foul. 
Oh make me holy, and take me out of a fuiful 
world! Lord, fanftify my whole foul, and bring 
me where nothing that is unholy or defileth ihall 
ever enter. Oh take me out of this defiling world ! 
Lord, my heart is defiled; and methinks all I 
converfe with has a defiling influence on me. If 
thou hafi:yet any thing for me to do or fuffer, oh 
give me zeal, life and fervour; and let me as a 
hireling fulfil my tafi^:. I am almoti impatient to 
get rid of this defiling heart and \vorld. Oh my 
God, deliver, I befeech thee, deliver me from 
this bondage of corruption ! Have mercy on me, 
oh God, I entreat thee, by all thy former cle- 
mency ; have mercy on me, and free me from 
this burden of fin, and make me holy; and let 
me dwell in the holy place, where there are no 
traces of fin; no refemblance of any thing that 
thou abhorreft, or that defiles. Lord, make me 
holy, and I fear no evil. There is nothing I fear 
but fin, or defire but holinefs; for thou art holi- 
iiefs. Deny not my requeft, oh Lord, I befeech 
thee ! 

Nov. 18///. Bleffed be God, I am alfured that 
neither fin nor fatan fliall ever feparate mj^ foul 
from him ; that I lliall never fall under eternal 
condemnation: jet, oh yet, how does fin vex and 
aflflift my foul, becaufe it is contrary to a pure and 
holy God ! On this account I hate and abhor it, 
and dread it more than the fiiarpeft affliction I 
ever met with, or can conceive of. Yet, oh my 
God, how infenfible am I of its odious nature; 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONir. 165 

how little can I conceive of this infinite evil, as 
contrary to a holy God! Oh may 1 fee more and 
more of it, that it may humble me continually 
before a holy, fm-hating God. Let me never 
have another proud thought arife; but ever reflect 
on my hateful defilement, my contrariety to God. 
Oh may the fad and dreadful remains of indwelling 
fin keep me low before God, and make Chrift in- 
finitely precious, as the Lamb of God, who takes 
away the fins of the world. 

I was led this night to query, why I am no 
more fanctified? Since God\s word declares, This 
is his will, even your fanctificatioii ; and for this 
Chrift: died, that he might redeem us from all in- 
iquity, and purify unto himfelf a peculiar people, 
zealous of good works. It is alfo his command; 
Be yeperfeh, even as your Father rvho is in heaven 
is perfect — again: Folloxo holinefs. And for this 
he prayed the Father: Sanctify them through thy 
truth ; and he faid the Father always heard him. 
For this caufe he gave his Spirit ; and it is the 
y\n\\ and work of the Spirit to fanctify all that be- 
lieve. Why am I then no more fanftified ? Am 
I born of God, and yet partake no more of his 
holinefs ? Am I united to Chrift, as a member to 
the head, or a branch to the vine, and yet na 
more like him? What reafon (hall I alTign^ Da 
I believe thefe declarations which God has made? 
Surely God is true, and muft be ; and yet why am 
I not more holy? This then muft be the reafon : 
For thefe things, faith he, 1 xvill be enquired oj\ tc 
do them. Then, furely then, the fault is in me. 
I have not fought God for the fanftifying opera- 
tions of his Spirit : I have not wreftled, as becan^.e 
one of his redeemed ones; as one who had per- 
million to fue for them, in and through Jefus 
Chrift, the great Mediator, 1 have not laid it 



166 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. VT, 

enough to heart. I have not been duly fenfible 
of the worth of thefe things. Oh my bafe, floth- 
ful, negligent Ibul, complain no more ; but arife 
and wreftle, till thou obtain as great degrees of 
holinefs, as ever mortal did, or could. 

Nov. — . Oh blefled be God, that he conde- 
fcends to take me near himfelf, and commune 
with vile, unworthy me, after all my backflidings 
and wanderings from him ; and notwithftanding 
the oppofuion I meet with from fatan, and my 
wicked heart. Oh the horrid nature of fin ! Ve- 
rily it is the worfi: of the worft of all things. Sin 
now appears exceeding finful, extremely odious, 
as defiling, contrary to a holy God. Chrift, the 
Lamb of God, who takes away the fin of the 
world ; not only the power, but pollution ; not 
only the guilt, but the filth, is moft precious and 
lovely. 131efl[ed be God for Jefus Chrift ! Pre- 
cious, oh precious Lord and Saviour, Prophet, 
Priefi: and King! How fweet is it thus to draw 
near to God, and find him near to my foul! Oh 
for a perfed nearnefs, never more toceafe! I 
know heaven is my home; for I long to get there, 
where my treafure, my heart, and my hopes are 
alread}^ I know it is the land of promife ; for 
thefe clufters are the foretafte, pledges, and earneft 
of my inheritance. This, this communion with 
God is the dawn of glory, and the anticipation of 
eternal life. 

January 31, 1755. I have been all this week 
trying to ipend a day, or part of a day, with God 
in fecret ; but every day has had its neceflary in- 
cumbrance, clog and hindrance. Laft night had 
fome glimfe of light, peace, joy, and confidence 
in God ; but it was foon gone. This day I have 
fet myfelf to prayer, and reviewing my various 
experiences, if poffible to give a turn to my mind ; 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. l67 

but I fcarcely knovv' what I am about. My bead 
is pained, coiifufed and bewildered, fo that I get 
loft. My heart, I know not what it is. I always 
found it wicked; but I have little humbling fenfe 
of it now. 1 tell God that I am as vile a wretch 
as ever lived; but I am not affe6ted with it. I 
tell him, I want none but him ; that he is the only 
real good; but I feel no realizing fenfe of his di- 
vine, infinite excellence. I believe thefe things, 
becaufe I once felt the power of them; and not 
becaufe I now fee. My eyes run down with tears, 
while I exprefs thefe things, before my more flu- 
pid heart is aiTefted. Oh what a foul have I ! 
The members and organs of my body are more af- 
fefted than that; my tongue to complain, my eyes 
to weep I 

Feb. \fi. I was forced from thofe duties yefter- 
day; my bodily illnefs encreafing, fo that I w^as 
fcarcely able to hold up my head. And this day 
I find myfelf fo difordered, that I can attend on. 
no duty with any fixed engagednefs. Well, my 
God 1 I am thine. Let me not repine; but quietly 
bear thy hand. — At night. Bletfed be God for 
nearer accefs, and enlargement in prayer, with 
two or three chriftian friends, this afternoon ; and 
fome freedom this night, though attended with 
bodily diforders. Oh w4ien will the happy day of 
releafe arrive ! 

July 3d, 1755. Faft day. Much incumbered 
laft night; unfit for preparation for the exercifes 
of this day; and fo awaked this morning, un- 
fettled as to the particular duties of the day : 
yet God gracioufly afforded fome near and lively 
accefs to him, in prayer for Zion, both in pub- 
lic and private. My foul reached after God, and 
laid hold on the truth, faithfulnefs, and almighty 
power of Jehovah; and head of the church. Sure 



168 MEMOIRS OF {Chap, ly, 

I am, without a fcruple, that I prefer Jerufalem 
to my chief joy. I almoft forget my own pri- 
vate and fpiritual concerns, only as they ftand 
jn relation to, and are included in, the profpe- 
rity of Zion. If Chrift has a church in the w orld, 
and they are all united together, as nienibers in 
the body, and united to Chritl, as their head, 
1 furely feel the infeparal)le union, beyond all the 
ties of nature, or laws of common friendfliip. 
Strong influence, powerful efficacy ! Weary and 
fpent in family and fecret duties at night. Oh 
frail and faultering flelh ; when fijall I get free ! 

Feb. 6th, 1757. A fweet morning ! My foul 
engaged with God in prayer, for myfelf, the 
whole world, the proteftant nations, our nation 
and land, the whole church, all the minifters, 
particular minifters and chriftian friends. Sweet 
accefs, bleffed freedom, through Jefus Chrift, 
God-Man, my glorious Mediator. Oh how fweet 
is fuch a feafon ; though my fpirits were exhauft- 
ed^ and unfit for other duties. 

Some fenfe of divine things at noon ; but not 
fo engaged : more broken in my thoughts. Sent 
for to vifit a dear, fick chriftian friend, and had 
fome fweet chriftian converfation. Felt ftrait- 
ened at night, and not well. Endeavoured fo- 
lemnly to renew my covenant ; and truft I was 
clear, fixed and hearty in the dedication and 
confecration of my whole felf, body and foul, 
and every member, power or faculty ; all I am, 
and all I have; every intereft or concern, tem- 
poral, fpiritual and eternal : yea, I think there 
was not tp»e leaft referve ; not the lead iota, but 
was folemnly given up to God. All that my en- 
gaged foul could comprehend or apprehend, that 
did or could relate to me, was heartily committed 
to God : and I truft I was enabled as cordially, 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. _ 109 

and as unreferveclly, to embrace the Father, Son, 
and holy Spirit, as my everlafting portion. Yea, 
I truft I did embrace the whole Trinity, for all 
that I could conceive or apprehend an infinite 
God could be or do to or for me, for time and 
eternity, for foul or body. And thus I am the 
Lord's. I am the Lord's only, folely, and forever: 
and I rejoice in this dilpofal of myfelf. Thus the 
Lord is mine ; and I boaft and glory in my por- 
tion. And now, blefled be God for Jefus Chriftl 
AVhat more can I fay ? Here, here I muft dwell ; 
bleifed be God for Jefus Chrift ! 

Feb. 9th. Bleffed be God ! I truft I do enjoy 
fomefweet communion with him in prayer, every 
feafon, and have a fweet reliih of fpiritual things 
on my heart, more or lefs, all the day; but can- 
not attain to deep, fixed, and folemn meditation. 
Since fabbath day, my head is difordered. It is 
Avell, blefied be God, that I am allowed a tafte. 
Thou art mv center: here I would reft, and long- 
for the happy day of dear releafe. Oh thou bleffed 
portion of my foul, draw me, and I will run after 
thee! When thou giveft me ftrength and near- 
nefs, I refolve, through grace^ to follow haril after 
thee : but when thou doft weaken my ftrength ia 
the way, I will wait and hope, look and love; and 
fay, Thou doft all things well. 

Lord, I now^ find that creatures cannot fatisfy. 
Thou only art my dear delight. Oh the fweetneYs 
of religion ! Its ways are ways of pleafantnefs, 
and all its paths are peace. I find, I feel the yoke 
of Chrift is eafy, and his burden light. Oh happy 
foul, who has enlifted under this bleffed Captain, 
and his entered into his fervice. Bleffed be God, 
I truft I do know, experimentally, that they have 
great peace, who love thy law: and with this let 

Y 



1/0 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IT, 

me lay me dovtai, and fleep ; for thou flialt keep 
nie 1 

Feb. igth. Enjoyed fome fixednefs and refrefli- 
ment, yefterday morning: the reft of the day 
abroad with the fick. Blefled be God, that I can 
be any comfort or help to the afflifted and help- 
lefs. Compofed and refrefhed, laft night : more 
wandering and hurried this morning. Went again 
to vifit the fick ; found my fjck friend dying in 
diftrefs, and begged me to pray for her. She 
prayed for herfelf — '' For a Chrift ; oh for a 
Chrift! For the precious blood of Chrift to be 
applied to my foul ! No blood of bulls or of goats 
could fave ; but the precious blood of Chrift. 
Mercy, Lord, mercy. Lord !" And fo flie died. 
Oh may this affeciing fcene make an abiding im- 
preffion on my foul! Oh the importance of a 
dying hour; when time is clofing and eternity 
opening ! What but Chrift can then afford the 
leaft comfort or fupport ! This hope my friend 
had. I cannot but hope fhe fell afleep In Jefus. 
If her faith was weak, her patfage was eafy ; Hiq 
died like a lamb, at laft. 

Oh how much w^ifdom and goodnefs has God 
ihowed to me, that I was here : the more fo, be- 
caufe it was a family which had appeared much 
prejudiced againft me, ever fince I made a pro« 
feffion of religion, till of late. And now I had an 
opportunity to magnify my profeffion, by being 
kind, and doing good, not only to the fick; but 
to a dear relative of hers, who had caft my name 
out as evil. Oh that I might be able thus to re- 
quite all who abufe me ! What a chriftian love 
and harmony is between us now ! And now, I 
ivould make this improvement of this providence 
—Never to refent any injury ; but leave it with 
God to vindicate me; and it will then always tura 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHQNY. 171 

out well. I would alfo improve this providence 
to prepare for my own diflblution. Die I mud ; 
but when, and under what circumftances, thou 
only knoweft: nor is it much matter, fo that I be 
found in Chrift. Oh my foul, thou haft this dying 
work to do: thou haft this dark, unknown valley 
to pafs: thou haft this king of terrors to encoun- 
ter! Art thou prepared? Can thy faith, cau 
thy prefent hopes bear thee out? Thou art oftea 
longing for the bleffed vifion of God; but oh what 
will be thy frame, when death, grim, ghaftly 
death, ftares thee in the face, and holds thee in 
his iron jaws, while the piercing cries of dear re- 
latives ftrike through thy tender fond heart? Oh 
death, I have not known thee ! I have not yet 
palled through thy territory : I cannot mark the 
glooniy way. But my Chrift, my captain and 
guide has; and having him with me, I cannot 
niifcarry. Then it fliall be my renewed care to 
have him really and fenfibly with me, both in life 
and death. 

March IQth. Was awaked by the cry of fire, 
juft by us, as the day dawned. Soon felt much 
difordered: not enlarged in reading or in medita- 
tion. Felt ferious; but could not get near my 
God in prayer, for fome time. Unable to ftrive, 
or draw out my foul to God ; yet remembered my 
yefterday's frame, and was unwilling to leave the 
duty, without fome communion with him. And, 
blelfed be God, I began to feel fome defire and 
drawings of my foul ; and clofed with them, until, 
I truft, I enjoyed fweet, intimate communion 
-with the Lord, through Jefus Chrift, my dear 
Redeemer. My paffions were much moved; and 
I knew there was fome degree of bodily diforders 
working in my frame ; yet, I truft, there was the 



173 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

diftin^l exercife of grace. I longed for the grace 
of faith and humihty. Oh hou^ did I long to lie 
in the duft, and live on God for every mercy; to 
be nothing, and Chrift all ; to be broken off from 
all dependance Ihort of him; to fit under his 
table, and be fed with the crumbs which fall 
from it. * 

I felt no defires after great profperity, or high 
joys. As to temporals, I was willing, yea, I 
think, defirous to receive all by morfels and 
crumbs, as I thought it was the will of God I 
f]]ould : only I defired that he would feed me. 
And as to fpirituals, I rather defired to take deep 
root, than to flourifli : a humble, child-like tem- 
per appeared moft defirable. 1 truft: I heartily 
chofe conformity to God, before comfort ; humi- 
lity, holinefs, rather than joy. Surely I had ac- 
cels to the throne of grace. But my (Irength has 
failed ; and I have been exceedingly difordered 
all the day fince. Come, Lord Jefus, oh come 
and finilli thy M^ork ! Let heaven fucceed. — Some 
Tefrelhment this night ; but not enlarged as ufual, 
for the church, or the approaching fabbath. 

May 9.7th. God has been gracioufly pleafed, 
for thefe feveral days, to draw out my foul for 
Zion. I have begun my prayer with fome peti- 
tions for myfelf; but my thoughts have turned 
on Zion, and I have fcarcely thought of myfelf 
any more, only as a member of Zion, and a par- 
taker, with the whole body, of every blefiing. 
Oh how has God enlarged my foul, and held me 
up to wreftle with him on Zion's behalf, until my 
perves have been fo ftrained, that the back part 
of my head and neck have been fo fwelled and 
fore, that I could fcarcely move it; and have been 
obliged to take to my bed, from my knees ! After 
which; 1 have thought it my duty to defift from 



t 



Chap. IV. \ MISS ANTH01?7Y. 173 

any clofe exercife of mind, until I have recover- 
ed: and then I have found the fame gracious af- 
iiftance. — Oh how good is God, that he will al- 
low a poor polluted worm of the duft to fpeak to 
him, who is the High and Lofty One, inhabiting 
eternity! It has fometimes been fuggefted, that 
I fliould ftrain my head fo that diftraftion would 
follow: but though this be an afitli6tion, which of 
all evils, except fm, I apprehend the foreft, and 
from which I mofl relud ; yet I have been ena- 
bled, I truft, fweetly to commit myfelf to God ; 
and could truft even a diftraded body and mind to 
the care and protection of my heavenly Father. 
This, though m.ore to be dreaded than death, I 
felt difpofed to fubmit to, trufting my all in the 
hands of a faithful God, who has excited thefe 
iiioft ardent defires for his glory, and the profpe- 
rity of his church; and has engaged my foul to 
wreftle for bleflings on his church and people, in 
a manner unaccountable to me; and why, I knew 
not: but by the event, I have been confirmed 
that the fecrets of the Lord are with them that 
fear him ; and to them he will ihow his covenant. 
Yea, notwithftanding all my inward conflids, and 
the accufations of fatan againft me, I have been 
encouraged. If I had regarded iniquity in my 
heart, God would not hear me: but verily God 
hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of 
my prayer. Oh amazing condefcenfion ! 

June 9,6, \7 57. Very heavy this morning. Lay 
in bed too late. Had but little time or heart for 
fecret duties. Went up to God's fanduary : felt 
fomewhat ferious and engaged in public duties; 
more lively at noon, in company; but not fo fixed 
this afternoon. Came home : felt little compo- 
fure for prayer. I tried to read and meditate; 
but found I did but tri/ie: could no way get my 



174 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

mind fixed ; but time ran to wafte. I refolved to 
go to God for a fuitable frame; to fpend fome 
time in prayer for dear Zion, our nation and land. 
Felt great oppofition from fatan, and my own 
lieart; difcouraging fuggeftions, as though I liad 
110 warrant to be importunate with God for our 
nation and land: but I urged, that God had com- 
manded ns to pray, and to give him no reft, till 
he eftabliih, and till he make Jerufalem a praife 
in the earth; that even when he forbad Mofes to 
pray for his people, to teftify his anger, yet he 
graciouily heard, and manifefted his approbation 
of Mofes, his zeal and fervency. I confelfed my 
own infinite unworthinefs to open my mouth, and 
the unw^orthinefs of our guilty nation of any mer- 
cy. I acknowledged his infinite juftice and righ- 
teoufnefs, ihould he utterly and forever rejecl us, 
and make us a heap and defolation. Hamented 
the general ftnpidity which had feized the whole 
nation, and that we appeared to be a people ripe 
for fudden and awful deftruclion; to be given up 
into the hands of our enemies; that they fliould 
enter, not only into our borders, but into our 
bowels; that our nation and land iliould become 
a reproach among the heathen, and the fcorn and 
triumph of our antichriftian enemies. But, then, 
what would God do for his own great name ? Had 
he not laid that thus and thus he would do with 
Ifrael, were it not that he feared the wrath of the 
enem}^, and that their adverfaries Ihould behave 
themfelves ftrangely ; and left they Ihould fay, 
Our hand is high, and the Lord hath not done 
all this? I pleaded, that he who was infinitely 
above all fear or reftraint from men or devils, had 
thus condefcended to give us arguments to plead 
with him : but if he was fixed in his purpofe to 
deftroy us, as a nation, yet I pleaded his promile 
to his church^ — That the gates of hell ihould not 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY- 17^ 

prevail again ft it ; that he would fend his gofpel 
into the dark corners of the earth, and yet have 
a pecuhar people; and that his name might ftill 
be orlorified in the earth. 



O' 



I adored his fovereignty, acknowledged his juf- 
tice, and, I truft, fubmitted to his hand; and 
again was ftrengthened to plead for the nations of 
the reformation, our nation and land, until a 
moil violent pain feized the nerves of my head, 
which were much ftrained, and forced me for fome 
moments to defift. However, my foul now being 
engaged, I made another attempt to continue; 
but was feized with fuch extreme ficknefs, as took 
away all my ftrength, and almoft life. Cold and 
helplefs I lay, while nature ftruggled hard for 
life. And 1 am much thoughtful whether there 
be not fome of the agency of fatan in thefe turns, 
as 1 find hard inward conflifts, fatan ftrongly re* 
fitting me, when engaged for dear Zion. Almofl 
all my engagednefs, and accefs to God, of late, 
has been for Zion : and for about two weeks, I 
have not once had lively accefs, but I have beeit 
broken up by a fudden turn of bodily diforders, 
though I have been able to attend other duties, 
with fixednefs and attention; befides, a great va- 
riety of inward temptations. Yet oh, may God 
but hold me wreftling for his dear caufe and in- 
tereft : may I but prevail with him by faith, 
through Jefus the glorious Redeemer, for his dear 
church; here I am, at his v/ife and gracious dif- 
pofals of me : only, may he be my itrength and 
tlay. Lord, I know thou doft not need me, nor 
my poor prayers : it is only by thee that I am al- 
lowed to open my unworthy, polluted lips. Lord, 
it is infinite condefcenfion in thee, that thou wilt 
fuflfer me to take thy facred name oxi my unhal- 
lowed tongue* 



J7^ MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV^ 

JVednefday, June 29, 1759. This day, rofe 
early, and inijiroved my time, that 1 might be 
prepared for the hour from feven until eight. I 
then addreifed the throne of grace for public blef- 
fings ; was enlarged in confelfing and lamenting 
the national fins and guilt, till the hour was ex- 
pired. Alas, what a few of the many particulars 
thereof can be enumerated in one hour. I feem- 
ed but to touch on them in the time. Good God, 
what a world of iniquity is this ! I know not 
where to begin, nor where to end, in the enume- 
ration of our fins. What intinite patience has 
borne >vith fuch vile rebels as we ! Lord, what 
a world is this ! What a den of unclean beasts ; 
•Nvhat a fink of fin ; what an inhofpitable wilder- 
nefs have thy dear faints, who live now, to pafs 
through, in their way home ! Oh relieve their 
pain ; alleviate their thirft, by fome kind cordial, 
fome foretaft^and pledge of their heavenly inhe- 
ritance. — Continued in prayer, till ftrength and 
fpirits failed. 

Thurfday^ June 30th. This being the laft 
Thurfday in the month ; a day which fome pious 
perfons have devoted to prayer for the profperity 
of Zioii, our nation and land ; and on which is 
our le^lure; I would obferve it, as far as my 
health and my circumftances would allow. 

Enjoyed fome freedom in prayer. Read Bri- 
tain's Remembrancer. Was ready to fay, from 
a view of our aggravated guilt, It is a gone cafe 
with our nation ! God will Ihow us, by his judg- 
Tnents, what we would not learn by his mercies. 
Yv^ent up to God's houfe ; heard his word; and 
hope 1 had fome fenfe of divine things. Returned 
home, with defire to enjoy God in fecret; where 
I fet myfelf to meditate, and examine, in order 
to prepare for the holy fupper: and to leave th^ 



Chap, IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 177 

concerns of Zion and our nation and land for after 
meditation and prayer. After fome ferious exa- 
mination, I attempted to pray; endeavouring to 
confine myfelf to my own cafe: but while 1 was 
wreftling with God for grace and large communi- 
cations at his table, to preferve me in this evil, 
fmful time, my defire would enlarge for the fame 
grace for all his dear faints, who wtvt travelling 
the fame pilgrimage, hungry, and liard beftead, 
groaning under the fame evils that attended me. 
I had a lively fenfe of the fin and guilt of our na- 
tion and land. While pleading for them, I had 
fuch a fenfe of the injury done to the divine name 
and law, by their fin, and of the reafonablenefs 
that the divine Being Ihould arife, and vindicate 
his injured attributes againft rebellious worms^ 
though he ihould utterly confume them; and 
fuch ardent defires for his glory, that I freely gave 
lip the nation and land to the will of God. The 
lang^uage of ray foul was, ''Lord, fpare us, if 
thoii wMlt redeem us ; but I cannot wnih we fijould 
be fpared to revolt any more. Thy glory is infi- 
nitely more dear to me than any thing eife; and 
I freely facrifice all to that. But oh, if it be thy 
will, take me from the evil to come; and let me 
not fee the evil that will come on this people; but 
this with fubmifiion to the divine will." 

Oh what a precious feafon was this! How ar- 
dent wtvt my defires for every member of Chrift s 
body; how did 1 feel the unity of the fpirit; and 
how earneft for fparing meicy for our nation and 
landl What a lively fenfe of the di/honour done 
to the glorious attributes of God, by our fins; 
what a holy revenge againft fin, and humble fub- 
mifiion to the divine will; what a hearty confent, 
that God Ihould vindicate his injured name and 

z 



I7B MEMOIRS OF \Chap. IVo 

laws! Oh howfweetly compofed, and fwallowed 
up, was my foul, in the gU^ry of that beft of Be- 
ings, whom I faw infinitely juft and righteous, and 
yet infinitely affronted, abufed and contemned, 
by def|)icable worms of the dull! Oh how was I 
able to call all my cares and burdens, public and 
private, national and perfonal, upon this beft of 
Beings! How is my foul now at reft in God! 
Blelfed, forever bletfed be God, for this feafon of 
fweet communion with him! Though fpent iu 
body, yet fweet peace in mind. 

January 17, 176!. My head has been much 
difordered this week; yet, thanks be to God, I 
truft it has been better with me than in the lafl 
week. I hope fome fweet accefs for myfelf, and 
the dear afflitled church to which I belong. Felt 
a tender fympathy with my dear paftor ; begged 
direftion, and wrote a letter to him this day. May 
the Lord blefs it ! I have devoted my pen to him ; 
and what he fliall aflift to write, that I commit to 
his bleffing. I know I have but little faculty, at 
prefent, for writing; but if God delight in me, 
he can affift and blefs: if not, here 1 am ; let the 
Lord do as feemeth good to him. 

I have this week been ready to think I fliould 
be exercifed v/ith fome fliarp trials, from the frame 
of my mind; for when I have endeavoured to re- 
alize the molt fore and trying affliclion coming ou 
me, I have rather embraced, than drawn back> 
becaufe I believed, if God called me thereto, I 
fhould fee his falvation. And oh, communion 
with God is all 1 can willi. I am weary of life- 
Oh for conformity to God, and enjoyment of him ! 
At prefent, I feem to have no hopes or fears about 
the world : if God will but fanftify and fatisfy my 
foul, it is enough. Oh my God, my God, thine 
I ami Take me into thine own merciful and 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 179' 

gracious hands: fiibdue every luft : conforui me 
to thy bleffed law: refign me to thy fovereign 
will: delight thou in me: make me to delight in 
thee, and it is all; I have no requeft, beyond this. 
Lord, if thou feeft me flighting temporal bleffings, 
oh correct this error; for I know I am abfolutely 
dependent on thee. Conformity and communion 
with thee, appears the one, the only one thing 
needful. With thy fmiles, I can be happy on a 
dunghill, or in a dungeon: without thee, I muft 
be miferable in a palace. Oh hold not my foul 
at a diftance from thyfelf, thou only bed of Be- 
ings, thou center of my foul, thou end of all my 
wiihes! Thou art the boundlefs bound ofim.mor- 
taldefire. My God, my God! The fathomlefs 
ocean of delight ; it is thine own infinite dignity 
to be felf-fufficient and independent : and it is my 
liighefl felicity to be dependent and infuf^fiicient ; 
but in an all-fufficient God, through an all-fuffi- 
cient and glorious Mediator. Here, here let my 
foul forever reft ; and all my wiflies, all my hopes^ 
be forever fixed. 

April Mh. Thanks be God, I have enjoyed 
more peace and tranquillity of mind this week, 
than for a long time. I awaked on monday morn- 
ing from dreams which liad a tendency to diftradl 
my fancy; but, bleffed, forever bleffed be God, 
fome fenfe of his perfeftions ftayed my foul: and 
I have feen fuch a fulnefs here, as made me wil- 
ling to relinquifli all hopes or expeftations from 
the world, for fuch difcoveries. Here I found a 
folid, rational fatisfaflion, beyond what all this 
world can give. I felt myfelf at once weaned 
from it; and God only a fuitable good. Here the 
iffue was ftaunched ; and here my foul refted. This, 
I found, was the caufe of my former weanednefs 

z 2 



180 :\iEMoiRS OF [Chap, iv. 

from tlie world, the difcoveries I then had of the 
perfe<^iions of God, the trarilcendant glories of 
the divine nature, and the foretaile I then had of 
heaven. I now felt reconciled to a weak, fickly 
body, which of late I had fo (h^eaded, if it might 
be a mean of lliutting my eyes to the world, and 
opening them on God and eternity. I felt indif- 
ferent; yea, reluCiant, to the pleafures and amufe- 
ments of life, and reconciled to the trials of it: 
nor have daily occurrences made any great im- 
preflions on my mind. But 1 find my views abate : 
oh Lord, revive them I 

Ottoher MUl Thanks be to God, this night 
iny defires were fo enlarged, and I had fo much 
to lay, that I knew not how to leave off, even 
when hodiiy ftrength was exhaufted. Oh what a 
good God have I ! What a good mafter do I 
ferve, in whole fervice is great delight. I have 
devoted myielftohim: oh may I be devoted to 
the fervice of the fanfiuary ; a confecrated velfel, 
though of the meaneft ufe! Here I am, oh Lord. 
Set me apart for thyfelf Wilt thou condefcend 
to take me into thy fervice? Though I minilter 
not pubhcly before the Lord, in holy things; yet 
fain would I be devoted to the fervice of the fanc- 
tuary, in fecret, folemn, and fervent fupplication. 
Eipecially, may I confecrate myfelf, and the fa- 
turday night, and fabbath day, for this fervice 
of his fanCtuary; that his gracious prefence, affift- 
ance and influences, may be granted to all his 
churches. God feems to be inclining my heart 
to this public fervice, in a private, fecret way: 
ai]d bteii'ed be his name, who is inclining my heart 
to forfake every falfe way, and to greater endea- 
vours to perfect holinefs, in his fear. Oh my God, 
thou knoweft my lincerity ! Accept and improve 
Jiie; for I am thine, But oh bear my expences \ 



Chap, IV.] MISS ANTHOXr. 181 

furnilli and fupply me for, and in the fervice. I 
know thou wilt get nothing by me; yet, ohbound- 
lefs grace, fulfil my humble, but bold requeft. 
Lord, 1 truft my eyes are not lofty, nor my heart 
haughty, when I beg to be improved in the fer- 
vice of thy fanftuary. I feel difpofed to bring the 
cafes of God's people, mentioned in public, into 
private, fecret prayers. Oh that God would fet 
me apart for himfelf ! But oh, let me not forget 
the duties of the private ftation, in which God 
has placed me. I have many relative duties in- 
cumbent on me, which 1 am too apt to forget, 
iieglecl, or perform too fuperficially. Oh let me 
not now, under pretence of more extraordinary 
fervices; overlook thefe: but let me now, while 
I am offering myfelf to the fervice of the fanCtu- 
ary, devoting myfelf to God, and waiting on him 
for the fpirit of prayer and fupplication, befetting 
myfelf to ftudy my feveral relations in life, and 
the duties of each. 

November 4, I76I. Nineteen years ago, this 
day,'^ I gave myfelf up to God, in a public, folemii 
covenant, and fwore allegiance to Jefus, as my 
only rightful Lord and King, and vowed fubmif- 
fion to him. Oh what a barren fig-tree have I been 
in thy vineyard! I blufii, and am afiiamed of my 
wretched unfaithfulnefs, under all thy rich cul- 
tivations. When fhall I be tranfplanted under 
thy immediate fun-beams, where there is not one 
barren and unfruitful? Oh that the enfuinor year 
might place me in the paradife of my God, to go 
no more out forever. jNIethinks my warfare is 
nearly at an end. Come, Lord Jefus, oh come 
quickly ! 

November 5th. I ftrove to fpend laft evening 

* She now reckons according to the alteration from old stvle 

to fl€W. 



18S MEMOIRS OF \Chap. I\\ 

folemnly with God ; but attained to nothing more 
than hard conflicts. This day, on which I am 
thirty-five years old, I would fain have fpent in 
humble confeffion, devout adoration, and in felf- 
dedication; but bodily diforders have prevented; 
nor could I attain to that cheerful, hearty fub- 
miifion I ought, and defired to exercife. Oh 
God, few and evil indeed have been the days of 
my pilgrimage. It has afforded me fome ftrength 
this night by refleding, that the great Captain of 
my falvation has conquered fin and fatan; that 
there ever was, and will be enmity between the 
feed of the woman, and the feed of the ferpent; 
that Chrift ever knew the ftrong oppofition fatan 
would make; and therefore conquered him for all 
his elecl: yet, as Chrifl was made perfeft through 
fufferings, fo mufl every child tafte of the cup. 
Satan's enmity is againft Chrift himfelf, to dittrefs 
and deftroy his intereft as much as poftible: but 
he Ihall never prevail. Chrift will maintain his 
throne, though earth and hell oppofe. He has 
conquered, and will defeat the powers of darknefs; 
and not one of his members Ihall be hurt. Oh 
my Redeemer, what fupport does this afford my 
poor foul ! And will not he, Avho has preferved 
me thefe five and thirty years, ftill preferve? But 
oh, have 1 attained to only half the years of hu- 
man life? How does this damp my foul ! Oh cut 
ihort the tedious days: but let them be well im- 
proved. Gracious Redeemer, when I refle6l on 
the amazing conflicts I have had, I am ready to 
fay, Why has fuch a reed been fet up as a mark 
for fatan's rage ? But, I truft thou wilt hereby or- 
dain praife to thy vi6lorious, all-conquering pow- 
er and grace. Sure I am, didft thou not keep me 
by thy almighty power, I had long before now 
fallen a prey into the teeth of this devouring lion. 
Glorious Redeemer^ leave me not: for the mo- 



Chap. IV.] Mi$3 ANTHONY. 183 

ment thou doft leave me, I fall a facrifice to the 
malice and craft of this ferpent. I am amazed at 
the vigilance of fatan! If he cannot terrify, he 
will allure. If he cannot gain his end himfelf, he 
will take unto him feven, yea a legion of other 
fpirits: and if fpirits prevail not, men (hall be ufed 
as inftruments to carry on his defigns, by frowns 
or by flatteries. Methinks, if ever I get to hea- 
ven, I fliall be a miracle of power and grace: but 
hitherto thou haft preferved me. Through thy 
grace I have fcood the fiege of five and thirty 
years ; fome times enabled tofally out under thee, 
the great Captain of my falvation, and put the 
enemy to flight : at other times they have beea 
fuffered to approach near the walls, and made 
great breaches. Oh how often have I been brought 
into deep waters, where I could find no place for 
my feet : at other times thou haft led me through. 
Jordan; and I have, as it v/ere, taken ftones out 
of the bottom, while my feet have ftood on dry 
ground. Thus haft thou led me five and thirty 
years to this day : and here I am, a living monu- 
ment of thy power and goodnefs. Oh furnilh me 
M'ith greater degrees of grace; and haften my 
efcape from Sodom. I have waited for thy falva- 
tion : When fliall my foul be fatisfied with thy fa- 
vour, which is my life ? When fliall thefe Ihadows 
flee away ; oh when iTiall it be all bright, immor- 
tal day, without a fetting fun forever? 

November Sth. Sabbath day. Hard flruggle 
with fatan and a difordered body laft night and 
this day. BlefTed be God, attained fome atten- 
tion and engagednefs in his houfe this morning, 
after much wandering and difcouragement: but 
all my hope is in God. Paft fins and failings are 
fatan's bait, (and I am perfuaded he is permitted 
to charge me with unknown faults:) thefe 1 would 



184 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. TV, 

lament, and fly to Jefus for pardon and cleanfing; 
but not be dilbouraged, (ince Jefus ever lives my 
glorious advocate above. 1 know fin and fatan 
would fain feparate me from Chrift Jefus^ my 
Lord; but fince he has promifed fin fliall not, in 
its guilt, blemilh or fpot the juftification of his 
people, which is complete in him; fo I ought not 
to let it feparate from his confolations, by its dif- 
couraging influence on me. 

Roufe np, oh my foul; fly, cling to thy Re- 
deemer, \A\o delights in thofe wlio hope in his 
mercy. 1 have trulted, and fliall never be alham- 
ed. I have committed my everlafting all into 
his faithful hands. I daily renew my trufl and 
confidence in him. I have given up myfelf, and 
my all to him. I am at his difpofal, and count 
it all my happinefs to be for him, and no other. 
One thing, and only one thing, as firft and fu- 
preme, have I defired ; and that do I diligently 
ieek after : To glorify God and enjoy him. I 
am determined for nothing elfe, and none elfe 
but God. ]\Iafter ! I love thee and thy fervice, 
and will not confent to leave it. I have renewed 
my folemn choice, and am endeavouring to put 
far from me every iniquity, as 1 hate every falfe 
Avay, and pradife every known duty. I trull I 
am now adually engaged to lay afide every 
Nveight, and the fms which mofl eafily befet me. 
Let the Lord do to me what feem.eth good to him. 
Let him give profperity, or adverlity, comfort 
or diftrefs ; I am determined, by his grace, to 
fiDllow hard after him ; to endeavour after an 
entire fubmilTion to ail his difpenfations, a cordial 
compliance with every known duty, a firm and 
refolute refifiance of every finful defire, or temp- 
tation. It is meet to be faid to God, 1 have 
borne chatlifement, I will offend no more. Oil 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 185 

may his grace be fufficient, and his ftrength made 
perfeft in my weaknefs ! If God afford light, peace 
and joy, I ihall go on my way rejoicing: but if 
farther trials and confli6ls await me, let him lead 
and guide me» I am his, and at his difpofal. Let 
me never repine, fo he do but glorify himfelf in 
me. What though I be brought by ways I know 
not, and led in paths that I have not known; yet 
he hath promifed to make darknefs light, and 
crooked things (Iraight, and not forfake. Amen, 
and amen ! Oh God, thy word is enough ; thy 
promife is a fufficient fecurity. 

November QSth, Oh my everlafting immutable 
refuge! When wilt thou appear for my relief? I 
am under no apprehenfion of an eternal feparation. 
But why hideft thou thy comforting, quickening 
face, at this time, while devils and inward lulls 
vex and dill:ra6l my foul? How are my ftrength 
and heart broken with thefe fiery conflids! All 
my hope is in thee. Oh let me not be afliamed of 
my confidence. It has been my long boafted 
triumph, that I never came before thy throne, 
and found thee loth to hear; that I always found 
thee a God ready at hand, in times of need; and 
while 1 was yet fpeaking thou didft anfwer. But 
why doft thou now feem to /liut thine eyes and 
ears at my diftrefs? Lord, thou knoweft I hate 
thefe luft^ and corruptions. 1 long for nothing 
fo much as entire conformity to thee; a cordial 
and abfolute fubjedion to thy fovereign will: and 
this makes the conflict with all that oppofe. Lord, 
here I am. Fulfil the whole good pleafure of thy 
grace in. me, and, the work of faith with power. 
Complete what thou hallj begun and artjidoing, 
however diftrefling. I am thine; make |ne what 
thou wilt have me to be. Spare not the rod to 

A a 



186 MEMOIRS OP [Chap, it, 

fpoil thy child. Thou beft kiiovveft what is good 
for me. Father, I fiibmit. Let me not relii(5t : 
it is right thou Ihouldit take thine own way. I 
glory in thine adorable fovereignty. I would not 
for a thoufand worlds be left to my own choice. I 
had ruined myfelf eternally, long before now, if 
left to mvfelf. 1 need hard things. I have an 
untoward, proud, ftubborn heart, that needs bit 
and bridle, curb and fpur, and the lajh too. Oh 
fliameful, hateful characler of a redeemed foul? 
Lord, never leave me, till thou haft reduced me 
to a better temper ; and then preferve me in it, or 
I fliall never keep it. I truft I have a principle 
of real grace; but I cannot keep it; I cannot ex- 
ercife it of myfelf: all my fufficiency is of thee. 
Oh omnipotent Redeemer, maintain thy conqueft \ 
Thou haft conquered me, fin and fatan ; though 
they would fain rend me from thy almighty arms:, 
but in thee do I truft. 

Feb. 1762. Blefled be God that my falvatioii 
is not in myfelf, nor from myfelf: but in Chrift 
Jefus is' full redemption. Glory to God! All I 
%vant is in the Son of his love: and I have fuflfi- 
cient warrant to come boldly, and take freely, all 
I want for myfelf, and give to God all I owe to 
Mm, out of this fam.e fountain. Here I have 
"wifdom, righteoufnefs and fandification ; and here 
I have redemption; the full price to plead with 
God. True, Ihaveiinned; but Chrift has died. 
Here is' my advocate. Look on my ihield, the 
face of thine anointed, and turn not away from 
me. Oh my foul, fink not into thyfelf : grovel 
not thus in't^yy own corruptions; but ftretch thy 
thoughts to infinite fulnefs. Here is enough, and 
it is offei-ed to thee : tafke it freely. God the Fa- 
ther, Son, and holy Spirit, bid thee come and wel- 
come. Here 1 have enough, durable riches and 



Chap. IV.J MISS ANTHONY. 187 

righteoufnefs ; enough for time and eternity. 
Spend freely, my foul ; thou haft goods laid up for 
endlefs years. Feaft forever; the ftores will never 
be exhaufted: fare fumptuoufly every day: put 
freely on thy wedding garments: freely eat, and 
freely drink : there are dainties enough in^ my Fa- 
ther's houfe. Oh my foul, pinch not, - pYtie not, 
when there is bread enough, and to fpafe ; and 
wines on the lees, well rdfined. Here is infinite 
fulnefs, freely offered: God has prepared it for 
thee, and thou Ihaltfoon be at the fountain head 
in glory. Let faith now fetch in large fupplies, 
till thou Ihalt arrive where faith is turned into 
fruition. 

Jime 6th. Attended public worfliip three times 
this day, and fat down at Chrift's table; but very 
much indifpofed in body and mind. 1 am per- 
fuaded thefe diforders are the attendants of this 
dark ftate of things; but fhall fly, as a fog before 
the fun, when God arifes to favour Zion.' I live 
in the faith of this. Oh God, wilt thou/erre thy^ 
fdf by me? What am I, or what can I do? Oh 
ferve thyfelf by me; and then I fliall anfwer the 
great end of my being. How fvveet is it now to 
me to think of God's ferving himfelf by me ! To 
this I now feel difpofed to give up all my comforts, 
all my wiflies ordefires; and all feems centered 
here. Oh if this wife good God will but ferve 
himfelf by rne, it is the whole of my being: it is 
the higheft dignity, the beft employ, the deareft 
lot in life. Being interefted in thy fpecial favour, 
through Chrift, what more can I delire, than that 
thou Ihouldft ferve thyfelf by me. Here I am, oh 
Lord, and have devoted all I am to thee and thy 
fervice ! Glorious privilege. Oh grant me this 
requeft, in which I fee fuch unfpeakable delight; 

A a 2 



188 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, IX. 

and in Avhich ev'ery <]efire and wifh feems anfwer- 
edj and every good implied; as to pleafe and glo- 
rify thee is perfedl felicity to me. 

: Seyt.Ath. This night was enabled to cry to 
God, asi the Godof Zion, for help, under his 
a^vful withdrawings ; fenfible that none but he 
could help. I hope he did excite defires, give 
llrength, and fhow me my unworthinefs, who was 
but diift and aihes, a worm of the earth, to fpeak 
unto the Majefty of heaven ; yet, under fome fenfe 
af his fupporting influence, I was emboldened to 
"wreftle. 1 trull he gave me fome view of the de- 
pendance of all creatures and things on him, for 
life; be.ing and motion ; that as all things and 
creatures were created by him, fo they were con- 
tinualTy dependent upon him ; that the highefh 
ar^gel in heaven, yea/ all the thoufands, and thou- 
fahds of thbufands, the innumerable millions that 
fiirround tlie throne ofGod, both faints and an- 
gels, are dependent on him ; with all the ftars of 
lieave'n, and foundations of the earth; all the 
"beafts of the field, from behemoth, to the meaneft 
reptile that crawls ; all the fiflies of the fea, from 
leviathan/ fpthe leaft fifli that inhabits the watery 
•\yorld ; all the fowls of heaven, to the leaft fly that 
traces the air: not only the animate, but the in- 
animate alio, from the tailed cedar and fturdy oak, 
to the meaneft reed or rufli, or fpire of grafs that 
gTows; from the largeft mountain, to the fmalleft 
atom ; all are fupported by his influence and ener- 
gy.! Joined to thefe, I fawthewhole race of mortals 
that ever were, or ever fliall be, fupported, upheld 
and governed by this God, to whom I '^vas now 
applying for his gracious aids and fpiritual influ- 
.ences on the hearts of his people. How did my 
finite thoughts ftretch to take in this numberlels 
immber of creation; and then the unbounded 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 189 

Infinity,' w4vich fuftained, fupported, fupplied and 
governed them, out of his own infinite felf-fuffi- 
ciency !' ' From rny (yet too low) conception of 
this Being, and all thefe things, did I plead, that 
his dear faints might not he left as a barren heath, 
fleftitute of his life-giving influence. Oh hi what 
extreme pov^erty and want did I behold Zion at 
this day, and cried out for the Lord God of Ebjah, 
the God and Father of our Lord Jefus, and the 
refidue of the Spirit ; that he would appear and 
blefs his own inftitutions, and manifeft the power 
of his refurreclion, on the enfuing da}^ of tlie Son 
of]\Ian. I cried after a departing God. 

Alas, what an awful time is this! Is not the 
Lord gone up from among us? Is not that glory 
that once filled the temple, fcarce difcernible, in 
its remoteft part? Lord, (liall not thy people cvy 
after thee ! Oh help, oh help, Lord God of our 
falvation ! And while thou art thus fuftaining, 
^influencing, and enlightening the natural world, 
.as its creator and prcferver, oh let not the great 
Head of his church fuipend fpiritual influences. 
Shoaldft thou withdraw thy fuftaining influence, 
creation finks into its primitive nothing : and 
fliouldft thou withdraw thy vital influence from 
thy church and children, they wither as a faplefs 
branch. Oh turn us to thee, and caufe thy face 
to ihine upon us, and we Iball be faved ! 

Sept. 5th. Bleffed be God, I truft I had gra- 
cious accefs this morning, for his pfefence in his 
houfe. I may call it a good day ; my foul was 
engaged. Entertained from Luke xvii. 5. Lord, 
increajh our faith. Sweet, inftru6ling and ftrength- 
cning truths. A word of reproof and comfort to 
nie concerning Zion, that Zion's God reigns. 
Blefled be God for this fabbath ! I am willmg it 
fliQidd be my laft ; and endeavoured to hear, at- 



190 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. IV. 

tend and improve, as my laft. I truft God was 
in this place ; and did not leave himfelf without 
witnefs, that he is the exciter, inditer, the hearer 
and anfwerer of prayer. I vie^ved myfelf as pafling 
off the ftage of time, into boundlefs eternity : the 
things of time and fenfe flirank into nothing. I 
was ferious, and folemnly willing to put from this 
mortal Ihore- i 

Oh that thou wouldft water the feed this day 
fown, and give the increafe. Oh my God, I can- 
not let thee go, unlefs thou wilt arife and blefs 
Zion. I cannot fee this evil on Zion, and hold 
my peace; cannot fee this general and awful de- 
clenfion; cannot fee this abounding profanenefs 
and immorality; this amazing blindnefs, ftupidity 
and fecurity, and be unconcerned. I cannot hear 
the complaints of thy dear children, and feel the 
fame caufe in myfelf, and yet be filent. Oh thou 
God of Zion, arife! Oh thou Almighty Arm, 
awake! Doll thou not fee; and dolt thou not 
regard? Oh thou who art jealous for thy name 
and worfliip, doftthou not behold thine aifemblies? 
How heavy, dull, dark and wandering, thine own 
children are; how ftupid, fecure, carelefs and vain, 
finners are^^ Oh, is not thy worfhip, which ought 
to be lively, fpiritual and holy, degenerated, in 
mod of thy churches, to mere bodily exercifes? 
I fear there is not one foul at this day, in all thy 
churches, that worfliips thee as thou waft wor- 
ihipped in primitive times. How is the gold be- 
come dim ! What deadnefs, what blindnefs have 
overfpread us! 

Once I was greatly engaged for Zion, on ac- 
count of outward circumftances; but Ifeemfcarce- 
]y to think of that now, under her moft melan- 
choly fpiritual dangers. I fear God is about to 

fay, "Let her that is filthy, be filthy ftill. Oh for 



Chap, IV.] MISS ANTHONY. Ipl 

that reft which remains to thy people! Oh fliow 
lire thy glory ! If I may not fee more of thee here, 
oh take me to heaven ! IMy God, my God, thou 
knoweft that I love thee above all things elfe. Let 
me not defpife the bounties of thy providence : but 
take me near to thyfelf. Doft thou not know my 
defire is after thee; does not every wilh center in 
thee; doft thou not fill all my thoughts? Is not 
the whole bent of my thoughts, from my firft 
Avaking, to my laft, after thee? Do I not purfuc 
thee all the day? Oh let nothing turn me afide, 
till I find thee. Let neither riches, pleafures, nor 
honours, nor all the beft enjoyments of earth, ftay 
my purfuit, or amufe my foul for a moment. 

Septeynher 7th, Thanks be to God, though I 
am perfect weaknefs, yet I have Omnipotence to 
reft on; though I am ignorant as a beaft, and 
have no knowledge, yet I have infinite wdfdom to 
apply to. And this God has faid. To thofe who 
have no 7night, he increaftth ftrength — 1 Tcill in- 
iiruEt and teach thee in the zvay thou (halt go — / 
liill guide thee by mine eye — Coimnit thy zcay unto 
the Lord, and lie Jhall direci thy path. Amen and 
amen ! Fulfil thy word unto thy handmaid ; the 
word on which thou haft caufed me to reft. 

Bleffed be God for heart's eafe by prayer; and 
heart-ftrength, by emptying itfelf into infinite 
fulnefs. Oh happy momens, when this finite va- 
pour Ihall afcend to infinite fulnefs, and be fed 
and nourilhed by fubftantial realities ; this bub- 
ble fwim in the infinite ocean ; this drop of the 
bucket be moft fenfibly encircled in the everlaft- 
ing fountain ; and this fingle particle of the duft 
of the balance, be a pillar in the temple of my 
God ! Oh when, my God, fliall darknefs and 
diftance vaniih ; when ihall my heaven com- 



102 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. ir. 

nience : when my God Ihall be all and in all ; 
the perfection of being and excellency, my ever- 
lafiinf>:, confummate blifs? 1 received mv beinc: 
from thee, and fhall never be happy but in thee. 
I enjoy myfelf only in reaching and ftretching 
into thy fulnefs. Glory to thy name, for thi.s 
moft wife, moft juft, moft gracious way of falva- 
tion by Jefus Chrift ; and fan6tification by the 
bielied Spirit ; this union with God ; and this 
transformation into thine image ! What lliall hin- 
der my everlafting communion with thee, fince 
I am brought nigh by the blood of thy Son, and 
in fome meafure conformed to tbee, by the blef- 
ied Spirit? I have committed my everlafting all 
to Jefus Chrift ; have come in on the terms of 
the gofpel ; and fled for refuge to the hope fet 
before me. I efteem all thy precepts, concern- 
ing all things, to be right ; and hate every falfe 
way : and neither Avifn nor feek any good, in 
earth or heaven, but the fulleft enjoyment of 
God, and all that is implied in this. 

September Sth. Bleffed be God for that gracious 
accefs he allows me ; though, for the moft part, 
when I begin prayer, I know not what to fay, or 
afk, as tliOugh I had no w^ords or defires : but glory 
to the bleffed Spirit, who ordinarily helps my in- 
firmities, and engages my heart. This night it 
came to my turn to pray with his dear handmaids: 
but oh, I knew not what to fay: and a pain iu 
the head feemed to unfit me. I dare not refufe, 
tliough I expe6"ted great ftraitnefs. I begged af- 
liftance, yet feared the defi re might rife from pride ; 
and therefore, I hope, fubmitted to God. But 
oh, hew gracious was God to me! What kind 
accefs ; what dehres did he put into my heart, and 
aro^uments into my mouth ! I feemed to find a 
chikWlke freedom and confidence: my requeus 



Chap. IV.] MISS A^^THONY. l^S 

were chiefly for Zion, the glory of God, the in- 
tereft of Ch rift, the falvation of fouls, and the 
ftrength and refreshment of faints. Surely the 
blefled God put ftrength in me, that I might 
plead with him. Methinks God was in this place, 
and I truft others could fay fo too. Glory to 
God!* 

September 9.6th. Thanks to the Lord for the 
affiftance of this day ! Though fatan was bufy, 
yet my God has helped. Oh for the profperity 
of Zion, the falvation of poor linners; though 
while I pray, they curfe and fwearl How aifeSl- 
ing is it to my foul ! While I am in fecret, ear- 
neftly wreftling with God for their falvation, my 
ears are filled with the profanenefs of the ftreet. 
Oh how does iniquity run down our ftreets, like 
an overflowing flood! Even while I am faying, 
oh Lord^ have mercy on linners, and glorify thy- 
felf in their falvation ; my ears are filled, my heart 
is grieved, my foul is vexed, and my flefli trem- 
bles, with their horrid imprecations. While my 
foul is in an agony for their falvation, I hear them 
imprecating their own deftru6lion: and while my 
foul is bowing down, with folemn and awful re- 
verence, before the Majefty of heaven, folemnized 
with his dread; oh how Ihocking is it to hear a 
company of rebels taking his facred, venerable, 
precious name, profanely on their unhallowed 
lips! Perhaps I feldom retire for prayer, at leaft 
in the evening, but I hear the facred name of Je- 
hovah profaned a hundred times, while I am en- 
gaged. Woe is me that I fojourn in Mefech, and 
dwell in the tents of Kedar; and my place of re- 
tirement unavoidably fo near a profane, unre- 

* Some account of tliis society of women, and of her pra^in^ 
v'ith them, is given pa^e 14. 

•Bb 



Ip4 MKMoiRs 01? [Chap. lY, 

ftrained ftreet of people. Oh the patience of a 
God; and oh the enmity of the carnal mind! 
Surely God's throne will be forever juft, if, after 
fo long forbearance, he turns the wicked into an 
eternal hell. Juft, forever juft (hall be thine exe- 
cuted vengeance on ftupid, fecure finners; ra- 
tional, immortal, yet God-provoking, God-defpif- 
ing, heaven-daring, damnation-requefting tranf- 
greflbrs. 1 tremble, yet adore the juftice of their 
fen ten ce ! 

November 9th. God was better to me yefter-- 
day than my fears. My chief petitions at the 
tlirone of grace for myfelf are, for fubmiflion to 
his will ; for thankfulnefs, and a fixed truft in 
him. I humbly afk every needful fupply from 
him; but that he v/ould give me refignation to 
his will; and let the Lord do with me as feemeth 
him good. I can look on the pooreft, meaneft 
circumflances in life, with an humble fubjef^iou 
to God, and acquiefcence in his will, as infinitely 
preferable to all the affluence, pomp and grandeur 
of this world, with a temper in contrariety to God 
and his fovereign will. 

Bleffed Jefus, when the poor difeafed people 
followed thee, crying after thee, when thou waft 
on earth in the flefli, even when thy difciples for- 
bad them, thou didft call for them and heal them. 
How many months have I been crying after thee 
day and night, that thou wouldft heal this unre- 
ligned will ; and oh, wilt thou not hear and heal 
me ? I truft thou wilt, fince thou doft enable me 
to follow thee with perfevering importunity, not- 
•withftanding thy feeming denials and delays, and 
the cruel difcouragements caft in my way by fataii 
and unbelief. Hope 1 have felt my foul cUng 
more fenfibly to God, as my covenant God, on 
f©me threatening afpe6ts. If this may be the dear 



Chap. IV.] HISS ANTHOKT,^ 19S 

effeft, all (hall be well, infinitely well, that ends 
in a clofer union with God. 

Oh my God, thou haft heard me, thou haft not 
caft me away in anger. Thou haft heard, thou 
haft owned me; thou haft not defpifed my afflic- 
tion, thou wilt affuredly do well by me ; thou wilt 
ferve thyfelf of me, and glorify thyfelf in me. 
Mercy and truth Ihall yet fpring up: God will yet 
appear to my joy and triumph: he will arife: I 
Ihall yet fee his falvation. Surely God will fulfil 
his word and grace to me : furely he does not hide 
himfelf, as to his comfortable prefence, and gra- 
cious approbation, and in his providence, from 
me; and yet keep me feeking him, with perhaps 
the greateft diligence and engagednefs of any time 
in my life, for nought and in vain. Surely, did 
not the Spirit of God fecretly hold me wreftling, 
I could never thus follow him, when fenfible com- 
fort was fo fufpended, and under fo many and 
great difcouragements. On God will I wait; in 
him will I truft : he is my rock, 

Feb. 7, 1763. Oh what torment is this infen- 
fibility ! Wherefore is it? Is there any thing 
that I hold dearer than this God, that caufes him 
to hide himfelf from me? Is there a wretched, 
bafe luft in my foul, preferred before this glorious, 
lovely beft of beings ? Oh tear it out 1 Lord, if 
I perifh forever; yet let me juftify, adore and 
love thee, above every thing elfe. But, perifJi^ 
perijh^ did I fay ! What, banilhment from God! 
That I cannot bear. I am undone, I am ruined, 
if feparated from God. I cannot, I cannot! 
What, torn from my center, rent from my life! 
Oh hell of hells, beyond all conception ! Lord, 
Lord, what fliould I do ? What, immortal, and 
feparate from God! What, and after a difplay of 

B b 2 



106 , MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

fuch love^ and fuch fatisfying enjoyment of a Be- 
ing, who is bis own infinite happinefs! Oh what, 
without God ! The thought has too many hells 
in it for me to bear. I can'not, iny God, I- can- 
iiot bear it ! Separate me not from thee ! Rather 
let me fink into my primitive nothing, than have 
a being, without fuch a God as thou art for my 
portion and everlafting feHcity. — But I cannot be 
content to be affured of enjoying thee hereafter, 
and yet live without thee here. No: I am com- 
fortlefs, helplefs and dejefted; yea, wretched and 
xniferable, in the enjoyment of every thing elfe, 
tinder a fenfe of abfence from thee, even in this 
life: and am ready to fay, Leave me only my 
being and rhy God, and I am content. Thou 
knowefl I have triumphed in thee, in the fenfe of 
abfence from every thing elfe. 

And now, if there be any fecret rival in my 
heart, tear it out. If I love any thing more than 
thee, I am unworthy of thee; whether parents, 
fjfters, friends, houfes^ land, riches, honours or 
pleafures; yea, food or raiment, or life. Search 
out the Agag, and let it be hewed to pieces before 
the Lord. Oh let thy Spirit enter the moft fecret 
ifecefles of my foul, and divide between the joints 
and marrow ! Oh help me, help me ! Without 
thee I can do nothing. Help me to accomplifli a 
diligetit fearch, and to find out the fecret abomi- 
nation of my heart: help me to dig'into the wall, 
and to find out the hidden abominations which 
thy foul hateth ; and which caufe thee to hide thy 
fdce. Let there be nothing in my foul loved or 
hid, that is offenfive to thee, oh thou bell of Be« 
ihgs, who only art worthy to be loved, and ferv-" 
ed, and enjoyed. Purge away my drofs and my 
tin, and reveal thyfelf and thy love, fo as to en- 
kindle mine.*— Caufe me to remember this folenm 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY-. 197 

feafon. If thou Ihouldft call for every thing I en- 
joy in life, let me ftill remember it is not my be- 
ing rio.r my God, and therefore cannot make me 
miferable. Oh let me remember how mean, how 
pothing, all things befide thefe now appear ! Oh 
fecure but thyfelf to me, thou all-fufficient good, 
and I muft be happy. What motes, w^hat atoms, 
what duft and vanity, are all things elfel They 
are no portion for my immortal fpirit : I cannot 
live upon them. One thing, and one only, is ab- 
folutely needful for me; and that is, God for my 
portion. Nothing lefs can fuffice my immortal, 
capacious fpirit. Oh for a fuller alTurance, a 
nearer accefs, a clofer union ; more intimate com- 
munion, fome fure earneft, or fpeedy full poffef- 
iion ! Why this darknefs, this diftance, this in- 
fufferable abfence and ignorance ! Oh thou, who 
only knoweft thine own infinite worth and excel- 
lency, and my abfolute poverty and neceffity, 
reveal thyfelf to me, in and through Jefus Chrift: 
oh hold me no longer at this infupportable dif- 
tance, in this fordid, ftupid infenfibility ! 

May 35fh. Bleffed be God, there is help laid 
upon one who is mighty to fave. I cannot be i'o 
low, but Chrift is able to raife me; I cannot be i^o 
"weak, but he is able to ftrengthen; nor fo pol- 
luted, but he is able to cleanfe; nor fo needy, but 
that he is able to fupply all my needs. Moft glo- 
rious almighty Redeemer, as ever thou didft un- 
dertake the cure of any foul, undertake for me. 
I have this day heard, that thou art made of God, 
wifdom, righteoufnefs, fantlification and redemp- 
tion, to thy people: and thus, oh thns, I need 
thee. Forever blelfed be thy name, for the hopes 
I have in thee : oh make me love and prize thee 
more: oh let me enjoy thee, and n^y foul fays. It 
is enough ! Look ijito my heart, and fee the fccret 



198 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. IV. 

groanings of my foul after God; and hear the paf- 
fionate fighs and cries after conformity to, and 
communion with, the great firfl caufe and laft 
end of all things; the great fource and fountain- 
head of all perfedion; the uncreated, furpaffing 
excellency; effential reftitude; only complete, in- 
finitely complete original of all poffible exiftence 
and felicity. Does not my foul reach and ftretch, 
and long after perfe6l conformity to thee, thou 
firft and beft of beings; thou fweet and only cen- 
ter of my immortal, rational, and (I hope) gra- 
cious nature; thou only and utmofi: wifh of my 
foul. Oh attemper me to thyfelf; fix me on thy- 
felf; fatisfy me in thyfelf; fupply me from thy- 
felf : and may all I am, and have, or can do, be 
for thee, and thee alone ; and all my good laid up 
in thee. 

Sept. — . How depraved is fallen man; and 
\vhat a wretched heart have I ! Dear Lord, what 
a leprous foul is this; how polluted, how defiled! 
What a running fore, that pollutes all I touch! 
I ftain and fpoil every thing I have any concern 
with. Sin, this worft of leprofy, defiles and ruins 
holy ordinances and duties; it deprives God's word 
and ordinances of their efficacy : yea, it turns 
precious truths and wholefome food into poifon, 
through fome fecret prejudice or indulged iniqui- 
ty, fome root of bitternefs. It takes off'ence at 
the matter, or manner, or inftrument, or feafon ; 
or occafions careleflnefs and inattention : it weak- 
ens faith ; it difi:urbs or deftroys love; it corrupts 
zeal ; it abates fervour ; it poifons patience and 
meeknefs; it ftabs humility; it murders holy re- 
folutions: many, very many of them die under its 
hands. It fi:rangles brotherly love, and makes an 
infurreftion in the moral world : it commits out- 
rage in God's rightful dominions; and as it weak* 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONT* 199 

ens every grace, fo it pollutes every duty, wherein 
Ibme, or every grace is to be exercifed. Oh how 
does it pollute prayer, that facred thing, which 
we never touch but we defile, and leave the print 
of our loathfome corruption and pollution upon it ! 
It turns mercies into a curfe, and prevents the 
right ufe and end of afflictions. Thus does fiii 
fpoil all it comes near to: and thus do we, as fin- 
ners, pollute all we have any thing to do with, 
whether ordinances or providences. Oh my foul, 
thou art polluting holy things from day to day ! 
Lord, I blufii, 1 am afliamed : What lliall I do ? 
I dare not omit duty; yet, may a facred blufiiing 
cover me whenever I attempt a duty, knowing 
that I fliall now leave the print of my pollution on 
this holy thing. Hence let Chrift be more thaa 
ever precious to my foul! Surely I need juft fuch 
a Saviour as the Lord Jefus Chrift, and with none 
lefs could I ever be faved. Not all the wifdom, 
power and grace, of all the angels above, or faints 
below, if joined in one, could fave me. Nothing 
lefs than infinite wifdom, power and grace, could 
fave me: and fure I am that I ihall yet periih, if 
fovereign, rich, and free grace, through a Re- 
deemer, do not prevent. So great, fo ftrong is 
the power of my pollution, notwithftanding the 
implantation of divine grace in my heart, that I 
lliould make fiiipwreck of faith and a good con- 
fcience, if left to myfelf. Methinks it is a won- 
der, a miracle of grace, that from fuch a heart as 
mine I have not run into all excefs of wretched- 
nefs: it is owing to infinite power, and preventing 
grace, that I have not a^ted as bad as ever one 
did. 

December 18th. At night. Thanks be to God, 
for fome accefs this evening. I hope I did hun- 
ger and thirft after righteoufnefs, and was enabled 
to apply to the great Redeemer for grace fuflficient 



200 MEMOIRS OF \Chap. IV, 

for me; for uifclom and prudence, for meeknefs 
and patience, for a hearty, cheerful acquiefcence 
in the will of God; for hearty love and good-will, 
for ftrength againft every temptation; and to the 
purpofes before mentioned : That God and the 
Redeemer mi^ht be abundantlv sflorified in and bv 
me, by tlie indwelling, and abundant communi- 
cations of the holy Spirit. I hope I was enabled 
to apply to the fountain, through Jefus, for a full 
fupply for life ; and, in particular, for the week 
enfuing, fenfible of my own abfolute poverty and. 
necellity. Oh my great Redeemer, how many 
and great are my wants! Lord, I am ruined, if 
thou doft not appear to fupply them. There are fo 
many great and confiant demands on me for every 
grace, arifmgfrom prefent circumftances, temp- 
tations, corruptions, duties, difficulties and rela- 
tions, that I feem to have run all out; and, like 
a broken merchant, to have been miaking fliam, 
forry, mean, and beggarly lliifts, to keep up ray 
credit. But I can Ihift no longer: a new fupply 
I muft have, or my credit is gone. Thine honour 
is concerned: I fall not alone. Lord, I have 
])oafted a fountain at hand, a fufficient fupply to 
anfwer all demands. I have faid. My God fliall 
fupply all my needs ; but my demands are very 
many; and the tempter, feeing my weaknefs and 
poverty, grows infolent, and threatens ruin. Lord, 
art thou not furety for thy handmaid.^ I truft 
thou art, and ihall not be caft into the prifon of 
hell. — But I have demands upon me, as thy fer- 
vant, Lord ; and my expences are very great. 
Thou wouldft have me live up to m.y ftation and 
dignity ; and this is vaftly expenfive to grace, in 
this evil world. Thou mufl maintain thy fervants 
out of thine own inexhauftible treafury. Lord, 
I have nothing to live upon of my own; and, turn 
which way I v/ill^ there is a demand upon me for 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. £01 

wifdom, for patience, for meeknefs, for faith, for 
love, for humility, or for fome grace or other. 
Oh my glorious Head, I pray thee communicate 
a fupply. What fliall I do if thou doft not? Du- 
ties and temptations both hav^e fuch demands, as 
nothino' of my own will anfwer. Bleffed Mafter, 
bountifully fupply my wants; and I will be for 
thee, and no other, all the days of my life. And, 
fpeedily, Lord; for thou knoweft the demands of 
every duty and temptation are pofitive and pref- 
fing, and muft be anfwered from thee. 

Feb. 5, 1764?. Broken off laft night from prayer 
by a very fick turn : had an ill night ; a confufed 
ftupid morning; could do nothing in any exercife 
of religion, and the weather forbade my going 
out : but could bear it no longer thus to wafte holy 
time. The weather permitting, I went out this 
afternoon, and fat before the Lord, as his people 
fit: but, alas! I v/as as a beaft before him. I was 
ready to fay. Why are fuch pearls cad before fucli 
a fwinifli temper as miner JVherefore is there a 
price put into the hand of a fool ^ feeing he has no 
heart for it? To believe I have powers and facul- 
ties, capable of the higheft and moft noble con- 
templations and enjoyments ; and to believe there 
is a moft glorious Being, infinitely more than ade- 
quate to the utmoft delires and wilhes of my pow- 
ers and faculties; a Being, to whom I am under 
every poffible bond and obligation, to contem- 
plate, love, ferve, and adore him; a Being, in 
the love and fervice of whom, is my higheft and 
only intereft and felicity: and yet to be thus in- 
fenfible and inadive, is moft extreme pain ! Oh 
God, what is hell but a privation of light and 
communication from thee, the fountain of all be- 
ing and bleflcdnefs! To be called npoa to behold 

c c 



202 MEMOIRS OF [C/iap. l\\ 

the taml) of God, who takes away the fin of the 
world, and believe my whole falvation to be there ; 
and to have no fenfible conceptions nor appre- 
henfions thereof, furely is more than l)rutal. 77?^ 
o.v knoxi;s his owner, and the ajs Ids vutjiers crib. 

Glory to God ! I have found him acceifible this 
night in fecret prayer. I found him able to en- 
large the moil narrow, contracted foul. Nothing 
but almighty power could effecl fo great, fo migh- 
ty a work. Now let m)' light break out of ob- 
fcurity, and my darknefs be like the noon-day. 
What are ail the enjoyments of this empty world, 
to one moment's communion with this lirll: and 
belt of Beings; the fource, fountain, and center 
of all perfection; the original and only felicity of 
a rational mind ; the only durable and lading good 
of an immortal foul; the life of my foul, and 
length of my days; the author of my being, and 
ftrength of my heart; the only fuitable portion of 
my foul forever ! I Ihall outlive all thefe fublu- 
nary, earthly delights : and what but this belt of 
Beings fhall then be a fuitable, permanent hap- 
pinefs for my immortal fpirit? 

March 0:7 th. Bleffed be God for fome rational 
conception, and fpiritual cOnvidion that religion 
is a moft reafonable fervice; conformity to God^ 
the fum and fubftance of all religion ; the beauty, 
harmony and importance of being intentionally 
and delignedly devoted to God, as the chief and 
proper good; and his glory, as the bell and laft 
end; the comfort and happinefs of enjoying the 
fame mind that was in Chrift, whofe meat and 
drink was to do the will of God; the u^ftfpeakable 
pleafure and privilege of always doing the things 
that pleafe God : ardeht defires after this, as the 
only fuitable, fubitautial, and neceflary good. — - 
Moll great and glorious Good., wean me from eve- 



Chop. IV.] MISS ANTHONY. 203 

ry thing befide and below thine ever-bleffed felf. 
Thou only Fountain of complete happinefs, direft 
all my ways, guide all my defires, fan6tify, regu- 
late, and enliven all my powers; and may they 
all a6l for God ! Cure me more and more of every 
felfif]}, finifter, carnal, and worldly difpofition: 
purify and purge all my intentional aims and de- 
iigns, and ufe me for thyfelf. I am thine own ; 
made by and for thee; redeemed, upheld, and 
preferved for and to the fame end, and volunta- 
rily devoted. Fain would I be fixed in my pofr. 
1 not only efteem my fervice due, and thy falva- 
tion my happinefs ; but I efteem thy fervice my 
privilege, my pleafure, and greateft honour. — Oh 
m}^ God, I befeech thee, by all thy gracious cha- 
rader, by all thy endearing compaffion, by all 
thy unbounded goodn^fs, and by all thine infinite 
conclefcenfion to man ; by all thy grace to me, bv 
all the love of redemption, by. all thy covenant 
faithfulnefs fliown to thine unworthy worm; that 
thou wilt conform me more and more to thyfelf, 
that I may come as near to my glorious Redeemer 
and great pattern, as is confiftent with this ftate 
of imperfection. Oh when lliall every moment be 
filled with duty, and every duty with purity, fpi- 
rituality, love, zeal and devotion ! Why, feeing 
I am the daughter of a king, fliould I be lean from 
day to day? Why lliould I appear as one of dif- 
honourable birth and parentage? True, my ori- 
ginal was mean and bafe: my nature fin: my fa- 
ther an Amorite, and my mother a Hittite, an ac- 
curfed flock! But by thine adoption, I am be- 
come honourable in thy fight ; and thou haft faid 
of me, The kmg's daughter is all glorious within ; 
her clothing is of wrought gold. Oh make me then 
to Ihine in all thy beauty, ray Lord* and my God ! 

C c 2 



Wi MEMOIRS OP \Chap. IV. 

JprilQgtfi. Glory to God in the higheft/ that 
there is peace on earth, and good-will to man ! 
AH glory to the Redeemer, that he is taking to 
himfelf his great power, and triumphing glorioufly 
in fome parts of our land. Oh our Immanuel, 
come, and make thine abode with us! Ten thou- 
fand praifes to Jefus, the king of the jews, that 
any one of them is bowed to thy fcepter. Glo- 
rious Conquerer, go on to conquer till, with Ifrael, 
the fulnefs of the gentiles are brought in. Dear 
omnipotent Redeemer, how fhall thine infinite 
ftrength be magnified, if jewifli prejudices, ob- 
iiinacy, blindnefs and infidelity, be broken down 
before thee! My hope takes wing at this, and 
mounts on high, borne aloft by a thoufand pre- 
cious promifes of the latter-day glory, and the 
great Conqueror's triumph! Come, Lord' Jefus, 
come quickly; and fulfil the glorious things that 
are fpoken concerning the city of our God. Oh 
come, and fhow thine almighty power in fubdu- 
ing jewifli prejudices againft thee, which have been 
contrafting and flrengthening for more than fe- 
venteen hundred years! Now make bare thine 
arm, and reveal thy power, thou already-come 
Meffiah ; and let them no longer look for another. 

Oa. 9.\fi. Oh my foul, aroufe; fliake off thy 
iloth : he quickened thee, who was dead in tref- 
paflTes and fins! Was this thine awful, wretched 
Itate; and am I now made alive? Oh let me live 
to him, and him alone, w^ho gave me life! I fee 
a life of religion, a life of entire devotednefs and 
conformity to God, that beft of Beings, the iirft 
caufe and lafl end, the mofl rational thing in na- 
ture. I fee lin, which is a tranfgreffion of, or 
want of conformity to, the law of God, thattran- 
fcript of the divine nature, and everlafling rule of 
righteoufnefs; the moll irrational, abfurd thing in 



Chap. IV.J MISS AXTHONY. £05 

^ the world. — Oh for a deep abafement fuitable to 
the dignity and grandeur of that majefty, before 
M'honij I attempt to bow! Oh for a divine refli- 
tude, truft and confidence ; purity, integrity, up- 
rightnefs, and engagednefs of fpirit, proportion- 
able to the perfeftions of Him whom I woriliip! 
Oh for ardent, vehement love, like His whom I 
admire and adore, which overflows all its banks! 
When, oh when fhall I be a true worlhipper; true 
to the intereft, character and dignity of my Lord ; 
true to my own intereft, character and eftate; fo 
fuitably, fpiritually, and truly imprefied with both, 
that 1 may fet God in his place, and lie in mine 
before him. Oh how far Ihort have I ever come 
of being a completely true worlliipper! Lord, it 
is only thou that canft make me fo. Help, oh 
Lord, help! To thee I fly. 

April 9.6^ 1/66. I am more and more confirm- 
ed in this moft certain truth : Tf2at an unholy crea- 
ture is necejarily an unhappy creature. God be 
merciful to me a linneri A finner found among 
apoftates : a rebel by nature. " All my original 
is fliame, and all my nature fm." Continuall}^ go- 
ing counter to God's holy lav/ and nature. Oil 
my great, my abfoiute need of tlie great, the al- 
mighty Redeemer, to fanftify me by his Spirit and 
grace, as well as juftify me by his atonement and 
merits! Here is all my hope, my refuge; this 
fure foundation laid in Zion. 

Glory to God for that moft fweet and gracious 
feafon I laft night enjoyed. I bowed before the 
Lord with fear and trembling, 1 felt myfelf to be 
a polluted, guilty fmner: the terror of fufpeded 
thunder took hold of me, while, I truft, a child- 
like defire, and longing for his dear, deliglitful fa- 
vour, engaged me. Oh how did I long for his ma- 
nifefted love to my foul ! I cried, My Father, my 
father; the Maker of my frame, and the Father 



206 MEMOIRS OF [CJiap. IV. 

of my fpirit; do not, oh do not forfake me; oh 
banifh me not tVom thy favour! 

*' I cannot live witbout thy light, 
Cast out and banish'd from thy sight/' 

Oh how could I bear to be feparated, and under 
the frowns of God! Whofe heart could endure, 
or hands be llrong in that day ? Sure mine could 
iiot.7~Oh how intenfely, ardently and vehement- 
ly, did I long and wreftle for conformity to this 
amiable and beft of Beings ; and how fenfible of 
my great want of holineis! God be mercijul to me 
a finner^ was my prayer, and my foul was in the 
prayer. God be merciful to me a finiier contained, 
at once, my mifery and my help. That I was a 
finner, I felt to my inmoft foul; and that was my 
xinfpeakable mifery: and therefore m}- abfolute 
need of mercy, even the mercy of God, which is 
infinite, pardoning, and fanftifying mercy. In- 
deed, the fenfe of my mifery, as a polluted finner, 
got the afcendant; and fo my defires after holinefs 
engaged my whole foul, and fwallowed up my fears 
of thunder, or dread of other evils. Surely the 
Spirit of God did excite thefe defires in my foul I 
I laid me down, and flept; for the Lord fuftained 
ine, and held me deeping, while it thundered, and 
lightened, and rained; and I heard it not. Oh 
how gracious is God to me! 

October — . Wo is me that I am a finner, the 
chief of finners! Oh the amazing power of ini- 
quity in this wretched heart, that is too mighty 
for every thing but omnipotence! It is hell in 
kind; and will be hell in degree, if almighty, fo- 
vereign grace do not prevent. Lord God Almigh- 
ty, is any thing too hard for thee? This fin in my 
nature is too hard for every power but thine. All 
the angels in heaven and men on earth, united 
with me, cannot touch it : it is like leviathan, 
without fear. It is the fame that makes devils : 



Chap. IV.] MISS ANTHONl^ 207 

and it is of thy mercy, that it has not completed 
me a raging, roaring devil. Hadft thou ailigned 
my rank among their order, 1 need no more than 
thefe lufts, this unfanClified, polluted, depraved 
nature unreftrained, to complete the chara(?ier- 
and if ever I efcape their puni ih ment, it will be 
folely of the pure mercy of God, through a Re- 
deemer, and not from any natural worth in me; 
yea, and fovereign mercy, of him who has mercy 
on whom he will have merc}^ Oh my God, ap- 
pear for me ! 

MayQl, 1769. It is long fmce I wrote any 
thing. Diforders of body, dejedionof fpirits, aver- 
fion from my pen, and temptation from within and 
Avithout, are my exercifes. But why, my foul, 
funk down fo low? It is upon the immutability of 
God's covenant I have refted. Here alone I muft 
reft: and here, through grace, I will reft, whtn 
fatan and unbelief bid me die. It is unchano^e- 
able, it is everlaftino;. This has been mv ftrensftli 
and my confidence: and here again I reft. What 
this gives me, I fliall furely have; and more I have 
no warrant to expefl. It is well ordered in ail 
things, audfure. It contains all my falvation : 
let it be all my defire, and all my delight. Here, 
as on an eternal bafis, my foul has refted : it has 
life and death, and eternity in it. Come, Lord 
Jefus, come qwlckly ! Fit me, and take me. 

June ^5th. Soon after I wrote laft, my bodily 
diforders increafed, fo as to lay me by: but a 
fweet calm, refting on covenant fulnefs and faith- 
fulnefs, abode with me, fo as to render it rather 
a dear refuge and releafe, a recovery of fpiritual 
ftrength, than a fmarting rod. The word preach- 
ed by Mr. Hart, and Mr. Auftin, has alfo con- 
curred to ftrengthen my faith. — Bodily diforders 
abated ; but for a few days paft have returned, 
with inward exercifes. I was, blcffed be God, 



20S MEMOIRS OF [Chap. IV. 

enabled this afternoon to vifit his fancluaiy, and 
hear of his great falvation. Oh my bafe, my for- 
did, ftupid infenfibility of this great falvation ! 
Yet, furely, furely I have an intereft therein. It 
lias been all my defire, all my delight, and all my 
joy : it has been, it is, and fliall be-all my purfuit. 
My God, my all, I am fixed, I am determined 
in the choice of this falvation ; and thou haft feal- 
ed it to my foul ; haft given me the ftrongeft and 
fuUeft affurance of it. My whole heart and foul 
have been \vrapt up in it : all my powers have 
embraced it, joyfully fubmitted to it, and acqui- 
efccd in it, as moft worthy of God ; fafe and 
happifying to man. And God, the unchange- 
able, everlafting God, has gracioufly condefcend- 
ed to affure me repeatedly, beyond the power of a 
doubt or fear, that he would perform in and upon 
me all that it contains. 

Now, oh ?20W, and henceforward, while I live, 
let me glorifv this God, by a fteadv, confident 

CD *■' ^ %, .' ' 

reliance on his goodnefs and grace. Is the Lord 
a man, that he Ihould lie ; or the fon of man, 
that he ihould repent? Hath he not faid ; and 
will he not perform it ? Vvliy has he condef- 
cended to give thee fuch repeated, ftrong affur- 
ance ; but that thou iLouldft glorify him, by a 
fteady reliance on him ? Grant me this grace, 
aifo, oh^rny God! It is a covenant bleffrng; 
a part of that great falxation ; a deliverance from 
the power of unbelief. Faith is thy gift. 

N. B. The Extracts from JNIiss Anthony's Diary, con- 
tained in the preceding Chapters, are but a small part of her 
writings; the whole of which take up above a thousand pages. 

The editor has endeavoured to select what is instructive and 
edifying. Much more might have been transcribed, which^ 
jierhaps, would be as entertaining and beneficial to serious 
christians, as that which is here copied and presented lo them: 
but this could not be doue^ without iQudering the publicatioa 
Tol u mi rjQ us. 



C-kap. V.J MfSS ANTHONY. 2G£> 

CHAPTER V. 

Extracts from some of the letters writ- 
ten BY Miss Anthony to her friends. 

The folloxdng letter was written zvhile in the coun- 
try for her healthy to her intimate female- friend 
in Newport. 

My dear dear friend, Stonington, August 26, 1769* 



I 



REJOICE that you and others have 
again feeii the goings atid glory of God in his 
houfe ; the fweeteft and moft delirable fight oa 
earth. If I know my heart, there is nothing this 
fide heaven I fliould efteem equal to it. Oh my 
friend, to behold the divine glory, feel its influ- 
ence on our fouls, fee its effetts on ourfelves and 
others, transforming into the divine image, gives 
a pleafure that infinitely outweighs all that earth 
can boafi:, or finite beings enjoy befide.^ When 
ihall the great Jehovah ttiew himfelf to be the dear 
Immanuel, by the mofl; powerful communication 
of his Spirit and grace with his word and ordi- 
nances? This fhould put joy into our poor hearts, 
more than all the enjoyments of earth : this fliould 
foon caufe us to take down our harps from the 
drooping willows, and tune thern to the higheft 
praife: this, I am perfuaded, would make this in- 
hofpitable wildernefs, this wild defert, bloifom, 
and appear as the garden of Eden. Even this 
prefence of our God would make a paradife: and 
to live, which now appears only a living-death, 
vv^ould be Chrift. Yea, methinks the profpe(3; of 
this would reconcile me to life, and make all its 
burdens eafy and fweet. What could be too griev- 
e.ii5 to bear; or too dear to part with, to fee ouv 

p d 



210 tiEMOiR* OF \Chap. y. 

God thus glorified; the dear Redeemer's kingdom 
come with power; perifliing fiiiners phicked as 
brands out of the burning; and the ranfomed of 
the Lord returning to Zion, with fongs and ever- 
laftingjoy. 

Well, bleffed be God, every promife and pur- 
pofe concerning Zion, and our Zion in particular, 
ihall have its full accomplifhment; for we have to 
do with a God who is infinitely wife in purpofing, 
^vonderful in counfel, and excellent in working. 
Hath he fpoken, and fliall he not make it good? 
Oh for faith ancf prayer, to believe what he hath 
promifed; and to give him no reft, till Zion be- 
come a praifein all the earth. May this be abun- 
dantly experienced on the folemn day approach- 
ing, (next thurfday) the laft day of this month ; 
a day fet apart by the general aflbciation of minif- 
t#fs in this colony, under a fenfe of the great de- 
clenfion of religion; that God would return, and 
vifittheland with divine influences; that religion, 
in its pefc^ver and purity, may be revived. Had it 
not been for this appointment, I believe I fliould 
have returned before now : but this has feemed to 
iet my bounds ever fince I came hither, (unlefs 
providence fliould order otherwa} s for me) having 
a defire to be prefent, and unite on this folemn 
and moft important occafion. Join us, my dear 
Newport friends, in this all-interefting affair; and, 
on this da}', which will be your ftated half-day, a^ 
early as you can, in the afternoon ; that you may 
meet, perhaps, hundreds of God's dear minifters 
and children, at the fame throne of grace, for one 
and the fame bleffing. Oh may we then feel the 
unity of the Spirit; bear each others burdens, and 
be all united tor the whole. Being cemented by 
the divine Spirit, may we furround the throne of 
grace; be gathered at the foot-ftool of Jehovah ; 



Chap, v.] HISS ANTHONY. SI l 

and prefent before the mercy feat, with our divine 
Redeemer and Interceifor at our head, and the 
arm of faith faft about him, refufing to let him 
go; let us lift up holy hands, Avith out wrath or 
doubting; feel, and tell our God, we are all as 
dead men before him, if he help us not; tell him 
our land, our nation, our world, are burnt up with 
excefTive drought, for want of the dews of hea- 
ven, divine influences. Let us put in our plea, in 
the name of our worthy Advocate, and fee whe- 
ther God will not glorify his Son, in granting our 
requeft for his fake ! 

Surely it is time for us to be awaked and alarm- 
ed. Where are we finking! .What will be the con- 
fequence of this dreadful ftupefaftion ! The fymp- 
toms of death are upon us, or we never could liVe 
at fo low a rate. Were it my cafe alone, or only 
of a few individuals, the glory of God, and the 
kingdom and intereft of the ever worthy Lamb of 
God, and the wonderful work of redeeming love, 
might yet flourifli and be magnified: but when it 
is an overflowing deluge, a wide breaking in of 
man"^ waters, who tKat has any exercife of true 
loctil to God, can be carelefs and eafy in fuch a 
time of declenfion? If I prefer not the profperity 
of Jerufalem to my chief joy, I know nothing. 
Well, let us pray for the peace and profperity 
thereof; and be encouraged, notwithftanding pre- 
fent appearances ; for the Lord hath chofen Zion, 
he hath defired it for his habitation. This is his 
refl:: here will he dwell. He will abundantly blefs 
her provifion, and fatisfy her poor with bread- 
Faith fays. It is enough : the moi^th of the Lord 
hath fpoken it. I will pray, and wait in hope; 
and blelTed be her that believeth; for there fliall be 
a performance of thofe things \vhich were told lier 



212 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, w 

from the Lord (in his word.) And furely we may 
ilretch our defires abroad, even to the utmoit 
hounds of the everlafting hills; for there are glo- 
rious things fpoken concerning the city of our 
God. S. A. 

Another letter^ xvritten to the fame perfon. 

'hly very dear, dear 

YOUR griefs and diftrefles greatly affecl nie. 
Forgive me, my dear foul, that I am fo deficient 
in my attempts to affift and comfort you. I re- 
proach myfelf for this, while yet I know God only 
can comfort you: and I am, in my poor manner, 
looking to him to do it. 

You fay, you doubt whether you know the true 
God, and in heart choofe him. If not. whv do 
you thirft, long and pant for, and place all your 
iiappinefs in, that very fovereign, holy, righteous, 
good, and glorious God, who is revealed in his 
word^ #nd by his works? You next doijpbt whe- 
ther y^^r anxiety about this do€3 not pfeve jou 
felfiih? If indeed it arifes whollv from a defire of 
fecuringyourovvn happinefs, and preventing your 
own private, perfonaimifery, it is doubtlefs felfifh. 
If you fee nothing worthy, lovely and excelletit 
in God's true chara6ler; and therefore defire the 
knowledge of it, only to fecure eternal life to you, 
it is wrcjDg. But, if you place eternal life or hap- 
pinefs in the knowledge of the only true God, as 
he is the ium of all perfection, and infinite excel- 
lence in and of himfelf, then you will defire this 
knowledge for its oxon fake; and will doubtlefs de- 
fire to know that which you efteem infinitely wor- 
thy, excellent and glorious ; ancf will be far from 
being fatisficd vvith juft fuch a degree of that 
knowledge as you fuppofe may fecure your title 
to heaven. 



Chap, v.] MISS ANTHONY. 21 S 

Suppofe, my clear, I have a certain fum offered 
me, upon condition that I become reconciled to, 
and acquainted with a worthy perfon. I have 
no efteem or love for the perfon ; but for thefake 
of the intereft, 1 will try for a reconciliation and 
acquaintance ; and may be very inquifitive to 
know whether I have complied with the terms ; 
thajt is, whether I am indeed intitled to the re- 
ward ; which is all I care for. But when I be- 
come truly acquainted wnth the perfon, I fee fo 
much real worth and excellency in him, that my 
heart is moft fenfibly attrafted to him ; and I find 
this knowledge is happinefs. I purfue a farther 
acquaintance : I hear him defcribed, and believ^e 
he is what he is defcribed to be; and I hear and 
believe it to be complete happinefs to know and 
enjoy fuch a friend. So I hear and believe that 
this knowledge is conne6led with fome great and 
good effefts, in whomfoever it takes place: but 
I find fo little of thefe effects in myfelf (through 
my own blindnefs and ftupidity) and in a fenfe 
of the importance of the matter, that I grow 
anxious to know whether I have indeed any true 
knowledge : and fo am in the way of a growing 
acquaintance, rather from the excellency and 
importance of this knowledge, than from the fear 
of lofing the fum : this, as a private, perfonal 
intereft, hardly comes into view ; is overlooked, 
in comparifon to the happinefs which is attained 
by the exhibition and difplay of true worth and 
excellence, and tends to exalt it. 

It is fuppofed there is the fame natural defire 
of happineis in both cafes : but then, the one has 
no regard to any other being but himfelf ; the 
other goes out of himfelf, and places his happi- 
nefs in that which is the good of being in gene- 
ral Aud here, my dear friend, I think it is cafy 



S14 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. V. 

to fee how a defire to know, that we do know, 
and are really in heart acquainted with God's 
true charafter, may fpring from a benevolent 
difpofition of heart, a regard to him, as the funi 
of all being and perfection ; and fo not a mere 
felfiih defire. 1 think it is certain we may defire 
to know this, as we are direded to glory in it. 
Jer. ix. Let him that glorielh, glory in this, that 
he underftandeth and knoxvtth we, that I am the 
Lord, who exercife loving-kindnefs, judgment, and 
righteoiifnefs in the earth : for in theje things L 
delight^ faith the Lord. S. A. 

The following letter icas written to a friend in 
the country, xvho was greatly attentive to her 
fpiriiual concerns, under a flrong and abiding 
conviction of the depravity and hardnefs of her 
heart, and vieicing herfclf to be in an imcon* 
n:erted flatc. 

J^Iy dear, kind friend, Newport, Oct. 27, 1770, 

I THANK you for your very kind and ac- 
ceptable favour of the 11th inll., only you draw 
a charafter that does by no means belong to 
me; and however mortifying it is to me, yet 
I muft alTure you, did my real charader come 
into your view, jou would be fo far from loving 
and admiring, that you muft yourfelf be very 
T^ad, not to deteft and abhor it. But fo infinite 
wifdom has feen beft to order it, that I ihould 
not be caft out and abhorred by all living, while 
I ought to loathe myfelf for all my abominations, 
and great deficiences, for which I have no polTi- 
ble excufe ; but indeed am infinitely guilty for 
any criminal abufe of the long and rich advanta- 
ges with which I have been favoured. I was 
early planted in the houfe of my good God, that 
I might be fat and flouriihing : but alas ! my 



Chap, v.] MISS ANTHONT. 2l5 

leannefs, my leannefs ! Were it not for the rich, 
free and fovereign grace of the gofpel, which af- 
fords hope and relief for the nioft vvTetched and 
guilty, I muft lie down in abfolute defpair. Here 
is my only hope and refuge. Here alfo is a hope 
and refuge fet before my dear friend, let her 
guilt be ever fo great, or her abufed advantages 
ever fo many, if flie will but accept the oifered 
falvation ; the only remedy that infinite w'ifdom 
and fovereign grace have provided. And what 
objeflion can (he poffibly have to a way and a; 
remedy fo infinitely w^ell calculated to fecure the 
divine honour, and confer the richeft and infi- 
nitely the beft of bleffings on guilty finners ; a 
way which opens the moft grand and noble prof- 
pe6ls of richeft treafures, higheft happinefs/ and 
moft fatisfying enjoyments for one complete eter- 
nity; and opens thefe profpeds even to the moft 
poor, wretched, miferable, captivated, enflaved, 
funken, deftitute creatures, by a union to the 
great and glorious Son of God, the beloved of 
the Father, and he in whom he is forever well 
pleafed. 

Oh how inconceivably aggravated muft tHe re- 
jection of the grace of the gofpel one day ap- 
pear ! May my dear, dear friend, fo feel the 
weight of it now, as to fly from the wrath to 
come ! May Ihe be fo reconciled to God's true 
charader, and the charader of the divine Re- 
deemer, as to render him the chief of ten thou- 
fand, and altogether lovely in her view ; while 
ilie beholds him magnifying the divine law, and 
making it honourable ; vindicating the autho- 
rity of God, and fupporting the eternal throne 
of Deity. 

I am more and more confirmed, that there 
can be no true religion, or real happinefs, any 



2l6 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. V. 

farther than the heart is really reconciled to the 
whole of the divine charafter. While there is a 
total alienation from the fountain and only fource 
of perfection and happinefs, there muft be no- 
thing but fm and mifery: and while there is the 
leaft degree of this alienation and oppofition, it 
mull be a conftant fource of pollution and un- 
happinefs, which will, in a degree, taint and 
interrupt all our duties and enjoyments; though, 
blefled be God, there is a foundation laid in re- 
generation, by flaying the oppofition and enmity 
of our hearts, for the higheft perfeftion and en- 
joyment ; and as far as we are reconciled and unit- 
ed to God, we enter into the beginning of a ftate 
of the mofi perfecl hoiinefs and confummate hap- 
pinefs, that our natures are capable of, when en- 
larged In the fountain of exiftence, to take in in- 
conceivable communications from Deity, opening 
on veffels prepared for glory. 

But oh, where am I going ! Why do I attempt 
what eye hath not fcen, nor ear heard ; nor has my 
narrow, contrasted heart, in any adequate degree, 
any conception of! May j'our fuperior powers, 
by the eftedual v/orking of the holy Spirit, be 
formed for, and enlarged in the divine, delight- 
ful, transforming contemplation, till you arrive to 
the moft grand and noble height of hoiinefs and 
happinefs ! S. A. 

The Jollowing extracts are from Utters which (ho 
icrote to a mini/ier. 

Reverend sir, 

I KNOW not what I fliall be or do. I 

fear I am fluking into great ftupidity ; yea, that 
I am farther gone than I was aware. I indeed 
have had relief from diftreffing confli6ls; but I 



Chap, v.] MISS ANTHONY. . 217 

have mifufed and abufed the mercy, and am even 
ready to covet them again; — any thin^ rather 
than a fottifli ftupidity and careleilhefs. Conflifts 
often ftir up the polluted fountain, and caiife me 
to loathe and abhor myfelf for all my abomina- 
tions : but I fear my heart has fmce grown like a 
{landing fink, which is not purged, but its fcuni 
remains. Some general abiding conviftion I in- 
deed have of great deficiency ; efpeciaily in at- 
tending to Mr. Edwards on the nature of true 
virtue. When I come to feparate or take away 
that fenfation of fecondary beauty, natural con* 
fcience, particular inftinfts in nature, &c.;, alas, 
what have I left! So little, if any thing, that it 
fcarcely deferves the name, and appears lefs thaii. 
the lead of all feeds. Surelv I and others have 
been greatly miftaken: yea, even under this con-- 
viclion, I find there is great want of a thorough^ 
humbling fenfe of pofitive pollution, and univer- 
fal depravity. My views are partial ; my wretched^ 
treacherous heart ftarts afide, and ihifts oiY from 
full conviction. 

But will it not look unfriendly to attempt to lead 
you any farther into this horrid depth of my de- 
praved, polluted heart, where vou will find no 
bottom, nor any way out? I will ceafe; and let 
it be for my own humiliation to dig into it, and 
fearch out its greater and greater abominations. 

S. A. 

Rev. and dear sir, December 18, 1770. 

I THANK you for your kind, obliging letter. 
It has been inexpreflibly affefting and welcome to 
your poor, unworthy friend: for, though I know 
1 am utterly uniieferving, yet 1 cannot help defir- 
ing the affedrtioa of my chriftian friend, even 

z e 



218 MEMOIRS OF [Chap.v, 

while I feel myfelf altogether unfit for any free 
converfation with them; and am ready to with- 
draw from them, as a polluted, infe(?tious leper. 
The ftrength, number, agi::ravation and infection 
of mv fins, have been as an overfiowino: delude: 
and 1 fee mylelf unfit to have any thing to do with 
any but a Being of infinite patience and abfolute 
purity, who can bear v/ith me, and cannot polTi- 
bly be polluted or tainted by any impurity, even 
in my neareft approaches to him. This is my 
comfort. 

If it were not for the thought, that the infi- 
iiitelv wife and glorious Jehovah can brino; sfood 
out of all tliis evil, and glory to himfelf from rny 
dreadful wickednefs, I Ihould fink and die under 
it: for the thought of even my eternal intereft be- 
ing fecure, feems to give me no relief. This is not 
the balfam that touches my wound. Here were 
opened fome fources of comfort to me on the laft 
fabbath : here, and //ere only, could I fee myfelf 
of any importance, as the vileft wretch who ever 
lived is of importance, to anfwerthe great end of 
exaltino; and maonifvino: the exceeding' o-reatnefs 
and riches of God*s power and grace. Oh what 
fuperabounding grace muft it eternally appear to 
he, to forgive fuch a guilty wretch as I am ; to 
cleanfe and fan6lify fuch an amazingly polluted 
heart as mine is, and triumph over all the infinite 
obftacles which lie in the way of my falvation ! In 
this view^ and in this only, at prefent, my falva- 
tion appears of any worth and importance: for J 
know I deferve the moft dreadful and aggravated 
deftruclion; am nothing, and lefs than nothing; 
and of no importance, any further than God is 
glorified in me. Here only can I rejoice, that he 
will glorify himfelf m me ; and not in the view that 
I in any refpeft glorify him. 



Chap, v.] MISS ANTHONT 21^ 

Oh fir, to fee a foul fo loaded with obligations, 
fo bound by the ftrongeft bonds, fo urged by the 
iTJoft powerful motives and arguments, ftupld, 
fottid], and infenfible; yea, obftinate and op- 
pofing, is moft aftonilhing! Yet not powerful 
enough, fuitably to roufe me from ftupidity, or 
fubdue the enmity of my carnal mind. Thefe 
convictions force themlelves upon me, by the 
powerful pretTure of undeniable fads and evi- 
dences: but were they the genuine fruits of true 
felf-abhorrence and abafement, they woiald pro- 
duce a better temper of foul ; and would influence 
me to better obedience, and entire devotednefs to 
God and his glory, in my whole condu6l. 

It is often a queftion that occurs, ^Vhether fuch 
a dreadful heart as mine is, can poffibly be the 
Bew heart given in regeneration ? I fufpect that 
the inclination I fometimes feel to anfwer in the 
negative, arifes from an unwillingnefs to admit 
the conviclion of fuch aggravated guilt and vile- 
nefs, as bears in upon me from the affirmative.— 
But I will ceafe to \ead \'our thoughts into a fcene 
fo dark and dreadful; and will yet rejoice that I 
am in the hands of fuch an infinitely w^ife, glori- 
ous, and moft worthy Being, who will fecure his 
own glory, w4iatever becomes of me. All the ad- 
vantages and obligations he has laid me under, 
fhall forever juftify his righteous procedures with 
me. If he fay he has no pleafure in me, he fliall 
be glorious in iiisjuftice and righteoufnefs: let 
him do to me as feemeth good to hini. I fay, 
Let God be glorified, and it is enough. But then, 
if I be fincere, Why do I not glorify him ? Why 
am I not fome way active in this? But here i 

iseafe. 

S. A, 
E e 2 



220 MEMOIRS OF [C/iap. V. 

^JuNE 15 1772. 

I NOW take my pen in hand, to tell xny 
dear friend, that I feel an inexpreffible happi- 
iiefs, that '' Dominion is with him."^ I liave 
had a joy this day, that has fwallowed up every 
difcouragement and grief. What can I lay, but 
expatiate on this moft glorious truth ! With 
Him, who is fo infinitely excellent, amiable, 
^vorthy, wife and good, is doiminion. The Lord 
reigns. Surely all heaven and earth may well 
rejoice, and rejoice forevermore, My foul fays, 
It is enough ! Happinefs enough, not only for 
one immortal foul, but for myriads of enlarged, 
capacious fpirits ; yea, the happinefs of Jehovah 
himfelf. Oh fjjall this bafe, this guilty worm 
ever feek happinefs afide from this ! Now, let 
my thoughts roll where they will, they can cen- 
ter with inexpreffible delight in this: Do7iiinio?i is 
with him. I love to dwell on thefe words ; for 
I can exprefs nothing equal to them. I want to 
liave ftrengtli of body (or abfence from it) and 
enlargement of capacity, without oppofition of 
hearty to take in the full import of them. 

I liave for the moft part, of late, been either 
awfully and amazingly ilupid, and had little or no 
fenfe of any thing; or fuch a view of my infinite 
guilt and vilenefs, the aggravation, ftrength, and 
vilenefs of my fin, as has filled me with the utmoft 
confufion and afloniihment : and while digging 
into the walls of greater and greater abomina- 
tions, which have come up to view, I have been 
led to conclude, This, my own wickednefs, ought 
to eno-rofs all mv attention. But this has fome 
how betrayed me into an error, and I have not 

* Sbe had heard a sermon from these words the day before 
prpached by the Rev. Mr. Wales of Mars-hfield, 



Chap, v.] MISS ANTHONr. 221 

found that engagednefs and enlargement for 
others ; and my views of fovereign grace have been 
accordingly narrow and contra6led, till the latter 
part of laft week, reading in the xxvith chapter of 
Ezekiel, what God had promifed to do for the 
nioft wretched and o;uilty, and this for his own 
glory, gave me fome ftrength and courage, and 
enlarged my defires. Now I fee I may rejoice and 
triumph, and ftretch my defires to unmeafurable, 
boundlefs grace, difplayed, in the higheft degree, 
to a guilty, ruined race, fmce dominion is with 
HIM. S- A. 

Dear sir, July 1, 177-* 

JUST now I came into my chamber to throw 
my feeble frame on the bed: but my thoughts 
have taken a turn to recreate myfelf by a moment's 
converfe with vou. 

I have been very feeble and broken this week; 
but fupported, and, as it were, laid at reft on the 
bofom of divine compaffion and faithfulnefs. Oh 
how tenderly does God deal with fuch an unfaith- 
ful wretch, and permits me to bring all my bur- 
dens, infirmities and cares, and caft them on him ! 
If I be indeed devoted to his glory, and prefer his 
fervice above every other employ, ought I not to 
feel mod happy in his hands, and under his direc- 
tion, who bell knows in what way, and by what 
means, this fhall be brought about? 

This week I hoped to have waked up to greater 
engagednefs in my folemn approaches to God; but 
how 1 fliall be carried through the various impor- 
tant duties of it, I know not : yet I find a pleafure 
in feeling (2// weaknefs, and asfucli, dropping into 
the arms of Omnipotence, clothed v/ith every pof- 
fible peTfe(5lion; and fo to be difpofed of in the 
>v'ifefi: and beft manner, to anfwer the moft nobI<? 



222 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. v. 

and important ends, by him with whom there is 
not any thing too hard. I do feel at prefent, as 
if I had no other caufe or intereft, but to be ufed 
and difpofed of for God; and therefore do rejoice 
that he is what he is, and that '' dominion is with 
him." Oh fir, I am fure fuch an immenfe Spirit, 
fuch an amiable, glorious Being, who was laft fab- 
bath lield up to view, is infinitely worthy of the 
eternal joy and triumph of all his creatures. 

S. A. 

Dear sir, August 30th. 

A POOR, mean, finful foul, afpires and 
ftretches after more exalted conceptions of the 
divine Redeemer, and his glorious kingdom. 
But oh, my conceptions of thefe are fo low ; I 
am fo brutifli in my knowledge, that I cannot 
but wiili the prifon walls were pulled down. I 
feel myfelf the fmalleft atom in creation, and 
this loaded with an infinite wei2;ht of s^uilt and 
odioufnefs, drawing down to an eternal hell. How 
muft that grace, that wifdom, that mercy be built 
up forever, which redeems and fixes fuch an one 
in his eternal kingdom! Perhaps I muft live to 
try the power, the wifdom, and all-fufticiency of 
this incomparable, divine Redeemer. This 1 have 
done, and feel I am doing every moment : and 
oh, what pleafure does it give, to think how tran- 
fcendently glorious this tried Jl one will appear, 
when all the myriads of the redeemed, in all the 
peculiar circumftances in which his fufficiency has 
been tried, ihail be exhibited! 

My attention has been a little called up to the 
inextricable darknefs, difficulties and dangers, 
which continually lie in our way, through which 
no wifdom but that which is infinite can guide 
us, nor power fliort of omnipotence can deliver. 
When I am a little awake, I fee everv dav, every 



Chap, v.] MISS ANTHONY. 223 

moment big with fuch infinite importance to the 
church of God, and every individual member, as 
at once bankrupts and ruins every fafficiency and 
help, but our exalted, all-fufficient Redeemers- 
pronounces them phyficians of no value, broken 
cifterns ; and places the government on his /boul- 
ders only, and conftrains to fly to the Ihadow of his 
wings for protection. Oh how fweet is that reft, 
wherewith he caufes the weary to reft! 

S. A. 

Rev. and dear sir, April 21, 177-^. 

GOD has of late been calling up my atten- 
tion to folemn and tender fcenes. I have felt the 
ties of nature, and 1 hope the tender bonds of 
chriftian afFeftion, to one of the beft of mothers, 
a member of Chrift, in pain and diftrefs, under 
great infirmities, to a very fenfible degree. Under 
this trial, the infinitely condefcending Jehovah 
has fet himfelf before me, as fo infinitely fit to go- 
vern and worthy to be fubmitted to, yea, rejoiced 
in, in every difpenfation, that I have been con- 
strained to fay, Surely there needs no more to 
make all heaven and earth rejoice, than to know 
that this God reigns. Oh where can there be any 
true pleafure, but in a heart wholly difpofed to 
clofe in with every exhibition that Jehovah makes 
of himfelf, as well in the judgments of his hands, 
as the laws of his mouth? Oh what a fountain of 
inexpreffible pleafure overflows and fweetens the 
bittereft waters of Marah, in that fingle fentence^ 
It is the Lord, —THE lord I 

But, here I paufe while tears of admiration 

and joy are my higheft expreffion! Fain would 
I lifp his praifes! Fain would I fpeak of his glo- 
ries! But oh, I find I do not feel what I ought; 
nor can I exprefs what I feel! When ihall my foul 
be unfettered; when Ihall the lieart of the ralh 



9.Q6 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, vr, 

tures, and lo oppofite to that which was natural to 
her, and to all mankind. By this her felfiflinefs, 
pride, and a vain, worldly ipirit, were fubdued; 
and file was formed to benevolence and humility: 
was w^eaned from this world, and all the obje61s of 
time and fenfe, pronouncing them mere trifles and 
vanity: her affedion was ftrongly fixed on invifi- 
ble, Spiritual objects; choofmg the God revealed 
in the bible as her only portion; fenfibly feeling, 
that in the knowledge and enjoyment of him, 
there is complete and endlefs happinefs. 

Here we have a witnefs to all this. Of one who 
appears fenfible and rational, and as capable of 
judging as any one, after long ftudy and expe- 
rience, having paifed through many trials and 
temptations^- making the moft deliberate choice 
and refolutions to look for happinefs in nothing 
but the fervice and enjoyment of Chrift; and 
cheerfully reft in g her eternal intereft on this foun- 
dation. It is acknowledged that ihe is not the 
only witnefs; — there have been thoufands w^ho, 
jiving and dying, have borne the fame teftimony ; 
and many fach witneffes are now living: but this 
excellent perfon is an eminent one, who is to be 
added to the reft ; and is an inconteftible evi- 
dence, confidered by itfelf, that chriftianity is 
from heaven. 

' It will ferve alfo to ftrengthen and eftabliih the 
faith of real chriftians, to find one. experiencing, 
expreinng, and afling out, in a higher and more 
eminent degree, tliofe chriftian graces and exer- 
cifes, which they have experienced in a lelfer mea- 
fure. And when they who are not believers, ob- 
ferve the union and agreement of chriftians, ia 
their ideas and feelings, though they are more 
confpicuous and eminent in fome than in others; 
and that perfons of different ages and countries^ 



Chap. VI.] MISS ANTHONY. 227 

agree in the fame kind of chriftian exercifes, and 
experimental religion ; they have matter of con- 
viftion let before them, that chriftianity has a 
divine original; and opportunity to learn in what 
it does moft effentiallv confift. 

We have alfo in this inftance, a frefli and ftrik- 
ing evidence of the excellence^ worth, and impor- 
tance of chriftianity. 

How does it enlarge and ennoble the mind of 
man, and raife it to the moft affefting and afto- 
nifhing views ofthofe infinitely grand and glo- 
rious objefts and truths, which are exhibited ia 
the work of redemption ! Even the only true God, 
difplayed in all the uncreated beauty and glory of 
his infinite perfe6lions, in this greateft and moft: 
wonderful work; fuited to excite the ftrongeft, 
everlafting exercifes of love and wonder, of bene- 
volence, delight and gratitude; by which the foul 
is transformed into a real likenefs to the divine 
moral charafter, is united to the Saviour, and 
brought into the real enjoyment of God, which 
gives ineffable fatisfadion and delight: opens to 
view the invifible world, and introduces a bound- 
lefs, moft agreeable, and animating profpe6l of 
Tinfpeakabie, endlels felicity, in the eternal king- 
dom of God; in the enjoyment of infinite, un- 
changeable objeds; and in the higheft and moft; 
noble exercifes, of which a rational, immortal 
mind is capable, without ceflation or wearinefs, 
but with increafing ftrength, vigour and enjoy- 
ment. At the fame time, being in the midft of 
an innumerable company of moft happy, and per- 
fectly excellent fellow-faints; enjoying all of them; 
they all partaking of, and encreafing the felicity 
of each other, in the mutual exercife of benevo- 
lence aftd ecftatic delight. 

F f 2 ' 



228 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. vi. 

In tbefe views, exercifes and enjoyment's, the 
chriftian is alfo fovinecl into a moil amiable and 
excellent charafter, it being neceflarily implied in 
them. Such a mind is clothed with humility, and 
bows with humble fubmiffion to God; rejoices in 
his being, charader, laws and government; de- 
votes himfelf to him, in obedience to all his com- 
iiiands, in feeking and promoting his glory, and 
the intereft of his kingdom; conllantly admiring 
and adoring that fovereign, rich, and wonderful 
grace, wliich the gofpel exhibits, and which is 
difplayed in the falvation of finners: and, being 
fuch a one, humbles himfelf before God, and flies 
to the Redeemer, as the only refuge, loving, and 
delighting in his perfon and charatter; and, with 
great pleafure, pours out his heart before him, in 
the moft fincere, ardent expreffions of his feelings, 
affections and defires. In his affections and con- 
dud towards men, he is humble, meek, patient, 
and long-fuffering; forgiving injuries, innocent 
and blan^elefs; juft, benevolent, and kind towards 
all, even his greateft enemies; wilhing, and pray- 
ing for the bed and greateft bleffmgs on them. 
He is temperate in all things, not indulging any 
boflily appetite to his own or his neighbour's hurt, 
or fo as in any refpeft to unfit him for the proper 
duties of his llation, and the fervice of God, or 
deprive him of the higher and more exalted exer- 
cifes and pleafures of religion. 

This is a brief fketch of the beautiful, excellent 
cbarafler, and of the refined, foul-fatisfying en- 
joyments, to which chriftianity forms, and which 
it gives to all its fincere votaries, in a higher or 
lower degTee. This the reader has feen exempli- 
fied in the preceding life and extrads; and in 
which the chara6fer and enjoyments of a true 
chriiliau are exhibited; in a more convincing, 



Chap. VI.] MISS ANTHONY. 229 

affeding, and pleafing light, than can be done by 
any mere verbal deicription. The ferious reader, 
who has properly attended to the bible, will fee 
that fuch a charafter is there defcribed and in- 
culcated on all chriftians, and fet in a beautiful 
light; and that nothing is wanting, in order to 
form mankind to true beauty, excellence and hap- 
pinefs, as individuals, or in fociety, in this world, 
but to become real chrillians, though with a de- 
gree of imperfedion. How amiable and happy 
then, will the world of mankind be, when they 
iliall become chriftians in a higher and more per- 
fect degree, than any now are, or have been ; and 
ihall flock with one accord to the church of Chriflj 
and put on her beautiful garments! The fcrip- 
ture is full of prediftions of this great and happy 
event; and, at the fame time, give a m oft lively, 
exhilarating defcription, of the glory and happi- 
nefs of that day. But all this will be but a 
fliadow; an imperfeft foretafte, of the glory and 
everlafting perfect happinefs to which the redeem- 
ed are going. 

And now, let anyone contemplate the charac- 
ter and enjoyments of thofe, who difcard or neg- 
le6l chriftianity ; and confider what is their higheft 
excellence and happinefs, if they really have any; 
and, whether they can be compared to that which 
chriftianity gives, to all who cordially embrace it; 
or are even worthy the purfuit or v/iih of a ra- 
tional creature. Shall we go to heathen idolaters, 
to mahometans or jews, to find true happinefs, or 
men really amiable and excellent? The Icaft at- 
tention to thefe is fufficient to convince us, that 
neither excellence of charafter, nor true happi- 
nefs, is to be found liere. It is therefore needlefs 
to go into particulars, in order to make the com- 
parifon. 



£30 MEMOIRS OP [Chab. vi. 

Does the deift pofl'efs, or can lie have a profpeft 
of any thing, which may be compared with what 
the chrifiian obtains; or which has any real ex- 
cellence and happinefs, fuited to a rational, im- 
mortal mind? He has no God, to whom he can 
have accefs with confidence, or even without pre- 
fumption : for how does he know that God is ac- 
ceflible to creatures; efpecially, finful creatures? 
No wonder then, that perfons of this charafter, 
generally, if not nniverfally, negleft every thing 
that may be called piety, and live xdthout God m 
the xcorlcL Thev therefore muft be utter ftran2:ers 
to that noble, exalted happinefs, which the true 
chriftian has iu the knowledge, love, and enjoy- 
ment of God; and are totally deftitute of that 
beautiful, excellent moral charafter, which is im- 
plied in this; and confequently, have a contrary 
charafter, as deformed and odious, as the other 
is beautiful. THiey have no certain profpefts of 
any kind of happinefs in a future ftate; for they 
have no light by which they can know there will 
be any fuch liate: and if they confider themfelves 
as going to fuch a (late, they have no reafon to 
believe it will be a happy one. They are finners : 
at moft they cannot be certain they are not; and 
it is impolTible they Ihould have any evidence, 
that a finner may or can be pardoned. They can 
therefore enjoy no happinefs in the profpeft of a 
future ftate, nor from any object that is invifible: 
all their enjoyment muft be temporary and world- 
1\^ Their true character, if examined with dif- 
eernment, will appear to be compofed of igno- 
rance, of all thofe things w^hich are truly great 
and excelfent: of pride and arrogance, and a 
contraded, worldly mind. All their exercifes are 
ftamped with that delufion, pride and folly, which 
render their whole character truly m.ean and def- 
picable. How mean and low; yea^ fordid, are all 



Chap. VI.] MISS ANTHONY. SSI 

their enjoyments in life, compared with thofe of 
a chriftian! The life and extracts, to which we 
have been attending, ferve to illuftrate all that has 
been faid in this paragraph. 

What then is the character and happinefs of all 
thofe, who neglect chriftianity in their aft^ftion 
and pradice; though they may profefs to believe 
it is from heaven, and are feeking only a worldly 
good? The anfwer is eafy, from what has been 
obferved above. They know not what true hap- 
pinefs is; and are enemies to the true character of 
God, and all that is really good. Their tafte is 
perverted, and they are feeking for happinefs 
where it is not to be found. They are involved 
in ftrong delufion, and the greateft folly, and 
really miferable; and, if they continue in this 
character through life, they muft be unfpeakably 
miferable forever! 

The certain conclulion, therefore, is: If there 
be any true religion for man, or any happinefs for 
him, fuited to his nature and capacities, chriftia- 
iiity is from heaven: and if there be no truth ia 
this, there is none to be found that is true ; and 
man muft be miferable. It is impoffible he fliould 
obtain that true excellence, dignity and glory, of 
M^hich he is capable, by his natural rational pow- 
ers. But it appears from fa6l and experience, in 
the inftance before us, and in others innumerable, 
as well as from fpeculation and reafon, that chrif- 
tianity, if cordially embraced, will raife men to a 
high, beautiful, and excellent charafler, and make 
ttiem completely happy forever. Therefore, it is 
the only true religion, and is divine. 

II. That which is here recorded o/Mifs Antho- 
ny's life and cvercifes, may ferve to teach zis what 
true religion is^ a^ dijlinguijhed from all counter- 
feit-^. 



232 MEJioins or [Clicfp. vi. 

Wt have here chriftiariity fet before us, by an 
example of it, as it confifts in doArines or truths 
believed; and in the vieMS, belief and afFeftions, 
of the heart of a real chriftian. True chriftians 
may differ in the degree of clearnefs and certain- 
ty, with which they believe and embrace the doc- 
trines revealed in the bible; and confequently they 
may and do differ, in the ftrength and conftancy 
of the exercifes, which they have in the view of 
divine truth: but their creed is, as to fubftance, 
the fame; and they agree in all the peculiar, im- 
portant dodrines, contained in divine revelation. 
Therefore their views, feelings, and exercifes of 
heart, are alike, as to the nature and kind of 
them ; having the fame fyftem of divine truth, for 
the foundation on which they are built; and in 
the view and belief of which, the whole fyftem 
of their religious affections is formed. Hence, 
though chriftians may differ in fame circum- 
ftances, in their belief, views, and exercifes of 
heart; and fome have higher and ftronger affec- 
tions^ and more free from any mixture of error 
and miftake than others; yet the latter, when 
they have the views and affedions of the former 
fet before them, will be confcious that their reli^ 
gioas experiences are of the fame kind w^ith thofe 
of^the other, though they fall greatly Ihort in de- 
gree. And as in water face anfwereth to face, fo 
do the hearts of the latter to thofe of the former; 
they have all drank into the fame fpirit, though in 
different degrees. This will naturally eftablilh 
ilieir hearts, and ftrengthen their hope and confi- 
dence, that they do know and embrace the truth ; 
£ini] that this is true religion, the religion which 
the bible inculcates, when they fee it exemplified 
in fuch an eminent degree: it will ferve alfo to 
hamble, encourage, and quicken them. And as 
the creed and religious views and exercifes of true 



Chap. VI.] MISS ANTHONY. 233 

chriftians arefo much alike, as to their nature and 
kind, and they are fo far of the fame mind, tafte 
and judgment; this lays a foundation for a fimi- 
larity in converfation and conduft, in the praftice 
of all the duties, and attendance on the inftitu- 
tions commanded in the gofpel, as an expreffiou 
and teftimony of their faith and internal exercifes 
of religion. 

By thefe obfervations we are led to confider the 
creed, religious affections, and conduct, exhibited 
in the life and writings of Miss Anthony; in which 
her religion conlifted. 

She had a firm belief of the dotlrine of the 
Trinity of perfons in Deity, the Father, Son, and 
holy Ghoft; and of the divinity of Jefus Chrift; 
that he is the Son of God, in a fenfe which im- 
plies that he is the true God. No one can read 
the foregoing extracts without obferving, that 
much of her rehgious exercifes implied thefe 
truths, and was built upon them ; fo that the 
denial of them would overthrow all her religion* 
This was the God Ihe loved, and chofe for her 
portion ; in the fervice and enjoyment of whom 
Hi e placed her happinefs. 

The fovereignty of God in the exercife of his 
gracfe, in the falvation of finners; and their ab- 
folute and entire dependence on his fovereiga 
pleafure; while he has mercy on whom he will 
have mercy, and hardeneth whom he will; and 
all the truths implied in this, were familiar to her 
mind, and conilantly acknowledged, explicitly 
or by implication, in all her exercifes. In thefe 
are included the dotlrine of the divine decrees, 
refpefling all things; particular election, and a 
univerfal and particular providence, ordering and 

G <r 



234 MEMOIRS OF^ [Chap. \u 

direfting every event, from the greatefl; to the 
leaft. 

She bad a very fenfible convitlion and belief 
of the univerfal apollafy and total depravity of 
mankind, grounded on the teftimony of the divine 
oracles, and her own obferv^ation and experience. 
Her own moral depravity, the ftrength, odiouf- 
nefs, and criminality of it, was aconftant burden 
to her, and the caufe of her humiliation ; feeling 
that it was all her own inexcufable wickednefs, 
for which (lie deferved to be cad off by God, and 
perifli forever. To this awful dcftruflion (lie con- 
lidered every fmner as certainly going, who lives 
and dies in impenitence: a^fid ihe knew that none 
but a divine, almighty, inftnitely wife, and gra- 
cious Redeemer, could deliver from this ftate of 
depravity and guilt, and form her to perfe(5l holi^ 
nefs. And, in the view of this, Ihe faw, admired, 
and praifed, the infinite, wonderful grace, dif- 
played in the falvation of finners. The reader 
M'ill fee all thefe truths and exercifes exhibited iu 
a clear and ftriking manner in her writings. 

The view and fenfe flie had of the exceedinsr, 
inexprefilble Avickednefs of her heart, and the 
ftrength and great degree of corruption of it, 
exprefled in fuch ftrong and ftriking language as 
flie often ufes, fome may think to be inconfiftenfe 
with grace, or the new heart which is defcribed in 
the bible; that ihe was either deceived, and mag* 
nified her own depravity beyond th^ truth, or was 
not a real chriftian. But fuch an opinion >vill, 
doubtlefs, appear to begroundlefs, when it is con- 
fidered that real holinefs of heart is confiftent 
with a great degree of remaining moral depravity, 
which may at times moft fenfibly exert itfelf, even 
in the heart of the moft eminent chriftian, in this 
life. The Jiejh lafttth agahijl the fpirit^ and the 



Chap. VI.] MISS ANTHONr. 9.S5 

Jpirit again/i thejlejh; and thefe are contrary the 
one to the other, fo that ye cannot do the things that 
yexvould, is the character which the apoftle Paul 
gave of every chriftian. And the greater degree 
^f true holiuefs the chriftian has, the more clear 
9nd painful difcernment he will have of the re- 
maining depravity and corruption of his owa 
heart; and the more hateful and dreadful it will 
appear. Hence it follows, that the moft eminent 
chriftian fees more of the fmfulnefs of his own 
heart, and laments it more, than thofe who have 
not attained to fo great a degree of holinefs. 
Mifs Anthony's convidion and exercifes of this 
kind, therefore, were fo far from being imaginary, 
or an evidence that flie was not a chriftian, that 
they were a teftimony of her great proficiency in 
the chriftian life, and that knoMdedge of her own 
heart, which they who have not fo much holinefs, 
and eonfequently lefs difcernment, do not attain 
to; and which might be reafonably expelled in 
fo eminent a chriftian. In this ilie imitated that 
gu€at faint, the apoftle Paul, in his expreffions of 
the depravity of his own heart, Rom. vii. 13, to 
the end of the chapter; which defcription, fome, 
it is to be feared, from too little acquaintance with 
their own hearts, have thought could not apply to 
any true chriftian, efpecially to one fo eminent as 
the apofl:le Paul. 

Under a clear and fenfible conviction of her in- 
finite guilt and ill defert, and the unfpeakably 
^reat and awful depravity of her heart, flie cor- 
dially embraced the dodrine of pardon, juftifica- 
tion, and complete redemption, by the atonement 
and righteoufnefs of Jefus Chrift, to be obtained 
by faith in him: and on his mediation, power, 
wifdom, and free grace alone, did Ihe rely for fal- 
vatioQ from guilt, moral depravity, and all evil. 

Gg 2 



Q36 MEMOIRS OP [Chap. vi. 

She firmly believed that the covenant of grace 
does contain a proinife to every believer in Chrift, 
that they Ihall be kept by the power of God, 
through faith, unto falvation; that at the death 
of the body, the friends of Chrift enter into a 
ftate of perfeft holinefs and unfpeakable happinefs, 
which ihall never end; but ihall increafe to the 
time of the general refurreftion, and the day of 
judgement, and from thence forever; and that 
the punilhment of all who die in their fins, Avill 
be inconceivably dreadful, and without end. — 
Every one who Ihall read M^iat has been produced 
from her writings will fee, that all her religious 
exercifes were in the view and belief of thefe 
doctrines; and that the latter were the founda- 
tion of the former. 

And now the nature, kind an complexion of 
thefe exercifes and aifedions itiuft be confidered, 
as they appear and are exprefled in her writings, 
in v/hich the genuine religious feelings and motions 
pf her heart five exhibited. 

At firft view, they appear not to be felfifli; but 
to confift fummarily in that difinterefted love 
which feeketh not her own ; and all thofe religious 
affections which are implied in this — In difinter- 
efted, benevolent regard to God, and the Redeem- 
er, his glory, intereft and kingdom — In compla- 
cence and delight in the divine charader, loving 
God for ^yhat he is in himfelf, as exhibited in his 
word and works; in the exercife of which love ihe 
with pleafure devoted herfelf to God, and gave 
herlelf away to him, with all fhe was, and could 
do, tp be ufed by him for his glory and the ad- 
vancement of his church and kingdom, making 
this her higheft and only end, and placing h^p 
If hole interell and happinefs in it. 



Ckup. VI.] KISS ANTHONY. 237 

This difinterefted, benevolent, complacential, 
grateful aifedion to God and the Redeemer, united 
her heart to the difciples of Ghrift, and his church, 
with peculiar and ftrong affeftion, and filled her 
with good-will and compaffion to mankind; accom- 
panied with ardent longings to be conformed to 
God in true holinefs, and to have the moil com- 
plete and uninterrupted knowledge and enjoy- 
ment of him : at the fame time acknowledo:ino^ her 
own infinite unworthinefs of the leafl favour, 
humbling herfelf before God for her fins and 
depravity of heart, in the exercife of deep repent- 
ance and brokennefs of heart; feeling herfelf to 
be a mean, contemptible creature; admiring the 
aftonifhing free grace of God in fiiewing mercy to 
fuch an one; accompanied with a humble, uncon- 
ditional fubmiffion to the will of God, being pleaf- 
ed with all his laws and government, and rejoicing 
that the Lord does reign. 

In the view and belief of the do(?trines w^hich 
have been mentioned, and others which are im- 
plied in them; and in the exercife, and from the 
influence of thofe aifeftions now briefly defcribed, 
Hie made a public profefiion of religion, and joined 
to a church of Chrift, entering into a folemn cove- 
nant to live in obedience to Chrift; in attending 
upon all his inftitutions, and in the practice of the 
duties which he requires of his followers. In which 
public dedication of herfelf to the Lord, and union 
to a chriftian church, Ihe always rejoiced, as au 
ineftimable privilege: and continued to walk in 
all the ordinances of the Lord blamelefs, unto her 
death; adorning the doftrlne of Chrift. 

She excelled in the practice of devotion and 
prayer, and could not live comfortably when de- 
prived of opportunity and convenience for retire- 
ment aud fccret devotion,, in meditation, reading 



238 MEMOIRS OF [Chap, vil 

the bible and prayer, and devoted many whole 
days to fecret falling and prayer. She highly 
prized the chriftian fabbath, and attendance on 
public wordnp and the Lord's fupper; and was 
very careful and diligent in her preparation for 
attendance on thefe important, and, to her, de- 
lightful inftitutions. She diligently improved the 
advantages and opportunities (he had, to ftudy, 
read, and gain religious knowledge, in which ilie 
made great advances. 

She was temperate and abftemious in eating and 
drinking; carefully denying herfelf of every thing 
of this kind, which flie found had the leaft ten- 
dency to unfit her for incumbent duty. In her 
apparel flie defired nothing for the fake of ihow; 
but put on modeft clothing, and fought no more 
than to appear cleanly and decent ; while her 
ornament w^as a meek and quiet fpirit, attended 
with good works. 

She was not talkative; but free in converfation 
with particular friends, efpecially on matters of 
religion. She was always on her guard againft 
backbiting, and fpeaking evil of others, which 
ihe greatly abhorred, when it took place in her 
hearing. She w^as a faithful friend, who might 
be fafely relied upon, that die would not betray 
the confidence repofed in her, by divulging any 
fecret, or in any other way. 

She was confcientioufly concerned to perform 
all relative duties; diligent and faithful in her 
proper bufinefs : was kind and compaffionate to 
the afflicted, the poor, and deftitute ; and not only 
prayed for them, but was ready and glad to mi- 
iiifter to their relief and comfort, fo far as ihe had 
opportunity and ability. She was forward to do 
all in hef power for the fupport of the gofpel: md 



Chap. VI.] MISS ANTHONT. S39 

though Ihe had not much to contribute for this 
end, yet flie did more in this way, doubtlefs, than 
mod of the opulent, in the fight of Him who 
aflerted this of the poor widow, contributing only 
one farthing. Her benevolence extended to all 
mankind, even to her enemies ; witnefs her writ- 
ings and prayers. 

And now, who can ferioufly attend to all this, 
and not be fenfibie that it muft be true religion, 
if there be any fuch thing as religion confifting 
in doctrines and truths believed, and internal 
affections and exercifes, and external conduct 
anfwerable to them? Surely there can be no op- 
pofite or different fentiments, affections, and con- 
duct, which agree with the bible; or with truth 
and reafon, or that can render a perfon truly ex- 
cellent, amiable and ufeful. Thefe differ fo effen* 
tially in nature and kind, that they may be eafily 
diftinguifhed from all thofe religious appearances 
and pretences, which are built on falfehood and 
delufion. They are of a different and oppofite 
nature; efpecially thofe religious affections which 
are wholly felfifh, and therefore contracted and 
mercenary. 

This example, which appears to be copied from 
the bible, and ihows in w^hat chriftianity confifls, 
when reduced to practice, as diftinguiflied from 
all fpurious and faHe religion, does at the fame 
time demonftrate the excellency of it, and that 
it is indeed a divine inflitution, adapted, as no- 
thing elfe is, or can be, to raife depraved finners 
from the depths of deformity, guilt and woe, to 
all that perfection, glory and happinefs, of which 
their nature is capable, 

IIL The e.vample and character of this perfo7t^ is 
worthy of the particular attention and imitation of 

YOUNG PEOPLE. 



240 MEMOIRS OF [Chap. VI, 

She devoted herfelf to the fervice of Chrift in 
her youth : and who is there that can refuie to 
approv^e and applaud her choice? How amiable 
and happy does (he appear! Had ihe made an 
oppofite choice; and neglected religion, in the 
purfuit of fenfual gratifications, and the indul- 
gence of pride and a worldly mind; giving her- 
felf up to the levity, vanity, and tolly, which 
commonly take place in the companies and con- 
verfation of youth; without any concern for her 
foul and future exiftence, or proper improvemji^nt 
of her mental powers; how mean, defpicable, and 
miferable, would flie have been! Let young per- 
fons attend to the contrail, and learn wildom. 
The only way properly to enlarge their mental 
capacities; to put on true worth and dignity; to 
be happy here, and forever, is to devote them- 
felves to the fervice of Chrift. How amiable is 
early piety! What a happy foundation does it; 
lay for improvement in every worthy attainment, 
and true enjoyment; which will iti'ue in diftin- 
guiflied glory and happinefs forever! Can you 
begin too foon to be reafonable, amiable and 
happy, and to lay up this everlafting treafure in 
heaven? 

The courfe which Mifs Anthony took from her 
youth, and the life fhe lived, were attended with 
many pains and diftreffes. as the reader will ob- 
ferve; but as thefe were neceffary, and the way 
which her wife and kind Saviour took to cure her 
of her moral diforders, and fit her for heaven ; 
and v/ere attended with a real enjoyment and 
happinefs, which unfpeakably furpaffes all the 
happinefs they do, or can enjoy, who are ftran- 
gers to true religion: thefe ditSculties and pains 
which attend it, do not afford the leaft reafon or 
excufe for neglecting it for a moment. Confiftent 



Otap. VI. MISS ANTHONY. 241 

with all tli^s, the yoke, the fervice of Chrift, is 
eafy, and his burden light. 

It is alfo true, that if youth devote themfelves 
to religion, they rnay expert to be overlooked, if 
not defpifed, by worldly people; as difagreeable to 
them, and unworthy their company; who are pur- 
fuing only the pleafures of fenfe, and the enjoy- 
ment of the things of this world, as the great and 
only good ; and are fond of the enchanting amufe- 
ments, gaiety, grandeur, and riches, of this world. 
But how little and light a thing is it to be wholly 
neglefted or defpifed by fuch deluded fools; when 
it is only for that charader and condu6t, for 
which they ought to efteem, love, and carefs you; 
and for which you have the approbation of hea- 
ven, and of all the wife and good on earth! At 
the fame time, you are feafted with a rich and 
delicious entertainment, and are going into com- 
plete, endlefs happinefs; while they are attempt- 
ing to fatisfy themfelves with huiks, and are 
plunging into endlefs miferiesl 

If the gay, rich, and great of this w^orld, who 
are ftrangers to real piety; who delight in fhow 
and parade; to glitter in coftly array, and fliine 
at balls and aflemblies: and know no higher good 
than the enjoyment of fuch companies ; the diver- 
fities of the theatre, ftage, or card-table ; reading 
romances, or idle fenfelefs chat — If thofe of this 
character, whether men or women, fhould know 
how much more real worth and excellence, all 
thofe who are eminently pious do poflefs, thau 
themfelves; how highly efteemed and beloved all 
fuch are in heaven; and how mean, fooHili, and 
defpicable, they appear in the fight of the Saviour, 
and all his true friends; they would either be 
alhamed of themfelves, and repent; or their heart? 
w^ould be filled wuh envy, rage, and blafphemy 1 

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13. The Chriftian Doctrine of Re wards 4 A Sermon, 6d. 

14. Memoirs of the late Rev. S. Pearce, Minifler of 
the Gofpel in Birmingham j with Extracts from fome of his 
moft interefting Letters. 8vo. 3s. jbd. i2mo. 2s. 6d* 
Common, is. 6d. ' ' 

15. The Backfllder : or, an Enquiry into the'Na- 
turey Symptoms, and EfFe6ls of Religious Declenfion, 
with the Means of Recovery. Second Edition, is^ 



1 6. God's Approbation of our Labours, neceffary td 
the Hope of Succefs ; A Sermon, Delivered at the Annual 
Meeting of the Bedford Union. 6d. 

17. Letters ta Mr. Vidler, on the Doctrine of Uni- 
verfal Salvation, is. 6d, 

18. The Obedience of Churches to their Paftors ; a 
Sermon delivered at the Ordination of T. Morgan, to the 
paftoral office over the Baptift Church, meeting in Cannon 
Street, Birmingham, is. 



-0— 0— 0- 



PubUJhed by Dr. RYLAND. 



J. Three Farewell Difcourfes to the Baptift Church 
zt Northampton, is. 

2. The certain Increafe of the Glory and Kingdom 
of Jefus ', A Sermon. 6d. 

3. The Duty of Minifters to be Nurfing Fathers to 
the Church, &c. at Mr. Belcher's Ordination at Worcef- 
ter. IS. 

4. The Dependance of the whole Law and Prophets 
on the two Primary Commandments s A Sermon. 6d. 

5. The Firft Lye Refuted, or the Grand Delufioa 
Expofed; A Sermon. 6d. 

6. The Partiality and Unfcriptural Direction of Soci- 
nian Zeal j being a Reply to Mr. Rowe's Letter, is. 6d, 

7. The promifed Prefence of Chrift with his People, a 
&)urce of Confolatian under the moft painful Bereavements ^ 
A Sermon, occafioned by the death of Mr. Pearce. is. 

8. The Prefence of Chrift the fource of Eternal Blifs 9 
a Sermon occafioned by the death of the Rev. B. Francis, 
IS. 6d. 

9. Chriftianse Militise Viaticam; or,- a brief Direc- 
tory for Evangelical Minifters. qd. bound. 

ID. Meflage from God unto Thee., id. or 100 for *]s> 

11. Chriitian Inftru^tions. 6d. 

12. The Difficulties of the Chriftian Miniftry ; a 
Charge delivered at the Ordination of T. Morgan ; to the 
Paftoral Office over the Baptift Church, meeting in Gannoa 
Street, Birmingham^ is. 



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